Monday, April 30, 2012

Food as Fuel

Hello my Lovelies and Gents,

Okay, it's time to get tough.  Yesterday I was picking up a few groceries and I saw the usual scene.  A very large couple walking by pushing their cart. The cart was full of CRAP.  Cheese puffs.  Tasty cakes.  Soda.  Frozen pizzas.  Doritos.  Sugary cereals. Oreos (although I can't really blame them on that).  Bags of frozen hot wings.  Ice cream.

I really wanted to pull them aside and ask them why they were doing that to themselves.

Seriously, there was NOTHING nutritional in there.  They are filling their bodies with crap and it shows.  And really, most of the stuff is there just to eat.  It serves no purpose.  Let's face it.  You are never going to fill up on Cheese puffs.  If anything, you'll make yourself sick, but you'll never have that one and say "Wow, I am really full now.  That did the trick."

Want a wake up call?  Check out the calories on the back of a frozen pizza.  And remember that it's per SERVING.  It ain't pretty.  Now tell me how many slices you eat?  Come on, you can polish off a full frozen pizza.  We all know it.  Been there.  Done that.

Watching them push the cart made me so sad.  I remembered that cart.  I used to have that cart.  It took me back to times when I really didn't believe in myself and I hid behind food.  Filling up on empty calories is just stupid.  Why do it?  

So how did I change things?  I stopped thinking of food as fun and started realizing that it's fuel for my body.  With the right fuel I can do so much more.  If it's not going to fill me up, I don't eat it.

Remember my new car?  I still heart it!  Well there was a discussion about gas.  There is a gas station by me that has notoriously low pricing.  I went there once.  And you know what?  It did not last me nearly as long as other gas stations. It was bad gas.  No wonder it's cheap.  I generally frequent the wawa gas stations.  They aren't as low as that one, but tend to be the lowest in the area.  Well that horrified my uncles.  My cousin was having a trouble with her car and the first thing that was asked was "where do you buy gas?"  The answer was Wawa.  "Don't Do That!".  They are not responsible for their own gas.  They buy from others.  So it's cheap.  *Please note, I still very much heart Wawa as a store, I have just opted out of the gas portion*

So I have been paying the extra couple cents a gallon and you know what?  That's lasting even longer.  It's worth the extra money to make my car run smoother and better. 

Well it's the same with food.  If you think of food as fuel, then when you are feeding yourself the right fuel, you'll run better.  I feel like crap when I indulge in greasy food now.  And it sure as heck makes the treadmill a nightmare when that happens.  I feel like a rock is in my belly and I burp the whole time.  When I eat right, I feel much better and can workout much longer.

So often I hear "Eating healthy is so expensive"  Well, in a way it is, but it's so worth it.  There are ways to make it work though.  Are you responsible for your own food?  Or do you rely on others?  It really does make a difference.  It takes some getting used to, but cooking for yourself instead of eating out is so much better.  It makes you accountable for yourself.  There are no hidden ingredients.  You know exactly what you are putting into your body. 

Do you eat only when you are hungry?  Or do you eat out of habit?  The other day I was sitting in my room reading and just itching to hit the kitchen cabinets.  I don't keep junk anymore.  If I'm hungry I have peanut butter and crackers or carrots and hummus.  But, if I'm not really hungry, then I just have some gum and a glass of water.

Okay kids, I need to pack my gym bag for tomorrow...I need to decide what to wear for boot camp (and yes, I remembered to shave tonight :-)

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you!  Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week.  The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Dear knees I am sorry, please don't hate me

Happy Sunday Bleeps!

You'll excuse me if my post today is full of bleeps.  Thank you for all of your concerns about my knees.  If only my brain and body can sync up on this.  Right now I am seriously hurting from my own stupidity.  BAH!

I am getting so focused on this Fitness competition that it's not cool.  But, here's a reason why I am doing birthday is coming up.  While I love little birthday celebrations, the actual number thing is NOT COOL.  So there is a whole lot of: "I am in the best shape of my life...look what I can do!" going on.

To know me is to know how much I hate telling you my age.  I know I know, I don't look it.  But, that doesn't mean my body isn't getting older.  Thank you to the lovely ladies in my life who passed on these fabulous genes, but please pass on the advil to go with it.

So we have Fitness Competition, Birthday, and bikini as my motivations...what we also need is someone to force me to stop and rest a little.

I was beyond tired this morning.  I really REALLY wanted to make today a day of Rest, but I had it scheduled as a Legs day.  I figured I would make it a light day.  Hahahaha...I don't really know me yet do I?

Yesterday I hit the gym in the morning with Gym Buddy Lisa.  Since I had run for Hottie McBody the night before I was making it a weights morning.  Starting off with a quick 15 minutes cardio then we hit the weights.  We hit up abs, shoulders, back, triceps and biceps.  It was a good workout.  The plan was to take a nap before the Twilight 5K.  The plan is ALWAYS to take a nap, but I never do.  So when it was time to leave for the 5K all I wanted to do was nap.

We know the plan for that was to walk it.  Even if I decided to run, I need to walk first then finish running.  I can't stop and start.  The knees won't allow it.  Once again we somehow started in the middle and we were off and running.  *OH FUDGE*.  So I ran until we made our first turn.  The entire time my knees were ready to explode.  When the heck will I ever learn NEVER TWO DAYS IN A ROW!!!  They need rest time.  Bah. 

As soon as we turned I dropped back.  I hate falling behind, but I prefer the ability walk over busted knees.  So I did.  Now, this was my first Twilight 5k.  And it may be my last.  The weather was nice.  The course was easy.  But, it was along a main road littered with restaurants.  I don't eat dinner before 5 so I hadn't eaten yet. I smelled pizza and chinese for 5k.  BAH! 

