Friday, August 30, 2013

Flashback Friday: Diet Is a Four-Letter Word

Flashback Friday:  Diet Is a Four-Letter Word

Now that I'm not crazy busy with studying I will be cutting back on my Flashback Friday's to once a month, but I couldn't this week go without acknowledging something. I almost missed it. The day after I passed my exam was my 2 year anniversary with the Blog. It's kind of cool how that worked out. 

Wow, two years.  So much has happened. I thought I had changed my life so much when I started the blog. Little did I know just how much more I was in for in such a short time.  In two weeks I will compete in my 5th Half Marathon. I am now legally certified to physically train people for working out. The only thing left now is for Tony Stewart to finally call me!  Hey Tony, CALL ME! :-)

So in honor of Flashback Friday I thought I would go back to the beginning. This is the first post that started it all.

Diet Is a Four-Letter Word

 Just like every fat girl has a skinny girl trying to get out, I have a fat story trying to get out.  They say "write what you know". Well I know fat.

My entire life I have been at war with my weight.  I've won a few battles, but mostly my evil enemy has beaten me time and time again. I am finally winning, but I still have a long road ahead of me.  So here is my story:

My name is Jennie.  I am 38 years old.  I have been overweight for as long as I can remember.  Although I recently saw a picture of me when I was about five years old and I was as skinny as can be.  That made me cry.  In grade-school and high-school I was just overweight.  When I went off to college I started to get fat.  I apparently liked the freshman fifteen so much that I repeated it every year.  Since college it's been a roller coaster and it's been mostly up hill.  I did have a few years when I dropped down.  I spent one year working in NYC and walked everywhere.  I looked pretty good then, but still couldn't lose the belly. As soon as I left, I ballooned up again.

Six years ago things changed for me.  I had just suffered serious heartbreak and my office-mate was preparing to get married.  So to support her I joined the gym with her through work.  I'll discuss that first week later, because that was a hoot. I became addicted.  We initially started going together and then I was going every day on my own.  I couldn't get enough.  The weight was coming off and I was feeling good.  What I didn't know then is that I was still a moron when it came to nutrition.  I could have lost so much more if only I had eaten right.  I wasn't eating horrible, I just wasn't eating what I should.

Fast forward a couple years and there was a follow-up heartbreak.  This one was even worse.  I couldn't breathe anymore and I had to move back north.  That meant leaving my gym. So here I was heartbroken and without a gym.  I walked as much as I could for the first couple months and seemed to be doing well.  And then then not so much.  The weight started to come back.  Great!  Now I was heartbroken and fat again.  I made the decision in November to start the South Beach Diet.  Because it's always best to start a new diet routine right before Thanksgiving.  But I was seeing results. I couldn't believe it.  Sure, I thought I was going to die and go into sugar-withdrawal, but it was making a difference.

So I had seen results with the gym and I had seen results with nutrition, but not together.  I'm still working on that.  It's been almost 4 years since then and I've been up and down so many times.  My emotions take over and I can't help it.

I am hoping that this journey together will help.  I am hoping it will help me heal and maybe help others to know they aren't alone.  If I can help inspire one person change their lifestyle then it will be a victory well won :-)

Have a Blessed Night.

Check out my Facebook Page for Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile

Instagram: Jennie5973

Fundraising for

Thursday, August 29, 2013

My first client: Myself

Happy Thursday My Lovelies and Gents,

Well here it is...the last Boot Camp. I am happy and I am sad.

I am happy because that means Yoga is coming!  I am sad because that means Boot Camp is Over.   I am happy because it forces me to work on my weaknesses.  I am sad because it forces me to work on my weaknesses.

Yesterday someone asked me if I think that now that I am certified if it will help me improve my workouts. The answer is yes. I know that several people have asked to be my first client, but really I have to be my own client.

I know what my limitations are. I know what my strengths are.  I know where I need to improve. I know where I need to cut back.

Boot Camp has been difficult this year for me. Everyone in class has known that I was studying to be a trainer. When we would be doing something that I am too tight or weak on, I would feel like in the back of their head they were saying "She's not that good. How can she train someone?"  It's crazy. I know that. But, that's the Former Fat Girl talking in my head.

I'm strong. That is my strength. Give me weights and I'll knock it out of the park. We don't do that in class. Boot Camp has a lot of balance and agility movements. I'm not good with that. My knee is weak. I don't trust putting all of my weight on it for long periods of time. And so I don't. My chest is tight. I have very little range pulling my arms behind me for dips or bridges. It's not fun to see that. It messes with my head. Instead of working on it, I let it get to me.  When you spend years and years and years with low self-esteem it's not easy to just turn off.  You stew and dwell on the negative.

Well now that studying is over I can focus on me again. I can start working on my weaknesses. I will still kick but on my strength, but I have to dial it back a few notches and concentrate on other areas. In the long run it will make me better.

I'm not sure why I have stuck with strength for so long. It could be because it's a metaphor for my lift. I'm getting stronger in every way. The downside is that I'm a tad solid.  I would sink like a rock in water. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but on the scale it ain't fun. And so I've finally stopped weighing myself. Instead I measure my waist and hips. I go by how my clothes look and feel. I'm tiny, but I ain't dainty. *Side note, that sort of messes me up with boys. When I'm talking with a boy of interest I am constantly thinking "could he lift me?" If the answer is No, I keep walking.  I don't plan on giving up too much strength, but I would like to lighten it up a little.

And so after this weekend of rest, I will sit down with myself and put together a plan. I will write out a program and stick to it. It got difficult this summer. I would have a plan, but the pressure of cutting it short to go home and study would get in the way. Well that's not a problem anymore is it? 

Part of being a trainer is getting people out of their comfort zones. Tonight there was a lot of balance in class. I had to modify, but I did it. I'm not good at it so I don't like it. Just need to keep at it until I can do it. Then maybe I won't hate it so much.

Let the balance and flexibility begin!

I signed up with Run for Autism again :-)

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Random Wednesday same time same place

Happy Random "I can breathe!" Wednesday,

So glad the week is almost over...YEAH!  I'm even more glad that I have Friday off. I could not be looking forward to relaxing and kicking back this weekend any more than I am.  Make no mistake though, it's race crunch time. I will get my miles in!


I have the biggest zit on the base of my neck. It's in a sweaty spot that rubs when I looks like I have a nipple growing on my neck. #SoAttractive


I've been watching a lot of shows on HGTV and everyone wants an "open concept". I get it, but I also am a big believer in having rooms with a function. Especially when it comes to food. Keep the food in the kitchen and dining room. When the lines a blurred bad things happen.


So now that I am certified Mr. Wil has said that he feels that he has to pay me when he asks for my advice...with reeces peanut butter cups. haha. They are the little ones. I'll allow it in small doses. Just need to make sure that I don't find myself wandering over there pushing him to ask me questions. haha.


Everyone keeps asking what I'm doing with all of my time.  Well right now I'm blogging. Work is busy and I'm getting my workouts in. I keep planning on reading at night, but my eyes are fighting me on that. So I'm going to relax that for a little bit. I do have some knitting to do right now.

After this weekend I will get to work. I have a list of equipment I want to get. I need to get my insurance. I need to order business cards. And I need to apply to the gym.  I also have to get some paperwork together. Because I have clients! 

I was asked today if I would work with a lady at work during lunch hours. Heck yeah!  Plus another lady at work who lives by me (and sees me at Starbucks every week) said she would be my first client.  So I need to get busy...after my rest time.


Tomorrow is the last Boot Camp of the year...booo...but that just means that Yoga is coming soon. YEAH!  I miss yoga. I miss it sooooo much. I would marry yoga if I could.


I am excited that now that the studying is over I can get back to my Healthy Tips. So follow my facebook page or twitter.  I will try to do a tip a day.


I'm going down to mom's this weekend. I didn't get to go to my BBQ place last time I was there. But, I'll be there for 4 days this time. I will get there!  But, I have to make sure that I get in a long distance first. There is a Planet Fitness it and there are lots of hiking trails. I will make it my reward for a long distance.


Okay, I'm ready to pass out for the night.

Have a Blessed Night.

