Monday, October 31, 2011

My name is Jennie and I am a Choco-holic

Forgive me father for I have sinned...

I knew it was not going to be a good night.  I have eaten too much candy.  I feel sick.  I am going to go to bed with a vomit bucket.  Oh and I'm not kidding.  Sadly, I think I have only eaten a fraction of the candy I used to eat.

Today started off good. I had a half day at work.  That's always a plus.  I stopped at the mall before heading home. I would like to say that I walked, but I did not.  Instead I went to the shoe store to look at the dream sneakers I had seen last month.  I know what your thinking "But hey, didn't you just get a new pair of sneakers?"  The answer is yes, but the day after my dad said he was going to give me a little extra to buy any gear that I needed for the Marathon..  Well if I have the money then I want to go get the ones that my feet loved.  So I did.  :-)

I got the Rykas and they feel like a cloud on my feet.  I'm so excited.  Went home and made a turkey burger with guacamole and a side of vegetables.  So far so good.  The next stop was the mall to return the Nikes.  I was so sad.  They were so pretty, but I would have worn them more for walking around daily not necessarily the race.  I pouted, but I gave them back.

I had to walk through Target on my way back to the car so I looked for some of the apple cider mix to take to work.  My eyes got huge as I saw the box of Starbucks Salted Caramel Hot chocolate on the shelf.  Um YES PLEASE.  I was practically skipping back to the car.

Every Halloween I head over to Daddy Long Legs' house.  She takes the kids out for Trick or Treating.  Her husband, Kenny, and I give out the candy.  Usually we sit in front of the open garage.  We have cobwebs, fog machine, scary music and skeletons.  We have a lot of fun.  Lately though the house across the street has become the horror house.  So this year we busted out the laptop, projector, and sheet.  We played The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown.  We rocked and all of the little kids loved us.

Anyway, the tradition before Trick or Treating is for us to get Inside Outs, pizza, and mozzarella sticks.  It's hard to describe an inside out.  It's like you fold two slices of pizza together and fry them.  Do not be fooled.  They are not doughy like a strombolli.  I took pictures and will post them on the Facebook page later. I used to eat two with extra cheese.  Now I am down to one plain one and a couple mozzarella sticks.  It's progress.  I knew I was going to have this though so I planned ahead.

What I didn't plan for was the massive amounts of chocolate that I ate tonight.  I had several before we even went outside to give out candy and then I would have a piece every now and then.  The kids came back and emptied their bags in the living room before heading out for more.  I came inside to scope out what they got.  I bent over and felt it all coming back up.  I was done for the night.  No more.  In fact, after tonight I feel like NO MORE FOREVER.  I am not looking forward to going to sleep tonight. It's not going to be pretty.

I fell of the wagon tonight.  I'm not proud.  Tomorrow is a new day.  Unfortunately, I'll probably have a big giant pimple as punishment.

Check out my Facebook Page for  Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: @hugsnsmile
Fell off the wagon. Too much candy. Feel sick :(

Sunday, October 30, 2011

The Gobbler is back!

Happy Sunday!

Sundays are traditionally my day off.  I have not walked since last Saturday and it's killing me.  I could probably go out today and walk since the snow has stopped.  Argh...still can't believe I had to clear off my car to go to Church this morning. 

The good news is that I really feel much better.  I still woke up coughing and stuffy, but It was way better than the last week.  I think I may be kicking this thing finally.  I know I need to get used to walking in the cold and today certainly counts, but I'm going to wait and walk tomorrow at the mall. This is a really hard decision for me, but I would rather take precautions.

I've mentioned before that it takes 3 weeks to make something a habit.  Unfortunately, it takes less than that to drop a habit.  My body is remembering the laziness.  The Former Fat Girl feels like she's trying to make a come back.  Remember me?  You used to love being lazy.  You used to love laying around watching movies and doing nothing.  Just one day.  Come on. You can do it.

I spent most of the day yesterday writing, but I did make sure that I got up and walked around the apartment a lot.  I should have drank more water, but it is cold and our heat is not working..argh.  They are coming tomorrow to look at it.  I drank a lot of hot drinks yesterday.  They were water based so that's gotta count for something.

I will admit that yesterday was not one of my better days.  Just as eating too much is bad for you, not eating enough is just as bad.  For lunch I made the Boca chicken patty with sauce and cheese again. It's so tasty, but that was it.  I didn't have anything with it.  For dinner I had a soy burger and some veggies.  Between the two it was only 500 calories.  NOT Good.  Sure I had the mini candy bars earlier, but that is not good.  I didn't do it on purpose, but the past two days haven't been fun.  I thought I was having heartburn, but I think I have acid reflux.  So eating has been sucky.  It's felt like someone was sitting on my chest for a half hour after I eat.

I was hungry all day though.  So I ate animal crackers.  I didn't think I ate that many, but when I looked at it this morning half of the bag was gone.  Oops.  Don't eat and write!  I got in the zone and didn't pay attention.  haha.

So fast forward to today and I needed to do something.  After church I was going to go to Panera for a soup bowl.  Nothing tastes better on a cold day than the Bread Bowls at Panera.  I changed my mind while I was driving though.  I definitely needed something heartier.  I did not want to be hungry all day again.  So I stopped at Wawa and was going to get a small turkey hoagie.  It's football day and I wanted something fun. Then I saw it!  The Gobbler is eyes glazed over and I started to salivate.  It's my favorite!  Hot turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, and gravy on a hoagie roll.  I got it on wheat and it was only 6 inches.  I quickly texted my Gobbler buddy to tell him (he's also my Shamrock shake buddy) and his first response: Is that allowed by your blog?  Shut up Kenny!  I want one! :-)

It was so good.  My belly is full and I can put the animal crackers away.  The good news is that I haven't felt the heaviness on my chest so I think it was from all of the coughing.  Either that or my body is rejecting Soy...we'll find out after dinner tonight.

On a fun note I wanted to share something.  I have a lot of form fitting shirts that I have been reluctant to wear with jeans.  Generally I would wear them with the lounge pants or my "fat" jeans.  The past few weeks have been awesome though.  I have found myself wearing them with jeans. For thirty years I only wore jeans with sweatshirts or sweaters that covered the waist line.  Today I caught myself staring at my reflection.  It's taking a lot to get used to this new body, but it's so exciting. 

Have a wonderful day.  You deserve it!

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you!  Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week.  The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

It's snowing in October and The Christmas trees are up in Target...Um...'s October...I left Syracuse 16 years ago..what the heck!

There will be no walking today, but I will do a workout at home...once I warm up and dry out.  It's icky out there and I have the urge to climb back into bed and just be lazy today.  Sounds good doesn't it?  The Former Fat Girl would have done it.  The new Fit girl won't though. 

This morning I woke up to footsteps and whispers...Shhh...Aunt Jennie is sleeping be quiet!  Would have worked too, if that was said in a soft whisper, not the loud one that I heard.  So I got up.  Immediately they wanted to play the Great Pumpkin board game again...okay, it's a fun game.  We play for a little while before their mom comes home from her bootcamp class.  She pulls out two little Halloween bags with mini-candy bars.  She earned them in class.  ***Now I'm not even going to go off about how bad that is to reward hard exercise work with candy because you know what I'm thinking***.  The kids poured them out and my eyes got huge.  They each had a mini 100 Grand.  MY PRECIOUS!  I must have gotten a glazed look in my eyes as I practically shoved the kids aside.  I WANT!  I WANT!  I ate them both before I realized I had not even eaten breakfast yet.  ARGH.  Mad at myself now.

We went to Target for a quick spin and it was quite an experience.  First of all, I had to clear the slush off of my car...argh.  Once inside we made a plan.  We each had some things on our lists.  Sadly, the first section was the Halloween/Christmas section.  Oh yeah, you heard me.  They already have the Christmas trees and ornaments up.  The plan was to get some candy for Halloween night.  We wanted to get stuff that we won't eat.  The problem is that my body started to shake.  I practically salivated at the kit-kats and reece's peanut butter cups...mmm...  I was good though.  I did not get any.  I almost caved at the pumpkin spice hershey kisses.  I have not had them and really wanted to try them.  I wold hold off for the peppermint ones at Christmas though.

We looked at some workout clothes for the marathon.  I wanted to try on a a jacket, but I was wearing a sweatshirt so I will have to go back for it.  Oh and that reminds me.  We made a plan this morning.  The weekend before the Marathon is the Reindeer Run at the local YMCA.  It's a 5K.  I'm going to sign up today for it.  I figure it will be a good practice for me to see how the clothing is and how I do with crowds to start off with.  I'm kind of excited. ** in fact I just took a break and registered**

After looking at clothes we headed downstairs for some food.  I got a few staples. I knew that I would be home for most of the day because of the ickiness outside and I resisted the urge to buy snacks.  I did allow myself some popsicles and animal crackers as a treat.  I'm proud.  I very easily could have talked myself into some bad decisions.

