Saturday, June 29, 2013

Body Image and the Beach



Happy Saturday Bleeps,

Well kids I am at the beach. HOLLA!  A friend from college was going to be down with her family and I was invited to come hang for the day. As busy as I have been lately, I wasn't sure if I could do it. I needed the day at the beach, but I needed the day for other things too. So I made a deal with myself. If I could finish two chapters of studying, then I could do it.  Well I zoomed through the first chapter last weekend. The second chapter got a late start. And then I was just really tired this week after my workouts so I didn't quite make it.

I really needed to come down and I had a little panic attack over traffic. So I quickly put in a request to take Friday afternoon off. I got down around dinner time and finished my chapter activity section while watching some racing with my dad.

This morning I woke up early. I watched my video and I took my quiz. I passed :-)  Cool beans. I could go to the beach without feeling bad.

Okay, so two weeks ago while I was down I wore the bikini to the pool. I wasn't feeling that hot in it. And quite frankly I was way happier while I was laying down then when I was sitting up or standing up. While I was laying down my belly looked nice and flat. When I sat up, well not so much.  It probably didn't help that two young ladies were floating around in tiny bikinis.

I had seriously been thinking about going back to a tankini. I felt like I was letting myself down, but the honest reason why I was considering the switch was because once again the arms and legs got more color than the belly. I need my exposed flesh to be the same color. And frankly it's stressing me out. The idea of it burning stresses me out. I can't handle that. It'll put me off of working out for a while.

And so last night I stopped and looked at some tankini tops. I didn't actually try them on though. I found a red one that I liked that I could wear with my black bottom. I figured that if I didn't like it then I could take it back.

This morning I tried it on. It's okay, but it doesn't really provide a lot of support for the girls if you know what I mean. I mean I could deal if I was just going to the pool for a couple of hours, but an all day event really needs some support.  So I put on my old tankini top and headed out.

I got the relaxing day in that I needed. And I felt comfortable in my bathing suit.  I was fine walking around without a cover up.

My friend Melissa and I sat on the beach and we talked about body images. We both see people in bathing suits that are very revealing who aren't the most fit. How great it would be to be that comfortable with our own bodies.

We saw some younger girls walking in little bikinis. They were a little on the curvy side. I wish I could have done that when I was their age. I could have. I looked just like them. But, in my head I was huge. And So I would put a t-shirt on before I would go walking on the beach.  I would put that t-shirt on if I was sitting up.

I was not as big as I thought I was in my mind, but it wasn't too long before I was that big. And then ironically I didn't think I was. Body image is so hard to deal with.

I would like to say that there will be a bikini in the picture again soon, but right now, I can't even think about sunburned belly so it's not going to be this summer. Maybe next year.


Have a Blessed Night.

I signed up with Run for Autism again :-)

http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/jennifer-henderson-6/RNRPhilly13


****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

jhendersonfit@gmail.com

Friday, June 28, 2013

Flashback Friday: Planning your Cheat Days

Happy Flashback Friday!

I came across this post and it's pretty much how things are right now. Today we had pizza during a lunch meeting. I knew this going in and went out to get a vegetable heavy meal instead. I came down to the beach tonight. I am going to face enough temptations. I did not need to start off feeling icky from pizza.  I'm holding out for ice cream!

Planning your Cheat Days

Happy Monday Bleeps!

Well my cousin is on the bus and headed home.  Mama Jennie is off duty now. 

She is heading off to college in two months and we did a lot of talking about preparing for what lies ahead.  College can be so exciting, but it can also be so dangerous.  I loved my years at Syracuse, but they weren't exactly the healthiest for me.  Dining hall food is not always the best option and when the food court with Burger King opened up...well forget it.  I was eating Whoppers almost every day. 

And I was wearing sweatshirts that were 2 sizes too big so it was hard to see the weight gain at first.  I love how my brain thought I would look smaller if I was swimming in the big clothes.  Sadly there came a day when I was no longer swimming. Of course this did not make me stop. I just bought even bigger clothes.

So back to my cousin, before she left this morning we discussed the bikinis.  She said that I inspired her to get one for the first time. She finally feels comfortable with her body to do that.  That's what it's all about.

I did not have to wear a bikini.  No one was forcing me to do it.  But, it's something I always ALWAYS wanted to do.  I was never in shape enough to feel comfortable doing it.  Hello, do you really think that the girl that wore XXL sweatshirts to cover up wanted to show off her body?  NOPE.

I am constantly hearing how great I am doing and how good I look, but until I could make that leap I couldn't really believe people.  Seriously, before we left for the beach I asked Keeley to be honest with me "How do I look?  Is this bad?"  Her response "Whoa where did you get that scar?"  What?  OMG I was so focused on her commenting on the stretchmarks and belly that I totally forgot about the scar.  When I was 14 I had gall stones and had my gall bladder removed.  Now way back then it was major surgery and I have the 4 inch scar to prove it.

So if all she can see is the scar, I can totally live with that.

This was a big weekend for me.  Any girl or woman (not knocking you guys really) with body image issues could feel my pain. This was not a "LOOK AT ME" moment.  This was not an in your face moment.  This was a "I am finally proud of myself moment".  It was a  "I believe in myself" moment.  The former fat girl did not have these moments.  EVER. 

For as long as I have been on this journey I should be done by now, but that's not always how it works.  I have been taking things slowly to make sure that it sticks this time. No more yo-yo'ing.  I have changed who I am and I like it. I am no longer the girl who stops for fast food every night or eats giant bowls of Easy Mac'n'Cheese for lunch. I am no longer the girl who drinks diet coke all day and night. I am no longer the girl who runs home to watch hours and hours of tv.  And I could not be prouder.

I still slip.  I am human.  But, that's why I write this blog.  I hold myself accountable.  I don't have to tell you what I eat.  I could sit here and lie to you.  But, what's the point of doing that?  I cheat every now and then.  It's to be expected.  But, I know it's cheating now and not my every day life any more.  I never claimed to be perfect.  If I was then I wouldn't still have this damn belly would I? 

This is my message from me to you: It's not going to be easy!  There will be temptations and challenges in front of you.  It's okay if you slip.  Just get back up and keep going.  If there is something you really want, then by all means plan for it and enjoy.  Cheat days are allowed. 

I knew I was going to the beach this past weekend for a month.  So I planned accordingly.  This upcoming weekend I am going down to a different beach, but this time it's for the full weekend.  This weekend has been planned for two months.  It's not a surprise.  I know we are going out and I will have some cheating, but that's why I will be good this week.  No eating out and no cake (today is cake day at work).  I pick and choose my cheats.  And I am choosing my Dirty Banana at Seacrets this weekend :-)

The difference between me and the former fat girl is that every meal was a cheat meal.  Now, it's once a week or a full weekend when the occasion arises.  I have cleansed my body of the crap though.  While my tastebuds enjoy the cheating, my body hates it.  It doesn't like the grease.  I feel sick afterwards.  So there's my motivation to limit it.