Check out my Facebook Page for Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile

Instagram: Jennie5973

Fundraising for

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

How Far I've Come

Hello my Lovelies and Gents,

And how is your Tuesday?

First I want to thank Gym Buddy Lisa. I was innocently running on the treadmill tonight when she walked in with balloons and tied them to my treadmill. haha. I got 2 gold stars and a congratulations. I'm pretty sure it was a safety hazard, but no one came over. In fact, when we were leaving they offered congratulations, but didn't know why. Gym Buddy Lisa told them and they asked if I would apply to work they have no female trainers and they have lots of women who don't wish to work out with the male trainers. The answer is yes. I will apply. But, not when I'm full of sweat. Also, I want to get my insurance before I apply. But, COOL!  I'm in!

One of my favorite songs to run to is "How Far We've Come" by Matchbox 20. It's sort of my Theme song.  Passing this exam was a huge goal of mine. But, it's so much more than that. I have literally changed my life...on my own. So it's taken a little longer than I would have liked, but I've done it and I've never looked back.

I had a very hard time studying because I was not just learning about how the body works and what it needs to function properly, it was pretty much a slap in the face of "Do you know just how sick you were?  Do you know how lazy you were?  Do you know what denial you were in?  Do you know that you were killing yourself?"  It was VERY hard to handle. I had so many risk factors for heart disease. I wasn't just fat, I was so unhealthy and only getting worse.  I would secretly cry when I would think about the Former Fat Girl. She didn't know!  And, more importantly, she didn't want to know.

Well now she knows.  And she doesn't ever want to put herself at that risk again. I have checked off 4 big Wants in my life in the past couple of years (starting a blog, Half Marathon, Polar Plunge, and Personal Trainer), but this is just the beginning. There is still so much I want to do. I want that full marathon. I WANT it!  I want to get a second certification in Weight Management (but I'll wait for a little while...I want a year of not studying). I want to write another book and this time get it published!

Side note* I recently reconnect with a friend from a decade ago on Linked In. She asked if I was ever able to get my novel published. She lost her copy and thinks she left off when the character was a Jimmy Buffett concert. haha I had forgotten all about that. I loved writing that novel. I really would like to write again.  Honestly, at this point there isn't anything that is out of reach. I just have to Want It and I Can Make It Happen! And so can you!

I signed up with Run for Autism again :-)

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Monday, August 26, 2013

From Former Fat Girl to Personal Trainer

Happy Monday Bleeps!

And I do mean HAPPY! WOO WOO.  Guess what I'm not doing tonight...Studying!  Cause I PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSED! 

Alright so let's get started. I cannot even tell you how fast that alarm went off this morning. Just FIVE more minutes!!!  But, alas I got up, showered, and put on my Supergirl underwear (you bet your ass I did!). I grabbed some books to take for a quick review before the exam started. Then I grabbed a banana, breakfast bar, and a bottle of water for the road.

So now let me say that when I scheduled the exam I had NO idea that it was the first day of school. Insert slight panic that I would now be really late for the exam because of school buses.  I didn't see any. I was good.  Actually it's kind of funny. The exam was very close to a house I grew up in..well until I was 5 or 6. I hadn't been in that area in a long time.  I was still a skinny little kid when we lived there.
I got there a half hour early and they took me right back to the testing room and got me set up. WHAT?  I need a review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  She was setting up my computer station when I realized I would lose testing time if I didn't go to the ladies room first. ACK.   So I asked her if I could go first. I was already in a panic over my morning hydration. I needed to drink water, but I knew I couldn't afford to be going every hour. Plus you aren't allowed to bring in food or drink (even though the lady next to me had some water).

Okay so once I got started all of the nerves went away. I was in the zone. 150 questions and 3 hours to do it.  I was doing well. You could flag questions to come back to and I was feeling really good at question 50. I actually thought "I kinda got this!" But, I slowed it down when I realized that there were still 100 questions to go. Don't get ahead of yourself Jennifer!

So how were the questions? I am glad that I did my big review yesterday. The questions were nothing like I expected. I'm not sure how to explain that. The same themes kept coming up when other sections were completely missed. So bascially, if I was good in one area I was good for a lot.

I'm sure the proctor was back there giggling. The whole time I was talking out questions with my body. I would make a pull up motion and pay attention to which muscles I was using. I would mimic a running motion and feel my legs. I would touch my back, butt, and chest. Thank goodness I was pretty far away from most people. haha.

Okay so I got to the finish and I still had over an hour to look over my flagged questions. But, I had 50 flagged. That is when I started to get nervous. All of those positive feelings went out the window. I couldn't second guess myself, but I wanted to make sure I didn't rule anything out.  I think I changed about 4 answers.

Alright so then it's time to hit "Submit Exam". My belly was just all sorts of knots.

"Your Score has been determined....but first please take this survey" Are you EFFING KIDDING ME?????????????????????????????????  I took it as fast as possible and then said a quick prayer before I hit submit.

I didn't see my status at first. And then I saw it. Status: PASS.

About a split second later I was was a good cry. Although the poor proctor thought I was having a meltdown. I told her they were good tears and she was happy for me.  We printed my results and then I somehow made it to the front of the building. The receptionist asked if I was okay or needed anything. Obviously they don't get too many emotional basketcases taking these exams.

I honestly don't remember the walk to my car. I kept thinking "I made a mistake. I misread it. I didn't pass".  So I had to sit for a little while before actually driving.  But, soon I was off to the gym.

Oh, before I started moving I was listening to my running playlist while I was concentrating on breathing and the Rocky theme song came on. I was just sitting there laughing and crying. I had just mentally run up those steps and celebrated.

I had thought about making it an outdoor run, but it was hot and I was not hydrated properly.  So I found the Planet was not the nicest one. It was a little dark. I kept wanting to scream "Turn on the lights!", but they were on.  I had texted Heather what it was a scary gym. She asked if it was in the shopping center with the dairy queen...what? I didn't see one...but I did when I was leaving and that's all I could think about. The Former Fat Girl was practically pulling the car over for ice cream. I didn't give in though.

*Side note: there were several young men wearing apparel from the local University. They hit on me. Awww...thanks boys! That made me feel good.

I was a little hungry and dehydrated. I knocked out a 3 mile run and then headed home for a shower and nap.  But, I didn't quite get a nap. I did rest and relax though.

Well not completely. The hard thing about the exam is that I don't know what questions I got wrong. I know I could just let it go, but we are talking about affecting people's lives. I want to make sure it's right. So I was looking up as many answers as I could remember. For the most part I was right for the ones that I questioned. So that's good.

Here's the breakdown. The exam is broken into 4 domains. During the practice exams I was having the hardest time with Domains 1 & 2, but nailing 3 & 4. So of course that is where I focused my review. The breakdown of this exam: I did the best on 1 & 2. haha.

Here's the bigger kicker. Remember when I said that it was a 56% pass rate last year?  Well the actual pass score is 62%. HOLY BLEEP!  Seriously? Thank GOODNESS I didn't see that before. I am not sure I could have handled that. The good news is that even if the Pass Score was 80% like I originally thought, I still would have passed :-)

So now for every quiz and exam I took I had an email from ACE within seconds congratulating me. Um...I still haven't gotten an email from them. So for a while I was starting to feel like I really didn't pass. I had to have looked at that Results sheet a hundred times. Well I just went to the ACE site and saw my certification number :-)  It's all good.

Grandmom wanted to take me out to celebrate. I had considered making plans for dinner, but I didn't want to plan for something in case it didn't happen. I was glad this was an option.  She even said I could pick anywhere I wanted.  I was hungry. It was definitely a "Do as I say, not as I do" day. Food wise, I was a mess. I was in such an emotional state that I wasn't eating...even though I was hungry.  I wasn't thinking too clearly today.

I was happy to pick a restaurant close by and we were able to eat outside. It was lovely. I got an eggplant entree opting for the side of ratatouille (I'm addicted!). I was so full when we were done that I would have unbuttoned my pants if that was an option.  Dessert? Um...well...they had a reeces peanut butter cup pie!  Come on! You KNOW I had to!...I split it with grandmom. It was a tiny slice...and OOH was it good. 