Check out my Facebook Page for  Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: @hugsnsmile

Friday, October 28, 2011

Pizza, Popsicles, and Board games


Needless to say I am still sick...BAH.  I thought I was getting better, but I had a total relapse tonight.  Although I'm sure this is allergies (cats).  I'm hanging with the god kids tonight so that I can babysit them in the morning.  Let me just say here and now: Caroline Anderson cheats at board games!  :-)

So it's getting to be the end of the year which is the busy season at work :-(  It's been a bit stressful and hectic lately.  Today we got the email early that they were ordering pizza.  SHOOT ME NOW.  It is so freakin hard to make the right choices when the wrong ones are put in front of me constantly.  Even if I didn't have any and just ate the sandwich I brought with me, I would have to smell it all afternoon and watch people eat it.  I quickly shot an email back asking if they were ordering salads too. Yep, I replied all. I will call you out.  Good news: they did. :-)

It was hard though.  That salad was sitting right next to about 8 pizzas.  They looked so greasey and good.  I really wanted to grab a slice with sausage and run back to my desk.  I could have.  One would not kill me, but come on it's halloween weekend.  I think we know what's on the menu.  Pick and choose people.  I already had a nice lunch packed and got a bonus salad.  I'm choosing candy later and our traditional inside-outs (inside out pizza which is pure heaven...but I'll tell you more about that after Halloween night).

My dinner got canceled as the little boy that gave me this sickness is still sick too.  I considered stopping at Panera for a bowl of would taste so good, but went home instead.  I packed my bag, grabbed some dinner, finished reading my book, and headed over to play with the munchkins (who are almost as tall as me now).

So here I am still sick and my throat hurts.  I have full permission from my mom to get some popsicles.  They do have some pretty good sugar-free ones.  The whole time we were playing the board game tonight my brain became obsessed with going out for ice cream or a frosty. I mean OBSESSED.  I could barely focus on the game at hand (which is probably how she was able to cheat so much).  I somehow made it through and the craving passed.  Crisis averted.

I'd like to give a shout out right now to Kristin.  You may know her as Daddy-Long-Legs.  When I got to the house tonight there was a surprise waiting for me.  She got me one of those insulated clear cups with the straw.  It says: Hydrate-a-holic :-)  Hydrate!  Hydrate!  Hydrate!  I cannot stress that enough.  It's important normally, but it's been extra important this week being sick.

I would love to walk tomorrow, but since I am still sick and we are expecting snow I should probably not try. (SNOW?????????????)  I will lift weights and work my abs.  I have to do something.  I really really REALLY miss walking.  REALLY miss it.  Maybe I will try for some yoga tomorrow.  It would be good for my muscles too.  Oh that sounds so good.  I think it's a plan.

Before I go, let me just leave you with this thought.  Halloween is this Monday. If you give out candy and haven't bought any yet (or bought it and ate it already): get a bag of candy you wouldn't eat.  For me it would be sweet tarts, smarties, sour patch, skittles, etc. Kids still love them and I know I would not finish them off.  Now cover them in chocolate and I'll push your grandmother in the street to get to them.  I seriously need to see someone about my chocolate addiction.

Okay peeps, I need some sleep.  Peace out.

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you!  Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week.  The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Are you there God? It's me Margaret...I mean Jennie

Well it's Thursday and I have not worked out since Saturday. ARGH.  I am feeling better today, but as I am not 100% I am not doing anything until I am good.  My goal is to walk on Saturday.  Don't panic, I am not crazy and won't go for anything more than 5 miles.  I'm not going to overdue it, but the Marathon is just over 6 weeks away and I can't let a little allergy attack set me back.

It's kind of been a blessing in disguise.  I have been forced to stay in at lunch and read.  I'm enjoying the book I am reading.  Ironically, it is about a woman who is secretly writing a book. :-)  Sound familiar?  So do you remember when I said I had some exciting news to share?  Tony Stewart, I am still waiting for your call! :-)

My dream is to be an author.  If you started the blog at the beginning you know that I wrote a novel back in the day.  I was never able to find an agent and therefore it didn't really go anywhere.  I never lost my passion for writing though.  I started another novel and revised it later.  It's still unfinished.  I haven't given up hope though.  One day someone is going to pay me for my stories :-)  Books have been such an important part of my life (I bow to you Judy Blume!) and it would be such an honor to touch the lives of others.

I have gotten a lot of positive feedback on the blog.  So I started thinking that maybe this is the story that will make a good book.  I'm used to writing fiction though.  This is going to be a whole different ride.  Maybe I'm crazy, but maybe I'm supposed to put myself out there to inspire and motivate more people.  So I started writing.  Last week I started sending out query letters to agents.  In general the response time is 3-4 months.  I figured I had a lot of time to polish my proposal and get my chapters fine tuned before I got any responses.  IF I got a response.

It took me two years to write that first novel.  I was so proud.  My friends and family read it and everyone liked it. I thought for sure it would get published.  And then the letters started to come in.  They weren't good. The rejections were so hard to take.  Granted, they didn't read the full manuscript, just the description of it.  It still hurt.  And I'm not going to lie, I hit the cookies with every rejection.

This time around it's a little different.  I emailed my queries (it was snail mail the first time) and this was MY story.  Not a fictional one.  So if they reject my query, they are in a sense rejecting me.  I had been wanting to do this for a long time, but you can imagine my hesitation.  Maybe it's the training for the marathon or maybe it's the smaller jeans, but I feel a little more confident in myself.   So I did it.  I put myself out there.  The next day the rejections started to come in.  My belly started to flop.  Was I ready for this?  Maybe I should have waited until after the marathon. Am I strong enough for this?

I didn't have to worry too long.  That next night I got my first request for a proposal.  Then the next day a request for the full manuscript.  And another request yesterday.  :-)  Maybe nothing will come of this.  Or maybe I am making my dreams come true.

Check out my Facebook Page for  Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: @hugsnsmile

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti Fat!

Happy Hump Day Beautiful People,

Tonight I had Choir practice at church.  I'm still not feeling 100% and was worried it was going to turn into a Peter Brady type of night.  Let's just say it wasn't one of my better nights.

All day I wasn't sure if I was going to go.  Last night I felt horrible, but today I was feeling better.  I just didn't want to push it though.  I want this sickness to go away.  I took my medicine before I left work and decided that if I wasn't coughing or anything I would go to Choir.  I have made a commitment.

This is my third year in Choir, and one day soon I hope to be able to actually read music.  haha. I'm serious though.  I have no idea what I'm doing.  My brain has a hard time following the words and the music at the same time.  I have no idea what the difference is between Harmony and Melody.  I get very nervous about messing up...and I've done so very often.  I'm proud of myself though.  This is not something I would have done in my fat days.

The Former Fat Girl spent her time hiding against the wall.  She might sing as loud as can be in her car on the way to work or even in the shower.  In fact, she used to have a fantasy about singing the National Anthem at a Flyers game (there was lots of shower singing on that).  She let that dream die when she thought about her fat body being shown on the jumbo-tron.  No Thank You.  The last thing she wanted to do was draw attention to herself.  Although hiding the fat under a hockey jersey was quite appealing. 

So for me to join the choir was a big step.  I was finally putting myself out there.  I had no idea what I was getting into though. They said "no experience necessary".  When I walked in they asked what I sing.  HUH?  I have no idea.  So how do we find out?  Sing a few bars.  Dear Lord, if it's not asking too much, could you please open up the ground and swallow me whole?  I did and was told I was a Soprano.  Seriously? I have to go how high???

What you also have to know is that I cry every week in church.  I just get very emotional and I can't help it.  Sometimes it's a song.  Sometimes it's a sermon.  I get moved and I cry.  It's actually a very rare Sunday when I don't.  So don't be surprised if you see me wearing sunglasses in church.  My aunt's church keeps tissues under the pews and for that I am forever grateful when I visit there.

So in addition to standing in the front of church, I am terrified I would start to cry up in front of everyone.  Why is that fat girl crying? This is what goes through my head.  I have cried while singing the songs in my car on the way home and I have choked up a little bit during practice, but I have never cried while singing during the services.  That alone is a miracle.

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you!  Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week.  The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Biggest Loser - Episode 6

It's Halloween Week on the Ranch...

And that means a big twist!  There are 10 contestants left.  If they lose 100lbs as a group, then no one is going home.  If they don't, then one person goes home.  They vote as one.

So naturally there is a challenge.  There are 10lbs of candy in the kitchen.  For every pound eaten, they get a pound advantage on the scale.  Will anyone take it?  I will be very disappointed if they do.

The bonus for this All-For-One team is that the trainers get to work with people they have not before.  This could be very good.  It will be a shock to their systems.

Awww...there is Love at the Biggest Loser Ranch!  I won't spoil it, but yep they are cute...