Every now and then I would try to pick up the pace with a very light jog.  And very quickly my knees reminded me who was boss.  I had a lady walking right behind me that pushed me and that was cool, but then we sort of became unofficial guardians for a young man who was on his own.  He was easily distracted by the police cars blocking off traffic and would try to get in the cars.  I never saw him with an adult and was a little concerned.  At one point he veered off into traffic following a cop.  So we sort of hung back with him to make sure he crossed the finish line in one piece.  Along the way I let him listen to my music and he really enjoyed that.  After we finished I was by the gatorade stand and he came and asked to listen again.  His mom came over a little later and I noticed she was wearing a race shirt.  I wanted to yell at her that she never should have let him go on his own.  I will just say that he was "special" and easily distracted.

My fellow 5Kers Kristin and my Godson Zach were waiting for me at the finish line.  Even though we didn't stay together, it was nice to see them waiting for me.  And it was nice to partake in the popcorn at the finish line.  YUM.  I took an extra bag to enjoy during the Nascar race later that night...shhh *Tony Stewart Call Me!*

So yeah, my knees hated me last night.  HATED me.  I should have been good today.  But, I was not.  As tired as I was, I hit the gym.  Since I have boot camp on Tuesday I won't do weights tomorrow.  I needed to do them today.  So I hit up the treadmill for a 15 minute warm up. Then it was over to the abs, thighs, and butt machine.  Should have stopped there, but I hit up the leg machine.  I couldn't remember what my weights were on it before, so I tried it with the 130 on there.  I was able to do it, but it was a struggle.  Cute boy watching so of course I kept it up.  DUMMY.  I finished with 15 minute cool down on the treadmill (good way to stretch your legs after a leg workout). And I was not leaving without a massage chair moment.

So I was feeling pretty good and then I went to Starbucks to read my church book discussion assignment.  I was hungry and got a multigrain bagel and I treated myself to a venti iced vanilla chai.  I sat and read for about an hour and very quickly my calves started to tell me I was dumb.  They did not appreciate the weights today.  It became very painful to cross and uncross my legs.  :-(

Tomorrow we go light!  Just a walk on the treadmill.  That's it.  I don't care if Gym Crush #2 is there or not.  No running.  I need to be able to move on Tuesday for Hottie Instructor.

Oh, before I go, let me just tell you about my goodie bag from the 5K.  Lots of local coupons and stuff, but what I was most excited about was a jar gripper.  Gal Pal Heather makes homemade jam.  For Christmas she gave me two jars that I was simply dying to try: Pineapple and Banana/Rum.  Oh heck yeah.  I wanted to heat them and drizzle them over light vanilla ice cream.  I have had the ice cream for a couple of months, but have been unable to open the jars.  This was probably a good thing.  She got new jars and when she put the lids on it was too hot and sealed them.  I have practically broken my hand trying to open them.

So before the 5k started all I could think about was having that jam later in the night...drool.  It was the first thing I did when I got home.  It still took a little while, but I got the lid to pop.  *insert heavenly music*.  Oh it was worth the wait.  Now the question is, how long can I make this last?  I don't want to indulge every night.  We will just have to see.  Since birthday week is coming up I am sure there will be lots of indulgences, I may be able to resist for a bit...*think bikini...think bikini...think bikini...*

Check out my Facebook Page for  Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: @hugsnsmile

Friday, April 27, 2012

I do dumb things for cute boys

Happy Friday Bleeps!

So yesterday Ms Barb and I were going out to lunch to chat, but another friend really needed to get out and vent so we spent the hour listening to her.  Today we got separated :-(  We moved desks around and she was moved to another pod.  She was gone for all of 30 minutes when we decided that we needed to go out to lunch (separation anxiety is a b*&*H...especially since Work Husband left).  I had brought mine, but it doesn't take much to talk me into going out.

"I want a burger, is that allowed?" need to ask me twice.  We decided to go to the mall.  That way if the line for Five Guys was too long then we could go to Subway.  Hahaha...there is a reason why I try to avoid the food court on Fridays.  There were four busloads of students there.  The lines for both Subway and Five Guys were so dang long.

So we went over to the Cajun Grill for some bourbon chicken.  It was on special too.  BONUS!  Now the last time I got the chicken and two veggies.  This time I opted for the chicken, veggies, and rice.  I have felt like a bottomless pit lately and I needed something to stick in my belly.

I'm very proud of Barb for stepping outside of her box.  If you can't put ketchup on it, she usually doesn't eat it.  She loved it!  She cleared her whole plate too. :-)  It was a lot of food, and I was still hungry when we were done.  All I could think was that there are cookies around the corner.  Maybe I should get one.

I did not.  I walked away.  By the time we got back to the office I my brain had caught up to my belly.  I was full.  Thank goodness.

*Quick tip: drink a glass of water before you eat.  You'll get full faster*

Okay so fast forward to tonight and I was on my own for the gym.  Dinner was cancelled too.  So I ran a quick errand and got to the gym a little later than usual.  I didn't really have a plan except to take my book and walk on the treadmill.  My knees were a little sore from the squats last night.

I got on the treadmill and was reading happily.  Then I looked up.  Can it be?  Gym Crush #1...OH happy day.  Remember when I said that he makes growl?  Well it happened again.  I don't exactly see myself talking to him any time soon since I'm pretty sure it would go a little like this:

Me: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.....
Him: what is wrong with you?
Me: *drool*
Him: Please don't talk to me again

So the minute I saw him I closed the book and upped the speed.  I can't be bothering myself with reading when there's Hotty McBody to be watchin!  Have I mentioned how much I love his shoulders?  Up the speed you ask?  Well duh, I need to run so that my boobs can catch his attention.  It worked.  We watched each other for 45 minutes.  :-)  As much as I would have liked to talk to him and watch him some more, I was quite happy to see him leave.  I had not planned on a run. My knees HURT. 

