Monday, May 7, 2018

Dealing with Grief during Birthday Month

Hello Beautiful People,


I am seriously a giant ball of emotions all day long. Some days I am so tense to keep myself from crying that I have chewed my lip raw.  I need to add that that is how I am in public. In private I am a huge blubbering mess.  I could be sitting and watching Trading Spaces and all of a sudden I will see myself walking in and seeing Dad for the first time since I knew he was sick and how fragile he looked. It comes out of nowhere and I don't know how to hide from it.

When I was home for Easter last month the Pastor said something that stuck with me. He talked about a very short period of time in which 4 members of his family passed away. He talked about Grief and how when you are grieving and going about your daily routine no one knows. The example he used is that no one offers their seat on the subway to you.  I wish it was still cool to wear 'mourning' clothes. Although in my own way I have done just that since Dad passed away. I have worn his sweatshirts like they are my armor.

I love my friends and family and they have been good about checking in with me. And I think that I'm pretty good about sharing  when I am struggling. Except I just publicly acknowledge it. I don't actually talk to anyone about what I'm feeling. But, there comes a point when I don't want to share everything because I don't feel like everyone will understand. And then I become irrationally upset that they have no idea why I'm feeling down.

I know everyone grieves differently, but I just plain suck at it. I mean I am like a Gold Medalist in Sucking at Grief. I can push down and lock up those emotions with the best of them.  I am so terrified of the tsunami of emotions that would envelope me that I do everything possible not to let them out. This, I know, is so not healthy.  It's not good. I'm snappy with people for no reason. I shut down from friends and hibernate if I have the chance. I'm not dealing with my grief at all.  And I know after some people read this they will say that I can talk to them anytime I need to. I know that I can. But, that doesn't mean that I will. That's all on me.

For several months I have passed a sign at the church down the street from the house. It's for a Grief share. I looked at the church website, but I couldn't find anything about it. It didn't matter though, because it was for Wednesday nights and I have confirmation with the kids at my church. After feeling like my insides are melting because I cried so hard I decided that I needed to take another look.  Last week I looked it up again and found some more information. I wasn't sure if it was similar to an AA type meeting where anyone could go at any time. It is not. It's a structured meeting. I know this because I reached out to the Pastor who leads it.  This one ends in a few weeks, but I am going to go for the last two.  The Pastor is trained in Grief counselor and has offered to meet with me outside of the meeting. I really need this.

And as I type this I feel stupid. We just postponed this week's confirmation event, but I said I would set up a video chat. I could have gone to the meeting instead. Although Wednesday is my birthday and I'm not sure that's how I want to spend the evening. 

So now you know what this current trigger is. Every milestone without Dad is hard. And there have been so many.  I have almost not wanted to celebrate this birthday.  I have pretty much avoided planning anything. Birthday month has been super low key. 

This is from the last Birthday that I celebrated at Dad. Since my birthday falls around Mother's Day it has been notoriously hard to get friends together that weekend. However, every 5 years we would celebrate at Dad's at the beach. It is a little less hard to get people to go to the beach. This was 5 years ago so that means this would be the year to spend with him.



I've been pretty good controlling my stress eating lately, but I will confess that when I stopped at the grocery store today, I got a large white chocolate bar and ate the whole thing.



Have a Blessed Evening,

Jennie
xoxo


****Please note****


 If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

jhendersonfit@gmail.com 
Check out my Facebook Page for Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

http://www.
facebook.com/ConfessionsOfAFormerFatGir

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile


Instagram: Jennie5973

Pinterest: www.pinterest.com/jhendersonfit

Snapchat: jhendersonfit

Saturday, April 21, 2018

My Personal Report Card: Eating Right: B+ and Hydration: B-

Hello Lovely Ladies and Gents,

Last month I led a Healthy Eating Workshop at church. I was in my element. I loved planning it and leading it. I ran out of time because quite frankly I could talk for hours. Unfortunately I had a time limit of 2 hours. It was hard to narrow down what I wanted to talk about. What I really wanted to talk educate about are the different food groups and what we should eat and what we should avoid.

As I talked about each group we had different healthy foods served for tastings. I went overboard on that, but I wanted to make sure people knew that healthy eating doesn't have to be boring. I'm still planning a post detailing the Workshop, so I won't get into it now. Stay Tuned...

Anyway, there's nothing like planning a Healthy Eating Workshop to really make you pay attention to what you're eating.  I'm really pretty good, with my food, but I've been branching out lately and that's been fun. I'm pretty faithful about eating my garden salads, but I've been jazzing them up with special guest ingredients. Sometimes I've added roasted red peppers. Sometimes I've added berries. Sometimes I've added marinated artichokes. I've also been experimenting with different vegetable sides.  It's been delightful.

One of the dishes that I made at the Workshop inspired a Birthday Celebration at work. It made me squeal with delight. I can't tell you what we made just yet since I'm going to talk about the Workshop in a future post. Just know that everyone was delighted with their food and many people stepped out of their comfort zones and tried something new. That's what it's all about Ladies and Gentleman,

I have been able to indulge a little while eating out. However, one excursion did not go so well and it might actually put me off of hamburgers for a while. I have been craving a burger and I didn't really get a good one after the Half Marathon. That's my usual splurge. Well last week I was out to lunch, I won't mention where because I really like it and I don't want to ruin it for anyone. I ordered my burger medium done. I cut it to eat with a knife and a fork and I gradually noticed it was getting pinker as I cut. The third of the burger that I ate was fine, but the rest was almost completely rare. They made me a new one and I ate it (after cutting all up first). I should have just asked for chicken instead, but I honestly was starving and I couldn't think. I had eaten all of my steamed vegetable side and was trying really hard not to eat all of the complimentary bread. I haven't been physically sick, but mentally I have replayed it a hundred times and it's made me want to stop eating all together. I very rarely eat red meat (pun intended haha). I mean seriously it's like 4 times a year. I may be off of it for the rest of the year.