There is a team challenge.  There is a maze that they must make it through.  There are apples all through out the maze and they need to get 150 lbs of them for a 5 lbs advantage.  However, if anyone is in the maze when time runs out then they get a 5 lbs disadvantage.  They end up with a nice advantage.

 Sadly, it does not help. Someone is going home.

I will note that I was not a big fan of this person. It really was not a surprise when s/he was voted out, but the difference since being home is awesome!  I am now a big fan.  One of the best "And today I am..." speeches I have heard.  I love this show!  CHANGING LIVES.

Check out my Facebook Page for  Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: @hugsnsmile

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Recognizing my new body

 Hello Sunshines,

I can't stop looking in mirrors and at my reflection.  :-)  While I still have a little way to go, I have broken through my plateau thanks to this blog.  I am in the 140's!  OH YEAH!  WOO WOO.  And I am wearing size 8 jeans.  My goal is to be in a 6 by Christmas.  It's definitely do-able.  Of course I would like to drop it immediately, but it'll be easier to keep off if I take it slow. Plus, I want to firm it up as I get smaller.

I have always had nice legs (thank you Hilda!).  They've always been on the muscular side.  No matter how heavy I got I always got compliments when I would wear skirts and heels.  If anyone would ask "what is the one thing about yourself that you wouldn't change?" The answer would be my legs.

Joke's on me.  They have changed.  They are thinner.  For the past five years I had been doing a lot of squats building up the muscles in my thighs.  I had a tremendous muscle in the back of my thigh.  It was awesome.  I loved looking at it in the mirror.  Since I've been focused on the walking though, they have completely thinned out.  If only they would get longer too...Drink your milk kids!

When you add my new round butt it's a whole new lower half.  Oh yeah, I still check out the butt every chance I get.  And let me just say that it's even better than when I first mentioned it.  It's getting darn close to the "future butt" :-)

The Belly is still my weak spot, but it is getting smaller too.  I get a little frustrated because it doesn't look like it is shrinking compared to everything else.  Then I stop and think about it.  If they are getting smaller and it is the same proportion as it was before, then it is getting smaller too :-)  I am wearing smaller jeans with sweaters that come down to my waist, not sweaters that hang down to my butt.  It's pretty incredible.

My arms are in great shape.  My back is thinner.  Even my feet are smaller.  I have gone down a whole size and a half.  That was very weird at first.  I had to get rid of a bunch of shoes because they were too big.  Last week I actually tried on two pairs that were 6.5's.  Wow.

One thing I have heard a lot this past year is "Look how thin your face got!".  I never thought of my face as fat, but I look back at pictures and it was quite round...and I had the double chin whenever I smiled.  I had a fat face.  Dang it.  Yep, it's a skinny face now. I have dimples! You never really saw them before.  

So now there are a lot of summer clothes on clearance that I'm itching to buy.  The problem is I don't know what size to get.  It's a good problem.  So I'm not buying anything.  I called my mom one day while I was at Target because they had some really cute workout clothes on clearance. She talked me out of buying anything and said "You know that next summer you will be in a small and they always have lots of smalls on the sale rack."  They do!  I can't wait for that to happen.  :-)

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you!  Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week.  The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Why I no longer like Sick days

Argh...still sick...okay, I know that it's still the same day, but I was starting to feel better this afternoon and then about two hours ago the throat got scratchy again. BAH.

So let me tell you how my day went.  After I woke up and decided there was no way I was getting out of bed with this ickiness I forced myself back to sleep.  I got in another 4 hours and was pretty excited.  I know my body needs it.  The first two hours that I was up were horrible.  It really felt like there was a nail file going to town in my throat.

I stayed in bed and got out the laptop.  I put a movie on and just played around online.  I tweeted.  I facebooked.  I blogged.  I went through my emails.  And then I started playing games.  BAH.  There is nothing wrong with that normally.  I, however, am a different case.  This is why I don't like being sick.  I don't feel well enough to pay attention to the book I'm reading.  I probably shouldn't knit (don't want to transfer germs).  I can't sleep all day or I'll never go to bed at night.  And that leads me to computer games.

That is how I would pass hours and hours in my former life.  Instead of working out I would play on my computer.  And that's what I did today.  I lost hours playing games.  Bah. I don't want to fall back in to those old patterns.  Once in a while is okay, but I seriously did this all day long.  I am not happy with myself.  The only time I moved today was to go to the kitchen or bathroom...and that was not a lot.  I didn't even drink a lot of water today.  Argh.  Stupid sickness!

I am extremely hopeful that tonight I will get more sleep and should be good by tomorrow.  I don't want to get sick again, but I also don't want to slack.  Wednesday is Bible study at lunch and Choir practice at night so that's another day off.  I have to do something tomorrow!  I will probably go to the mall to walk and not take my chances with the fall evilness in the air causing my allergies.

So there you have it.  I was antsy and cranky today because I don't like my lazy sick days anymore.  I'm going to look at this as a positive thing.  I am a different person now.  However, I am not going to lie.  If there was ice cream in the freezer today it would be gone by now.  Some habits are hard to break.

I will say that a lot of my surfing today was marathon related and that is a positive thing.  What I discovered, that I had missed previously, is that the finish line is right past the Starbucks in Rehoboth...I'm toast.  Haha.  I can just see me being the girl that runs in right before the finish line. haha.

There was a bright spot on tv...I think Harry Connick Jr and I have a connection.  He was on Ellen again today.  I was home the last time he was on too...YUM.  That's another thing that has changed for me.  I used to love daytime tv.  I would tape hours and hours of soap operas and watch them every night instead of working out.  Now the only show I want to watch is Ellen.  She's just plain funny...and she's fun to watch dance.  Everyone should dance a little every day :-)

There was some exciting news today, but I'm going to keep quiet for a little while to see what happens first.  No, Tony Stewart did not call me...yet.  It's something else that I've been wanting for a long time.  Maybe I'll share later this week.  Until then, have a good night and get some sleep.  Your body will thank you.

Check out my Facebook Page for  Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: @hugsnsmile

Being sick SUCKS

Good morning Peeps,

I didn't mention it yesterday because I was hoping it would go away, but I am sick :-(  My throat was itchy saturday night, then scratchy yesterday, and now today it feels like something died in it :-(  So I took today off from work and have been in bed all morning.  I hate sick days. 

I have to be very smart about this though.  The last scratchy throat turned into three weeks of bronchitis so I am resting my body and trying stop it there.   Halloween is coming up and the weekend after I am going to DC for the Food Show (Plan on taking lots of notes for you guys! ps- we are going to see Guy Fieri...would only be better if it was Curtis Stone:-).  I got a lot on my plate coming up.

I used to get all excited about getting sick.  It was usually good for a quick weight loss, but with every loss there is a gain.  Sure I kept it off for a day or two, but as soon as the appetite came back I was making up for lost time.  I don't know what it is, but as soon as I feel better the first thing I ever crave is a hamburger.  Weird!

Usually when I am sick my diet consists of the three S's: Soup, Sherbert, and Soft-boiled Eggs.  As I don't have any of them in stock I am not sure how to handle this.  I am not an invalid and can certainly go out to the store, but I would like to just stay inside today.  I am hoping this is Fall allergy related and want to just stay inside for the day.  It's a good day for movies and napping.

What stinks is that this is a pretty day for a walk at lunch, but I'm not going to do that to myself.  If I do anything it may be a little bit of weights (you didn't read this mom) and possibly some abs.  That is only if I am feeling better this afternoon though. 

I do have a meeting at church tonight, but the rule in school was always "If you stayed home sick, you can't go out that night."  If the throat feels better then I will try to make it out in the real world tonight, but I also don't want to get anyone sick.  Bah...Darn you germies!

So listen to your body.  I believe mine is screaming "SLOW IT DOWN".  Fine.  I will listen.  I'm not gonna like it, but I will listen.  Now if you'll excuse me, I think I will put in one of my favorite movies: Bridget Jones' Diary.

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you!  Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week.  The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Cleavage, Chili, and Candles day of rest!  I love Sundays :-)

I couldn't wait for work, so I wore the Wrap Dress to church today :-)  I was so excited to wear it that I even busted out the curling iron and fancied up my hair. haha. I looked Good!  Lots of compliments.  I do have to make some adjustments to it...lots of cleavage (not quite comfortable in church let me tell ya).

After church we were heading over to the Community Center for Empty Bowls.  It's one of my favorite days of the year.  Locally donated pottery bowls and soup.  For $10 you get the bowl and your choice of wonderful soups and chilis. The proceeds go to local chapters to help feed the hungry.  I always get at least two bowls if not three.  They make wonderful gifts and the cause is so worth it.