The night before the beach we were at Target.  I saw the big giant pineapple coconut ice cream that I love love LOVE.  I wanted to get it so bad.  But, I did not.  I knew I would be eating ice cream at the beach.  Then yesterday we went back to Target to get birthday cards for Grandma (Happy Birthday Grandmom Joyce!) and I saw the ice cream again.  But, I did not get it.  What I did get was the Extra Dessert gum Root Beer Float flavored.  OH HOLY HECK that is good.  No, it is not as good as a real one, but when I crave something sweet it's a good compromise.

Before I sign off, I want to thank all of you who have been sharing with me the new adventures you are embarking on.  I love hearing about it.  So here are a few shout outs:

WOO WOO to Terri and her Husband.  I want to hear all about your Kickboxing classes!

Heck yeah Heather!  She's my Partner in Crime and has signed up for a walking program at work!

Rock On Ms. Mary Ann who has joined a gym and meets with her personal trainer this week.

Holla Lisa!  For her new smaller clothes!

Have a Blessed Night.

I signed up with Run for Autism again :-)

http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/jennifer-henderson-6/RNRPhilly13



*************************************************************************
Check out my Facebook Page for Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

http://www.facebook.com/ConfessionsOfAFormerFatGir

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile

Instagram: Jennie5973 

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Hot and Humid Random Wednesday

Happy Hot and Humid Random Wednesday!

I need a Happy Hour! Last week we were talking about how long it has been since we had a team Happy Hour. I've been on the team for over a year and I haven't been to one so that oughta tell you it's been a while.  So I sent out an email to find out what day of the week is best for everyone. Then I sent out the selected date, but requested suggestions for location.

That's when it just got all sorts of cray cray. One suggestion was Plaza Azteca so that we could partake in Margaritas with chips and guacamole. Oh hello!  Another suggestion was Rock Bottom at the mall...home of my soft pretzel appetizer that I heart so much.

Basically, who cares what we are drinking...what the heck do they have for food???

*****
So yesterday Ms. Tracey and I went to the mall to walk at lunch. It was hot and humid out so we decided to go to the mall instead. We like the air conditioning as an option.

Um...we only made it through 3.5 loops...and I had sweaty pit stains. Come on!  eew.

It was still better than sitting still.

*****

Did you hear the news?  Twinkies should be back on the shelves around July 15.

I gotta say, I did enjoy a good Twinkie back in the day, but it was never my favorite. I preferred the Little Debbie Swiss Roll. And yes, I would unroll it and lick the cream off before eating the chocolate coated cake.

*****

Okay, so where do we stand on guys wearing headbands at the gym? Now I'm not talking sweatbands. I'm talking thin elastic bands that pull their hair off of their forehead. David Beckham, Tom Brady, and Mark Sanchez have all sported them.

Well there is a potential new Gym Crush, but I am undecided if this is hot or not.

The funny thing is that Monday I counted 2 more guys wearing them. It's a headband epidemic!

*****

Today I saw an article about a woman who has only drank soda since she was 15. She has only drank soda for 16 years. Guess what! She ended up in the hospital. Her heartbeat was irregular and her potassium was dangerously low.

I am pretty sure I could beat her 16 year record. possibly double it. :-(

Never too late to make a change!
*****

Today I attended a Webinar regarding Cholesterol. There was a slide on Unhealthy Trans Fatty Acids. The picture on the slide was of loaded potato skins with a side of sour cream. It was very distracting. And seriously, the dangers that she was talking about meant nothing. In that moment, if you put a potato skin in front of me I would have devoured it.
*****

Last night I ate my last piece of birthday cake while my dinner was heating in the microwave. It was a stressful day.

*****

Today was Breakfast Club day. It was and egg scramble with potato, cheese, and sausage in a biscuit. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are down to just 12 people in the club. I know of 3 who are out today. 1 is vegetarian and gets her own special dish skipping the sausage. So that means 8 people to share. I took a fairly small portion, but in my head I am screaming that I could take more. I waited it out and let my belly realize it was full. So I didn't go back for more.

I did suffer heartburn all afternoon from the meat though. Argh.

*****

So I suspect another stress fracture in my foot...argh...


Have a Blessed Night.

I signed up with Run for Autism again :-)

http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/jennifer-henderson-6/RNRPhilly13


****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

jhendersonfit@gmail.com

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Agility Part 2-Holding myself back: mentally and physically


Hello Beautiful People,

So one of the problems that I am having right now is that by the time I sit and write my blog posts I am tired and not firing on all cylinders. I know what I mean in my head, but it doesn't always translate on paper.

As a follow up to last night's post about my lack of Agility and Balance I want to say that my head knows that I'm doing well and that I will be a kick ass trainer. It's when the Former Fat Girl gets in my head that we have a problem.  As hard as I try to get rid of her she is always there lurking and creeping. 

She's scared.

Whenever I have a personal triumph or a good moment she starts whispering in my head "You can't do that and you know it." Even though I just did it. The closer and closer I get to my goals the more desperate she is getting. I would love to say that I can envision a day when she will be gone for good, but honestly I don't think she will be. And part of me hopes that she isn't. As frustrating as she can be, she is a good reminder for me. She is a reminder of what happens when you give up. She is a reminder of what happens when you eat whatever you want and lay around all day. She is a reminder of what happens when you don't believe in yourself.

Okay, so now let's talk about why I am not agile. My knee. I live in fear of the twist. Every move I make, I literally envision planting my foot and twisting my knee. I've had a couple close calls and you may remember my recap of the horrible concrete step incident of 2011, of which I still have the scars on both knees.

When we do drills with pivoting I can do it just fine...and then I am swollen and in pain for the next two days. When jumping is involved I do not give it 100 percent. It's more like 50 percent. The pounding hurts.  My body wants to try the moves, but my brain screams NO. It knows the pain that is coming later.

Last night I watched one of my favorite movies: What about Bob. I am taking two things from it. One: I am taking a vacation from my problems. haha. Two: Baby Steps. That's what I'm going to do regarding Balance and Agility. I am taking baby steps. Remember, I am still in training for the Philly Rock'N'Roll Half marathon. I cannot risk injury. I WILL NOT risk injury. But, working on the agility will also help my running. So I just have to be smart about it.

Alright kids, tonight sort of got away from me. I was late to the gym because I was having a phone therapy session with a friend tonight. The good news is that I think it helped both of us. haha. But, that was the beginning of a chain of events. I didn't get out of the shower until late. I want to go to the beach this weekend so I need to study a little before bed.

Have a Blessed Night.