So my food habits are pretty good. I just need to control the stress eating sweet tooth.  That leaves my beverages. I'm the self proclaimed Hydration Police and yet that's where I'm struggling. I'm still drinking more water than most people, but I'm not getting my fill in. I'm compensating with too much coffee and sometimes some wine. You you follow me on social media it probably looks like I have a coffee IV hooked up. That's really not the case though. I make a 10 oz coffee in the morning and more often than not I still have some in there by lunch time. The problem is that I'm nursing that coffee all morning. If I'm out all day I may get a second coffee in the afternoon, but I try to keep it to a small.

I take multiple travel cups/mugs everywhere I go, at least at the beginning of the day.  I have a coffee and a cup of water/unsweetened iced tea. So I've been trying to drink the water/tea in the 30 minute car ride on the way to preschool It's been pretty good, except that it usually hits me a an inconvenient time. Oops.

The good news is that I do have to pee relatively soon after my water. That's a pretty good indication that I'm not dehydrated (my arch nemesis).  I'm being very conscious of my water intake right now. Especially when I'm more active that's when I need to increase it. Not to mention that the weather is getting nicer and hotter.  Water is nature's way of cooling your body temperature.

So how much water are we supposed to drink?  The number that you hear all of the time is: 8 glasses of 8 oz of water a day. That's so intimidating to so many people. First of all, 8 oz is nothing in this supersized world that we live in.  Second of all, it doesn't have to be in liquid form. Lots of fruits are water based. Think watermelon!

How much water you need to drink depends on many factors: age, weight/height, and activity level.  I hate to say: go by your thirst level. Because honestly most people don't think they are thirsty. That doesn't mean that your body doesn't need water.

Check out this article from FitnessJockey.com to figure out how much you need to drink:

https://fitnessjockey.com/how-much-water-should-you-drink-per-day/


Alrighty kids, I have a painting night ahead of me so I shall bid you adieu for now.

Have a Blessed Night,
Jennie
xoxo




****Please note****


 If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

jhendersonfit@gmail.com 
Check out my Facebook Page for Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

http://www.
facebook.com/ConfessionsOfAFormerFatGir

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile


Instagram: Jennie5973




Snapchat: jhendersonfit

Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Rock'n'Roll DC Half Marathon Part 2

Hello Beautiful People,

Before I tell you all about race day, I forgot to tell you something about the day before.

I mentioned that while I was at the expo I got "what I thought was a magnet" for mom. That's what I get for her. They had a guitar shaped one, but that's similar to the last one I got her. I saw one that was a guitar pick shape so I bought that for mom. It wasn't until we were at carb loading night that mom let it slip that it was actually a pin, not a magnet. Seriously?  Grr...first the shirt then the non-magnet. I won't even mention that I was so distracted once I realized that I got the wrong shirt, I got off the metro at the wrong stop.  My head was NOT in the game.

What a wonderful thing a good night of sleep is. It was like a miracle when I woke up the morning of the race. I woke up completely anxiety free. I had an energy that I hadn't had in a long time.

First and foremost, I am happy to report that I had no trouble pooping. It's always a huge concern for me on race day because I will NOT poop in a porto-potty. I'll take a DNF and hop on the Metro Home first.

It was a beautifully sunny and cold morning as I drove to Aunt Carol's. I opted for braids and ear covers.  I don't wear my contacts much anymore, but I wanted sunglasses for the day. I looked pretty cute I must say.


One of my favorite moments of race day is the obscene amount of spandex as far as the eye can see. Maybe it's because of the two different start times or maybe it's because more people drove in, but there was not much spandex at all this morning. It made me sad. But, we did get a new metro car for the ride in so Hooray.





The wind entering the Metro at Federal Triangle was crazy strong. Oh this can't be good.  I had chosen to wear the shirt that I got for one of my December races. I'll give a shout out here to Under Armour for the shirts that have a breathable turtleneck to keep out the cold. GENIUS!




Instead of bringing a throw away shirt, I opted to bring one of my foil blankets that I got from a previous race. In case you wonder about them, they help trap your body heat after a race. You continue to sweat, but the sweat stops evaporating and in the cold it can make things much worse. Plus, warm muscles are easier to move than cold muscles.  Anyway, I figured I would wear it for a mile or two until I warmed up and then drop it at a water stop. I was happy to see other people had the same idea.

When I was at the expo I asked the St. Jude peeps how many people were running for St. Jude in the race. My jaw dropped when they said about 800. I had seen some numbers about how much had been raised because of the race and I did an inner dance. By race day almost $400,000 had been raised by runners during this race only. How truly amazing. Thank you to everyone who donated for me.

I was anxious to get started so I ducked in to one of the corrals and joined them. I had told Aunt Carol that I wasn't going to run at all.  The only time I planned was at the end if I had anything left. Naturally as soon as I crossed the start line I was running. She saw me. lol. Busted!  It didn't last long. my brain overrode my body and I pulled to the side after half a mile.