I had an hour to kill before it started though and I was meeting up with Grandma before heading over.  What to do. What to do.  I could hit up Starbucks (I always have my book with me for occasions such as this), but I was feelin' Dunkin' Donuts.  Calm down, I wasn't going for a donut. I used to have their Coffee Coolattas all of the time.  I love them.  Now I'm down to about 3 a year.  It is a beautiful day and I was really feeling a coolatta.

I used to have the large several times a week.  Sometimes it was several times a day.  Now whenever I treat myself it's for a small.  A small is really plenty.  Same with Starbucks.  No more Ventis for me.  Just a Tall thank you.  Anyway, Dunkin' Donuts may have the leg up right now because they have coconut syrup.  Oh yeah, it was a tasty treat.  I was hungry though and really could not wait for my soup.

By the time Grandma and I got there it was packed.  It took a little while to find parking (SUCH a good thing :-).  We got in and I immediately found the bowl I wanted.  I grabbed it, but still looked around a little. Grandma found hers and we were off to get our soup.  I started with the Vegetable chili.  Oh it is so good.  A little spicier than my chili.  haha.  Every time I looked around I saw another bowl that I loved and couldn't wait to get my next one.  Luckily I found another one that I fell in love with and got in line for my seconds.  The chili was heavy so I knew my next soup would have to be light.  I found a wonderful hearty Vegetable soup.  It was so delicious.  I really need to learn how to make some.  I could barely finish that second bowl so there was no way I was going to get a third bowl of soup.  But, I would still get the bowl :-)

We decided to go to the mall and walk around for a little while (very full).  The first place we walked into was Bath and Body Works for candles.  Lots of food candles.  Yes, they smell good, but you should not burn them if they are going to make you hungry or crave sweets.  Luckily they have plenty of other wintery scents that aren't food related.  It was hard though.  There was a toasted marshmallow that I loved...and OMG the Hot Chocolate smells amazing.  The only food related candles I allow myself are mint and apple. They smell good, but don't usually make me hungry.

As we were walking around Grandma mentioned that she reads the blog every day and is concerned about my feet.  In general I am fine, but the long walks are tough on them.  We went to The Shoe Dept to look at some sneakers.  I wasn't planning on buying any.  I'm really trying to save money.  Christmas is going to be tight this year.  However, I found this one pair that was on sale.  It was my size.  And it was the last one they had.  If I eat cut corners with my food budget and I don't go anywhere next weekend I can save money on gas and cover it.  They feel so good and are so pretty :-) (Check out my facebook page for a picture).  If it makes Grandma feel better then I had to do it.  Besides, I just got a bunch of Christmas presents this weekend so I'm in decent shape I think.  I also need time to break them in and the marathon is only 7 weeks away.  No more guilt.  I like them.

It was a good day.  And I made it home to watch Tony Stewart take the lead at Talledega.  He did not win, but he had a good finish.  Still waiting for that call.  haha.

Check out my Facebook Page for  Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: @hugsnsmile

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Tips - Part 3 - Keep a journal

How many times have you heard "keep a  journal of what you eat"?  Well there's a reason for that.

When you aren't eating right you tend to make excuses for it.  Well it's okay for me to have this pizza because I skipped lunch...I'm having a diet soda so I can have another taco...I hardly ate yesterday so I need to make up for it today...I didn't have dessert last night, so I can have two tonight.


Start writing down everything you eat.  And I mean everything.  Do it at the time you eat it too.  Don't wait until the end of the day.  You might forget about that donut or that Latte. Oh yeah, keep track of what you drink too. If you have the opportunity then write down the calories too.  You can go online at the end of the day and check if you have to.  Tally it up.  I'm pretty sure you will find something(s) you can cut out.

I did this at the beginning of the year.  I kept track for about 6 weeks.  Even though I thought I knew what I was eating I realized that there were things throughout the day that I forgot about.  What did I learn from it?  The first is that I needed to cut back on my Starbucks.  Even though it worked within my daily calories, I did not need that much sugar.  So I cut it back to weekends only. That usually gets amended on weekends away, but for the most part I'm good.  Now it's only one day on the weekend.  And truth be told, it's only every other week.  Their stock must have plummeted.

The second is that I was not having enough vegetables.  I thought I was, but I wasn't.  So I stepped it up. I started making a salad with every dinner.  Sometimes it was a giant salad for dinner, but for the most part it is in addition to my dinner.

Keeping the journal is going to be hard.  It's going to make you face just how much and just how bad you eat. :-(

In addition to the food, I would suggest keeping a journal of how much you exercise too.  Mark down that walk at lunch you did. Mark down that workout dvd.  Hopefully it will inspire you to add a little more to your schedule. 

If you need someone to read it then feel free to email me.  I won't judge I promise.  Sometimes you need to know that someone is watching over your shoulder to make some changes.  Look at me. I've gone down 2 jean sizes since I started this blog.  And I may not even know you. :-)

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you!  Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week.  The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Betty White is so cute.

 Happy Saturday!  Only 7 weeks to go!

After last week's 13.1 miles the plan was to go for 10 today and work on my speed. I truly needed to sleep in today.  My body had other plans.  I woke up early, like I knew I would...argh.  Instead of getting up and heading to the track I decided to lay around and finish my book instead.  I could walk later in the day.

So I did. I finished my book (the Betty White book...she's so awesome) and headed out.  I headed to a booksale for some Christmas presents and then it was time for my walk.  Since I was getting a later start I decided to go to the park instead of the track.  I didn't want to get there and find out that there was a game or something and I couldn't walk.

I got started and immediately my brain wanted to call it off and go home.  I'm telling you, the battle is almost always mental. I knew I just needed to get through the first 5 miles though.  Once I hit the halfway mark I'm always good to go.  I just have to get in the zone.

I could have stopped at 5 miles.  I know that.  But, it's hard to only do 5 on the weekend.  I have to at least have an 8 mile day.  And you know when I get to 8 I can talk myself into 10.  So you might be asking why am I so hard on myself?  Why can't I relax and be happy with 5?  Well that's easy.  I have to be hard on myself now because I never was before.

I am in the best shape I have ever been in, but I was close to this a few years ago and I slipped back.  If I don't keep it up I will gain it back. I know I will.  This is a lifestyle change.  When I get to my target I will slow it down a little.  It's a very exhausting pace.  I will never be able to stop though.  This is who I am now.  :-)

My time for my first 5 miles was awesome.  I shaved time off.  The thought to stop did occur to me.  I really needed to eat.  I did pack a sandwich to eat after the walk, but since I got started so late I needed to eat it earlier.  The problem is: as long as I am moving I am fine. As soon as I stop it is so hard to start back up again.  I needed to do this though. So I stopped for my sandwich and got back out there.  My second five was my regular time. I knew it would be.  Rest was not my friend.  It took a little bit to get back in the groove.

With two miles to go my feet started screaming.  I pushed through it though.  And here I sit soaking them.  Once again my plans for tonight get postponed. :-(  I don't know why I bother. So from here on out there are no Saturday night plans until the Marathon. haha.

Check out my Facebook Page for  Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: @hugsnsmile

Friday, October 21, 2011

So angry I could scream - Heart Attack Grill

Today something was brought to my attention that had me so fired up I could not see straight.  The Heart Attack Grill. *SEETHING WITH ANGER*

Have you heard of this place?  *excuse me while I take a deep breath*

There is a restaurant in Vegas that caters to unhealthy food.  They offer burgers with up to 4 patties (the quadruple bypass).  They deep fry their french fries in lard.  They put butter in their shakes. They don't put lettuce on the burgers because that is for "wusses" The restaurant is set up like an ER and the waitresses are dressed like Sexy Nurses.  OH and if you weigh more than 350 lbs you eat for free.

The website literally says: Taste Worth Dying For.  Um yeah, it's gonna kill ya.  Why not just open a drugstore that offers free heroin to addicts?  It's just as healthy.

The marketing ploy is that Yo-Yo dieting is bad for you so you might as well stay Fat and eat for free.  They are only thinking of you and your budget.  WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Sorry, I have tried to keep the blog clean but I am so angry about this that I can't see straight. Oh yeah, they are totally thinking of your well being.  I want to go punch someone there I am so outraged.

I believe the owner had two previous locations that closed.  According to wikipedia one closed because of failure to pay rent.  Well I'm not surprised. These sound like completely responsible people.  The person who told me about this place said the article said they closed because of Protesters.  Well where the hell do I sign up?  This is disgusting. 

They had a spokesperson called the gentle giant. He was 6' 8" and over 500 lbs.  Did you get the "was"?  He died of complications due to Pneumonia.  What was the owner's response? His death ss "tragic," because he was a "young creative genius, a promising man whose life got cut short because he carried extra weight. Had he been thin, he would have had a tenfold opportunity to survive the pneumonia."

So don't tell me he doesn't know what he is doing is wrong.  I don't even know who I'm angrier with.  The owners or the customers.  SHAME ON YOU BOTH!