I signed up with Run for Autism again :-)

http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/jennifer-henderson-6/RNRPhilly13



*************************************************************************
Check out my Facebook Page for Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

http://www.facebook.com/ConfessionsOfAFormerFatGir

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile

Instagram: Jennie5973

Monday, June 24, 2013

Agile is not my middle name

Hello my Lovelies and Gents,

Alright kids, let's talk about me. haha. Let's get down and dirty. Not that way!  Get your mind out of the gutter. My grandmother reads this for goodness sake.

I have a love hate relationship with Boot Camp. I love it for shaking up my workouts. I love it for making me step outside of my comfort zone. I hate it for making me step out of my comfort zone. I hate it for highlighting what I know I need to work on.

Most of the people who go to class and participate in the Health & Fitness challenge know that I am studying to become a personal trainer. It stresses me out when we do something that I struggle with. In general, class is after a big workout for me. It should be my day of rest. So I have been staying with the modifications for beginners. And even then there are things that I struggle with.

The whole time all I am thinking is that everyone is looking at me thinking there is no way I can be a trainer. This is something I struggle with constantly. Especially if I am having a "fat" day. Personal trainers are their very own marketing tool. If I'm not in shape, who is going to listen to me? 

I am solid. I am muscular. In my head I know that I have come so far and that I do look great. But, most days I can't see past the flaws.  I know what I still need to work on.

I have endurance. I am strong. I am somewhat flexible. I cannot balance. I am not agile.

The things that I am not good at in class involve balance and agility. I struggle. Now granted, I have tried these same exercises inside on a flat surface and I perform much better, but still not great.

There are times in class that I feel like a big giant spotlight is on me. "And now we're going to do something that is so easy for everyone except Jennie."  I know it's not true, but that is the Former Fat Girl surfacing. "They are all looking at you. Come on, you can't do this. Let's just get up and leave and go to Wendy's."

So here's the thing, I have a strong core. As soon as we turn to core work I'm all over it. Straight leg work, I'm all over it. Push ups? Give me more! There is so much in class that I can do. And I can do it better than most of the people in class. But, all I seem to focus on is what I can't do.

I have known that I need to work on my balance and agility. It's not a newsflash for me. But, it's making face it. It's time. If I were my own trainer I would be incorporating this into my workouts.  So it's time to put on my big girl pants and step out of my comfort zone.

I miss yoga class. That helped with my balance. I seem to go in cycles. I haven't had yoga in a while so it's time to bring it back. I will work on my balance. And then I will add agility exercises to the program. Who knows, if I do well, maybe next year I could be coordinating boot camp :-)

Have a Blessed Night.

I signed up with Run for Autism again :-)

http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/jennifer-henderson-6/RNRPhilly13


****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

jhendersonfit@gmail.com

Sunday, June 23, 2013

My was melting so I had to make changes

Happy Sunday Bleeps!

And a happy Sunday it is.  Many times I know what my post will be about before I start writing it. Sometimes it just takes on a life of it's own. I have had several topics that I have wanted to discuss for a little while, but 5 minutes ago I decided to change the subject.

My life has been a little crazy of late. You know that. Studying. Traveling. Training. Work. Fatigue. Stress. No time to breathe. You get the idea. Well if you've been with me for a while, you also know that I have OCD. I'm not Monk-like, but I do have my issues. I need a schedule. I need order. Well I have been put to the test these past couple of months. I suppose I did okay. And I know some of you will say that I am too hard on myself (that's for another post haha). I did okay, but I could have done better.

This weekend was my first event-free weekend since April. It was my recharge weekend. And oh man did I need it.

So what happens with my OCD if I don't have my schedule and order? My anxiety is high. Little things drive me crazy and put me in a bad mood. Most people can have clutter in their car and it won't bother them. If I had dust on my dashboard it aggravates me. Seriously. And what does it take to fix that? 30 seconds? I practically live in my car so I cannot stand when it's cluttered. I have a little dust buster so that I can vacuum it out if I have to.  Compared to other people's cars mine was still in good shape, but to me it was as if someone has been living in it for a year.

Today after church I stopped and went to the car wash...ahhh...and I vacuumed it out. Now I have a small car and I don't have children. The vacuum runs for 4 minutes. I have never timed out. I timed out today. But, I felt sooo good when I was driving home. It's seriously the little things that make a difference. This stop took 10 minutes. It helps me relax. So why the heck could I not do this before?

Yesterday I wanted to do so much. I wanted to sleep in. I wanted to get up early and go for a walk. I wanted to get up early and study then go for a walk. I wanted to clean. I wanted to do laundry. I wanted to stay in bed and read all day.  I had to decide what was most important.

Have you ever felt like your brain was melting? I have. And so I set my alarm. I would be allowed to sleep in a little, but I would not be able to lose half a day to sleep.  So I set my alarm for 9. It was a nice compromise. The problem is that I had opened my window Friday night because it was cool out and was woken at 8am. The neighbors were having a yard sale. OH COME ON!

Fine. I will use this as my reading time. So I pulled out my kindle and read for a little while.  And then I had a decision to make. I wanted to spend some time in the sun. Should I take my study books to the park and study there? Should I just plan on going for a walk (remember, no running until July...and I'm actually sticking to that :-)?  I opted for walking the neighborhood. But, first I had to finish the activity section of the chapter.

Then I grabbed my water and headed out. I was going to just do an hour, but then I thought "what the heck else am I doing besides studying today?" So I stayed out there for 90 minutes. And this was another good reward for me. My walking mile time has definitely improved. Pretty excited about that. It was also a nice reminder of what I have been training for all of this time. I have always called myself an Endurance Walker. I like to run. But, I'm not fast by any means. And that frustrates me a lot. I like when my time improves, but it's not that easy. So to remind myself of that was nice. I did a little over 6 miles and the good thing was that mile 6 was my fastest mile (my first couple are always a little slow getting started). I'm good with that.

The other fun thing is that the faster I walked, the more intune with my muscles I became. I was focusing on each one as they moved. Seriously, get out there and power walk. It incorporates so many muscles. It's a good thing.

Okay, so after my hot and sweaty walk, yes, I got a little color, but I was lotioned up so I did not burn., I finished my chapter. I did not do so well on my quiz. I was very frustrated. So I went to Starbucks. I took my kindle and sat outside with an unsweetened iced green tea. I finished my book and took the time to relax.

When I got home I went back over the quiz and started making flashcards for the areas where I need to focus. I felt a little better.

After I got my car washed today I stopped at Starbucks to study a little before coming home. I stayed for an hour. I had another green tea and then my treat when I was done studying was a tall mocha-light frappacino with peppermint to go. 130 calories!