The first 2 miles were almost the same as before. There was a little change in the route, but not much different. And then as we finished mile 2 and passed the Lincoln Memorial( Hey Abe!) we took a right turn. Umm. We didn't go over the bridge to Arlington this time. I got immensely sad. That is usually one of my favorite spots during the race. Instead we headed straight up the Rock Creek Parkway towards the Watergate Hotel. 

I rolled up behind this woman and just LOVED her personalized shirt. I think I need to have one made for my next race. The back said: " I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  - Phillipians 4:13. I let that sink in and reflect on it. God was going to get me through this.


 


As we passed the Watergate we then took a turn and headed back towards the Lincoln Memorial. Weird. We were on a multi-lane road going under many underpasses. Sadly there were many homeless neighbors living in this area. It hurt my heart.  All I wanted to do was pull over and give them everything that I had.

As we approached the Lincoln Memorial I met a woman who had knee surgery recently. We commented on the new course and both preferred the bridge to Arlington route. We also both discussed the upcoming Hill (yes, I capitalized it on purpose...it's that intimidating) and how we were saving ourselves for it. Haha.

At the next turn around I was passed by a blind athlete. I have seen this done at several races and I'm always awe inspired by this.


One thing that I didn't expect was to run into Santa. Haha. I've seen him during my December races, but this was a first for March. Nice legs Santa!



Not far behind Santa was the sag wagon. And there was my motivation to keep moving. Early in the race I expect it to be pretty close behind me. It's when I get closer to the end that I worry. On Mile 4 I was about 1 mile ahead of it. I just had to hold that pace for 9 more miles. Piece of cake.

On Mile 5 I saw a sweet hug. I'm guessing it was a mom who surprised her daughter on the route. It was so sweet. I took a picture of their hug. And then I stopped and asked them if they wanted me to take their picture.


My favorite cheerleader was on mile 6. I've seen Mr. Incredible in both Philly and DC at the Rock'n'Roll races. He always makes me smile. On a side note, I'm super excited about the Incredibles 2 coming out soon. 



Okay, so you may be asking yourself "I thought she was going to take off the foil blanket after a couple of miles." So did I, but I realized that I was not overheating and as I looked around most people were still wearing their extra layers. It was cold. 

One of the race sponsors is Geico. Now I'm a State Farm girl, but I get so emotional during their mile. Leading up to the Hill they have blue boards posted with pictures of soldiers what were killed in action. It always chokes me up. Many of the soldiers died a decade ago. And so many of them were so incredibly young. I only saw 2 names who were older than I am. The majority of them were just babies.



After the pictures end, they have volunteers holding American Flags all of the way up the Hill. And they are cheering you on. 
 

And then it was time for the Hill. When I saw it this time, I thought "Oh it's not so bad". And then I started up it. It hurt like hell. It was the first time that I thought I might quit. I mean I really thought I was done. But, I knew I couldn't stop until I got to the top. And then once I was there I knew I would finish. If I could beat the Hill, I could finish.

Someone asked me if there were lots of great signs. I didn't see too many, but I did see an unusually large number of people dressed in animal costumes. I mean I guess it makes sense with how cold it was. It's just a little weird to say "No, there weren't that many signs, but I got high fives from a Squirrel and a Bunny".

Not long after I finished the Hill my Rocky Theme song came on. I'm tempted to do a race listening to it on repeat.


While we were in Adams Morgan I saw a woman wearing a shirt that I must get.


There are many things that I like about this race, but hands down my favorite part is the Drumline that plays as you finish mile 8. You can hear them about a quarter of a mile away.  Then you round a corner and head down the hill and they are there waiting for you. I could stop and listen to them all day.



Time for a mental and physical check in. How was I doing?  Well I had finished 8 miles. I only had 5 to go. Honestly, I felt good. My pace hadn't really dropped and my legs felt good. I was not going to quit. I still worried about my leg muscles tightening up. They generally did after 10 miles on this course, but I was feeling good.




After 10 miles I was feeling great. I still had my foil blanket on. I knew that one thing that I had going for me was that my muscles were warm and that was good. I couldn't let them get cold or they would definitely seize up.  So my muscles felt good, but then something happened. It has happened during every DC race. My breathing became a HUGE issue after 10 miles. I have never had this issue with any other race to this extent. Honestly, if you tried to force me to run those last 3 miles, it was physically impossible. I couldn't take a deep breath. My pace slowed down, but I was still moving.

With 2 miles to go, Santa joined me. OMG that was all I needed. Seeing the little kids' who where cheering on the sidelines react to Santa was the greatest gift I could have been given. I forgot about the race and just enjoyed their complete and total joy.

The last portion of the race is a gradual incline as you veer around to the right. Why races end like that kills me. But, I was never so happy to hit that incline. I was doing it. I was finishing the damn race!

I saw Aunt Carol and cousin JC waving by the finish line. I was so happy. As I approached the finish line I heard my name being announced. They also mentioned that I was a St. Jude Hero and that made me smile. That smile was immediately replaced by heavy sobs as soon as they put that medal over my neck. I couldn't let too much escape though because I knew I would never be able to recover.  I was missing my Dad so much and Oh all of the emotions that were hitting me could knock me over.

