Monday, June 17, 2013

My head has not been in the game lately...

Happy Monday Bleeps,

Well it's over. My whirlwind busy 8 million weekends in a row is coming to a close...thank goodness. I don't have anything planned this weekend except for church and studying...ahhhh.

To put into perspective how much I've been travelling: I had my oil changed on May 10. It is 38 days later and I am 400 miles from my next one. WHAT?  I have driven 2600 miles in 5 weeks. I need some time off.

Before I mentioned that something would need to take a back seat so that I didn't lose my mind. I hate that it became the blog. It was not intentional. I just got busy. And my weekends turned into computer free weekends for my sanity. And I gotta say: LOVED IT!

What I didn't love was how I let things get out of control. I may not have blogged, but I also didn't really get to do a lot of good grocery shopping either. When it came down to it, I chose working out over grocery shopping. My meals were hurried and didn't include as many vegetables as I would have liked.  So that meant that I had to take my multivitamin. I don't like to take them because they um...bind me. Argh.

I still resisted the temptation of stopping for dinner on my way home and for that I am proud, but my choices of food could have been better. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to stop for fries though. Argh.

Confession time: I have been hitting the frozen pieces of birthday cake that I brought back with me. I'm mad. They have been tasty. But, I have been stressed. And when I'm stressed, I eat. And I like my cake. I like my chocolate. I like my chocolate cake.

If I wasn't having cake I might find myself grabbing a candy bar at the check out. I would tell myself to get the small portion and make it dark chocolate, but that didn't make it better. Why? Because I would inhale it in the car.  This would only happen once a week, but it might as well have been every day. I immediately felt guilt and shame. The former fat girl won.  The scary thing is that there is a little high I get when I eat the chocolate...followed immediately by the shame, but the high is there and undeniable.

So yes, I have been stressed and tired. Very tired. Friday as I was leaving work I was asked if I was sick. Um..no. Great.

Yesterday was the Father's Day and I was signed up for the Father's Day 5K at the beach. I was originally scheduled to run it with a friend and his family, but he wasn't able to make it.  I had already signed up for it otherwise I would have skipped it.

It wasn't my best time. But, it wasn't my worst. My heart just wasn't in it. My time peaked back in early May and my head has not been in the game the past few races. Just too much going on. My body is tired. My brain is tired.  I actually made a deal with myself during the race yesterday: If I had my personal best I would be done for the summer. hahaha. I finished with a time that was my average for 2013. And I'll be happy with that. My legs were tight from my legs night on Friday. I had planned on walking on Saturday, but sleeping in won out and then it became apparent why that was the plan as I was running.

When I said that my head was not in the game I meant it. I even had the thought that I didn't know how I was going to do the Half Marathon in September. It's not because I don't want to. It's not because I don't think that I can do it. It's because I am too tired to train right now. 

So tonight at the gym I declared that I am not running for the rest of June. Ha...well that's what I say. Let's hope that I can hold myself to it. Tonight I walked for an hour. And then I stopped at the grocery store on my way home and loaded my basket with vegetables.

I know I had the tools to behave a little better over the past couple of months and I'm disappointed in myself, but it could have been a lot worse. A lot worse. I am disappointed that I couldn't stop the Former Fat Girl on so many occasions: choosing not to workout...going out to eat...eating the cake. But, I kept her semi-controlled. And now it's time to get back on track.

Sorry if this was choppy...still tired and need some sleep.

Have a Blessed Night.

I signed up with Run for Autism again :-)

http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/jennifer-henderson-6/RNRPhilly13



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http://www.facebook.com/ConfessionsOfAFormerFatGir

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

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