I had planned on studying for another hour before starting my chores. I had cleaned a little yesterday, but I still had some stuff to do. But, I couldn't take it. I knew that I would not be able to sit knowing that I had stuff to do. So I flash cleaned. I gave myself an hour. I was a whirling dervish. But, I got it done and back to studying I went.

I thought about my study habits and realized they obviously weren't working for me. So I made some adjustments and completed another chapter today. And I scored a 100% on my quiz tonight. It was the WIN I needed. It gave me the boost that I needed.

I had given myself an incentive. I would like to go to the beach next weekend and hang out with a friend from college that I haven't seen in about 18 years. But, I could not go if I didn't get a lot of studying done. Basically, I finished 2 chapters this weekend. If I can get a third in by Friday then I am allowed to go. I think I can do it. And then I can relax in the sand. Because nothing, and I mean NOTHING relaxes me more than the sound of the ocean.

So this past week put me back in my routine and I was able to clean and restore order to my life for a little while. What a difference that makes.

Oh and of course I had the race on while I was studying. Tony Stewart didn't win *insert sad face*. But I still love him!  Tony Stewart CALL ME!

Have a Blessed Night.

I signed up with Run for Autism again :-)

http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/jennifer-henderson-6/RNRPhilly13



*************************************************************************
Check out my Facebook Page for Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

http://www.facebook.com/ConfessionsOfAFormerFatGir

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile

Instagram: Jennie5973

Friday, June 21, 2013

Flashback Friday: My legs are Beasts...and I heart Jake Ryan!

Happy Flashback Friday!

 
Wow...has it been a year already since this post?  This past week has been brutal on my legs. I found this post from last year and ironically it's about the same time frame. Once again we are just a couple of weeks out from the end of the Fitness Challenge.
 
Tonight is actually legs night at the gym.  It's my favorite FAVORITE workout. I heart my legs!

My legs are Beasts...and I heart Jake Ryan!


Happy Saturday!

Are you having a good weekend? I was on my laptop earlier messing around with some new playlists and I really wish I had written a post then. I am spent! I skipped the gym last night in favor of grocery shopping and cleaning the apartment so that I could go all out this weekend. I sort of forgot when I decided to do that that I had to go into work this morning for some testing. DOH! I was NOT happy when my alarm went off. NOT happy! But, I got up and sucked it up. It is extra $$$ after all.

The plan for the day was to go to work (and hopefully finish early). Then I was going to meet Weights buddy Mike at the gym. I don't think we've had a weights date since the day I bought my car...so that's over two months now. Then I was coming home for a big giant nap.

Before I even left the apartment he texted to see if I could go at 2pm instead. Damn...there goes my nap. So I came home and knocked a bunch of things off of my To Do list (my new 13.1 sticker came for the new car...I had my pink one on it, but I don't love the pink on blue...my new one has a daisy as the "."...ahhhh). I was pretty happy.

I got to the gym and was trying to decide my Plan B. Gym Buddy Mike had planned on chest and shoulders. He couldn't make it so I was on my own. Today would be a good Leg day, but I have to be careful.

I started on the bike. I killed it! 8 miles in 30 minutes...with hills. Please note that with all of this biking this week my tush hurts...and I'm trying to figure out how to delicately mention that during my stretching session without feeling awkward...although, I am fairly proud of the tush!

Next up: Torso Rotation time! Why you ask? Because I am hitting the beach the next two weeks....and the bikinis have been purchased (and I am not posting a picture until I have a tan...I took a test shot and the whiteness was frightening). Now, I reserve the right to chicken out and wear the tankini (but, the first weekend is at the Jersey Shore and well quite frankly I'll see much worse than me walking around).

After the Torso Rotation it was time for the Hip Abduction (thighs) machines. I started with the inner thigh. I always think of my pal Michele when I do these machines. She and I would rock them at the gym in Charlotte. Well, I thought we did. We maxed out at 90 lbs together. Last week I hit 130...and today I bumped it up to 150. HELL YEAH! My legs are Beasts!

So then I moved to the outer thigh. I started with 150 for 3 sets. It was feeling a little easy. Dare I? I dare! I upped it to 170lbs. And I rocked it! HOLY CRAP! Since the fitness competition started I moved up 80lbs on that machine. I will not be able to walk tomorrow (but I'm getting stretched so that's cool...he just doesn't know yet that he'll probably have to carry me around the apartment when he's done haha).

I was so freakin impressed! I always knew that my legs were strong and awesome, but with all of the running and walking they have really thinned out. So that's the crazy part. They are thinner and stronger now. WOO WOO!

Next up was the Butt Machine. I have been keeping it steady at 75lbs. I can do much more with my right leg, but my left leg is my bad knee and it screams past 75. Today I put it at 80. In exchange for it's cooperation I promised elevation and a good icing tonight. AHHHH....

Before I got on the treadmill for my last 30 of the day, I went over to the mats and stretched. I figured that it would not be a good thing if I could not walk down the stairs to open the door tomorrow.

So I had a bunch of things planned for tonight, but alas I spent 2 hours giving myself a mani/pedi and watching Sixteen Candles...and I don't regret a single moment of that! How delicious is Jake Ryan? He is still my all time favorite movie crush..sigh...

I know you are asking yourself how the shin splints are going..well they hurt yesterday! I was worried about them today, but so far I barely feel them. What I do feel is that pain in my foot again. :-( I really need to take some rest time soon. Only two and a half weeks until this Competition ends...will I make it?

Have a Blessed Night.

I signed up with Run for Autism again :-)

http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/jennifer-henderson-6/RNRPhilly13


****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

jhendersonfit@gmail.com

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Random Wednesday: Lynch Mobs, Training, and Temptations

Happy Random Wednesday!  HOLLA!!!

 Alright kids, tonight was my first official distance training day for the next Half. I have arranged to skip lunch on Wednesdays and leave early to get extra time in at night. I miss Bible Study already (it's on hiatus for the summer), but this is a nice way to spend my time.

Tonight I walked 8 miles. I am keeping to my No Running until July rules. It was hard though. When I got on the treadmill no one was around me. And then runners came out of the woodwork and surrounded me. #CRUEL I forced myself to stick to the program though. Go me!

Anyway, since that was my night all I really want to do is veg out..

*****

DOH! I totally forgot to wish my Grandmom Joyce a happy birthday yesterday. She is 82 yrs young and reads my blog faithfully. Woo Woo Grandmom!  She is one of my biggest supporters and cheerleaders and I am forever grateful. Plus, she's passed down these fabulous genes!  HOLLA!

*****

This morning was breakfast club....supposedly. The person who had this week was out of the office today and had not swapped with anyone. A lynch mob quickly formed and if I were him I might lay low for the next few days. Assuming a new identity and moving to Canada would not be overreacting.

Holla to Ms. Liz who offered to go to Panera for us. So I got my egg white mediterranean sandwich. Yum.