She was showing me off to all of the ladies in her building and they commented that I could practice my training with them. Consider it done ladies!  They also liked my new bright colored sneakers. haha. Bonus.

So now, I can enjoy the rest of the summer!  WOO WOO...wait, it's over next weekend?  But I'm just getting started!

Have a Blessed Night.

Check out my Facebook Page for Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile

Instagram: Jennie5973

Fundraising for

Sunday, August 25, 2013

A summer sacrificed...for the greater good

Happy Sunday My Lovelies and Gents,

I'm going to keep this short, but I just wanted to check in this weekend.  As you can imagine it's been all study all of the time this weekend. Tomorrow is the big day.

First, I just want to thank everyone for their support. It's been a long 6 months and it was starting to feel like I would never make it. It's also been a very lonely 6 months. There was a lot of friend/family time sacrificed. I feel like I haven't seen most of my friends in ages.  Seriously, I live with Heather and I never see her. I know more about what's going on in the lives of the Baristas at Starbucks than my friends.

Hopefully it will all be worth it though. Just because I haven't been hanging out or checking in doesn't mean that I haven't been thinking about you.

Second, OMG how was I wasting my time before all of this?  This morning in church it hit me. Tomorrow is the exam. And the next Half marathon is in 3 weeks. What will I do with all of my extra time after that? Well hopefully I'll be a Trainer and helping people out. But man, I can't believe I ever complained that I never had time before...I had no idea what I was talking about.

Yesterday I took a quick study break with Heather and we ran out for a little bit. I treated myself to a new pair of running sneakers. Although I think they will be more casual for me as they aren't the lightweight that I prefer, but they were cheaper than a tank of gas and stinking cool colors (gotta love DSW Clearance!).  It was honestly the first time that we have gotten to hang out all summer and it was just for a tiny bit. Where did my summer go?

That was another sacrifice. Last weekend when I went up to see Ms. Carol one of the first things she said to me was "You're not as tan as you usually are." :-( No kidding. No matter what though, I am soaking up some rays next weekend.  I could not be more excited about a 4 day weekend than I am right now.  I want to lay by the pool and sleep. I want to read. I want to watch movies. I want to run. I want to shop. I want to do everything!  But mainly, I just want to get some sun before it's too late.

I did have a plan for this weekend. I cleaned the bathroom on a study break last night so that I could take a nice bubble bath to relax tonight. I honestly don't remember the last time I had one. The Former Fat Girl was the QUEEN of bubble baths. I mean she was having one every week. I also did my nails and bought a face scrub and mask. I definitely wanted to get some relaxation and pampering in.

*Update: the bubble bath was sensational and totally worth it. Bath & Body Works Shea Cashmere bubble bath is a little on the expensive side, but worth the splurge...I feel baby bottom smooth.

My study plan was to take my last practice exam last night so that I would know what to focus on today. I thought I failed by 1 or 2 questions, but I passed. I started crying. No matter what happens tomorrow I know that I am ready. If I don't pass, it'll be close. And I'll just take it again next month. It's going to happen. It's just a matter of when. 

So the plan for tomorrow is that I found a Planet Fitness 5 miles from the testing site. So I will be going there straight from the exam.  I'm going to run either my Supergirl underwear!  Oh yeah, I already pulled them out.

Okay Bleeps, Breakfast Club is on and I am in heaven. I will talk to you tomorrow.

I signed up with Run for Autism again :-)

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Friday, August 23, 2013

Flashback Friday: Namaste! Raise your hand if you could use some Yoga this week.

Flashback Friday: Namaste

Well it's Flashback Friday again! It's been another rough week. I really REALLY could use some yoga. I got all excited at Boot Camp last night because I was yelling "Yoga is back this fall!!!!!" I need to be more flexible. My chest, shoulders, and hamstrings are sooooo tight. Argh. I think I will do some yoga as a study break tomorrow.

Namaste! Raise your hand if you could use some Yoga this week.


Come on, everyone take a deep breath. We did it! We made it to Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! From what I gather I was not the only one having an incredibly sucky week. I hope you get to enjoy your weekend.

So I took last night off from blogging. That doesn't mean that I didn't go to the gym :-) I had been away for two days and terribly angry so I was super happy when I walked in and had my choice of machines. I grabbed a treadmill with hopes that I could maybe run a little. I ran on Monday and I can't usually get away with more than one run a week, but I have been smart this week. I limited my time on the exercise ball (It's great for my core, but I think it's hurting my knees because I use them so much to keep me upright). I gave it my usual 5 minute walk warm up and then I took off. It was a slow run, but I kept at it for 30 minutes. I had a few twinges, but nothing that hurt too bad. After the run I walked for the rest of the hour and read. It was quite nice.

The good news is that I saw Gym Crush #3 and he was on the ab machine I like that was right in front of me. Nice. Very nice. The bad news is that I got on it right after him and upped the weights. I was a tad disapointed in him. haha. Not too much though, he's still cute.

When I got home I jumped in the shower and got relaxed in time for Big Bang Theory (my Must see TV). I debated about getting on to blog, but I thought the pattern of the week was giving me the rep as Angry Chick, so I opted to read and relax instead. Very glad I did.

So fast forward to today. Today was a sad day. Last day for Yoga. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! If EVER I needed yoga, this was the week. It was a small class and we were inside, but holy dag nabit it was rough. No handstands, but a whole lot of shaking going on. And by shaking I meant my arms, legs, and abs shaking while trying to hold poses.

For a "relaxing" class it was hilarious. If the words escaped my mouth that I wanted to shout I would have sounded a lot like this "BLEEP! OH BLEEP! BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!". The only way I can describe class today was that it was a lot like the worst game of Twister EVER, and you were the only one on the mat.

I was glad we were inside because I have such a problem concentrating when we are outside, but my head was still so jumbled and angry that it did not relax until halfway through class. I think it was the toughest class and quite frankly, I was sore after. My plan was to go to the gym tonight and walk, but I started to worry about my knees. With all of my back problems on the weekend and my sore knees I opted against the gym. I'll be there at 10am and I had a killer workout today so it's all good. And I do mean killer. I was sweating. That was the first indoors class that I really sweated in. Thank you Richard!

Tonight I met my friends and their kids for dinner. We chose Qdoba (southwest grill). The last time I ate there and then went to the gym my dinner was coming back in burps all night and it was quite gross so I think it was wise to call it a night.

Afterwards I ran to Target for a few groceries and decided to treat myself to a new Yoga dvd. That makes three. I like that. They are all different and I will rotate them. I don't want my body getting used to one. This was focuses on Stress Relief. I'm So on board for that.

So today's lesson is: When you are having a bad day or are extremely stressed, take it out at the gym. Don't turn to shopping or food.

Have a Blessed Night.

Check out my Facebook Page for Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile

Instagram: Jennie5973

Fundraising for

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Test Anxiety

Hello Beautiful People,

Okay well here we are.  I mentioned before that I didn't want to tell people when my exam is because I have Test Anxiety (always have).  I didn't want anyone to know the day of the exam because if I fail I want to be able to deal with it first before I have everyone asking how I did.  I think we all know how emotional I can be. 

Well I had to let some people know and now the cat is out of the bag. My exam is Monday morning. I appreciate everyone's support and am very thankful. I love how much everyone believes in me when I don't necessarily feel that confident.So I will start by saying, Please do not ask me how it goes on Monday. I will let everyone know what happens.  I have put my blood, sweat, and tears into this. I will be extremely hard on myself if I don't pass.

Last weekend I took a practice exam and did really well. My second practice exam was not as good. I still have another to take so hopefully I will do better. I was feeling really good on Sunday and then felt like I fell flat on my face yesterday. 

It's very hard to hear everyone say that I'll "do great" when I know that the pass percentage last year was barely above 50%.

The studying is stressing me out. I tend to want to eat when I study. Not because I'm hungry, just because it's a habit. That's how I gained most of the weight when I was younger. It was no accident. I have been good for the most part, but instead of focusing on what is in front of me I am having an internal battle.

Go downstairs and get a snack.

NO, I am NOT hungry.

Come on. I need to munch on something.

Absolutely not. There is no need.

But, you're doing so well. Just reward yourself.