I was going to attempt to run the 5K tomorrow, but not anymore.  I shall be walking it.  I do dumb things for cute boys.  Once again the knees are up and iced.  Workout buddy Mike can't hit the weights tomorrow so I'm on my own in the morning.  Five bucks says that I talk myself into sleeping in.  I have the Twilight 5K tomorrow night, so I can afford to sleep in.  But, I need to keep hitting the weights.  I have a Fitness Competition to win!

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you!  Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week.  The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

The Fitness Competition is ON! BRING IT!

Happy Thursday Bleeps!

I forgot to talk about my complete and utter lack of coordination during boot camp the other night. Towards the end when it was time for plank again, Cutie instructor wanted us to extend the left leg and right arm.  Then switch to the other side.  Okay, so I can so very easily do that when my plank is with extended arms.  However, when I am on my forearms, I turn to spaghetti.  We had 30 seconds and it took me about 28 seconds to finally coordinate myself.   Doh!

So today I met up with my fellow teammates.  I'm very excited.  We have a good group.  But, going into the meeting I was nervous.  Am I going to be the one that holds us back?  My immediate thought when I saw my teammates was: Crap!  I'm the oldest and have the most weight to lose.  But, I started to feel better as the meeting went on.

My team consists of Heather, who I recognized from Yoga.  She is an avid rock climber and invited us to go climbing with her after work.  I am totally in!  Although the whole time I was picturing the scene from Failure to Launch.  My other teammate is Michel.  He is from Brazil and walks to work every day. 

We sat and went over the points and providing support for each other.  When we got back to our desks we had all sent emails separately saying how nice it was to meet each other.  Then Michel said he was Amazed by us.  That made me feel so good.  I really was feeling like the one that was going to weigh down the team.  Pun intended. 

Basically, of the three of us, I have the weight to lose which could get us more points.  The problem is that I'm stuck in that "changing body, but the weight isn't coming off the scale" stage.  Argh.  That was playing on my mind pretty much the rest of the afternoon.

Right after the meeting I went out to lunch and got my half sandwich/half salad.  But, I was still hungry when I got back to my desk.  All I could think about was the chocolate covered pretzels in the vending machine.  It took all I had not to go buy them.  I tried to analyze myself.  Was I really hungry or was it more self-sabotaging?  I tend to think it was both. 

The size of the half sandwich was small and the salad was mostly lettuce, so yeah, I was still hungry.  But, I also know that when I think about my success I tend to want to eat something bad.  I want my belly GONE, but will I know who I am when that happens?  Do I associate myself with my belly?

I don't want it to be like that.  So I was going to hit it hard at the gym tonight.  My knees were still bothering me today so running was out.  I opted for the elliptical.  My thoughts were 30 minutes and then hit the weights.  But, do I hit the weights at the gym or come home and do them?  Well around minute 25 I spotted Gym Crush 2. The best part is that I spotted him watching me.  Oh heck yeah! Barb said he gets her vote.  She is forbidding me from flirting with Cutie Instructor as we aren't sure how old he is, but fear that I would really be a Queen Cougar with him. lol.  Don't care.  Flirting will continue next week.

Anyway, once I spotted GC2 I of course decided to stay.  I pounded out more time on the elliptical and then my feet gave out at 45 minutes.  GC2 left and so did I.  I came home to hit the weights.  I really wanted to work my abs, work on my push ups, and my squats.  I need to get those 15 extra points for each.  So I need to be comfortable with surpassing those 15 reps.  I killed the squats tonight with extra weight and extra reps.  My knees will probably hate me tomorrow. 

So now it's time to relax and charge my ipod :-)  Have a Blessed night.

Check out my Facebook Page for  Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: @hugsnsmile

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Biggest Loser - Week 17

Welcome to the Biggest Loser Ranch - Week 17

So all of the sent home contestants are back to fight for the last spot in the finale.  Let me start by saying Holy Cow!  They looked amazing!  Then let me say that I had forgotten about soooooo many of them. Not gonna lie, there were a few "who the heck is that?" moments.

They all looked great, but there were a few who stood out.  Emily! Girlfriend has a tiny little waist.  Cassandra! Holy crap she's tiny.  The biggest surprise was Mike.  Mike went home week 2.  He was half the man that left back then.  And if you remember, they sent him home because he wasn't working hard.  Well obviously, he's doing something right.

So there are several rounds to the finale.  First up, a weigh in.  There are 15 people.  The top 8 make it through to the next level. Jeremy goes first.  Obviously he's going to make it.  Emily rocks.  Lauren and Mike were sent home in the first 3 weeks, and they made the top 8.  And they were pretty high up.  Chism did not make the cut.  He did comment about how hard it was to realize that people that went home much earlier worked so much harder than he did.  Wake up call.

The next challenge was a 100 meter race.  Cassandra smoked everyone.  Sadly, Emily didn't make the cut.

Next up, the nutrition challenge.  They had 9 boxes with different foods on them.  They had to match them with the calories that were stacked up.  Mike was the first to get it.  Pretty impressive since he had to learn nutrition on his own. Next up was Jeremy.  Then Lauren.

The final challenge was an endurance challenge. Standing on a post holding on to a golden ticket over their head. after thirty minutes it was cut to one hand.  Then it was one foot. Lauren felt sick after 2 and a half hours.  She dropped.  So it was down to Mike and Jeremy.  I was screaming for Mike to pull this out.

The entire episode was Jeremy whining that he worked so hard and had the opportunity taken from from.  If anyone says he didn't work harder than Kim or Conda they were liers.  That was all he kept saying.  I was sooooo mad.  Isn't it ironic that last week he was ready to walk because sent home contestants had the chance to compete for the finale and here he was being saved by that very twist? 