I limped through the finishing area. I threw out my foil blanket and replaced it with a brand spanking new one. I got my banana an chocolate milk. I was soon realizing that I had a very long walk around to the stands where Aunt Carol and JC were. I wasn't sure how much longer Ms. Brittney had. Should I wait around here for her or try to get to them and see her finish?  I decided to head over.

It felt like FOREVER, but I did it. I made it literally as she was getting ready to cross the finish line. You GO Girl!



Aunt Carol and I sat and waited on the the bleachers while JC went to find her. I had some of my snacks and we watched some pretty amazing Senior athletes finish the marathon. They inspire me to no end.  After a little bit we decided to go see if we could find them. I couldn't sit too long or I would never get up.


We headed over to the merchandise tent to see if I could get the right shirt this time, but sadly they were sold out. Dang it. I did get this awesome commemorative wine glass though. I broke it in the next day.  Don't worry about the shirt though. We ordered a new one online. Hooray!  Mom liked it so much she wanted to keep the other one.  Works for me.


The next morning we went to breakfast. Afterwards I needed to stop at Starbucks. I had been coveting this ceramic travel mug since Thanksgiving. I promised myself that I would not get it until I finished the race. It was worth the wait. And now every time I use it, I am reminded that I am capable of so much even when I doubt myself.


Have a Blessed Night,
Jennie
xoxo




****Please note****


 If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

jhendersonfit@gmail.com 
Check out my Facebook Page for Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

http://www.
facebook.com/ConfessionsOfAFormerFatGir

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile


Instagram: Jennie5973




Snapchat: jhendersonfit

Thursday, April 5, 2018

Rock'N'Roll DC Half Marathon - Part 1 Anxiety and Carb Loading

Hello Beautiful People,

It's been almost a month since the Rock'n'Roll DC Half Marathon and I'm finally catching my breath haha. I have been wanting to tell you all about it, but I wanted to make sure I had some time to sit and talk about everything that happened that weekend. I'm on Spring Break and I'm dog sitting until tomorrow so it feels like a good time to hanker down and get started. So grab a coffee, kick off your shoes, put your feet up, and relax. We're going to be here a while. :-)

My anxiety for this race was unlike any other.  Even though this was going to be my 11th race, it was the one that I was the least prepared for and the first one without Dad cheering me on. It was not pleasant to spend time in my brain during the week leading up to the race. My OCD had me fixating on certain things.

A little more than two weeks before the race I pulled out my earbuds to find one of the earbud covers was missing. This is my favorite pair of earbuds. Heather gave them to me a couple of years ago and they are the best ones that I have ever had.  I spent 3 days searching everywhere for it. I felt defeated. I could get a new pair, but they wouldn't be the same kind and I wouldn't have a lot of time to break them in. I pouted all of the way to the store. I reluctantly found a pair that might do the trick.  The pair I picked didn't have covers that would fall off, but they were the kind that wrapped around your ears and it would take a little getting used to. I had a pair like them before and I liked them.  I still didn't open them for a couple of days because I kept tearing apart every place that I thought that I could have dropped the other cover. I finally sucked it up and broke them in on my 8 mile training day two weeks before the race. I was fine with them.  And then I found the cover in the preschool classroom behind the door. Crisis averted (after I lost my mind).

The week before the race brought two new anxiety fixations.  The first came when I started to worry about what to wear.  The temperature seemed to be dropping and for the life of me, I couldn't find my green tutu. The tutu is like a security blanket for me. I have worn tutus for many 5ks, but I have also worn the green one for the DC race before. I like it and it helps cover some of my not so flattering spots. But, most importantly it keeps my booty warm. My plan for the race was to not run at all and to just walk it. My goal was to finish and to finish without injury.  Therefore, my body temperature would not get as high as it would if I was running. I needed the extra warmth. I searched and searched and searched for the green tutu, but all I could find was the pink one. It would have to do, but I was holding out hope that maybe I left the green one at mom's.  Good news!  I did. I found it as soon as I got to mom's. I felt like I could start to breathe.

That last week before the race I went in to print up my confirmation form to take to registration. It was the first time that I had really looked at the race information. The start location was still on Constitution Avenue, which I love, but I noticed something else. The start time changed. It moved to 8:30. Well that was great, until I realized that the full marathon start time was 7am. What???? Ms. Brittney and I wouldn't be starting at the same time. What would I do?  Then I saw that the metro didn't start running until 7. So I couldn't even go in to see her start. But, I was having a fit anyway. Even if I wanted to see her start, I would be standing around for 90 minutes before my race started and my body would just be getting colder and colder. It would be hard to start the race with cold muscles. Yeah, that anxiety didn't go away.

The plan was to leave right after preschool on Thursday and head up to mom's. I needed to go into DC on Friday to get my race packet. I had been sick the week before and I was really behind so I opted to skip out on the Wednesday night Lenten service so that I could pack. The problem was that I was so physically tired by then that I would pack one thing and then sit down for 30 minutes. Ugh. I needed to make sure I got sleep too.

While I was driving to preschool on Thursday I realized that I forgot to pack my fitbit charger. DOH!  I couldn't remember the last time that I charged it. It would probably run out of battery soon. And it did. It ran out on Friday. Grr....there was no rational reason to be upset, but dang it, I was going to be hitting the mother load of steps and I wanted it recorded.

I was anxious to get on the road, but I made a quick stop first. I needed a massage. So I stopped at the gym before I hit the highway. I got a nice 10 minute hydro massage. Ahhh.