I don't need it!

Come on...we're at Starbucks. Go up to the counter and get a treat.


But, you got an unsweetened green's not like you're over your calories.

Well I guess one won't kill me...


The majority of the time I do not get a snack and my drink choices are fine. But the internal battle is exhausting. I really just want this over with so that I don't have to deal with that anymore.

The time came fast. When I scheduled it I had hoped to have at least a week of the summer to enjoy and relax. I feel like a lost my summer to studying and to family obligations. Next weekend is Labor Day Weekend and I am thinking of taking Friday off and going to my mom's to hang at the pool all weekend. And possibly go in to DC to the zoo for a day. I wanted it to be my big reward.  But, I haven't scheduled it yet. I may need it to cry for 4 days if I don't pass.

I think I will be okay even if I fail. It will cost me to take it again, but it's what I want. If I fail, then I will dust myself off and get back to studying. I want to do this right. This is what I want to do with myself for the rest of my life. This is how I will help people. And this will help me get back to North Carolina for good. There is a plan in place people!  I want to go back so bad I can taste it. And I truly believe that this is the way I am going to get there.

I know people are going to say that I am being too negative and that I should be more positive. Right now I am 50-50. I know I will do it, if not now eventually, but I also have to prepare myself in the event of a fall.

Today I visited Mr. Wil a couple of times for some pieces of chocolate. I didn't go overboard, two pieces was decent. But I wanted to dive into that jar.

Tonight was boot camp and I really wasn't feeling up to it. I really need to study. But, I went. I knew I needed to blow off some steam. I also knew that I couldn't go all out. I am not good at studying after an intense workout. I still worked hard and I still sweated up a storm, but I didn't exaust myself too much.  I can still get my study on tonight.

And on that note...Peace out!

I signed up with Run for Autism again :-)

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Random Wednesday: Fantasy Football and Footloose

Happy Random Wednesday Bleeps!

So I've been a little busy lately. Can you tell? haha. Last night was my first Fantasy Football Draft of the year. YEAH!  I started this league when I was in Charlotte and I love being in it with my Charlotte Boys. It's hard to do the draft by phone though.

For a few weeks I wasn't sure if I would be able to call in. So I asked a friend if he would draft for me. This was VERY hard. I don't trust others with my team easily.  Then I decided that I would try to make it. But, I probably wouldn't make it at the beginning. I still have a long drive to deal with. So I asked him to draft for me until I got home and on the phone.

In previous years it ended around 7:30. So I decided to make a quick stop at Subway on my way home. I got my usual footlong Oven Roasted Chicken with spinach, tomato, and cucumber. That way I had dinner and then I didn't have to pack lunch for today. Win-Win.

I'm glad I was on the call. I miss my boys and I love hearing their voices. Hopefully I will be back down there soon enough and I can attend in person again next year.


Tonight is a study night since tomorrow is Boot Camp. So I scheduled a walk at lunch with Ms. Tracey. We walked around the mall several times and when we left my arm pits were a little I'd say it was a good walk.

Earlier in the day I was falling asleep on my desk. I was very tired. I thought about getting a coffee or tea, but then I remembered: a) I am going to Starbucks after work 2) I am going to walk at lunch.

Walking always wakes me up. It's such a wonderful magical thing. So here's your lesson for the day: if you are feeling lazy and don't have any energy during your couch potato day, GET UP and MOVE!  It'll wake you up. Being "tired" isn't an excuse.

Okay so yesterday I put on my comfy black dress to wear to work. It was 9:30 before I realized that I was wearing it backwards. WHAT?  How did I do that?  I am chalking it up to study brain. That's the only explaination. So I had to go to the ladies room and put it on right. Good Lord, I've been dressing myself for how many years now?

To make sure that didn't happen again today, I put on one of my favorite long skirts and a nice tight t-shirt (It makes me feel like a ballerina haha). No worries about it being on backwards, but I do have to wear a jacket to cover up my boobs as I walk around the office. I could poke someone's eye out! Argh.  Of course the other thing is that I always get it caught in my underwear after I go to the bathroom.

I am a Wardrobe Malfunction waiting to happen!


There is a race festival weekend that I want to do. Heather is signed up for the 5K. I thought about the Half, but realistically will probaby sign up for the 5K. The problem: they discourage wearing headphones. WHAT???????????????????  No music???  Are we in a remake of Footloose? Are they going to tell me that I can't dance either? Oh and let's just get rid of ALL FUN while we are at it! 

I can't run without music. My body responds to it. No matter where my brain is, my body is keeping pace to the music. What if I carry my phone in my hand and play the music outloud?  Or what if I just sing?  Will a big giant white hook come out from the side and pull me off the course?  Or will two men running in suits and sunglasses looking like security will tackle me to the ground?

I haven't signed up yet, seriously don't know if I can do it without ROCK'N'ROLL!!!!!!!!!!!


So today was breakfast day. There was a little miscommunication. Someone wasn't sure if the person who missed his week was bringing anything so she stopped at McDonalds. (and apologized to me). She got egg mcmuffins and hash browns for everyone.

I was so hungry I didn't car. And then I seriously regretted it. We dubbed it the "McDonalds Regret" you actually start regretting while the food is still in your mouth.  I felt greasy all morning. I went to the ladies room a hundred times to wash my hands and face...and use some mouthwash. Of course I also smelled it in my trash all day.

And yes, the other person brought bagels. So we have breakfast for tomorrow. Good thing it's Boot Camp night!


Monday night I finally got a run in at the gym. It had been a while so I wasn't sure how I would do.  It wasn't my best, but it wasn't my worst. But, I could definitely feel the lack of workouts. I definitely need to get back to my training next week.


Tonight I went to the library to study. I wanted to switch things up. But, no food or drinks are allowed and quote frankly I was parched. I stayed for an hour then came home to study. Dang you Library Rules!

Have a Blessed Night.

Check out my Facebook Page for Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile

Instagram: Jennie5973

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Monday, August 19, 2013

My Weekend: 3 days, 650 miles, and lots of smiles

Happy Monday Bleeps!

Wow, it was a long long weekend. Lots of good though.

Friday morning I got on the road early to head up to see Ms. Carol and her girls (and hubby too). I opted to make a stop at Target for a few travel items on my way. I remembered that they have superhero underwear that I like and I have been looking out for the SuperGirl underwear in my size so I made a beeline for that area. "May I help you find something?"..."Nope, I am just looking for some SuperGirl panties."...yep, that really happened. They have them and they are in my size so I grab them and head over to the next area on my list. The only problem is that the store is empty besides me and a whole bunch of Senior Citizen men. So there I am running around the store holding a pair of SuperGirl panties giving thrills to Old Men...good thing I am CPR certified!  hahaha.  True Story.

It's a long drive and it was a gorgeous day. The kind of day that makes you want to roll down the windows and blast the music. And so I did. I put on my Running playlist and sang with the wind blowing through my hair. It was a good stress relief for 3+ hours.

I did have to stop to use the ladies room a couple of times. Good hydration!  The first time was at a rest stop. But, the second time was in an area full of gas stations and fast food places. I am not comfortable in gas station bathrooms. Just not. Don't even try to talk me into it. And I am not the kind of person that will use a restaurant's bathroom without buying something. There is a Starbucks, but they do not have a's very depressing. And so I stopped at Moe's. Welcome to Moe's!  I did not get any chips and guacamole or anything. I decided to just get a drink. A sweet tea. I used to get a sweet tea several times a week. Now I get it ever 3 months. So I'll allow it.

When I arrived at my destination,  a baby (Miss Sophia), with the biggest cheeks in the world, was handed to me while Ms. Carol went upstairs to get little Miss Olivia up from her nap. Now I have not seen Miss Olivia since she was 6 weeks old and was told that she is shy and takes a little while to warm up to new people. They must have been talking about another child, because Aunt Jennie and Miss Olivia were the bestest of friends within minutes.

We started the day by going outside for a picnic. We had quesadillas and strawberries with whipped cream. And as a treat, we all got a mint oreo cookie. Did we all eat them the same way? You bet! Pull off the top cookie and lick the cream off. See, told you we were BFFs!