Mike dropped.  Jeremy is back in the finale.

So here's what I'm hoping for: Kim wins Biggest Loser and Emily scores the at home.

Next week is the finale.  Come on KIM!

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you!  Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week.  The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Boot Camp - week 2

Happy Tuesday Bleeps,

Today I went back to the mall for a walk at lunch.  I really hadn't done that since December.  My plans had always been to walk at lunch and go to the gym at night, but I've been running errands or relaxing at lunch instead.  I had walked outside a few times, but they were few and far between.

It was a good walk, but I forgot that school's are closed on election day.  Too many teenagers just putzing around the mall today. GET OUT OF MY WAY!

I like my lunch time walks for the chance to clear my head.  I didn't quite clear it today though.  Today I had a full blown panic attack while I was walking.  Why?  Because that damn promise of the bikini is looming.  I really really wanted to do it, but I am not seeing it happen.  I have been looking at bikini tops and I can't seem to find any attractive ones that fit that are in my price range.  Now that's the easy cop out.  The hard one is that while I am making progress, every time I think about showing my belly right now I start retching and then the tears start.  :-(  I still plan on doing it, but the date may be pushed back another month.  I'm fairly certain every woman reading this can understand my hesitation.  My belly IS getting smaller, but it's just too unattractive for me to share just yet.

I was really hoping that the Fitness Competition would give me the motivation I need to push me into that bikini. That's why I have been so frustrated at the delay in teams.  We finally got our teams this week and I am on the Ducks.  There are 6 teams of 3.  I don't know the people on my team so I'll need to set up a meeting with them and see how they are doing.

Here's what we get points for:
Boot camp class (2 pts each max 14)
Seminars (5pts each max 10) - we have one Thursday that I'll be telling you about
Workout Log (5pts)
Events (5 pts each, max 15 points) - 5pts for the 5k this past weekend, lining up 2 more
weight loss
Body Fat % change
1 pt for every rep over our baseline for squats, plank, pushups - max 15
1 pt for every inch over baseline for sit and reach - max 5
Bonus point for figuring out the significance of the team names (I got it!)

The good news is that the date has been pushed back a little too. Big sigh of relief there.

So now, I gotta kill it.  I just need to really use my head.  Walking was great today, but my knees were shot from running last night and then walking today.  I could not do the suicides during boot camp :-(  I still did my running between rounds, but it hurt to do that. I also did not love the jumping around.  But, I'm killing it at upper body and core.

Tonight's class was a whole 5 people.  Good for me point wise, but I was a little disappointed. As was the cute instructor.  Yep, I have a crush on him. :-)  Since we had fewer people tonight he had us all doing the same things. It was funny, we were negotiating with him at the end "We have time for one more round if you want."  "okay, but no jumping and how about we only do 3 not 4" "Let's do the squats in the middle".   It's okay, we really pushed it tonight.  I was really glad when it was time to stretch.

When I got out of my car at the end of the night my knees were hurting.  And then the walk up the stairs to my apartment?  Well, let's put it this way "Did you hear the screaming?" Oh no, it was not good.  They are currently up and being iced.

So note to self-next week there will be no running on Monday and no walking at lunch on Tuesday.  No more pizza and m&ms.  It's time to focus Jennifer!

Check out my Facebook Page for  Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: @hugsnsmile

Monday, April 23, 2012

Making amends Monday...again

Hello my Lovelies and Gents,

Well it's been a little longer than I anticipated, but some things came up.  Fear not though, I still got my workouts in :-)

Except for Friday.  Friday I left work early and went to Lancaster for a performance of Jonah.  The show was at 4 so I had to factor food in.  I did a poor job.  I grabbed a tomato/mozzarella panini at Starbucks around 11.  So it was a little early for me.  I got to the theater an hour early.  When I walked in there was a nice little refreshment stand.  They had sandwiches, but I did not get one.  Instead I caved for two oatmeal raisin cookies and a coke.  In my head I had asked for a diet coke (I needed caffeine something bad and was afraid I would fall asleep during the show).  I don't believe the word diet came out of my mouth.  It was a very enjoyable mistake.

After the show I was starving.  STARVING.  But, I had no idea what was around.  I was not familiar with the area.  I had passed a bunch of fast food joints on the way.  So I had to decide where to stop to eat.  I was hungry and there were too many choices.  I could not make a decision.  I finally settled on Cosi's.  Love it!  Got my half salad and half sandwich...and unfortunately, a diet coke.

So the plan for the next morning was to get up early and hit up Subway for an egg white sandwich before heading out for the 5K.  But, someone had a little too much soda the day before.  I'm not naming names, but dummy could not fall asleep that night.  Getting up early was darn near impossible.  See, this is what happens when you have too much soda/caffeine after you have purged your body of it for so long!

I overslept.  Don't worry, I still made it on time, but I had to cut out breakfast.  So I grabbed a protein bar and got on the road.  Heather actually beat me there and amazingly we ran into each other in the parking lot.  She had already checked in and so I ran to check in and pick up my shirt and bib.  I made it with 5 minutes to spare.  I tossed my shirt in my bag and got out my ipod.  I was ready. *Please note that I ordered a medium shirt and didn't look at it until I got home and found out they gave me a's okay though it's not too huge*

It was chilly to start off, but within minutes we were warmed up.  It was such a fun morning.  Even Ronald McDonald was there in his track suit.  There were so many families there just enjoying the day.  I had to put on my big girl pants though.  I was there to support Heather.  She has serious hip problems and she would not be able to keep up my pace.  So I swallowed my pride and slowed it down a bit.  It's okay though.  I would say 75% were walkers. It's kind of hard to pass that many people.  After the first mile I picked up the pace and I'm very proud to announce that she kept up with me :-)  I was so proud that I even let her stop for a potty break.  The competitor in me was screaming the whole time though, because I watched people that we passed earlier just go blowing by us.  Luckily, we passed them again a little later.