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you!  Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week.  The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Hola, did someone say Baby Shower?

Happy Friday.  Go ahead and let out a big sigh.  The big sucky week is over. I feel so bad.  Just about everyone I talked to today had horrible things to say about this week.  Usually that's me, but this week was just kind of blah and tiring for me.  So if you've had a bad week just take a deep breath and relax.  It's over and the weekend is upon us.  Can I got a Holla?  :-)

Today we had a surprise baby shower at work.  I've wanted to write about it all week, but as it is a surprise I could not.  Happy Baby Day Tracey!  When the sign up sheet came around everyone had signed up to bring something sweet.  I wanted to die.  I immediately signed up to bring veggies.

All week I knew this day was coming and it really did help me say NO to sweets.  No, you can't have that chocolate.  You can have a cupcake on Friday.  Don't you dare have that candy, you can have a cookie on Friday. I resisted all week.

Let me tell you how today went.  As we got closer to 2 o'clock my brain started to malfunction.  I almost started to shake at the idea of all of the goodness that was going to be in front of me.  I neatly put together my carrots and my cucumber with Bacon Bacon sprinkled on it and dutifully walked towards the party.  I could smell the sugar from a room away. 

I walked in to the room and here is what I saw: Cupcakes, mini cheesecakes, cookies, coconut macaroons, brownies, toffee, brownies, and Ice cream cake.  I very causally put down my veggies and dove in.  My plan was to have one of each.  My cupcake was bite sized.  I fell in love with the macaroons and actually had a few of those so I passed on the cheesecake and brownies.  My slice of ice cream cake was small.  And of course I had a bunch of veggies in between.  Want to know what happened?  I felt sick all afternoon.  I honestly did not have that much, but I have cleansed my system of all things sweet and I felt sick.  It's a good thing I guess.  Doesn't mean I didn't consider hitting up the table with the leftovers, but I only picked up carrots from it.

Fast forward ahead a couple of hours: while I was on my way to dinner we came up with a new plan.  The call was for Mexican.  I had visions of burritos, quesadillas, and Nachos dancing in my head during the whole drive...sigh. When I got there I got very excited.  They had a Tango Mango chicken salad: mixed greens, chicken, salsa, mangos, and almonds.  All good stuff.  I felt very happy with that decision.  We'll even let it slide that we heard "Last Christmas" on the radio while we were there...BOOOO...NOT READY!

So now the question is what do I do tomorrow?  I think we can all agree that I am tired.  I have pushed it for so long.  I really really want to sleep in.  But, I really need a walk too.  I checked with my walking partner and she can't make it.  So I'm going for the sleep in.  I think my body is extremely happy about this.  I will plan on a walk after lunch.  It's going to throw me off, but when your body is tired you really need to listen. 

PS-I would have called out today and slept in if not for the Baby shower.  I could NOT get out of bed this morning.  Now who wants to bet that I wake up at 7am because my brain wants to go walk? hahaha...I will scream if that happens!

Check out my Facebook Page for  Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: @hugsnsmile

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Sexy dress and Thanksgiving Plans

Hello Beautiful People,

Today started off extremely awesome.  This whole week has kind of been my A-HA week.  Once I was able to get through some emotional and physical boundaries my body relaxed and I felt skinny.  Okay, not completely skinny, but I finally felt like I had broken through my plateau.

I have been looking at my body this week.  REALLY looking at it.  And I see it getting smaller.  So I wanted to try something.  A few years ago I bought this really pretty wrap dress on clearance for $12.  I didn't look great in it at the time, but I bought it while I was on a good losing streak.  Unfortunately, I gained more weight before I could fit in to it nicely.  I tried it on a few months ago and still was not happy with it.  This morning was different.  I freakin ROCKED IT!  I could not believe it.  It took three years, but I did it.  So now I have to figure out where to wear it.  Who wants to go out to dinner?  haha.  I will probably just wear it to work.  I would have worn today, but it was windy and I knew I was walking at lunch so that was out.   I was on such a high all morning.

At lunch I went out walking and I really am my worst enemy when I walk.  Why?  Because an hour is a long time to spend in your brain.  It gives me plenty of time to doubt myself.  No matter how good I am doing I still have that stupid fat devil sitting on my shoulder. I think that's the hardest part of walking.  It's not so much how my body will fare on long distances, it's about the battle with my mind.  And it's exhausting.

Last night I found out that our plans for Thanksgiving are on.  My family goes to the Outerbanks every year and it's my favorite thing to do.  We weren't sure if we were going to make it this year because everyone is spread out and has a lot going on.  Thankfully it's a go.  I was super happy last night.  It is one of my favorite places and such a serene place to spend several days. The house is right on the beach and it's awesome.

It's also very hard on me.  There is so much food it's crazy.  The first year I went I had started the South Beach diet the week before.  I think I had lost my mind.  I actually had done fairly well though and lost weight over Thanksgiving.  A big shout out to my Mommie who made sure I had plenty of South Beach snacks and food for the weekend.  She's a great supporter :-)

I've been in better shape since then and I'm pretty good at resisting, but it is darn hard. The house is filled with my younger cousins and I believe the theme for the weekend is always Sugar Sugar and more Sugar.  Ice cream. Chocolate covered Pretzels. Doughnuts. Homemade Pie. Cookies. Soda.  Whipped Cream. I'm going into a sugar coma just thinking about it.

Usually I end up sleeping in the loft which is right over the kitchen.  Do you know how easy it is to sneak down there when everyone has gone to bed and eat?  I do.  I'm not proud of it. I never had anything big, but I would sneak down in the dark for a couple oreos.  That's how bad I am. I sneak for the tiniest cheat.  Argh.

The food is always out and someone is always eating something.  I try to go out and walk on the beach as much as I can, but I can only avoid the food for so long.  Now it's important to share that there are just as many healthy options, but it's hard to focus on them when all of the goodies are there.  I feel like I'm on sensory overload.

As I was walking today, the fat devil on my shoulder started in on me about how I'm probably going to cave and gain some weight.  It's two days in the car and two days in a house full of treats.  It's not a good combination.  I just have to be smart about it. Let's hope the weather is nice.  I will be outside as much as possible :-)

I think I will just bring my wrap dress as incentive :-)  It is a great Date Tony Stewart Call Me!  :-)

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you!  Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week.  The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Ramblings of a tired chick...

My boobs hurt! lol...It was a good workout yesterday.

I was supposed to have today off from working out.  Well technically I was supposed to meet a friend after work and walk at a track, but the rain came and washed away that plan.  I was also supposed to have Bible Study during lunch, but it got postponed a week.  So do I still take the day off?  Nah.  I went to the mall to walk.

**Side note- Saw three stores decorated for Christmas already...REALLY????**

It had been a couple of weeks since I've been to the mall at lunch (thoroughly enjoying walking the four miles outside everyday...come on sunny Thursday!).  My legs were a little tight and I felt like my pace was really off.  It wasn't.  I love that.  I even got smart and parked in the parking garage so I didn't have to take my umbrella in and drip water everywhere.  Smart Blonde in da house!

So as I said earlier, my boobs hurt.  My chest and arms have been feeling tight all day so I've been stretching as much as possible.  I had also done squats last night. I assumed my legs would hurt, but I supposed all of my walking has them loosened up. YEAH. Of course tomorrow may be a different story.  Remember that your muscles will hurt worse the second day.  No one ever believes me when I them that.  haha.  TRUST me, I know. 

I still have to post about that first week at the gym.  There was a lot of pain that week. Here's a little preview: we were forced to use the handicapped stalls in the bathroom because we needed to use the hand railings to lower ourselves to the toilet...I had cut in my mouth for a week because I down so hard on my lip to keep from screaming. 

Anyway, last night I was super tired.  I actually fell asleep during the last 10 minutes of Biggest Loser. The HORROR!  I did wake up to see who got sent home though, so I think I was only out for a few minutes.

**Side note- Did you watch?  Did you see Bob saying "You got this!"...awwww Now I know where I got it.  THANK YOU BOB!**

I passed out immediately after it ended and had a really hard time getting up this morning.  I actually considered calling out of work and sleeping all day.  I dare say that my body is tired.  I really really want to sleep in soon.  Do I take Saturday off from a long walk this weekend?  I should say yes, but I probably won't.  I can sleep in after the Half-Marathon :-)  Perhaps I can sleep in and walk in the afternoon...hmmm...will have to look into this. I am just full of smartness today.  Yeah, that's right.  I said smartness.  I told you, I'm tired. :-) 

Check out my Facebook Page for  Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: @hugsnsmile

Biggest Loser - Episode 5

Another Exciting Week on the Biggest Loser Ranch...and off

Tonight's big twist was that one player was going to win immunity and get to go home for a week...with their trainer.  Now the catch is that the person who goes home will be the only one whose weight counts for the weigh in.  Way to shake things up Biggest Loser.