We put Miss Sophia down for a nap and went outside for a little while to play with bubbles and run around the Mulberry bush. Well it's not really a Mulberry bush, but we pretended. My little girlfriend wanted a treat...and well Aunt Jennie was there and we had a late we decided to go get ice cream before we went to the park. I got a Salted Caramel Truffle cup (O.M.G!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and Ms. Carol and Miss Olivia split a black and white milkshake. Miss Sophia was pretty much a hostage. Poor thing. I did get the privilege of carrying her in her car seat on our excursion to give Ms. Carol a break. It was a nice arms workout.

All day Miss Olivia was waiting patiently for us to go to the park and go down the slides. And so we went. I pushed the girls in their double stroller up the hill, another nice workout.

Okay so there is a playground right as you walk in the gate, and another one down a steep hill. I almost died when we were going down the steep one. I mean with a stroller?  We let Miss Olivia out so that she could walk down the hill. Oh boy that was a fun walk.

That little playground didn't really hold her attention for long. It only has one small slide. The other one back up the hill has 4 slides to choose from. So soon we were going back up the hill. I was behind my BFF and I could hear her little voice "I won't fall. I won't fall." so cute!

One of the slides was wide and had rollers on it. Little kids seem to go down slowly. Adults shoot down like a bullet...I found that out the hard way. felt like it pinched my butt the whole time. *Note to Self: Check butt for bruises*  I was NOT a fan.  But, she giggled so I went down several times. And then there was the twisty tube slide. The Former Fat Girl froze.  "What if I don't fit?" or worse "What if I get stuck half way?" I mean TERRIFIED!  The Former Fat Girl would never ever have tried it. But, I did. It wasn't bad until the second turn that pretty much shoots you down vertically and out.

Needless to say, Ms. Carol was laughing the whole time.

So we came home and did some reading and got ready for bed.  We also had some dinner. We made the pizza because it was easy and we were tired. At first we only put one slice on our plates, but man we were hungrier than we thought. So we each had a second slice. Of course we weren't feeling well after, but live and learn.

I fell asleep right away and got up early to spend some time with Miss Olivia before I had to leave.

The plan for Friday originally was to go to the gym and shower before getting on the road, but as time got closer I just panicked about how much room we had in my car for the girls' luggage so I nixed that idea. Of course that also meant I forgot to pack a sportsbra. I wanted to go for a run and even found out there was a 5K on Saturday morning, but I couldn't do it. Besides, I was very active with Miss Olivia and that time was precious. Next time I will bring the hula hoop!

We danced a little and went upstairs and played the drums. She made it very hard to leave. I cried. I need to go back soon. I miss them already!  Miss Sophia is adorable too, but I wasn't quite as active with her.

Okay so now I am on the road heading to Newark Airport. If you will recall the plan was to get there early and study. Well that was before I had map difficulties. I didn't actually print the map I thought I did.  And I had a new phone with a new GPS...let's just say that I took a 20 mile detour and leave it at that.

The girls landed and I was 40 minutes away, but they still had to go through customs and baggage claim. I wasn't worried. I got there, parked, and ran my butt in to use the ladies room and then find them. Parking was outrageous. My goal was to get them in the car and out of the parking lot within 30 minutes. I did it in 28!  Only $4 parking. WOO WOO.  Now get me outta here!

The problem is that we were hungry and my hips and knees were really sore from driving. I had seen that there was a mall 15 minutes away so I took us there. They should have a food court and we could all walk around a little. Well no food court, but there was a Q'doba. So we went there. I got my naked grilled veggie burrito and a child size quesadilla with chicken.  Then we walked over to Starbucks. Jennie was TIRED. I wanted my Peach Iced Green Tea with Lemonade...but they were out of Peach. I just got a Green tea.

Oh yeah, so one of the first things that the girls saw when they got back to the States was a horse's butt...not kidding.

So we got back in the car and headed home. Finally...oh but, first I scored a sweet pair of aviator glasses. COOL.

One of the reasons why I agreed to pick up these lovely ladies is because I was promised the best meal ever. Their grandfather is a chef and he would feed me. I was not disappointed. The menu: stuffed cabbage and ratatouille.  I was asking about the ratatouille and how to make it. I asked if I could use a crockpot and was scolded. It is a labor of love. You have to put the time in it for the quality...another post idea there for another day. Anyway, Mr. Henry asked if I have Julia Child's Mastering The Art of French Cooking. I don't, but mom does.  He said her recipe is second to his, but it'll do. haha. I'm sold. It was sooooo yummy. And I asked about freezing it. He said not to freeze, but that it will hold in the fridge for 2 weeks. Good enough for me.

I called mom and she thinks my Aunt Sarah has her cookbook, so Aunt Sarah I'll be checking in with you to see if I can use it :-) OR we could make it together! (I'm really not that good of a cook haha).

Dinner was followed with a bowl of fresh fruit and some chocolate treats brought back from Lithuania.  I'm not sure what they were, but they were good. It was a chocolate coating over some strange marshmallow/meringue type filling in the middle.

When dinner was over I went to study. Cause that's how I roll these days.

In the morning I got up early and left before 8am. I made a quick stop at Dunkin Donuts for a coffee coolatta (but was too tired to remember to ask for skim...but I did only get a small with no whip cream) and then I as on a mission to get home and make it to the 10:45 church service. I did it!  With 5 minutes to spare. I even had time to use the ladies room. YEAH!

After church I moved to Starbucks for studying. I had a hard time there. My hips were killing me. Seriously, all of this sitting hurts. The bonus of the day was that Grandmom invited me over for dinner. Chicken, broccoli, mashed cauliflower, and corn on the cob. Um...Yes please!  I joked that she was competing with Mr. Henry for my love. haha. Keep fighting peeps!  I'm more than happy to do the eating!

Okay Bleeps, I hope you enjoyed my tales and pix from the weekend. It's study time and so I must bid you adieu. Jennie's Taxi service has retired for the time being.

I signed up with Run for Autism again :-)

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

It's Crunch Time People!

Hello Beautiful People,

I made it through the week. HOLLA!  Thank was a hectic one.  Things are so busy right now that I can't remember the last Verse of the Day that I sent out :-(

So here the thing. I took my gym bag to work today. I haven't been to the gym since Monday and I won't be going again until next Monday. And then I had a panic attack. I NEED study time. Things are clicking as I review...I feel much better when I study.

I have a game plan for this weekend to get some study time in even though I am traveling a lot, but I know that anything can happen. And so I opted to go to Starbucks for the night and study.

Before I knew it I was there for 2 hours and was flying through my chapter. It was a good decision. I didn't eat there because I defrosted chili the other night and I wanted to have that before I go away. Beans...long car ride...probably not the best idea.  But, I kept my Starbucks to an iced green tea.

On my way there I called Ms. Carol and we got all excited about me spending time with the girls tomorrow. YEAH! She has been telling them that Aunt Jennie is coming and they appear to be excited...well as excited as a 2 yr old and 5 month old can be. We are going to the park. YEAH!

My body is severely missing working out.  I am in crunch time and under a deadline though. I have to get my studying in. We are not far from exam day. Not far at all.  I'm starting to freak out at all of the "free time" that I had that I didn't study, but let's face it, I've been trying to balance my life without losing it.

I know that a little time off from the gym won't kill me. I will still get in some workouts before the exam, but I can feel a difference in my body already.  Visually it's still the same. But, internally it's crazy.

The good news is that my knees are less swollen and not bothering me. The bad news is that in addition to my neck issues, I am also having hip issues. I'm trying to stretch them as much as possible, but the lack of mobility and the constant sitting hurts. That's right, right now it physically hurts me more to sit than to workout. 

So hopefully I will be back at the gym regularly soon. Darn it I miss looking at Hottie Headband. Of course I haven't seen him in a little while. Boooo.

OMG did I mention that my hips hurt? It doesn't help that I worked from home yesterday sitting in my bed. My legs were elevated and that was good, but dang my hips hurt.

So the plan for dinner tomorrow is pizza and salads. I did not argue because the theory is that if Ms. Carol doesn't have to cook and shop then that is more visit time.  I am ALL in for that. I miss her. We did discuss going over a workout plan for her so that's almost like studying...and the cousins don't know it yet, but when we get back from the airport I will be giving them some movement screenings to see which muscles are weak and which are tight....shhh...let's let it be a surprise.