We joked that I would be carrying Heather across the finish line.  Of course I kept asking her when she was ready to run also.  As we were nearing the finish line she said she was ready to run, but I was not about to be responsible for her hurting herself.  I wanted her to finish, but not at any cost.

Afterwards, there were refreshments in the Blue Rocks stadium.  Got our slice of pizza (argh), oranges, sugar cookies, tomato/mozzarella sticks, roll, and coconut water.  I did pass on the beer...again.

First off, I was excited about the coconut water.  I had always wanted to try it.  I did NOT like it.  Ick.  Not for me.  And I LOVE coconut, so that was depressing.  Second, best dang sugar cookie I ever had. 

I couldn't hang around too long because I had to get home. My mom was coming up and we were heading over to visit my cousin.  Fast forward many hours, and we finally got there.  And a little while after that, dinner was ordered.  Yep, more pizza.  And Fries. And poppers...mmm...poppers.

So I had my 1 slice, my popper, and some fries.  But, I was starving. So I went back for seconds.  I stopped at two slices, but I wanted more.  I could not function knowing that there was another whole pizza in the kitchen.  I believe I topped out at 3 poppers (my weakness).

Once again, I know that I thought I ate a lot more than I actually did, but when your head obsesses about food for hours...well it sucks.  I made up for the lack of veggies on Sunday.

Let's move on to Sunday.  I went to the grocery store for a little bit before the gym.  It was a cold and rainy day.  A great day for some chili.  While I was in the frozen food section looking for my morningstar crumbles, I saw the clearance items in the next freezer.  Creamy chocolate chip chocolate ice cream was on clearance.  Oh I wanted it.  I don't have the room in my freezer.  Honestly, that is the only reason I didn't buy it.

Oh, I almost forgot.  Did you know about the dark chocolate raspberry M&Ms?  Well I  If only they sold them in the small individual packets.  I bought the medium size bag on Saturday.  The plan was to share them with everyone on Saturday.  But, they were in my car for a little bit and got warm.  So I ate them all on my own.  The bag was gone by Sunday night :-( 

After the store and before the gym I stopped at Starbucks.  It was the perfect time for a chai tea, but I opted for an iced unsweetened green tea.  Why?  Because it was the perfect cold rainy weather for my toasted coconut hot chocolate later.  And it was well worth the wait!

After the gym I ran home to start up my chili.  I heart Chili Sundays.  It cooks all day and smells delicious.  I am able to clean/read/sleep while it cooks and when it's done I have dinner for 4 nights.  Go me!

I could have blogged Sunday night, but I really do enjoy my "computer-free" Sundays.  So I took it as an opportunity to focus on relaxing.  Try it. "computer-free" days are surprisingly freeing.

So yes, I'm a little disappointed in myself this weekend.  There were some good decisions, but so many bad ones :-( I made amends, but I also "cheated" a little too much.  I'm even more mad because today we finally got our teams and point system for the Fitness Competition.  That was enough to set me straight today. 

I had planned on walking at the mall at lunch, but I had a slight complication.  I had an eye irritation so bad that I went to the car and got my emergency glasses.  They are two prescriptions ago, but I can see.  Just not that well.  As long as I was sitting I was fine, but walking around gave me motion sickness.  Don't laugh!  Okay, you can laugh a little.  So I stayed in for lunch.  I flushed my eye and think that there must have been something in there that I couldn't see because I felt much better and was able to put my contacts back in for the drive to the gym.  The better to see Gym Crush #2 with...te he.

Alright kids, I will tell you all about the Fitness Competition tomorrow...after boot camp (I get 2pts for every class I go to).  Have a wonderful night.  And don't forget, Mondays are a great day to make amends for bad choices on the weekend.

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you!  Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week.  The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Thursday Randomness

Happy Thursday Bleeps!

I hope this week is finding you well.  We haven't had a Randomness day in a here we go ;-)

First I will start off with thanking you for all of your prayers.  My cousin is home from the hospital and has received some really awesome news.  There's still some rough roads ahead, but the diagnosis is good :-)  There is some chemo in the future.  So every time I have an itch to cut my hair, I will remember this.  I wanted to cut my hair for Locks of Love.  Now, I feel like it's something I have to do.  Two inches to go!

Second, I want to give a shout out to my pal Heather.  Today we signed up for her first 5K this weekend.  We signed up to walk it with her son.  Heather has some hip issues and walking can be tough on her.  I'm so very proud that she's up for this :-)  She says I'll be carrying her across the finish line, but I have faith.  She can do it.  I will go as slow as she wants.  The bonus is that it benefits the Ronald McDonald house (the irony of the fast food association is not lost on me, but it's a good cause).

Next up, the pollen is still out there and dangerous.  I have not walked at lunch because I am quite frankly scared of the neon yellow nastiness.  Everyone in my desk area is sneezing or stuffed up.  Ick.  Tonight when I was changing for the gym I was looking at my nice black sneakers.  Good Lord, they have a yellow tint from Boot Camp.  NEVER again.  *Note to self-switch sneakers on Tuesday*.

 Earlier this week I went to the mall at lunch.  I picked up another yoga mat and more push up bars.  These are to keep at work.  That way I don't have to bring my yoga mat back and forth.  I am hopeful that we will get yoga back, but I also need it for core work in Boot Camp.  Ms. Barb and I are planning on booking a conference room once a week at lunch to work on plank and push ups.  Hence the push-up bars

And speaking of Ms. Barb, yesterday I was eating my afternoon snack and made a comment.  I mentioned that I didn't think I was hungry, but I couldn't stop eating.  Her question "If you weren't hungry, why are you eating?"  In general, eating when you aren't hungry is a bad thing.  But, I have afternoon snacks to help with the metabolism and to keep from being starving at dinner. 