The drive up was pretty uneventful, except for the snow. WHAT???  I was doing just fine until I was driving through the Blue Ridge Mountains and out of no where the snow started. I mean there had been rumors that it had started to snow that morning in Charlotte, but I didn't see it and thought people were crazy. At first the snow was just a little, but then I couldn't see at one point. I was having an internal meltdown. Snow????  WTH!  It promptly disappeared once I was through the mountains, but the damage was done. I was unhinged. It took a little while for my brain to calm down. The weekend before, DC was shut down because of the high winds. Snow wasn't in the forecast until Sunday night. Just how cold was it going to get on Saturday?

As I got closer to mom's I started thinking about the Carb Loading that would begin the next day. I might start a little early. Over Christmas I had been given a Wawa giftcard. We don't have Wawas in Charlotte so I hadn't used the whole thing yet. I could get Philly Soft Pretzels at Wawa. So I stopped and got some. That cheered me up.

Mom offered to drive me to the Metro Friday morning.  Yay.  She had taken the day off, but we are patiently awaiting a brand new hip so unnecessary walking is being avoided. The plan was to try and meet Ms. Brittney at the expo.  We were running a little behind schedule. There was a train just getting ready to leave, but I wanted to make sure that I put enough money on my card so that it wouldn't be a problem for the rest of the weekend. I had a little bit of a wait for the next train, but it was one of the new ones so it was worth it. It was a 45 minute ride in and just as I got there I was texting Ms. Brittney and she was texting me. She was getting ready to leave, but we wanted to at least see each other and hug.



Wow it was cold and windy. Um...starting to freak out.  We talked for a few minutes, but the wind was a bit much. Sadly we wouldn't be carb loading together and since we wouldn't see each other before the race started, we would see each other when it was over.

After I picked up my packet, I walked through the Rock'n'Roll merchandise. I wasn't planning on getting a shirt, but I saw the shirts with our names on it and I got excited.  They had split the races up so that they were broken up by distance and the half was also broken up by gender. I quickly got out my magnifying glass to find my name. I found it!




I'm right at the top of the star, like a Rock Star!  Crap. I want a shirt. I really liked the long sleeve version. It's charcoal grey with a hood.  First, I wanted go look for Ms. Brittney's name. I found it. When I turned around I grabbed a shirt off of the rack and headed to the register. On my way I picked up a shot glass, and what I thought was a magnet for mom.

After I made my purchase, I went over to the St. Jude area. I got my wristband for the post race tent and was able to exchange my jersey for a larger size. I was starting to panic at how many layers I would need to wear under it.

There weren't as many vendors as there have been in the past so I got out of there pretty quick. I stopped to take my usual pictures before I got back on the metro.

The Cherry Blossoms were beautiful.



And the port-o-potties were a plenty.



While I was on the metro going home, I looked through my pictures. Something had been bothering me. Why was my name so far down on the shirt? It starts with H. And that's when I saw it.


There were two shirts for the women's Half Marathon. My brain quickly tried to remember where I grabbed the shirt from and did I actually look at it to see my name before I left? Nope. I did not. I bought the shirt from the L-Z side. Dang it!  I was so annoyed. I was already on the way home. I had to fight the tears away.

I'm telling you, my anxiety was high.  The littlest thing could set me off.

Luckily it was time to start carb loading. Dinner would be at 5:30 at Aunt Carol's. Mom and I said we would bring dessert. So we went to our new favorite place for lunch: Paris Baguette.  Ms. Brittney and I had talked that morning about staying away from caffeine for the day so that we could go to bed easily. The problem is that I love the caramel latte at Paris Baguette. I got one anyway. 


Okay so when we were there the last time I was DROOLING over the blueberry chiffon. I didn't get it and said I would wait until race weekend. It was WORTH the wait. I'm still drooling just looking at the picture.

On the way over to Aunt Carol's I mentioned to mom that I forgot to ask for Friday Spaghetti. That's what dad would make for my Carb Loading meals. It's okay though, it would probably make me cry. And it did.



It was soooooo good. As were the homemade pierogies.


I Love Carb Loading day!

In all of my anxiety, I forgot that Aunt Carol would be available to go in with me to start the race. YAY. We are very much alike. She planned on bringing a book and hanging out while I hit the streets of DC.

She recruited cousin Corey to drive us to the metro in his new car. He asked me what I wanted to listen to in the car. I said Pitbull always gets me race ready.

Before I went to bed I had one more thing to do. I had to lay out Flat Jennie and take a picture. Now the important thing to remember is that I was going for warmth not cuteness.

I had totally forgotten that I could put my name on my bib. I liked that at the Cleveland race. It was great to have strangers yell my name in support. I chose to go a different way this time.


I was going ALL IN for this race.

Alright, I need to go train some clients so this feels like a good time for an intermission. Everyone get up and walk around. Get the blood flowing. I'll see you in a little bit.

Have a Blessed Night,
Jennie
xoxo




****Please note****


 If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

jhendersonfit@gmail.com 
Check out my Facebook Page for Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

http://www.
facebook.com/ConfessionsOfAFormerFatGir

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile


Instagram: Jennie5973




Snapchat: jhendersonfit

Monday, March 5, 2018

My first race without Dad and the anxiety that will be the end of me

Hello Beautiful people,

I feel sorry for everyone around me right now. My anxiety is off the chart and I've got to be completely annoying.