This was determined by a Plinko board (you remember Plinko from Prices Right).  Now let me set the scene.  There is this large board where the contestants had to place their name in one section on the bottom.  Wherever the Plinko chip landed would be the winner.  Um...Only the black team has not voted off a member.  You knew the odds were with them.  Bob is going home with someone! LUCKY.

The field was split. Half were excited about the idea of going home, and others really did not want to be the winner.  Why?  It would be a distraction.  Sure you would get to see your family, but you would also have your trainer with you. The visit home would not be a picnic.  Honestly, I think having Bob critique my daily lifestyle would set me back weeks of progress.

The lucky winner was Sunny from the Black team.  She was beyond excited and Bob ripped into her.  The fate of her entire team is resting on her progress.  Will she be able to focus?  Will she fall back into her old life?  The rest of the team was not as excited as she was.  Sunny had the lowest percentage lost on the team.  Not exactly a vote of confidence.
Back on the ranch they are having a challenge.  They have to fill up two glasses with soda and maneuver their way through a maze of strings and dump them in a giant tube.  The first team to fill it to the line wins.  Each person on that team gets to send one person from their friends and family to the Biggest loser Ranch for two weeks.  Everyone wants this.

They used Orange Soda and learned that there are 17 teaspoons of sugar in 20 oz of soda.  YIKES.  This was a hard pill to swallow.  One guy admitted to drinking 10 cans a day.  Ugh.  I used to drink Diet coke from morning until night.  I can't even think about the damage I did to my body.

Back to Bob!  So he is in Texas for the week and they take him out to dinner.  They go for BBQ...mmmm...BBQ.  His first comment "There is nothing here that I can eat."  Bob's tip-Don't have it every night, but when you do have it choose the lean meats.

Highlight for the night- Bob on the bull!  Rewind, can I watch that again? My favorite moment by far.

I won't spoil the weigh-in, but I will say that Sunny rocked it!  Bob got through to her this week.  She had her A-HA moments, but she also got the support from her family that she didn't have before.  Instead of stopping for donuts on the way to school, she and her son went to Subway for eggs and veggies.  Every night the whole family went for a walk.  She changed her life and it showed on the scale.  YOU GO GIRL!
****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you!  Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week.  The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

All about the Boobies

Boobies.  Knockers. Bazoongas. Hooters.  Breastesses.  Whatever you want to call them, I got em.

I was looking at some pictures this weekend. I was floored at my boobs. They were not just in front of me, but on the side of me too.  UGH.  I've always had them.  I was the first to get them in my class.  They were big!  Did you catch that?  WERE.

How often do you hear "The first place you will lose it is your chest"?  I didn't.  I thought it was a cruel joke. It took a while, but it finally started to happen.  I was talking with a friend this weekend about boobs.  Hers have gotten a bit bigger and they are popping out of the bra cups.  I know that feeling.  I will be very honest.  I have no idea how big mine actually were.  Because I never ever bought a bra bigger than 38 DD.  That does not mean that it fit though. Lord I was constantly shoving them back into the cup. Finding a corner so that I could shove my hand down my shirt and move them around.  And I was pulling the sides down.  I would yank that adjustable strap so far that they would practically be in my face. You can go places where they will measure you properly, but you gotta get naked for them.  NO WAY. Trying them on in the fitting room?  With those lights? NO WAY.  So instead, I suffered.

No wonder I had back problems.  I had a giant knot in my shoulder for years.  I was constantly slumped forward.  I was a mess. Slowly, but steadily they have gotten smaller.  My back feels better. The knot in my shoulder is almost gone.  It's a wonderful thing.

A few years ago my mom made a comment "Look how small your boobs are!  They aren't the first thing you notice anymore."  She's right.  And they are even smaller now.  This opens up a whole new world of pretty bras.  I'm no longer limited to the ugly ones. YEAH!

That brings on a whole new issue.  They are not a big and full of they are not as firm.  BAH!  I gots saggy boobs. BAH! Tonight I skipped the walking (blisters yesterday) and I focused on weights. I spent a lot of time working my chest.  It really does work.  Oh it's not perfect, but it does firm them up a bit.  Of course my roommate got to watch me stretching them out when she came home. haha.  That's very key.  I'm going to be sore in a couple of days and stretching after will help.

I used to lift weights every day, but I had been concentrating on the walking for so long I kind of forgot about it.  That's not cool.  I need to combine the two.  So I'm devoting at least two nights a week to weights again.  I love my muscles.  They are definitely leaner now and I'm good with that.  My goal was never for bulk, it was for fit.

Before I go I want to tell you about my revelation today.  I looked tiny!  I could not stop looking at my waist as I was sitting down. I was checking myself out in the mirror at work.  My mom and grandmom had made a big deal after seeing me last weekend.  They hadn't seen me in a month and said how much smaller I've gotten.  I smiled and thanked them. That's their job.  They are supposed to say that.  The pounds are not coming off the scale so I didn't really believe them. 

**side note is that I know not to always go by the scale, but it's a hard habit to break**

Maybe it was my big A-HA moment with the 13.1 miles this weekend, but I saw myself through their eyes today.  I am getting smaller!

Check out my Facebook Page for  Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: @hugsnsmile

Monday, October 17, 2011

You've got this JENNIFER!

Happy Monday!  And I mean it!

This weekend was an emotional roller coaster.  I was so proud of myself for completing the 13.1 miles, but it physically and emotionally exhausted me. One minute I was completely elated that I was able to do it and the next I was unbelievably sad that I had not believed in myself all of these years.

It's very sad when you don't have confidence in yourself. The Former Fat Girl could put on the happy face and tell the world she was good enough, but she never truly believed it. She hid behind the food and used it as an excuse.  She would tell herself "I can't do it because I am too fat", but then she would continue to sabotage herself by binge eating and sneaking food.

When I think about finishing that Half-Marathon I really do start to cry.  In general they are tears of joy, but some are tears of sadness over the Former Fat Girl and how sad she was.  My eyes tear up more than you know when I'm walking. I start to get choked up.  I have to shake myself out of it and focus back on the task at hand or I'll never make it. I would love to have a whole cheering section at the finish line, but even if no one was there I would be okay because this is my journey.  Besides, I will cry if it is just me or if there are 50 people there waiting for me.

So let's talk about the Half-Marathon.  When I finally admitted that I had dreamed of doing it I was very defensive. What would people think?  I made it very clear that it was the HALF marathon, not the full marathon.  Why?  Because I thought people would look at me and think "She's crazy.  She's too fat do to do that."  Then, once I got used to saying "Half-Marathon" I quickly followed it up with "I'll be walking it of course".  Again, why?  Why did I feel the need to clarify that?  What do I care what people think?  This is about me and how far I've come.  If I could run it then I would.  My knees just will not allow that and I have to accept that.  It doesn't matter if I walk it or run it.  I'm going to finish the whole freakin distance and that's what matters.

Of course last night I got a little excited about it and went on to the site.  I found the times from last year.  I wanted to see if there were people who were in my time range.  I would come in at the bottom, but there were a good 15 people in my range. The former fat girl started to panic.  "You're going to come in last.  You'll be humiliated.  Don't do it."  Luckily, I shoved her to the side.  I finished the distance.  I still have two months to increase my time.  But, who cares?  What if I come in last? At least I will have tried and finished. 

So what happened today?  I went out at lunch to walk my 4 miles in the parking lot.  Something had come over me.  I was walking taller and a bit faster. Oh heck yeah!  I shaved 5 minutes off of my 4 mile Parking lot pace (remember, I have to dodge cars...3 close calls today).  I was walking faster and with longer strides.  Why? Because I KNEW I could.  I no longer had that nagging doubt in the back of my head. It was like a giant weight had been lifted off of me.  I had conquered the distance.  Now I just have to conquer the time.

There was no traffic on the way home and I made it to the park in record time.  My plans for tonight got postponed so I could stop and walk if I wanted to.  Oh I wanted to.  I got out and put in another 3 miles.  And I shaved off 3 minutes of my usual time.  :-)

Whenever the negative thoughts start to creep in I just push them away with "YOU'VE GOT THIS JENNIFER!  DON'T YOU FORGET IT! YOU HAVE COME SO FAR. YOU'VE GOT THIS!"  I've got this!

You've got this too!  Give yourself a goal.  In fact, give yourself three goals.  A short range, mid range, and long range.  Once you reach your short range goal it will be easier to get to the mid range and so on.  When you believe in yourself and know just what you are capable of you're whole outlook on life will change.  BRING IT ON!

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you!  Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week.  The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

World Food Day

It's World Food Day.

Today in church we had a special sermon on Hunger.  There was a special guest speaker talking about how wide spread Hunger is.  She spoke about programs that help feed the hungry, about government assistance, and about who is affected. There was a lot to take in, but I remember these two statistics: 1 in 4 people suffers from hunger (that is outrageous) and 75 million people benefit from government assistance for hunger.  I'm not going to turn this into a political discussion.  I just wanted to note how large this problem is.