That leads me to today.  I was feeling a little bored.  And that's when my brain decided it was hungry.  Ever happen to you?  Bored eating is just as bad as stress eating.  It's a behavior eating pattern that is hard to break.  When I'm in the middle of a project I practically have to set an alarm to remind myself to eat.  But, if I am sitting around trying to figure out what to do, more often than not I find myself in the kitchen raiding the cabinet.  Not because I'm hungry, but simply because it's something to do. DANGEROUS.
 Tonight was a good night.  I was walking out of the locker room at the gym when I bumped in to Gym Crush #1. On a Thursday?  HECK YEAH!  I was very naturally I ran to a treadmill with a good view of the weights...sigh...Oh and then while Lisa and I were talking later I noticed Gym Crush #2 on the bike.  What?  On a Thursday?  HECK YEAH!  I was smiling the whole time.

After the gym Lisa and I went to Kohl's.  I had a coupon and figured I would check out the workout clothes.  40% off!  I found a cute pair of purple shorts and a black top.  It's a nice way to treat myself.  Finding clothes that you like to work out in make all of the difference. 

Okay kids, tomorrow I am going to a show and so it will be a night off from the Blog.  So have a wonderful night and I'll see you on Saturday. 

Check out my Facebook Page for  Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: @hugsnsmile

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Biggest Loser - week 16

Welcome to the Biggest Loser Ranch - week 16.

Okay, take a seat. You KNOW I have a lot to say on this one.

So the episode starts with the cameras trying to find the contestants.  None have on their microphones nor can they be found.

It seems that the contestants got wind of the Producers plans to bring back a former contestant to compete for the finale.  You know, like they do EVERY season.  Well that did not sit well with these guys. "It's not fair"...Freakin call someone who cares!  I love how they "play the game" all season and then cry foul when it suits them.

Bob and Dolvett were PISSED.  They came to talk to them and expected outrage.  Instead they were treated to "We've gotta to do what's right for us.  And that means standing up for what's right."   Um...what?

So then Allison comes in with the Lawyers.  They meet with the contestants one on one.  Turns out, it was all spelled out in the CONTRACT that they SIGNED.  It specifically states that all contestants will have the opportunity to come back and compete for the finale.  Busted.

I would like to know the point of this "strike".  If you strike and/or go home, then they will just bring back more players.  And you are handing them your prize money.  Which is the point you are "striking against".  DUH.

In the end, Mark and Buddy went home.   Whatever.  No one's impressed by your "doing the right thing" speeches.  You missed the point of the competition.  AND you held a spot from someone who truly deserves to be there.  Buddy had a real shot at winning the whole thing and he walked away.   Here's the thing.  These guys are contestants that I should have liked, but all season they just irked me and said things that rubbed me the wrong way.  Not really surprised they went home.  But, I will admit that I really thought it was going to be Jeremy and Conda.

Okay, so this week the excuse was: No motivation.

So they gave them a big motivation.  The biggest loser this week wins a Ford Escape.  The downside for the week, a red line.  If you fall below it, you go home.

Bob had Conda pulling him in the Escape.  That was pretty fun to watch.  Of course they showed highlights from when Tara pulled the car across the finish line.  Tara ROCKED.
This was the week where they sat down with their trainers and watched the video of themselves from the beginning of season.  Wow.  They really have come a long way.

Time for the weigh in.

Conda goes first.  She loses 10lbs.  I was shocked. I didn't see that coming.  Next up is Kim. HOT DAMN!  Girlfriend loses 15lbs.  She is down to 147.  She looks AMAZING.  Next up is Jeremy.  "I know I worked harder than both Conda and Kim." *Yeah, that's one of the reasons I don't like him.  Seriously, you're going to look at Kim and tell me that you worked harder than she did.  I don't THINK SO.

I don't remember what he needed to lose to stay safe, but he didn't lose it.  He cries.  And Conda cries.  She's yelling that he deserves to be there more than her or Kim.  Um...NO.

Then Allison tells him that it's not over.  And in come the other 14 contestants.  Looks like he gets to compete to come back.

Next week should be interesting.

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you!  Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week.  The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Bootcamp week 1 (well week 3, but my first week)

Hello Beautiful People!

Are you getting out there and enjoying the summer-like weather?  Yesterday was stinking hot.  Today we had a little relief.  I had considered walking at lunch, but the past two days when I drove into the parking lot at work I saw the neon green/yellow coating.  You could see the tire tracks running through the pollen.  It was gross.

I went to the mall at lunch on an errand, but it was okay.  I spent the last two days on the exercise ball.  I lasted most of the day today too, until the last hour.  My shoes were hurting my feet, so I switched over to the chair.  I had my first bootcamp coming up.  I needed to be smart.  I was already dumb for wearing partial heels.

So 5 o'clock came and it was time to change. Um...I packed shorts because of the heat.  What I forgot to do was SHAVE.  BAH.  *Note to self, shave next Monday!!!!*   Remember this.  The weather is getting nicer.  Time to shave more often.  Don't forget!

We started our warm-ups while we waited for everyone to get outside.  There were lots of sprints and kick running.  My lungs were first.  For the first 3 minutes.  And then I was coughing so much that my throat completely dried up.  I was inhaling about a pound of pollen a minute.  Well that's what it felt like anyway.  I could take the deep breaths, but I could feel the pollen sticking to my lungs.

So I needed to be smart about this.  The competitor in me wanted to go balls out and give it 150%.  However, the girl who is still not 100% yet did not want to send myself backwards.  I do not want to take any more sick days.  No way No how!  So I will go all out, but not kill myself.  I'll save that for next week.

After warm-ups we were divided into three groups and sent to stations.   At each station we would work arms, legs, or core for 45-60 (sometimes 90) seconds.  Then we were to haul butt to the next station. 