We are less than a week away from the Rock'n'Roll Washington DC Half Marathon. I can't believe that it's here so soon. This is my fourth time running it. Each time I run it I say NEVER Again! And yet here we are.

It's an emotional course for me and it's a physically tough one. I hate hills and pot holes.  It has been two years since my last race and I finished that in so much pain it was awful. Stupid Plantar Faciitis. I've been healed since last summer, but I've been terrified that it would come back if I trained too hard and on hills. And so going into this race I am doing something that I tell others never to do. I trained for a flat course, not a hill course. My knees were giving me too much trouble. So I trained for holding my cardio long enough and I have to pray that my body will take care of the rest.

This week I am tapering. For those who don't know, it means that you drastically reduce your training so that your body can rest and gear up for the race. Last week was a bust for me for various reasons, but I got in 6 miles on Saturday.  After my shower I taped my knee with kinesio tape.  The role of the tape is to lift the skin and increase blood circulation. Since I wear knee straps when I train it's counter productive on a regular basis. But, right now my knee feels bionic so Hooray.

Tapering makes me cranky because I want to keep training. I don't feel ready. I don't want to rest. However, I'm happy to start the carb loading early. That's a whole other form of stress right now.
In the 6 plus years that I have been doing Half and Full Marathons, I am at my heaviest. Now I'm only 12 lbs heavier than the last race, but on my small frame that is like 20 pounds on an average size person. I don't always love how things look on my belly. I especially don't love how spandex looks. So thinking about what to wear for Saturday has been awful. I mentioned before that I wasn't sure that the St. Jude race shirt would even fit. I'm happy to report that I put it on last week at the end of the day when I'm at my most bloated. It wasn't pretty, but it fit. I'm still going to exchange it for a bigger size.  I plan on wearing a shirt underneath it so I want plenty of room. 

Speaking of St. Jude Heroes, one form of stress that I do NOT have is fundraising. I have met my goal of $500. In fact I have surpassed it. I honestly don't know why I stress over that. The fundraising is the easy part. I feel very blessed to be surrounded by such generous people. I don't have the money to give, so I so the fundraising and the work. I'm happy with this arrangement.  Just because I met my personal goal, that doesn't mean that you can't still donate. All funds are welcome. St. Jude's does so much for the families of children battling cancer. They can use all of the help that you can
give: http://heroes.stjude.org/Jennie_Henderson


Back to my anxiety, I had a major freak out last week.  I pulled out my ipod to use my earphones and found one of the covers missing. They are my favorite ear buds and they are very specific covers. I had an internal temper tantrum and that's all I fixated on. After searching everywhere for a few days, I resigned myself to the fact that I would never find them. So I sucked it up and went looking for a replacement pair. I couldn't find the same ones and settled on a different pair. Luckily I used them on Saturday and I liked them. Cut to today, and I found the missing cover in my classroom. Seriously?!?My anxiety is so high though, I couldn't even enjoy it.

So what else is causing my anxiety? This isn't the race that I remember. In previous years the Half and Full marathons started simultaneously. I am signed up for the Half. My cousin in law Ms. Brittney is signed up for the Full. This was to be a fun bonding experience. But, her race starts 90 minutes before mine. What? I can't be there for her start. This really sucks. Technically I could, but That would mean that my body would be out in the cold 90 minutes more than it needed to be. I can't let my muscles get that cold to start. Besides the fact that I got an email from St. Jude today that says that the Metro doesn't even start running until her race starts. What? What?? Is it possible that I'll be heading in and doing this all by myself? Hopefully we will be able to go into the Expo together on Friday to pick up our stuff.  The Expo itself is another stress.  It's carb loading day, and yet there is no where to eat around the Expo. In the past I have allowed myself a soft pretzel from a street vendor before getting back on the Metro to go home.  I am planning on packing a lunch to take with me. Hopefully it will be nice and I can eat outside.

The good news is that in the email from St. Jude I also found out some pretty cool stuff about their post race tent. I will have access to massage therapists (mark me down for that) and for private bathrooms. I'm pretty sure that they are port-o-potties, but they are most likely clean ones. I still don't plan on using them. Does that mean I can get two massages?

Source of Anxiety #641: I can't find my green tutu. What's the point of doing the race now?  I have my hot pink one, but that doesn't go with my shirt. I'm really hoping that I left it at mom's. I'll check when I'm there Friday.

Really though, the main source of anxiety is that Dad won't be there for this one. He was my chauffeur. He was my cheerleader. If he wasn't there physically he was the first to wish me luck and call me when it was over.  I'm 100% that I will be a blubbering fool at some point during the race.  After all, I'm a blubbering fool right now.




I Miss you Daddy!


Have a Blessed Night,
Jennie
xoxo




****Please note****


 If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

jhendersonfit@gmail.com 
Check out my Facebook Page for Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

http://www.
facebook.com/ConfessionsOfAFormerFatGir

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile


Instagram: Jennie5973




Snapchat: jhendersonfit

If you would like to help with my motivation I would welcome all of the donations that I can get:

Saturday, February 24, 2018

Number of Olympic Medalists that I have met (and geeked out over) in my lifetime: Up to 2 now

Hello my Lovelies and Gents,

If you remember, two weeks ago I got to mark something off of my bucket list. I finally got to realize my dream of Curling. While my time was just a taste, it was beyond fun and exciting. I couldn't wait to get back. Well last week I was exhausted and couldn't find anyone to go with me, so I opted out. It's okay though, because Ms. Amy and I had planned on going today from the start. Today was the day that the Charlotte Curling Center had a guest with them. I can remember watching Carolyn McRorie in the 2010 Olympics in Vancouver. Nothing was going to stop me from meeting her.

