My legs hurt. I'm tired. My feet hurt. I deserve a break. I'm getting old. I did really well yesterday so I should just rest today. You're going to come in last anyway, so why bother pushing it.
These are the thoughts going through my head this morning. This is what I face every day. No matter how well I am doing. No matter how many positive comments I receive. No matter how well my body is responding. No matter how good my butt is looking. No matter that I have committed to training...the Former Fat Girl in me just wants me to be a slug. It sucks. I fear that this is going to be a daily battle for the rest of my life. That no matter how fit I get, she will be trying to bring me down. I'm really starting to hate her. When the heck is the Fit Girl going to knock her out?
I had a good day yesterday. I walked a lot. I found a half-marathon partner! YEAH AMIE! I found out about the Huffington Post (the feature will be this friday! I will let you know where to go). I started planning my weekend at the Race (more on that later). And yet today my brain is not cooperating. My feet hurt. My legs are sore. I can push past that. But, darn that brain. It failed me on Sunday and now it's trying to sabotage myself.
Sometimes I wonder about that. Deep down do I really want to keep the weight? I don't know myself as anything else. Am I afraid of who I will become? Am I afraid of losing myself? To me it is the only explaination.
The good news is that after I wrote all of that I forced myself to go walk at the mall. And I stress FORCED. I knew I would be mad at myself later if I didn't. I can rest on my planned day of Friday. As tired as I was, my body totally responded to my music. I kept up my usual pace even though for the first 3 laps I was dogging it. Then, as it does every time, as soon as I hit the halfway mark my brain got happy and went with it. I was still tired, but I wasn't fighting it anymore. GO ME!
And my reward was that my arms looked amazing in the store window reflections. I mean I was Excited! I used to be the girl wearing the long sleeves. Now, I will cut them off! Give me the sleeveless and marvel at my arms (I am particularly proud of my shoulders thank you very much :-).
Now, I still want to walk tonight so there will be another internal battle on the way to the park. The Fat girl will say "You already walked what more do you want?". But, I must counter with "It's going to rain tomorrow so I can rest then." See it's all about planning ahead.
I did see a sweater on sale that I started salivating over during my walk today. So I made a deal with myself. If I can put in two more 8 mile days this week than I may go buy it. I'm planning on three days, but I'll be happy with two. This is my biggest week yet and I don't want to damage myself. (I walk hard and my foot really is sore on the top)
So give yourself an incentive. Is there something you want? Then wait until you meet a goal to go get it. When you work hard for it you will appreciate it just that much more.
Our lesson today is: Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do something. Especially yourself. Do not let You tell you that you can't do it. Because you are WRONG! You can! Just Suck It Up and get moving!
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yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)
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