*****

I forgot to mention a few things in yesterday's post.

I have been with my company for over 6 years now. The first 5 were extremely stressful every day. I mean EVERY day. My client was very demanding. I couldn't breathe most days. This past year I took on a new role. It was a nice change. I was still busy, but I didn't want to pull my hair out every day. I could breathe. 

Well right around the time when my Crazy busy weekends started it started to get crazy busy at work too. So in addition to my crazy off time schedule, I haven't even been able to breathe at work.

And to clarify, I'm not tired because of all of my workouts. I'm tired because my days of rest are not restful. :-(  I'm not getting the down time I need...but I plan on sleeping in on Saturday so Holla!  I am willing to sleep through until Sunday if that helps.

*****

I saw a picture on instagram a couple weeks ago that intrigued me.  A former Biggest Loser contestant put up a picture of frozen tasty treat. Dole has come up with a dark chocolate dipped sliced banana.

I found a coupon...and I bought a box.

My first taste wasn't exciting, but I had let it thaw a little too much. It was much better the next night.

*****

I do not have any big plans for the next two weekends. YEAH!  And then I got an offer. A friend from college will be down at the beach in two weeks. I haven't seen her in forever. I want to go!

Immediately I got scolded because I should be studying. Thank you Mama MaryAnn. haha. So now that is my incentive. If I can get to a certain spot then I am allowed to go. Otherwise, it's me and the library.

*****

Tomorrow is a company wide potluck at work. I am opting to go to Subway for lunch. I simply do not trust myself to make wise decisions with all of that temptation.

Sometimes the best choice is to remove yourself from temptation.

*****

So one of the best parts about moving where I did back in November was that I would pass a Bruster's Ice Cream/Nathan's hot dog stand often. I was waiting patiently for it to open for the season...but it's become very clear that it is never opening again....booooo

*****

Have a Blessed Night.

I signed up with Run for Autism again :-)

http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/jennifer-henderson-6/RNRPhilly13



*************************************************************************
Check out my Facebook Page for Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

http://www.facebook.com/ConfessionsOfAFormerFatGir

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile

Instagram: Jennie5973

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

They had this really fat chick on stage with them, but man could she sing.

Hello my Lovelies and Gents,

So I couldn't decide what to talk about tonight. There were some things that I forgot to mention in last night's post, but I'll put them in Random Wednesday tomorrow.

I did arms tonight so I'm a little sore...so this may be a little quick. haha.

I've already established that I am a huge sports fan. I am generally watching a game every night #donttakeespnawayfromme.  I have mentioned that I listen to ESPN radio on my way in to work every morning (and while I am at work too). I prefer national shows to local shows.  I don't really like some of the local guys, but I still listen to them on my way home to find out what I missed during the day.

On my way home tonight two guys were discussing music and concerts. Cause you know I turn into these shows to listen to former baseball players talk about their favorite concerts. Get to the good stuff guys!  Anyway, one of the guys was mentioning that the song that was playing was the best song that he has ever heard at a concert. It was a Rolling Stones song. "They had this really fat chick on stage with them, but man could she sing."

Hold the phones!  WTF! A) what was the point of that? B) why is he so surprised that a fat person can sing? C) What an A-Hole!

I'm sorry, you know don't get cross on here, but that really fired me up. Why is it acceptable to say that? Let's just substitute other adjectives could be used if the situation was different:

"They had this really brown eyed chick on stage with them, but man she could sing."

"They had this really gay chick on stage with them, but man she could sing."

"They had this chick with one arm on stage with them, but man she could sing."

"They had this really tall on stage with them, but man she could sing."

"They had this really bald on stage with them, but man she could sing."

"They had this real Asian chick on stage with them, but man she could sing." 

Nope, can't see that happening. But, calling out a woman, who he obviously remembers as talented, for her weight it totally acceptable. Except that it's not. It's So not!

What does her weight have to do with her ability to sing? Nothing.  Why did he have to use "fat" to describe her at all?  Someone can get in trouble for commenting on someone's race or sexuality, and yet the negative connotation associated with being overweight is perfectly fine.  That's just wrong.

Here's a tip: Unless I specifically ask you how much someone weighs, I don't need that description.  Stick to their talents and accomplishments.  Thank you.

I think I'll be listening to music on my way home for a while.

Have a Blessed Night.

I signed up with Run for Autism again :-)

http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/jennifer-henderson-6/RNRPhilly13


****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

jhendersonfit@gmail.com

Monday, June 17, 2013

My head has not been in the game lately...

Happy Monday Bleeps,

Well it's over. My whirlwind busy 8 million weekends in a row is coming to a close...thank goodness. I don't have anything planned this weekend except for church and studying...ahhhh.

To put into perspective how much I've been travelling: I had my oil changed on May 10. It is 38 days later and I am 400 miles from my next one. WHAT?  I have driven 2600 miles in 5 weeks. I need some time off.

Before I mentioned that something would need to take a back seat so that I didn't lose my mind. I hate that it became the blog. It was not intentional. I just got busy. And my weekends turned into computer free weekends for my sanity. And I gotta say: LOVED IT!

What I didn't love was how I let things get out of control. I may not have blogged, but I also didn't really get to do a lot of good grocery shopping either. When it came down to it, I chose working out over grocery shopping. My meals were hurried and didn't include as many vegetables as I would have liked.  So that meant that I had to take my multivitamin. I don't like to take them because they um...bind me. Argh.

I still resisted the temptation of stopping for dinner on my way home and for that I am proud, but my choices of food could have been better. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to stop for fries though. Argh.

Confession time: I have been hitting the frozen pieces of birthday cake that I brought back with me. I'm mad. They have been tasty. But, I have been stressed. And when I'm stressed, I eat. And I like my cake. I like my chocolate. I like my chocolate cake.

If I wasn't having cake I might find myself grabbing a candy bar at the check out. I would tell myself to get the small portion and make it dark chocolate, but that didn't make it better. Why? Because I would inhale it in the car.  This would only happen once a week, but it might as well have been every day. I immediately felt guilt and shame. The former fat girl won.  The scary thing is that there is a little high I get when I eat the chocolate...followed immediately by the shame, but the high is there and undeniable.

So yes, I have been stressed and tired. Very tired. Friday as I was leaving work I was asked if I was sick. Um..no. Great.

Yesterday was the Father's Day and I was signed up for the Father's Day 5K at the beach. I was originally scheduled to run it with a friend and his family, but he wasn't able to make it.  I had already signed up for it otherwise I would have skipped it.