The last two weeks I have spent every chance possible watching Olympic Curling and really focusing on their form. In all of the years that I have watched, I focused on their strategy. But, after seeing how tough is is firsthand, I wanted to focus on what I could do better.

I should have had a long distance training day today for next month's Half Marathon, but my knees have been sore and stiff after my trainings this week so I made the sacrifice to skip it. I thought about doing it afterwards, but something happened and I had to put it off. I'll get to that a little later.

Anyway, when I attended the first Open House two weeks ago, my instructions for pushing off were to "rock back and push off" and I also applied that to the rock.  Watching the Olympics I really focused on that. They push with their body and release the rock, they don't push it more. They also get ridiculously close to the ice with most of their body.  So going into this I wanted to work on that. But, mostly I wanted redemption on that sucky Sweeping that we did last time. Bah!

Before I continue with my day today, I want to quickly talk about the MiraCurl on Ice that happened early in the morning. The USA Men's team was set to take on Sweden in the Gold Medal round at 12:30 this morning. I painted my nails red, white, and blue. I wore my USA Olympics shirt yesterday I was excited.  Sadly I bought another, smaller Olympic shirt in 2016 with the hopes that it would fit for this year. It is still a tad snug, but my other shirt is a tad bigger so I'm a work in progress.

Back to the MiraCurl. The Charlotte Curling Center was hosting a Watch Party, but I just wasn't sure I could handle that. My drive home would be 40 minutes in the middle of the night. I was there in spirit though when the Men took the Gold! The USA has never won anything higher than a Bronze in Curling. This was HUGE.

Needless to say, the USA has gone Curling crazy. They were expecting a very large number of people at the Open House today. So when I asked Ms. Amy what time she wanted to go, I was super excited when she said "Noon". I knew she was on board. It didn't start until 1, but the food truck would be open at noon. Let's go!

Let's quick review what I learned the last time: don't wear jeans and wear shoes with a little less tread. It was to get into the 80's today and here I was putting on yoga pants and a long sleeve loose shirt.  I also put on my Bling shoes that were made for me after Dad passed away. They make me smile and they have less tread than my running sneakers. I was in good shape.

I fell a little behind because I was watching the replay of the Gold Medal game. Oops. I texted Ms. Amy then grabbed my scarf and gloves before heading out the door. I wanted to stop for cash on the way so I pulled in to the grocery store to get a bottle of water and a diet coke (as I didn't finish my coffee).  Everyone is walking around in shorts and flip flops and I had gloves in my bag. Haha.

While I was there Ms. Amy texted that she remembered that the hours were different today. It was 1-5, while the last two weeks were 11-2.  Dang it, she wasn't as nerded up as me after all.

We got there 30 minutes early and found parking right in front. There were some picnic benches so we went and ordered our food from the delicious Tin Kitchen Truck. I really enjoyed my special pork taco last time, but as it was a special, it wasn't listed today. I got the four cheese quesadilla instead, even though it had goat cheese. It was good, but sadly I didn't get a picture.

It was not quite 1 yet, but we noticed that the line had begun and was coming out of the door. Yikes!  So we ran over to get in line. The set up was a little different then last time. Instead of it winding around inside, the line came straight out of the door.  The line wasn't that bad. Just to give you an idea of how packed it was going to be: two weeks ago we arrived 30 minutes after the start time and were give tickets 68-70. Today we were there early and were 58 and 59. Yikes. Last time they called our numbers while we were still filling out our form. Today we talked to someone about club membership, and I geeked out as Carolyn McRorie walked in, smiled at me (at least I think she did), and went over to set up for her Meet and Greet. Then they called our number.



We were ready! After we handed in our waiver and ticket we went down to brush off the dirt off of our shoes. Then we got fitted for our rubber shoe cover. We were directed to a different lane this time. Sadly, I didn't see Mr. Green Pants from last time. We were sent to the Canada Lane. While our instructor was helping the people before us, I turned my attention to the instructor in the next lane talking about form.  The first time we did this we started in a crouched position. Today they were showing us to use more of a track stance. I was so focused on the form that for my first throw I sort of forgot to let go of the rock and it was pitiful. *hang my head in shame* The good thing is that my form was good otherwise. My second throw was so much better. I didn't look Olympic just yet, but my throw was strong and straight. Hooray!

Next up was our sweeping. Redemption time. They showed us how to hold the broom and off we went. Last time we had 4 of us sweeping. Today it was just me and Ms. Amy.  We started off a little behind, but we quickly caught up to it. At first we were a hot mess all over each other at first. We swept like crazy though and got pretty far down the ice. Go us!

It was picture time!


After the photo op I felt it was time to celebrate our Curling improvements with some wine. I even splurged and bought a Charlotte Curling Center Shot Glass.  Check out the USA flag behind me. Shout out to the Men's Curling team. USA!



Ms. Amy and I sat and watched people taking their turns. We cheered them on and watched the instructions. I kept looking over my shoulder and monitored the Meet and Greet with Carolyn McRorie. I couldn't wait to go meet her, but also a little starstruck. We couldn't just walk over. I had to come up with a good question.