Okay, I mentioned the other day about overtraining and my lack of appetite and disrupted sleep. Let's just say that it's a good thing I have a habit and schedule for eating. I am forcing myself to eat. I'm not overeating, but I'm not undereating either. So we'll take that as a win. I am drinking water, not as much since I am not at the gym, but I'm still getting my 64 oz a day. And I'm not peeing as much. The body is a pretty amazing thing. Just a week off and it feels all different.

So I will tell you a funny story before I go to bed. I was asking someone about Newark Airport (haven't been there in 10 years) and I won't mention his name...former work husband...but he reminded me to go the Arrivals gate. He made the mistake of going to the Arrivals gate when he was dropping someone off....because at 4am he thought he was "arriving them to the airport." So technically I should go to Departures because they are departing the plane right? Te he...Oh FWH I miss you!

Okay kids, I'm going to bed and then heading to the high grounds of the mountains...far far away from sharks...athough I am scared of snakes too...and mountain lions...

PS - I want points for not getting a treat at Starbucks!

Have a Blessed Night.

Check out my Facebook Page for Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile

Instagram: Jennie5973

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Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Random Wednesday: Playlist, Sharks, and Gilmore Girls

Happy Random Wednesday Y'all!

Sigh...I miss the South...and it doesn't help that cousin Randy had been posting the most beautiful pictures from his trip to North Carolina and South Carolina on instagram...sigh...hopefully soon!

This past weekend we made the plan to go to Florida for Christmas again this year to see Dominic...and my brother and sister-in-law of course. I checked with Ms. Marisol and booked our night's stay with her in Charlotte...and this time I am DETERMINED to get my BBQ in Savannah!


Okay I worked from home today. Breakfast day. DOH.  The good news is that the guy who brought breakfast today brought a lot of bagels. So he asked me what type I wanted and he wrapped it and put it on my desk for me for the morning. Yippee! 


One of my favorite shows of all time is Gilmore Girls. I LOVE that show. It's the kind of show that you either love or hate. There is no in between. I love the dialogue. It's quick and funny. I have all of the seasons on dvd and I sometimes listen to them at work. It's a great choice because it is so dialogue driven there is no need to have to watch.

If you have never seen the show, it is about a mother and daughter who live in a small town in Connecticut. As much as I love this show there are a couple of things that drive me nuts. The first thing is that these ladies eat anything and everything. They don't cook and order out all of the time. The second thing that drives me nuts is that they are allergic to exercise. Of course they are skinny and appear to be fit.

Not reality people!  You don't treat yourself like that and look like that. Darn you television!


So yesterday was painful. I was asked to take a photo of the winning team for the Wellness newsletter. Not only did I lose to Fitness Challenge Arch Nemesis Ryan and his team, but I had to take their picture too! That hurt. Argh. Thankfully the Six Pack Factory kept their shirts on for it. Only so much I can take.


I've mentioned that I love my new church, well I LOVE it. I'm so happy that I have found it. I'm extra excited because over the summer they offer Wednesday services. So if you are away on the weekend you can come on Wednesday and hear the same sermon.   I made the call Sunday morning to do that this week.

My neck has been bothering me for a few weeks, and we figured out it's from all of the studying. Having my neck in that downward position. When I woke up on Sunday it was stiff and not happy. So I opted to rest it a little longer and then study.

Well Grandmom said she would go with me tonight. That also meant that she made me dinner. Thank you Grandmom!  It was delicious!  Chicken. Veggies. Pasta. Spinach/beets. Corn on the Cob. YUM.

Tonight's sermon was on Comfort Zones...there's a future post coming on it.


This weekend I will be away for a few days. SHOCKER. I am leaving Friday morning and going up to see my bestie Carol and her family (I haven't seen Miss Olivia since she was 6 weeks and her younger sister is now 5 I got some baby snuggling coming). I MISS her. It's a quick trip, but I completely relax when I'm with her and I really really need that calming effect right now. I'll get there around lunch and I'm leaving the next morning after breakfast. I wish I could stay longer, but I have a job to do on Saturday.

Saturday I am driving to pick up cousins Keeley and Hannah from the airport and driving them home. I get a gourmet dinner and then the next morning I am leaving early to come home and study. I hear there is a Starbucks at Newark airport that I can study in while I wait. And since they are coming back from a long trip I am a little nervous about the space in my car. And so the laptop will not be coming with me. So after tomorrow's post I will take off a few more days.  Yeah! Tech free weekend!  Well not totally tech free...I have my new phone!


So yes, my love of Shark Week is famous now. No, I haven't been asked to be on a panel like my Royal Family Session (Royal Baby photo coming next week!). No, I just get emails with photos to beware of the Sharktocrabs that were spotted in the river that overflowed by my house....from my manager!  That plus a friend trying to scare me that fresh water sharks have been spotted and I should be careful if I go downstairs...

I like my Shark week...but Seriously Never Want To Come Face To Face With One!  Dolphins, however, well I still dream of swimming with the dolphins one day.


Time to update your playlist!

Here's the full list, according to votes placed at Run Hundred--the web's most popular workout music blog.
Britney Spears - Ooh La La - 129 BPM
Duck Sauce - It's You - 128 BPM
One Direction - Best Song Ever - 118 BPM
Justin Timberlake - Take Back the Night - 109 BPM
OneRepublic - Counting Stars - 122 BPM
Avicii - Wake Me Up - 123 BPM
Phillip Phillips - Gone, Gone, Gone - 118 BPM
Capital Cities - Safe and Sound - 118 BPM
Kelly Clarkson - People Like Us (Johnny Labs & Adieux Club Mix) - 128 BPM
Zedd & Foxes - Clarity (Style of Eye Remix) - 129 BPM

To find more workout songs, folks can check out the free database at Visitors can browse the song selections there by genre, tempo, and era—to find the music that best fits with their particular workout routine.
Have a Blessed Night.

I signed up with Run for Autism again :-)

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Flooding and dehydration...sort of ironic

Happy Tuesday Bleeps!

That sounded enthusiastic didn't it?  I'm having a stress/anxiety day. If you live in the Philly area you know what the weather was like today. Lots of flooding. It took me two hours to get to work. That was the easy part. Getting home was awful. The Brandywine river overflowed and every where we turned there was another intersection completely under water. Cars were stuck in the middle of intersections. I was starting to feel like a pinball getting bounced around. I finally made it to the main road and even that was under water. OMG! I didn't think I would ever get home. 

There was a also a slight fear of sharks in the road, but I'll chalk that up to Sharknado and a friend trying to make me paranoid. THANK YOU SIR. Job well done.

I am planning on working from home tomorrow. Argh.

That would have been crappy under normal situations, but I need study time. And I couldn't do my flashcards when flooding was involved. And since I was late to work I didn't get my lunch because I was super busy.

So here's the thing. I should be having the urge to dive into a bag of chocolate. And I'm not.  I have realized that I am Overtrained. I thought I was just stressed, but I am not sleeping well. My resting heart rate is higher. My workouts are suffering. And I have no appetite. WHAT? Me?  I've noticed this for a couple weeks. The sleep and the eating seemed to happen around the same time. Again, I would think stress. But for me, the Queen of Stress Eating, that's not the case.  This is so not like me. In a way, it's a good thing. But, not really. And so we rest.

I did stop at Subway for a Turkey, spinach, and avocado for dinner. But, I didn't stop for chocolate or anything else.

Tomorrow Ms. Liz comes back and I couldn't be happier. It's been really busy. I haven't been able to relax during the day which it making it hard to focus at night. I was doing well with my water until today. But, I couldn't even drink during my commute because I seriously would have peed my pants. It's not like I could get out of my car and pee in the newly formed lakes. I was stuck on back roads bumper to bumper between underwater intersections. Argh. I need water!

Alright, so there are a couple good things to talk about before I get back to studying.