After each round there were suicide runs.  I opted to sit them out.  I could feel the pollen wheezing happening and I did not want to be carted off the field.  Let's cross our fingers that I'm good for next week.  I wanted to run bad!

Each round our exercises changed to switch things up.  I did not love the jumping.  My knee twinged a little so the scissor lunges were particularly unnerving.  Ironically, I liked the jumping jacks, but I had a little more control over my knee for that.  For squats I opted for regular squats.  I did not want to jump and extend the knee.  It's hard enough to handle that on solid ground, but this was uneven ground.  I'll pass.

So you know how I was annoyed at my planks and push-ups since my assessment?  Well I was killing them at bootcamp, so I'm feeling way better about it now :-) Well except that my nose was running during the pushups and that got a little icky.

I was not sweating after and almost considered going to the gym to hit the treadmill for a little while.  I had to go to the library so I opted out of the gym.  Besides, I wanted to get home and showered before the Biggest Loser.  Alas, another week passes without seeing Gym Crush #1 :-(

Check out my Facebook Page for  Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: @hugsnsmile

Monday, April 16, 2012

Back in the Saddle...well on the exercise ball

Happy Monday Bleeps!

*Insert load groan here*

Do you know what today was?  It was pizza day at work!  There was a mandatory meeting at lunch today and that meant they were going to provide lunch.  Luckily, I stayed behind to answer the phones so I did not have to go to the meeting.  They did order salad though and I went in for a plate full first.

Argh, it was so hard to take only a plate of salad.  I am very grateful that they ordered it also, but it was just sitting on the table next to some BBQ Chicken Pizza...and that is my ultimate weakness in pizza.  If I had to be in that meeting then I would have checked out the minute I sat down.  I would not be listening to anything that was being said.  I would have been focusing on the pizza.  "Can I have a slice? Look at that gooey cheese.  OMG would you smell that pizza! How soon before the meeting is over and I can sneak a slice (or a second slice)"

I survived though.

So I realized that I had not been on the exercise ball at work for a couple of weeks.  I kept off it because of my knee for a little bit, and then I was sick last week and balance was not my friend.  Time to get back on.  I need to work on my core.

Um...I was not thinking about that when I got dressed.  I was thinking about the 90 degrees in the forecast so I put on a dress.  It's a long dress made with a spandexy material.  It's a wonderful dress and I feel nice and cool in it.  It is not, however, the ideal outfit for the exercise ball.

How shall I put this nicely....normally I am wearing jeans to work.  That means I don't actually feel the texture of the exercise ball under my tush.  Well I felt it today.  It was weird.  It was all squishy.  I was acutely aware of my butt all day.

I was having some issues.  I kept trying to cross my legs.  It's not easy to do.  Today would have been a good day for a crash helmet. 

Tomorrow is bootcamp so you can believe my butt will be on that ball all day.  Say it with me: Must strengthen my core!

Okay kids, it was a rough night at the gym and I am beat.  Time for bed.  Sweet dreams.

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you!  Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week.  The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Bad news + Me = urge to eat...and eat...and eat

Hello my Lovelies and Gents,

So last week we had two big wonderful events for the family.  Causes for celebration.  First was Keeley's performance at Carnegie Hall.  Then it was Kim's wedding in Jamaica.  I'm so very thankful for those joyful occasions.  Unfortunately, it has been followed up with some sobering news.

I will not go into full details, but another cousin was in the hospital all week and is currently in ICU after having a large mass removed from her intestine.  The news has been rapid and changing all week.  Just when we have time to digest one thing of bad news, we are hit with more.  It has been an emotional roller coaster of a week.  Although it's starting to feel like quicksand.

Before I go on, I will put out the prayer request.  Please pray for Janice and her family.  Ask your church or prayer groups to pray for them too.

How am I handling this?  I find myself on my knees often.  I am praying every waking moment.  I am also fighting the urge to binge eat.  For years, well most of my life, I reacted with food.  Let's think about this though.  When someone is sick or dies, what do you do?  You bring food. But, not just any food.  You bring comfort food.   Large pasta dishes.  Boxes of donuts.  Pizza.  You don't often see people bringing grilled chicken and steamed vegetables.

So first I was sick and I was dealing with the increasing appetite when I started to get better.  Then, I am emotional and worried.  All I want to do is curl up with chocolate, ice cream, and french fries.  Well, not all at once. 

It is a very powerful urge to deal with.  I have been in my car a lot this weekend and as I pass by fast food restaurants I have had severe urges to pull in and gorge myself until I'm sick.  If I'm focusing on that, maybe my brain won't think about the bad things.  I have not done so, but let me tell you how bad Arby's is calling me.  I do not know if I can resist it that much longer.  It doesn't help that it's across the street from the gym too.

How am I able to resist?  That is a good question.  I think there are three things at work here.  First, is that I was sick for a week.  I saw my body this weekend.  You can tell a difference.  It's not as tight.  Just one week off of working out and eating right and I could see a major difference.  Second, is that dang fitness competition.  You would think I am obsessed, but I am calling out the organizers.  We still do not have teams or guidance yet.  The thing is over next month.  ARGH.  Third, I want to treat my body right.

I know that you can be the healthiest person in the word and still contract the big C, but I don't want to give my body fuel for the bad.  I want it in the best shape possible so that if I ever do face something like that, I have the strongest healthiest body on my side to do the fighting.  Does that make sense?

Give yourself a hug for me.  Then hug your family.  Life is so precious.  Let's make every moment count.

Check out my Facebook Page for  Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: @hugsnsmile

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Coming back to life

I'm ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It feels sooooo good to be almost human again :-)  I was feeling better yesterday, but I was wiped out from work by the end of the day.  I had even gone to the mall at lunch with Barb.  It took a lot out of me though.

