Happy Hump Day Beautiful People,
Tonight I had Choir practice at church. I'm still not feeling 100% and was worried it was going to turn into a Peter Brady type of night. Let's just say it wasn't one of my better nights.
All day I wasn't sure if I was going to go. Last night I felt horrible, but today I was feeling better. I just didn't want to push it though. I want this sickness to go away. I took my medicine before I left work and decided that if I wasn't coughing or anything I would go to Choir. I have made a commitment.
This is my third year in Choir, and one day soon I hope to be able to actually read music. haha. I'm serious though. I have no idea what I'm doing. My brain has a hard time following the words and the music at the same time. I have no idea what the difference is between Harmony and Melody. I get very nervous about messing up...and I've done so very often. I'm proud of myself though. This is not something I would have done in my fat days.
The Former Fat Girl spent her time hiding against the wall. She might sing as loud as can be in her car on the way to work or even in the shower. In fact, she used to have a fantasy about singing the National Anthem at a Flyers game (there was lots of shower singing on that). She let that dream die when she thought about her fat body being shown on the jumbo-tron. No Thank You. The last thing she wanted to do was draw attention to herself. Although hiding the fat under a hockey jersey was quite appealing.
So for me to join the choir was a big step. I was finally putting myself out there. I had no idea what I was getting into though. They said "no experience necessary". When I walked in they asked what I sing. HUH? I have no idea. So how do we find out? Sing a few bars. Dear Lord, if it's not asking too much, could you please open up the ground and swallow me whole? I did and was told I was a Soprano. Seriously? I have to go how high???
What you also have to know is that I cry every week in church. I just get very emotional and I can't help it. Sometimes it's a song. Sometimes it's a sermon. I get moved and I cry. It's actually a very rare Sunday when I don't. So don't be surprised if you see me wearing sunglasses in church. My aunt's church keeps tissues under the pews and for that I am forever grateful when I visit there.
So in addition to standing in the front of church, I am terrified I would start to cry up in front of everyone. Why is that fat girl crying? This is what goes through my head. I have cried while singing the songs in my car on the way home and I have choked up a little bit during practice, but I have never cried while singing during the services. That alone is a miracle.
If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.