First, I got my new phone today. HOLLA!  YEAH!  I have wanted this phone for a while and now I have it!  :-)  I won't play on it all night. I really am going to study, but I'm happy to have it. And now my iphone is a nice ipod. haha. Was having some issues with some texts going to it and freaking me out. But, that's because it was still connected to wifi.

The Second fun thing is that my Run for Autism shirts came yesterday! YEAH! The two shirts that I got for the March Race are a little big. So this time I requested smaller sizes. The t-shirt is awesome. It's a dark teal color. the other one was a pale yellow. The running shirt is the same, but now I have a smaller version...possibly too small. I'll have to check it out later.

I'm going to keep this short since my brain is all over the place and I need to focus, but I didn't want you to think that I'd forgotten about you. :-)

Have a Blessed Night.

Check out my Facebook Page for Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile

Instagram: Jennie5973

Fundraising for

Friday, August 9, 2013

Flashback Friday: Happy Shark Week Everyone!

Happy Flashback Friday!

Sadly all good things must come to an end. Shark Week 2013 is almost over. I have to say that I didn't love it as much this year. It's as if everyone has caught on and they tried to make it cooler. Way too many Great White Shark shows. Shark After Dark was not that exciting. And some of their shows were trying too hard to pull in the reality show audience. Don't Mess With Shark Week!  It was COOL just the way it was!
Anyway, it is now the second anniversary of when I fell and busted my knees. The scars are still there and literally every day I look at them and think how lucky I am. It could have been much worse. At least I can call my scars Shark Week Scars!


Flashback Friday: Happy Shark Week Everyone!

Happy Shark Week Bleeps!

Everybody sing with me now "It's the most wonderful time of the year...." I have loved Shark Week for as long back as I can remember...heck, I used to watch Bug Week back in college too. It's ironic as I have an intense fear of these creatures. But man they are fascinating.

Shark week starts at the beginning of August every year (I can only assume it was late this year because of the Olympics...for which I am forever grateful as I think I would have had to quit my job to keep up). I begin the countdown the day after it ends.

Well last year I was a bit distracted. The day before Shark Week began I was visiting my grandmom at her new house. It's a cute little house in the country. My aunt was in town and we decided to all go out to dinner (my mom was there too). For some reason I decided I would ride with everyone and come back for my car before heading home instead of following them.

It was quite late when we got back and out where she lives the only street lighting is by star light and moon light. We hadn't left the outside light on. Grandmom went first to turn the light on. I followed behind her, but not closely. Now remember, it's I'm wearing shorts.

One minute I am walking and the next moment I have searing pains in my knees and I am rolling around in the grass screaming. What the hell just happened? And why is no one running to help me?

It turns out that the sidewalk is not a straight shot. There is a small extremely hard concrete step. My left foot (in my flip flop) hit the step which caused my body to trip. I did not have time to react and I couldn't see so I was not able to react by bracing the fall with my arms. That may have actually saved me from more injury. By some miracle I had a football hold on my pocketbook and that seemed to brace my fall. It kept me from injuring my arms or even smashing my face. Amazing still, nothing was broken in the bag. Nothing braced my knees though which smashed the concrete.

Next it appears I rolled to the side into the grass and started screaming...but my grandmom thought I was laughing. It took a moment before my mom realized something was wrong. And then she was running to my side. It took a moment to get me to stand up and a few more moments to get me into the house. I could barely walk.

Now I am an emotional person. In general it does not take much for me to cry. But, I have a high pain threshold and it takes a lot of pain to bring tears. I was crying. I turned into the 5 yr old that jumped into the pool backwards and skinned her chin and needed stitches...seriously, concrete is not my friend. So here I am with bloody knees and I'm sobbing "Mommie it hurts!" It took a little while for the blood to start...thankfully because the roll into the grass meant flushing the debris out. I had skinned both of my knees right below the knee cap. There would be no stitches because there was no skin. There was also no bruising because I just bled out.

I was put on the couch with ice and my mom rubbing my back to calm me down. But we had a problem. I didn't have anything with me to sleep over. No glasses. No contact solution. No toothbrush. It was 10:30pm in the country...there is no 24 walmart. Eventually they went looking for a place. We also needed big giant band aids. We had considered going to the emergency room, but we decided to make that call in the morning.

When they came back the pain had seriously set in. I could not have been happier to see the little extra pick me up my mom got me: a dove chocolate raspberry bar. Nothing soothes better than chocolate. Please note - I now keep an emergency bag in my trunk including an old pair of chocolate though.

Eventually I fell asleep and the next day was Shark week. I spent the day eating more chocolate and watching on grandmom's ginormous tv (that's the way to do it!). I could not bend my knees. And let me tell you, looking at all of those shark bite injuries was even more nauseating looking at my knees.

I did have to go home that night. It took me forever to drive. I had to pull over to stand up and adjust. That was challenging, but the real challenge was climbing the stairs to my apartment. I had to wear skirts for about 3 weeks because I couldn't bend my knees. Putting underwear on was even a challenge.

I got made fun of at work because a snail could out walk me. You know how much I have to pee and there was no "running" to the ladies room. I was lucky that I didn't pee myself. Try walking all day without bending your knees...and then times that by 2 weeks. That's how long it took.

Grocery shopping was a nightmare. I couldn't walk around, but I needed food. And of course much chocolate was consumed at that time.

The pain was frustrating, but what was even more frustrating was that I couldn't get out there and walk. The Former Fat Girl would have relished this time. It would have been so easy to hit the drive-thrus every night. It was the perfect excuse. And seriously, laying around watching tv was just about all I could do. I was terrified that I would fall into old habits. I could see the chocolate becoming a problem.

I was the happiest person in the world when I was finally able to walk. I needed to be very careful though because I was walking in the park on the path and worried about falling again on the concrete. I still wasn't able to wear pants so I didn't have the extra cushion.

For the longest time my scars were really dark and very big (one is the size of a plum and one about the size and shape of my thumb). They were actually very dark for a while. Today they are still there, but not as dark. I look at them every day and think how lucky I am that I didn't shatter my knee caps. I also think about how crazy it drove me not to be able to even walk for almost a month. That's what I think about when I start to feel like slacking. I would have given anything to have the body healthy enough to even walk. You can't take that for granted. If you have the ability you have to appreciate it and use it. So get out there and do something about it!

ps-I'll spare you the pictures of my knees from that time...just watch shark week and know it wasn't quite THAT bad :-)
Have a Blessed Night.

I signed up with Run for Autism again :-)

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

A sucky day turned into a GREAT Day! was a roller coaster ride let me tell you.

I haven't been feeling all that great this week. I'm exhausted. I'm run down. I'm stressed. I'm in full on panic study mode. It's not been good. Work has been hectic and I haven't been able to catch a breath for the past couple of days. This isn't good.

Today I had a monster headache that only got worse as the day went on.  My eyes are strained. They are bloodshot and they hurt. And then I started to feel like I was getting a sinus migraine. Oh goody.

My lunch hour included watching a study video and I just felt a full on panic. I'm not ready. I need to study 24/7. Oh and I need to pack. I'm leaving town straight from the gym tomorrow night. 

I don't want to skip Boot Camp. I really don't. I hate when it comes up. It's a free class. It breaks me out of my comfort zone. It educates me for my future. I learn from it. I sweat. I don't Want to miss it.  But, I could not do it tonight. My head just hurt too much. It was staring to feel like someone was trying to poke my eyes out of my head from inside my skull.

I don't like to miss it for a couple other reasons. I like to be a good example. I'm busy, but I make it work. There's no excuse. In my head I know that I more than make up for missing one class. I'm fine, but I want to be that inspiration and motivator. I don't want my not going to influence someone else not to go.

I also don't like to miss it because in my mind there are very few good excuses not to go. And I hate the word Excuse. The Former Fat Girl was full of them. She mastered the art of using excuses. I don't want to be her again. NO EXCUSES!

So right before class we had the announcement of who won the fitness challenge. I knew the team that won and the competitor in me was sad. It was my arch nemesis!  That's right. Fitness Challenge Arch Nemesis Ryan and his team the Six Pack Factory won. If you will remember, they are the reason why I decided to compete again. BAH!  I knew I wasn't the fierce competitor that I was last year, but GAH that drives me crazy. haha. But, props to them for doing so well. Nice job guys.