It's very hard to listen to.  Of course I want to help every person that I can. Sadly those most affected are Senior Citizens and children.  I'm not going to get all preachy about how you should support programs to help (although you should), but I wanted to talk about one thing that kept going through my head.

It makes me sick to think about how much I spent on food over the years when others go without.  And what's worse is that I could afford food and yet I made such unhealthy choices.  It seems so irresponsible. And quite frankly it was.  People are going to bed hungry every night and I was hoarding boxes of cookies in secret drawers.

I will challenge you this: This week when you are grocery shopping think about those who cannot afford food.  It may force you to make better decisions.  Think of the money you can save when you don't buy all of the extras.  I have been buying a couple cans of vegetables every week to donate to the local food bank.  I am not eating nearly as much as I used to so I can afford a few dollars every week to help those in need.

Check out my Facebook Page for  Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: @hugsnsmile

Waffles, football, and Racing

It's sunday and that means Football! 

After yesterday's exciting and exhausting feat I decided to take today off from walking. My feet hurt for 8 hours yesterday and I did not want to push it on my knee.  So the plan was to work my abs and lift some weights tonight.  I have been neglecting my weights and abs and really need to get back on it.  Now that I KNOW that I can walk the full 13.1 I can get back on my weight training.

The day started fairly well.  I had my whole-wheat waffles with fresh blueberries and light syrup for breakfast.  Oh yeah, it was good.  After church there was a coffee hour celebrating 50 years of marriage of two fellow worshippers (Congrats!).  I was very excited to see the platters of fruit and veggies mixed in with the delicious pastries.  I loaded up on fruit and carrots (and two cream puffs...shhh). 

I received a 911 text this morning from a friend who quit smoking last month and has gained 10+ pounds and wanted my advice.  So we planned to meet up for lunch and watch the Eagles game at the bar.  Not the wisest decision.  Sure it was fun to watch the game with a bunch of people on multiple TVs, but the specials were on pizza and wings.  Yeah, we got one of each to split.  Now let me say that the slices of pizza are smaller than my hand and we each had about 6 wings.  Technically we didn't eat that much, but it was greasy and made my belly hurt (it did not sit well with me). Let me add that I asked if there could be a special on salads next week and was told Yes :-)  You just gotta ask people!

We discussed ways to help her.  I suggested Yoga and she liked it.  Her body is going through withdrawal and stress.  This should help a little.  We also made plans to meet up tomorrow night to walk.  It may only be for a mile, but that's a start.  Let me add that I was very proud of the attitude: The weight we can lose, but the lungs are hard to replace. 

***Side note - I have never smoked so I have never had to quit, if you have any advice to help her please let me know***

Something came up and we left before the end of the game.  Since the Eagles were up by a lot I decided to run to the store to get my veggies for the week.  YEAH.  I got my stuff for salads, my cheerios for breakfast, and NO chocolate!

When I got home I was flipping back and forth between the Ravens game and the IndyCar race.  And then my heart plummeted.  There was a horrific crash in Vegas and one of the drivers was air lifted to the nearest hospital.  For two hours I watched, prayed, and waited.  My heart was breaking and I just didn't feel like lifting or working my abs.  Sadly, one of the biggest talents in IndyCar passed away today. Dan Wheldon won the Indy 500 this year and was an amazing talent.  He will be sorely missed. It hurts when a sport that brings me so much joy also rips my heart out.  Quite frankly I haven't felt like doing anything.  It was an effort to get up and make dinner.  Life is so fragile.  Make every day count!

Since my belly hurts from lunch and from sadness I wanted to make it a light dinner.  No matter how bad I feel, skipping a meal is not a good decision.  I had some Jennie-O turkey hot dogs and green beans. Some comfort food.  I'm also drinking a ton of water today.  I know my body is still recovering from yesterday.

On that note I want to give two shout-outs:

1-To my Partner-in-Crime Ariana who competed in a half-marathon today and had her best time.  ROCK ON SISTER

2-To my Daddy who said he would pay my half-marathon registration fee.  YEAH

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you!  Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week.  The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

"Do you really want it?" YES I DO!

Happy Saturday Beautiful People,

So much to tell you. I'll start with a recap of yesterday. I took another day off of working out.  I felt a little guilty since I had taken Sunday and Wednesday off too.  I had planned on walking at lunch, but I was asked if I wanted to go shoe shopping with a friend.  Um, yeah I do.  So I did.  I didn't get anything, but I took it as time to look at new sneakers.  I have a new wish list in case you are listening Santa :-) I tried on a pair of Ryka sneakers.  Have you tried them?  If you have please email me your thoughts (  I also tried on a pair of Asics that were awesome, but well out of my price range.  Dang it.

Anyway, when I got back to the office I almost made it the whole week without dipping into the dang pumpkin buckets of candy.  It got a little busy and I caved.  One Reece's Peanut Butter cup.  I can live with one, but Oh how I wanted to grab the bucket and run like the wind, find a corner, and eat every last piece.

I was invited to have dinner with Work Husband and his girlfriend.  Sending a big shout-out to work husband for making a healthy dinner :-)  Chicken kabobs, grilled veggies, and rice.  Oh tasty.  The plan was to watch a movie (Horrible Bosses - A MUST SEE!) after dinner.  It took a little while to make dinner so we amused ourselves with his X-Box Kinect games.  There was some bowling and some dancing.

If you aren't familiar with the Kinect games let me explain.  There is a sensor that faces you and recognizes your body.  It copies your silhouette and puts it up in the corner.  I had a startling revelation.  I had always considered myself like the Hawaiian Punch guy.  All round up top with small legs.  This silhouette was very flattering up top, but it gave me big hips.  I know the outfit I was wearing might have had something to do with it, but it was just strange.  I have noticed that my top has been thinning out. It almost looks like the fat is just traveling to the inner tube that I look like I'm wearing around my waist.  Bah.  It's on it's way out, but it's just hard to get used to.

When I got home I quickly got my stuff ready for this morning's walk.  I got my drink bottles ready, packed my energy snacks, and made my peanut butter sandwich to eat after the walk.  I was babysitting the god kids at 7:15 am this morning and was a little tired when I went out the door.  I forgot my sandwich :-(

I was only watching the kids for an hour or so and then heading over to the track.  Today was the big day.  I was going to try for the full 13.1 miles.  My knee had been bothering me all week and I wasn't sure if I could actually pull this off. The first 8 miles were pretty uneventful. Around the 8th mile the marching band came for practice.  That was kind of fun.  It was like I had my own private band.  haha.  As I got closer to the 10th miles I started arguing with myself.  Just get through 10 and you can call it a day.  No, don't do it.  You'll never forgive yourself.  You have nothing else planned today.  You will get really mad if you give up.  The best thing happened just as I started mile 11.  Matchbox 20's "How Far We've Come" came on.

I started to think about just how far I have come.  Wow.  I have taken control of my life.  If you introduced the former fat girl to the new me 10 years ago I would not have believed it.  I am a completely different person.  I look better.  I eat better.  I have more energy.  I love the new me.

I'm not going to lie.  While that song propelled me forward, mile 11 sucked.  My feet hurt.  My legs hurt.  I was really tired. My nose started to run. Bah! I was ready to give up at 11.  Afterall, that was my longest distance yet and not something to sneeze at.  And then I got to mile 12 and my ipod inspired me yet again.  Ricky Martin's The Cup of Life came on.  Do you know the words to that song?  It starts with "DO YOU REALLY WANT IT?  DO YOU REALLY WANT IT? DO YOU REALLY WANT IT?"  YES I DO!  I got chills and I started to cry a little.  I do really want it! I kept going.

And let's just put it this way, do you think I would have stopped at 12 miles?  NO.  I did it!  I finished the 13.1 miles! GO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I was beyond tired when I was done, but I didn't care.  I did it.  I still have two months before the race and I know for sure I can do this. I didn't even concern myself with lap times.  I just wanted to know that I could finish and I did.

I knew I had it in me, but there was always that self doubt that I couldn't do it.  I didn't believe in myself 100%. Now I do.  I got this!  I also got a bunch of blisters and some really sore feet.  haha.  Totally worth it though. Of course I had to alter my plans for the rest of the day (as I write this my feet are up and I'm considering writing a thank you letter to the advil people).

When you're inner self tells you that you can't do something, don't listen.  Believe in yourself. You're stronger than you think.

Check out my Facebook Page for  Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: @hugsnsmile

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Only me...haha

So today was a good day.  It was also full of embarrassing moments and temptations. Surprise.  Just another day really.