Finally we headed over. Yay. She was so nice. I introduced myself and then asked her about conditioning. I wanted to know what she did off ice to prepare. I was thinking yoga would be good since you are practically in pigeon pose the whole time. She mentioned that her daughter got her into it. Your hip flexors get real tight, so yes yoga is good. Lots of Curlers are getting into it. She even mentioned John, who won the Mixed Doubles Gold Medal. *Insert internal Giggle*. She was referring to my MAD CRUSH John Morris. Sigh...

 


Okay, wait where was I?  Oh yes, Ms. Carolyn demonstrated some stances for us and mentioned that you also need to work on strong quads and hamstrings. Squats help.  I followed up with a question about height. We wanted to know if being tall had an advantage, and by default did being short have a disadvantage?  She said no and showed us how the front leg should be in the center of your body to provide balance and therefore height isn't a factor. Sweet!  My dreams for Olympic Gold aren't dead yet!  I could be the oldest Athlete there, but think how cute and petite I would be with my blonde braids. America would fall in love with my Cinderella story.

Thank you for spending time with us and letting me geek out Ms. Carolyn :-)




It was such a wonderful afternoon. I'm so thankful for these moments. I really really want to take up curling.  I would love to join the league, but the time commitment is an issue for me at the moment. The time that would be best for me would be the Saturday morning 10 am league.  I couldn't start until after my Half Marathon next month though. Of course money is also an issue.

Sadly something happened this afternoon that made that a problem.  This past week while I was driving a rock hit my windshield. I have an appointment for a repair on Wednesday, but while we were in the Curling Center the crack grew. I now have an appointment for a replacement. Bah. That was stress I did not need getting that sorted out. Ironically the price of the replacement is about the price of the Curling membership. *super sad face*  So I am now accepting Sponsors for my Olympic dream. haha.  If I could sign a new client soon I would be cool with it, but gah. Not today.

Before I go, I want to address the title of today's blog- Number of Olympic Medalists that I have met (and geeked out over) in my lifetime: Up to 2 now.   If you are new to my blog you may not know how crazy I am about the Olympics.  I get Olympic Fever every stinking time. Back in the 90's I was working at Border's Bookstore. My "section" was sports/hobbies/parenting. We had a book signing scheduled and it was Dan O'Brien the Gold Medal Decathlete from 1996. My manager knew better than to suggest anyone else be his book prepper (open the book and pass it to him to sign).  I was all gooey and just adored him. He was super sweet and even signed my book.



In conclusion, Curling is awesome! I want to go to the Olympics. Someone sponsor me. John Morris Call me!




Have a Blessed Night,
Jennie
xoxo

Fundraising for St. Jude Heroes:

http://heroes.stjude.org/Jennie_Henderson



****Please note****


 If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

jhendersonfit@gmail.com 
Check out my Facebook Page for Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

http://www.
facebook.com/ConfessionsOfAFormerFatGir

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile


Instagram: Jennie5973

Pinterest: www.pinterest.com/jhendersonfit

Snapchat: jhendersonfit

If you would like to help with my motivation I would welcome all of the donations that I can get:

http://heroes.stjude.org/Jennie_Henderson

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Random Wednesday: Olympic Fever and Healthy Eating (and not so healthy eating)

Hello my Lovelies and Gents,

Happy Valentine's Day to you.

I have a confession. I'm really not looking forward to the half marathon coming up in a month. The reason is that I want to focus on my weight training and not my cardio/distances. Ugh. I'm a poopyhead. At least that's how I feel all day long. I resent the cardio that I may or may not be doing because I love weights. Not that I'm doing them either. See, I am a poopyhead.  I got in 4 miles today and I should have done more. I didn't even break a sweat. Bah. I was lollygagging.

*****

This week has been a little fun with the kiddos. My theme for the week is The Olympics. On Monday we made torches. They have no idea what the torch represents and turned them upside down to make rockets. Oh well. Then on Tuesday we focused on Ice Skating. We made ice skates and I showed them videos of Michelle Kwan and Surya Bonaly.  They were so enthralled. It was like watching magic. They go up and started to move their little bodies like they were ice skating and it was adorable. They asked to watch more today.

I love watching ice skate, but I hated actually ice skating. I was a wall hugger. But, I thought about it. I'm stronger, more flexible, and have much better balance now. I'm not 100 percent opposed to the idea. Although I still prefer Curling.


*****

I've eaten like crap this week. Food has been provided for several meals: hot dogs and pizza. I have made sure to get my veggies in and eat healthy in between, but I'm feeling the ick.

*****

I am starting to prepare for my Healthy Eating Seminar that I will be presenting in March. The event is 2 hours and includes lunch. I am having a hard time narrowing it down so I decided that I will offer video chats Bi-weekly afterwards. I'll share the links with you when I set them up.

*****

I stopped at the store yesterday to pick up some little oranges for the kiddos for Valentine's Day. I was so excited that other people had the same idea.



Have a Blessed Evening,

Jennie
xoxo


****Please note****


 If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

jhendersonfit@gmail.com 
Check out my Facebook Page for Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

http://www.
facebook.com/ConfessionsOfAFormerFatGir

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile


Instagram: Jennie5973

Pinterest: www.pinterest.com/jhendersonfit

Snapchat: jhendersonfit

If you would like to help with my motivation I would welcome all of the donations that I can get:

http://heroes.stjude.org/Jennie_Henderson