It wasn't my best time. But, it wasn't my worst. My heart just wasn't in it. My time peaked back in early May and my head has not been in the game the past few races. Just too much going on. My body is tired. My brain is tired.  I actually made a deal with myself during the race yesterday: If I had my personal best I would be done for the summer. hahaha. I finished with a time that was my average for 2013. And I'll be happy with that. My legs were tight from my legs night on Friday. I had planned on walking on Saturday, but sleeping in won out and then it became apparent why that was the plan as I was running.

When I said that my head was not in the game I meant it. I even had the thought that I didn't know how I was going to do the Half Marathon in September. It's not because I don't want to. It's not because I don't think that I can do it. It's because I am too tired to train right now. 

So tonight at the gym I declared that I am not running for the rest of June. Ha...well that's what I say. Let's hope that I can hold myself to it. Tonight I walked for an hour. And then I stopped at the grocery store on my way home and loaded my basket with vegetables.

I know I had the tools to behave a little better over the past couple of months and I'm disappointed in myself, but it could have been a lot worse. A lot worse. I am disappointed that I couldn't stop the Former Fat Girl on so many occasions: choosing not to workout...going out to eat...eating the cake. But, I kept her semi-controlled. And now it's time to get back on track.

Sorry if this was choppy...still tired and need some sleep.

Have a Blessed Night.

I signed up with Run for Autism again :-)

http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/jennifer-henderson-6/RNRPhilly13



*************************************************************************
Check out my Facebook Page for Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

http://www.facebook.com/ConfessionsOfAFormerFatGir

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile

Instagram: Jennie5973

Friday, June 14, 2013

Flashback Friday: Food as Fuel

Welcome back Flashback Friday!

I didn't get a chance to post last night because I left work to beat the storm home. I skipped out on Boot Camp. I got home in record time and hit just a little rain. Since I am about to go away for the 7th weekend in a row I sort have some housekeeping to do last night. It spontaneously errupted so I went with it. The good news is that I have clean clothes for this weekend. haha.

So this is one of my favorite posts. Changing how I look at food has really changed my life. Sure I still have weak moments, but for the most part I do well. Thankfully.

Food as Fuel

Hello my Lovelies and Gents,

Okay, it's time to get tough. Yesterday I was picking up a few groceries and I saw the usual scene. A very large couple walking by pushing their cart. The cart was full of CRAP. Cheese puffs. Tasty cakes. Soda. Frozen pizzas. Doritos. Sugary cereals. Oreos (although I can't really blame them on that). Bags of frozen hot wings. Ice cream.

I really wanted to pull them aside and ask them why they were doing that to themselves.

Seriously, there was NOTHING nutritional in there. They are filling their bodies with crap and it shows. And really, most of the stuff is there just to eat. It serves no purpose. Let's face it. You are never going to fill up on Cheese puffs. If anything, you'll make yourself sick, but you'll never have that one and say "Wow, I am really full now. That did the trick."

Want a wake up call? Check out the calories on the back of a frozen pizza. And remember that it's per SERVING. It ain't pretty. Now tell me how many slices you eat? Come on, you can polish off a full frozen pizza. We all know it. Been there. Done that.

Watching them push the cart made me so sad. I remembered that cart. I used to have that cart. It took me back to times when I really didn't believe in myself and I hid behind food. Filling up on empty calories is just stupid. Why do it?

So how did I change things? I stopped thinking of food as fun and started realizing that it's fuel for my body. With the right fuel I can do so much more. If it's not going to fill me up, I don't eat it.

Remember my new car? I still heart it! Well there was a discussion about gas. There is a gas station by me that has notoriously low pricing. I went there once. And you know what? It did not last me nearly as long as other gas stations. It was bad gas. No wonder it's cheap. I generally frequent the wawa gas stations. They aren't as low as that one, but tend to be the lowest in the area. Well that horrified my uncles. My cousin was having a trouble with her car and the first thing that was asked was "where do you buy gas?" The answer was Wawa. "Don't Do That!". They are not responsible for their own gas. They buy from others. So it's cheap. *Please note, I still very much heart Wawa as a store, I have just opted out of the gas portion*

So I have been paying the extra couple cents a gallon and you know what? That's lasting even longer. It's worth the extra money to make my car run smoother and better.

Well it's the same with food. If you think of food as fuel, then when you are feeding yourself the right fuel, you'll run better. I feel like crap when I indulge in greasy food now. And it sure as heck makes the treadmill a nightmare when that happens. I feel like a rock is in my belly and I burp the whole time. When I eat right, I feel much better and can workout much longer.

So often I hear "Eating healthy is so expensive" Well, in a way it is, but it's so worth it. There are ways to make it work though. Are you responsible for your own food? Or do you rely on others? It really does make a difference. It takes some getting used to, but cooking for yourself instead of eating out is so much better. It makes you accountable for yourself. There are no hidden ingredients. You know exactly what you are putting into your body.

Do you eat only when you are hungry? Or do you eat out of habit? The other day I was sitting in my room reading and just itching to hit the kitchen cabinets. I don't keep junk anymore. If I'm hungry I have peanut butter and crackers or carrots and hummus. But, if I'm not really hungry, then I just have some gum and a glass of water.

Okay kids, I need to pack my gym bag for tomorrow...I need to decide what to wear for boot camp (and yes, I remembered to shave tonight :-)

Have a Blessed Night.

I signed up with Run for Autism again :-)

http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/jennifer-henderson-6/RNRPhilly13


****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

jhendersonfit@gmail.com

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Return of Random Wednesday

Happy Random Wednesday Yo!

Funny how all week I think "Oh that would be good for Random Wednesday" and yet when it's here I got nothing. haha.

*****
I read my first Danielle Steele book my freshman year in college. If you have never read one she sets a lot of the stories in Carmel, CA...I loved them because they made me think of Caramel and I thought it would be the best place to live.

*****
 A couple of weekends ago we had cousin Kim's Baby shower. I blew out my belly to look just like her. I thought I was close, but she said my belly was still flat. I think pregnancy affects her eyes. I was practically her twin.

*****

This week has been a little busy and stressful at work.  Ms. Liz was in Orientation the past two days. That meant that we could actually eat lunch together. Since we usually cover each other's lunch. She wanted to go to Wegman's and well...YES! 

As we walked in I saw the two pack of Black & White cookies...HELLO LOVER!  As we were walking around that's all I could think of. "If I bought the two pack of cookies would you share with me?" She said yes. YEAH!

There was one chocolate cookie and one vanilla cookie. I wanted the vanilla. It was good. But, it was just frosting on the top. Not the hard frosting. It was okay, but I was mad that I wasted my treat on something not fantastic!

*****

Oh so a fun thing happened at the Baby Shower. I was recognized!  Haha. Cousin Kim has been one of my biggest supporters and many of you have found me through her. At the end of the shower we were taking pictures and one of the girls called me by my name. I had a slight panic that I couldn't remember her name...but it turns out she reads my blog. So shout out to Bridget!