Let's see, where did the day begin...oh yeah. Pod-mate Donna dumped a bag of chocolate in her Halloween bucket on her desk.  BOOOOOO.  I moved my laptop just a little so that my back was to the bucket.  A little later in the day I walked by another coworkers desk and saw the big orange pumpkin bucket sitting there.  These freakin things are popping up everywhere!  In his: white chocolate kit kats.....*insert Homer's drool*.  I yelled at him.  He said to go ahead and have just one.  "It's ok."  Yeah it is, but that is opening the floodgates. When you have a food/chocolate addiction "just one" is soooooooo hard.

This week I have been walking the parking lot at work.  I did take off yesterday.  It was a planned day off, but my plans got canceled.  I kept it though because my knee felt a little tight the last two days. I'm not crazy.  You don't have to work out six days a week.  If you can only get in four, that's better than nothing.  For me I just know how I get when I include too many rest days. I get lazy.  I am doing just too well that I don't want to take chances.

Today I went out even though it looked like rain.  I considered going to the mall, but when I went outside it was nice and cool.  I was going to try for 4 miles today.  After the first lap I hit a snag.  The garbage truck came.  I ended up following it around the corner and holding my nose.  I thought I just had to deal with one corner.  WRONG.  The stupid thing left a slime trail that just got smellier and smellier each lap.  EWWW.  I finished my 4 miles under protest.  When I got back to my desk I swear I smelled it for another hour. 

Every month my company sends out a Wellness Newsletter.  I love it.  There are always great tips and spotlights on employees who are getting results.  This month I was spotlighted.  Go me!  I checked my stats on the blog a little while after the newsletter went out.  I got more hits.  Sweet.  And then it hit me.  Last night's post was about my period.  OH CRAP.  Seriously, I would NOT have posted that had I known.  So I immediately jumped on and finished up a post that I had started earlier. I don't regret posting it, but I just didn't really need that to be the first thing my coworkers see.  Only me!  I should write a book.  Oh wait, I am trying to do that :-)

You'll be happy to know that when I left work I had avoided eating chocolate all day.  YEAH.  It was a little easier knowing I was heading to the gym to meet a friend.  Some people say "I can eat it because I worked out", but my motto is "I worked out, why would I want to sabotage it?"

I didn't get there until after 6 so I wasn't getting the full hour in.  I needed to get home to eat dinner and make my lunch (plus it's must see tv night: Big Bang Theory and The Office...oh yeah).  So I only got in 40 minutes, but that was almost another 3 miles to tack on to the day's total.   The good part of the gym was that it's easier to keep up with Daddy Long Legs when she's on a treadmill next to me than when we are on the track.  Short legs stink when it comes to walking fast.

On the treadmill we had a wonderful view of the meatheads.  You know these guys.  They only workout their arms and upper body.  They strut around the gym with their arms puffed out like a freakin peacock looking for a mate. They are wearing the muscle shirts and look like they bathed in baby oil before they got to the gym.  They make me cry.  Not for the reason you think.  Their upper body might be impressive, but their legs look like bird legs.  They never work them out, nor do they do cardio.  This isn't the right way to do it.  Come on guys, get it together.  Being top heavy is dumb.  And so not impressive. 

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you!  Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week.  The journey is so much easier if you have support.

The Quick Fix

Have you heard the commercial: Are you looking to lose weight fast?  You can lose up to 2lbs a day.  You don't have to change what you eat.  You don't have to exercise.  You don't have to take a pill. 

Sounds good right?  They want you to put a drop of something on your food.  Sounds easy.  You'll be thin in no time.  DON'T DO IT!  Think about this. Really, how good could that be for you?

I am not a fan of the quick weight loss diets or diet pills.  You wanna know why?  Because they simply are not good for you.  What are you learning?  What are you changing?  What do you think is going to happen when you stop? You gain it back.  You get depressed.  You eat more.  Its's a HORRIBLE cycle.

How many times do you hear people losing weight quickly before their wedding or a big vacation?  What happens after?  "I gained 10 lbs on the honeymoon." or "I came back two sizes bigger from the vacation."  It's because you aren't teaching your body anything good.  Your body is reacting to the quick change, it doesn't mean it's going to last.  It will adjust and then when you alter and eat normal or more then you will gain it back and more.  It's simply not healthy.

Diet pills make me want to scream. Suppressing your appetite does not make it healthy. Just because you aren't hungry all of the time does not mean that you are making smart decisions when you are hungry.  And what happens when you stop taking the pills?  You are hungry again and you haven't changed your habits.  So you gain it all back.  Is it really worth relying on a pill for that?

Oh and yeah, you may get thinner, but if you aren't changing your habits and you are still eating junk, then you are still not helping with blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease.  Good job, you may look better, but your insides are still full of crap.

Do it the right way.  You'll feel so much better.

Check out my Facebook Page for  Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: @hugsnsmile

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

For the ladies only

Guys, I thank you for following me, but you can skip this one.  This one does not apply to you.  I'll tell you how much I weigh and all of my embarrassing fat secrets, but this I just am not comfortable talking with you about.  Believe me, you don't want to know about this stuff anyway. Come back again tomorrow please :-)

Let's get down and dirty Ladies.  I think you know what I'm about to talk about.  The monthly cycle.  Ewww.  I know, it's gross.  I've had many a coversation about what we would "rather have than have my period."  I think my favorite suggestion was "I would rather have just one day of sitting on the toilet all day than have to deal with it all week."  haha...good one (and you know who you are).

If you are the type of girl who doesn't "believe in cramps" just turn away now.  I can't even speak to you.  If you have ever found yourself unable to get out of the fetal position because your cramps hurt so bad, well you're in the right place.  That was me!

Did you catch that? WAS.  I used to have cramps for three out of my five days.  I wanted to cry and I did.  I kept hearing that exercise was the best thing for cramps. *Insert hysterical laughter here* The last thing I wanted to do was even get out of bed let alone move around.  Just give me my heating pad, a handful of midol, and leave me alone.

So here's the thing.  Exercising does work, but it is easier to do it during your period when you are doing it regularly.  For you I looked it up.  Exercising releases beta-endorphins, which are internal opioids -- your own “human morphine”.  Blah blah blah.  Big words don't mean anything to me.  It didn't actually hit me until I started doing it, but it's true.  Don't take my word for it though.  Try it.

Another thing I had heard was how food and beverages affect your cramps.  Seriously?  But, it's true.  I just looked ( to see what it is that you should avoid.  haha.  Just about everything: Meat, dairy, transfat, alcohol...What do they suggest you eat?  Just eat healthy.  Protein.  Vegetables.  High Fiber (yep, they suggest that).  Water.  All of the stuff you should be eating anyway. Bonus.  I'm doing the right things. Go Me!

When I was on that site I saw two things that stood out to me: Sodium and Caffeine.  Don't get excited.  I'm not saying you should have them.  You should avoid them.  Sodium makes you bloat.  Duh.  And Bloating can worsen cramps.  Caffeine only exacerbates cramps. I don't even want to talk about how much soda I used to drink (actually I do, but I was saving that for another post...morning til night...No wonder I was a mess).

 I'm not saying that I don't get cramps any more.  I still do, but usually for few hours on the first day.  Which is way better than 3 full days of wanting to implode or rip someone's head off.  So get started now.  Just think how much better you'll feel next month.

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you!  Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week.  The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Biggest Loser - Episode 4

Oh I hope you watched!  It's my favorite episode this season.

Reality is sinking in.  The contestants are facing their demons and seeing their future at the same time.  A few of the former contestants came back to inspire and motivate.

First up: Hannah, runner up from last season, came back for the Black team.  WE LOVE HANNAH!  She took them into the kitchen and showed the Black team her Jennie-O Turkey stuffed peppers.  Looked delicious. (Oh yeah, I'm a big Jennie-O fan. Love the name and love the turkey).

Next up: Adam from season 11 came back to workout with the younger Red team.  His mom passed away in her 50's due to her obesity.  The Red team voted off a friend last week and they were very down.  Adam pushed them up a 5 mile mountain and they did it!  SO PROUD. Oh and I cried a little when they got there.

And finally: Mamma Marci is back!  Marci is one of my all-time favorite contestants.  She came on last season with her daughter Courtney.  She kicks butt!  Seriously, tough love baby!  The Blue team is down to three members.  They are older.  They feel like the underdog.  Marci let them see the finish line. They can get there too!

Tonight was the Letters from Home challenge.  They have been on the Ranch for four weeks now.  Everyone wants to win this challenge.  I won't spoil it for you, but you'll be happy with the results.

Each team is fired up for the last chance workout.  The Blue team is out there playing tennis with Ms. Anna K.  Kind of cool for them.  The Black team is in the pool to join their injured teammate...oh to be in a pool with Bob (Sigh....).  The Red team is leaving it all on the gym floor. I heart Ramon.  "He wanted me to give him ten.  I gave him ten.  Then ten more.  And then ten more." THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!

Check out my Facebook Page for  Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: @hugsnsmile