And then came the time to announce the individual winners male and female. First and second place for the Female winner was decided by 1 point. The winner got 42pts. I got 41. I came in second. And I'm so good with that.

First of all, Nicole won First Place and I could not be happier to lose to her. I watched her initial assessment. I had seen her at class and knew of events that she participated in. I was there for her final assessment and I knew she did really well. She was a tough competitor. If I was going to lose, I'm so glad it was to her. GO NICOLE!

Second of all, my numbers this year were not as high as they were last year. But, it was less time and I was a little less obsessed and focused. I've been studying and doing more running. So the fact that I came in second is huge for me. I'm still moving in the right direction.

The good news is that I still won. I won better numbers...and I got a shirt!  WOO WOO!  Thank you Alex.

Props to mom who said it's a good thing I didn't win again. She said no one would want to participate next year. haha. True dat!

Okay, so I stopped by class before I was leaving to talk a little more and then was blinded walking outside. My poor eyes were so sensitive to the sun. And then I realized I missed my Rush Hour window. Doh!  So I decided to run to Panera for some soup. It happens to be across the parking lot from a Verizon store and I had been looking to get a new phone. So I stopped in.

My salesperson was very helpful. I bought my bundle packet in the store, but then we walked over and I ordered my new phone online to save money. I have to wait until Tuesday to get it, but $50 is $50. I can wait.

We got to talking and I mentioned about my studying. He is going for a stress test next week and really needs to make some changes. Can you guess where this is going? We talked about the difference walking can make and about how just losing 10 pounds makes a difference and is very encouraging. And so we exchanged information. It looks like I may have my first official client!

This is why I am doing this. I want to help people so much. I get goosebumps thinking that I could help someone make a switch to a healthy lifestyle. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: If I could do it, EVERYONE can!

Seriously, I struggled so much with whether or not to go to class tonight. Obviously God had a plan for me. I could have done without the headache though. haha.

I still went to Panera for dinner. I secretly ordered from the Hidden Menu....shhh...I got my Mediterranean Chicken salad again. It is quickly becoming one of my favorites!

And then I had to stop at Grandmom's on the way home.  I had to pick up something for my trip this weekend. And the bonus is that when I got there Grandmom handed me a salad that she made me for my lunch tomorrow. And then she gave me some chicken so that I could make a sandwich for dinner. I heart Grandmom!  She's my Number 1 Fan!  (not at all creepy since I read Misery...which was on the other night...ACK!). No, she's not creepy at all. Grandmom is delightful and I'm very lucky to have two such wonderful ladies in my life.

Oh I almost forgot. It's been a good week for my Run For Autism fundraising too. I got 3 big pledges this week. I'm halfway to my goal. HOLLA!  #TogetherWeCanMakeADifference #YesIHashtagEverything

I am packed for the weekend and now it's time to log off and do a little more studying before I go to sleep. Now let's hope that tomorrow starts off a little better...but who are we kidding...TOMORROW IS FRIDAY!  It's already better.

Have a Blessed Night.

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yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

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Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Random Wednesday: Fiji, Hershey Kisses, Shark Week, and Tony Stewart

Happy Random Wednesday,

It's funny how Wednesdays see to come at the same time every week...

Okay so Sunday morning while I get ready for church I like to put on CMT and listen to the Country Music videos...yes, I'm a little bit Country. For the past few weeks I have been subjected to the worst infomercial for the Tummy Tuck Belt. UGH...Have you seen this?

For 2 easy payments of $19.99 and only 10 minutes a day you can melt away that belly fat!  You apply a cream to your belly then put this belt on and go about your daily business. Did you know that you can lose belly fat while eating cookies?  I kid you not, they show a lady eating cookies while wearing her belt.

SAVE YOUR MONEY!  First of all, that doesn't happen. I love how they wear the belt and it miraculously melts the fat in their arms and chin too. We call that photoshop.  Stuff like this really pisses me off. Once again I say, go ahead and just send me the money. You'll get the same results, but at least I could go on a vacation.


So I've been showering at the gym a lot lately. I've been showering after distance training nights and before I head out of town for the weekend. The Men's and Women's locker rooms are next to each other and it appears that there is an employee room in between the two sections of toilets. Which happen to be right next to the showers.

I have been at the sink washing my hands when a female employee has opened the door and a male employee is in there. I don't know what got me thinking of that, but now I am in a panic.  Hottie Headband works some Tuesdays. What if I am coming out of the shower and the door opens?  Now I am fully wrapped in a towel...but I don't even know his name...I don't need him seeing me naked....YET!  hahaha.


Yesterday was a rough day for me. It deserves it's own post. If I wasn't so out of it last night it was going to be titled: ARGH! I know better!

1) I ended up running on Monday night.  The whole time I was doing it I was screaming in my head: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?  Tomorrow is distance can't risk a sore knee.
2) I wore heels yesterday. The whole time I was doing it I was screaming in my head: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?  Today is distance can't risk a sore knee.

So what happened?  I could barely run. My knee ached. I was so mad at myself. It was a distance night. Why did I do that? I KNOW BETTER. I know what will cause my knee to be sore, and I did it anyway.


I don't know that it would have been a good run anyway. I was way out of it and having a hard time focusing. My work day was way busy with a project. I was wearing my reading glasses all day because I was staring at the screen so much.

I wanted to study. I had a hard time focusing on even walking. I ended up cutting my night short and getting a massage before heading home to study. Not even Shark Week could keep me up. Although I felt that it was the best night from Shark Week. I will not lie, I've been a little disappointed this year.


Last week there was an event at work one night. They put the left overs in the fridge. So every time I go in for my skim milk for my cereal I see the cake. DAMN YOU!


Today was a planned day out for lunch. Ms. Tracey, Ms. Tina, Ms. Lety, and myself were going to SaladWorks. On Wednesdays during the summer they have a special on the signature salads. WOO WOO! 

I offered to drive. We were at the door of the building when I remembered that I have a giant Hula Hoop in my backseat. haha. Troopers that they were, they sat with it. I offered that they could stick their hands out of the window and hold it on top of the car, but they didn't bite.


I am just a regular girl.  Really. A REGULAR girl. I used to be regular in the mornings, but one bad cheat weekend at the beginning of the summer has messed up my schedule. I NEED to get it back to the old schedule before the Half Marathon next month. I'm having nightmares thinking about the porta potty again. NEVER AGAIN!  I don't know what's wrong with people. I just needed to pee, but a little vomit came out. How can you miss that big giant hole???  So now my number one focus is getting my body back on schedule.


I'm a study nerd. "All you do is study!"...Not true, that's all I do in my free time. Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of free time. Tonight I took my flashcards on the treadmill. We are in crunch time.

I try to do word associations to remember things. Giggle.

Vasporessin is the hormone that reduces the need to pee while exercising. So how do I remember that?  Vagina-pressin!  I also have a hand gesture, but that's hard to convey through words. haha.


I heart Mr. Wil. He's so great. We have been talking about running away to Fiji and spending the whole time in hammocks with drinks in hand. I'm so in.

Well he is now out of gummy bears, but they were replaced with almond hershey kisses and small reeses peanut butter cups. I would sneak over for a couple hershey kisses a day.  Today when I was paying for my salad there was a basket of cookies at the register. I talked myself out of it saying that I would stop by Mr. Wil's desk. I had one hershey kiss today. 


I love when from my playlist come on right at the best time. "Let's See How Far We've Come" comes on every day just when I need it. Just when I am slowing down.

Of course I also giggle every time Chariots of Fire comes on too.


Tony Stewart loves to race. He races as much as he can. Last week he was in an accident, but unharmed. This week he was in another and broke his leg. It required surgery. I am personally offering my services to drop everything and go take care of him if need be. Tony Stewart CALL ME!


So we are in crunch time. I need to cut back on workouts and blogging until I take my exam. I also have my Fantasy Football Draft. I have a proxy for the first few rounds until I get home and hooked up, but I may end up just having him draft my whole team. I will still try to post as often as I can. I have back to back weekends of going away though. Rest assured, I will be back in full force soon.

Have a Blessed Night.

I signed up with Run for Autism again :-)

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.