And another shout out to Cousin Kim who is ready to pop that little girl in the next few weeks and is still going strong with Zumba. Seriously, from behind you can't even tell that she's preggers.I hate her. Just kidding. I heart her!

*****

So you may have noticed that I haven't been watching Extreme Makeover Weightloss edition. I honestly am enjoying my Show-free summer. It's quite freeing not to be tied to a tv show. ahhh...

*****

Tonight a Nascar driver, Jason Leffler, was in a serious on track accident. He is in critical condition. Please keep him in your prayers. The picture of the car is horrifying.

*****

Tomorrow is Boot Camp...we are expecting rain...that means it's inside. Ick. Hot and no air. I would rather go to the gym, but I will be a big girl and come to class...and one up Fitness Challenge Arch Nemesis Ryan. He's outta town. #MorePointsForMe!

*****
 
Time to update that playlist. As always, here is the list of the top 10 new Workout Songs.  Enjoy.

Here's the full list, according to votes placed at Run Hundred--the web's most popular workout music blog.
David Guetta, Ne-Yo & Akon - Play Hard - 130 BPM
Jason Derulo - The Other Side - 128 BPM
Jennifer Lopez & Pitbull - Live It Up - 128 BPM
Robin Thicke, T.I. & Pharrell - Blurred Lines - 121 BPM
Emeli Sande - Next to Me - 95 BPM
Taylor Swift - 22 - 105 BPM
Porter Robinson & Mat Zo - Easy (Radio Edit) - 128 BPM
Maroon 5 - Love Somebody - 121 BPM
Fergie, Q-Tip & GoonRock - A Little Party Never Killed Nobody (All We Got) - 130 BPM
Carly Rae Jepsen & Nicki Minaj - Tonight I'm Getting Over You (Remix) - 126 BPM
To find more workout songs, folks can check out the free database at RunHundred.com. Visitors can browse the song selections there by genre, tempo, and era—to find the music that best fits with their particular workout routine.

Have a Blessed Night.

I signed up with Run for Autism again :-)

http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/jennifer-henderson-6/RNRPhilly13



*************************************************************************
Check out my Facebook Page for Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

http://www.facebook.com/ConfessionsOfAFormerFatGir

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile

Instagram: Jennie5973 

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Spandex and Sports Bras

Hello Beautiful People,

Do you know what one of my least favorite things to do is?  It's trying on spandex running pants...ugh...followed closely by trying on sports bras. Neither are fun. And fitting room mirrors are SO not forgiving.

This weekend we made a run to Kohl's. I needed new bath towels. I also wanted to check out their running shorts and sports bras. If there was a good sale then I was in. Just about everything in the store was on sale.

I have a lot of workout shorts. Up until this year I haven't had a problem. But, now that I'm running more I have the ride-up issue. I spend most of my running time pulling them back down. It's distracting and annoying. I have one pair of spandex shorts that I wear to run in and I like them.  And so I made the decision to try some on...oh fun!

I took 6 pairs in to the fitting room. Some were longer (to my knee) and some came midway down my thigh. Some were mediums and some were larges. I didn't know what to expect. I liked the first pair I tried on. They were a pair of large shorts. I felt comfy in them and I could move easily.  After that I wasn't in love. Some of the medium pants seemed too big. What?  I know it's the cut that is different, but that was still weird and a tad pleasing.

So I put the shorts in the cart and moved on. Before we left I ran back to try on sports bras. Well I couldn't do it right after the spandex...I am not that strong. The sports bras they had were sized by S, M, and L. Um...well I prefer ones that are the size and cup size, but okay let's try some on. The majority were low impact. They are not made for my boobs. No way, no how.

I found a Large and took that in. It was not fun to get into. I like the ones that I can hook. Thank goodness I am good at yoga because I had to contort my body to get into it. And it was awful. I did the bounce test in the fitting room and my girls were bopping all over the place. Um..no.  Could it be? Should I try on a medium?

I didn't see any in the brand that I had tried (it was a big sale day and the racks were a mess....and most were "low impact"). But, as I was walking away I found some similar ones of another brand...and plenty of medium. Do I really want to go back into the fitting room? NO. Should I just get it? What if it doesn't fit? I don't live by a Kohl's anymore. It'll take effort to return it. Just do it.

Okay so when we got to the register there were three of us pulling out our items from the cart. Mom said to just leave mine and she would  pay for it, but I said no. Just as I was getting ready to head to the register I remembered my shorts. Mom said she would get them.

Cut to the living room when we are emptying the bags. No shorts. Um...what? They were in the middle of the cart. Items that were below them and above them were purchased...where were they? They were not on the receipt either.

Are you freaking kidding me?  I tried on how much spandex and I didn't even have anything to show for it! BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

Grandmom suggested that we stop on the way home. And we did. By some miracle I found them back on the rack (or their identical twin) and we headed out. The bonus was that the cashier gave grandmom an extra $5 coupon. Woo Woo.

And so tonight I went to the gym wearing my new shorts and my new sports bra. I was able to get in the bra, but I felt very self conscious. I felt like the girls were going to pop out at any moment. Oh they were in there and the bounce test was successful, but this one is a little more revealing than I like my sports bras to be. I like the girls duct taped in there. I like the turtle neck sports bras...the ones that they will NEVER pop out of.   So basically I drove to the the gym and ran on the treadmill touching my hands to my breasts every 5 minutes making sure they were still in there. I'm so silly. The good news is that I absolutely loved the cut of the bra. It wasn't two straps. It had the cross in the back. That made my shoulders feel good. A lot less pressure. The bad news is that it took me 20 minutes to contort out of it. I was so close to showering in it, but I eventually got out...and I didn't even need to dislocate anything to do it.

I know you are on the edge of your seat wondering about the shorts. I LOVE them. Love them. The good news is that they are a tiny bit big. I shouldn't have tried on spandex during a vacation when I didn't get all of my workouts in and I had a few cheat meals the days leading up to it. Oh don't worry, they aren't falling down on me.

But, here's the interesting thing. They aren't technically spandex. they are more cottony. And you know how spandex usually sucks you in and molds you?  Well these just stick to my natural butt...and it looks fantastic!  Standing there. I was suddenly very conscious of the material as I ran. Did I have butt jiggle? Ugh. I think I was okay though...but, I'll never know cause I ain't ever gonna be looking at my butt while I run...and anyone who takes video of it and tries to show it to me is TOAST!

Have a Blessed Night.

I signed up with Run for Autism again :-)

http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/jennifer-henderson-6/RNRPhilly13


****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

jhendersonfit@gmail.com

Monday, June 10, 2013

Hurricanes, Tornado warnings, and Floods...it's been a fun week

Happy Monday Bleeps!

Wow, okay so I got some rest...but, I also had a pretty busy week. I'm way behind on posts. Sorry about that.

On Wednesday I got some studying in. YEAH!  I took the day off from work to study. Otherwise I knew I would resent my vacation if I didn't get to study during it. I gave myself an incentive. If I could finish my chapter I could go have dinner with the nephew...oh like I'm going to pass that up.

So I studied at the library, went out to lunch, then headed to Starbucks to finish studying.  I did it! That meant that I could go see nephew.  I stayed a little later than I had planned and still had to pack and do some laundry when I got home. 

Day two of my vacation I was once again up early. But, I had to get on the road. I was picking up Grandmom and then heading down to my mom's where we would get more time with nephew. We had hoped to go to the pool for the day, but the hurricane making it's way up the coast was having none of that.

The next day after they left to go back to Florida I pulled out my study books and got an hour in before I fell into a coma. It was a good time.

Saturday morning I woke up and went straight to the fitness center. I wanted to go for a run on the paths around the lake, but it was still pretty wet out there. I settled for the treadmill...facing the beige wall. It actually made me a little nauseous. Without anything to focus on I had a really hard time...plus the lady on the elliptical next to me used a hundred lysol wipes on the machine and was making me gag.

I wanted more. I needed more. I was feeling very lazy (although my nephew weights 18lbs and I used him as my weights all week). But, physically I was ready to throw up from the focus and smell. Plus I got a text to meet some friends for lunch so I had to go shower.

That night I studied a little more when I got home. We had planned on watching a movie. And I really wanted to. But, I decided to study more that night. I needed the studying more than I needed the laughing. I finished reading the chapter. Go me!

I had hoped to get to the fitness center on Sunday, but I got up for the early Church service and then we went shopping before it was time to pack up and head home. Once again, I needed the workout, but OH how I needed to get to Church more. I love this church and am never disappointed. Honestly, I love it so much I would almost consider moving just to go there every week.

I cry a lot in Church and I was feeling so lost and unhinged that I knew it would be super emotional for me so I packed tissues. I lost it once. They were presenting a gift to the graduates and talking about God being there during every transition in life.  I was thinking about the changes that will be coming in my life and well...I got very sappy.

So needless to say I was desperate for a workout tonight. I was all prepared for a good run. But, there were two problems: 1) my knees have been sore all week...thank you very much storm pressure...argh 2) tornado warnings and flood watches. I had planned on going to the gym and just putting in a quick run while the traffic died down, but I got some texts that I should leave work early and head home. The flooding was bad and I have a long drive.   And so I did. I had hoped to get in some upper body weights, but I decided that this was God's way of giving me another study night. So I took it.  But, tomorrow I run!

I hate that I didn't get my workouts in. Hate it. But, oh man did I need this decompress time. I only got on the computer a couple of times and honestly, it got to the point where I couldn't remember what day it was...they were blending together. It was nice. I gave my body and brain the physical rests they needed, but now it's time to get back to work.

There is so much more to tell you about. I want to share my food choices and my shopping adventures...hopefully tomorrow will be a good night for blogging.

Have a Blessed Night.

I signed up with Run for Autism again :-)

http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/jennifer-henderson-6/RNRPhilly13



*************************************************************************
Check out my Facebook Page for Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

http://www.facebook.com/ConfessionsOfAFormerFatGir

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile

Instagram: Jennie5973 

Monday, June 3, 2013

Sweating out the Stress

Happy Monday Bleeps,

Well it was a wild and wacky weekend. I'm a little zapped. I didn't quite get everything done that I had hoped. I did have fun though. But, that doesn't mean that I didn't stress out.

My plan for Saturday was to get up early and run to Target, Best Buy, and Old Navy. I wanted to take some stuff back to Old Navy and pick up some baby stuff for cousin Kim's Baby shower and for nephew's visit. I also wanted to hit up Best Buy to pick up a new iPod nano since they were on sale.

As I was leaving the gym, I got a call from my Aunt asking if we were doing a 5K in the morning. I had forgotten all about it. I mentioned it a month ago and we thought about it, but I never registered. Well they were driving down from the Poconos so I was in.

I'll talk more about the race itself later. I'm way tired right now and there was too much to talk about. It was for Pancreatic cancer and so very inspiring....it was also so very VERY hot.

We ran to the stores after the race, but you know I'm not moving at full speed. I had made sure I drank a buttload of water before, during, and after the race. The good news is that I was not dehydrated. That was a water miracle. The bad news is that I had to pee every 10 minutes. I'll take it though. That was way better than the alternative.

I got everything I needed and after a quick bite to eat I could finally get home fore a shower. Good thing too cause I STUNK. Ick.

I got in about 15 minutes of studying before I needed to leave to meet my family for dinner. We were going to Plaza Azteca...gimme some guacamole!

I don't remember what time I got home, but skinny margaritas had been consumed, so there would be no studying.

My plan for church and/or studying went out the window Sunday morning. I had such a sore neck Saturday night that I couldn't move. It was hard to get up Sunday. So my day started late. Luckily grandmom has bagels set up. We were all meeting there before heading to the Baby Shower.

The shower was lovely and I will tell you all about that later also (I just downloaded the pictures I took so I have lots to share).

I got home late and was too fried to study. Sound familiar?

Well this morning as I sat in traffic I had a small anxiety attack. I love my family and I enjoyed my time with them, but I didn't get to do what I needed. Argh. I need to make things better.

I am going away on Thursday for the weekend. We are going to visit with nephew for a couple of days. then after he leaves I plan on studying for a couple of days. I hope to. I have told everyone that is what I need to do. But, to be safe I took an extra day off. I have Wednesday off now. I have less chance of something coming up if everyone else is at work. So I shall go study. And if I do a good job then I can go see nephew for dinner. Now that's incentive!

I felt better once I made this decision....ahhh. And tonight I took out all of my frustration on the treadmill. I had my personal best for 5 miles. YEAH! I was a monster sweat pile. I could actually squeeze sweat out of my pigtail...ewww.

Okay, so I was stressed. I was anxious. I needed to breathe. I took the steps to make it happen and then I took out some frustration through exercise. That was way better than attacking the sweets....which is pretty much all that I have wanted to do for weeks.  This weekend got totally away from me. Some wise choices were made...and some not so wise choices. But, the important thing is that I am moving forward and not wallowing in them. I hate when I lose control, but that's life. It's how you recover from it that matters though. And I'm aiming for a WIN.

Alright kids, my body is beat. Until tomorrow...

ps-Yes, Tony Stewart won the race at Dover yesterday...and I was not there to help celebrate sniff sniff...I heart him. Tony Stewart Call Me!


Have a Blessed Night.

I signed up with Run for Autism again :-)

http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/jennifer-henderson-6/RNRPhilly13


****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

jhendersonfit@gmail.com