While we were there we had to pick up lunch for her.  I had brought a peanut butter and banana sandwich, but I now had my appetite back and I needed some calories to build my strength.  Well that and I really REALLY wanted a milkshake for my throat.  I missed my fudgsicles.  I ate 3 of them on Thursday and I didn't do any talking.  Yesterday I was answering the phone all morning and my throat was sore.  Nothing could stand between me and a strawberry milkshake at that point.  So I decided to get a grilled chicken sandwich too.

I ate my peanut  butter sandwich a little later in the afternoon.  I'm glad I did too, because I was sitting in some serious traffic.  It took me 90 minutes to make it to dinner...which was only 20 miles away.  I was late and missed them :-( 

I did make it over to Target to visit with the kids for a little bit.  I had a couple of things I needed to pick up, but I was having a hard time walking around.  I was getting foggy.  I grabbed my bananas and protein bars and it was time to go home.

I did not set my alarm for this morning.  I would get to the gym at some point, but sleep was key.  So when I woke up I got a shower and just kind of layed around.  I was feeling better, but I really haven't eaten all week and I was very plainly weak.  My body has not had the nutrition and fuel that it needs to move.  What should I do?  I don't want to overdue it and end up sick again.

I decided that I would go to the gym.  If I only lasted 10 minutes I would leave.  But, I could be okay.  I would play it by ear.

So I rolled in and got a treadmill.  I'm walking it today.  I have not been to the gym in a week (oh the horror).  Honestly, a slow walk was hard to adjust to early on.  I did eventually up the speed, but the light walk was a strain on my body.  My lungs were fine, but my body was tight. 

I stayed on for a full hour.  I was pretty impressed.  I was not ready for a run or even my fast walk, but I was encouraged by this.  I also washed my hands before and after.  And I practically spray washed the machine when I was done.

My reward for this hard work?  Two coins in the massage chair...ahhh.  My back was so sore from the coughing this week.  It was a nice feeling.

So I had to get home for some scheduled overtime.  But, I also needed to eat.  I ran to Wawa and got a turkey hoagie on whole wheat with Spinach, cucumber, and tomato.  Yum.  Good choice.

After overtime it was time to really reward myself.  I mentioned that I crave burgers when I start to feel better.  Well, I had made plans to meet a friend at Five Guys for a burger.  I get the little cheeseburger (one patty) with A-1.  And we split the fries (with vinegar).  Good stuff. 

Have a wonderful night Bleeps.  I'll be sitting here watching the race and patiently waiting for Tony Stewart to call me...It's gonna happen one day.  I know it!

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you!  Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week.  The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Grocery shopping when you're sick

Hello My Lovelies and Gents,

Well the saga continues.  I was just starting to feel better when allergies decided to hit me while I was down.  Talking led to coughing fits which led to a raw throat.  So I stopped for some "sick time" groceries last night. Let's see how I did.

The first thing on the list was chicken noodle soup.  I found some Progresso soup with whole wheat pasta.  Done!  Seriously, just as tasty and a little better for you.

Then it was off to get something soothing for my throat.  My throat gets so raw that I could eat popsicles by the box load.  Or I could polish off a gallon on rainbow sherbert.  Recently I have been getting sugar-free fudgsicles.  I get the smaller ones, but I usually end up eating two at a time, so I don't know why I don't go for the larger ones.  I cannot tell the difference between them and the sugarloaded ones.  Honest.

To go with my soup I was craving saltines.  My belly has been upset because of the coughing and saltines.  I found some unsalted that tickled my fancy.  I'm already dehydrated from the coughing and allergy medicine.  Besides, as many as I will eat the salt is a bad thing.

I also picked up some chunky applesauce.  Always a crowd pleaser.  And the sugar boost I will need.

Earlier in the week I had found a Lipton blueberry pomegranate tea.  I haven't put honey in it, but it is deliciously soothing.

Okay so today my work mom told me I had to take today off.  I really should not have gone into work yesterday.  I was very lightheaded for the afternoon and the drive home was tricky.  After I stopped at the grocery store I came home and passed out by 6:30.  I was done.

This morning I felt much better from all of my rest, but I am so very weak.  I used to LOVE being sick.  I know that sounds bad, but then I had a valid reason for being lazy and eating ice cream.  "What?  No I am sorry, I cannot do that.  I was sick a week ago.  I can't take any chances."

These days I hate being sick.  They hold me back.  It takes me forever to regroup and get back on the working out track.  I was really hoping to be able to go to the gym tonight, but I don't have the strength or the lung capacity right now.  Plus, thinking about the germs and sweat is grossing me out.

ARGH!  I have not worked out since my big Six Mile run on Friday.  THIS SUCKS!  I really hope I can it it tomorrow night.  I don't care if it's for the slowest walk ever on the treadmill for 15 minutes.  Anything would make me happy.  I am in the midst of a Fitness competition people!  This is war!

So you  know I wanna....I want to weigh myself so bad.  It's going to be a good number.  Although my belly was a little swollen earlier from the fever and coughing, my pants are now hanging off of me.  It's gonna be a good number.  I am going to refrain though, because once I get my appetite back I will gain.  It's just how your body works.

And speaking of appetites, the strangest thing happens to me when I start to get better.  I always know that I'm on the mend when I start craving a cheeseburger.  I don't know what it is, but whenever I am sick the very first thing I ever crave is a cheeseburger.  I wanted one SO bad tonight!  So perhaps I shall hit up Five Guys this weekend to celebrate!

So take care of yourselves.  If your body starts to get run down give it the rest it needs to regroup and regenerate.  It has killed me to "rest" this much, but honestly, my body is giving me no other choice.  It has my attention. I am listening.

Check out my Facebook Page for  Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: @hugsnsmile

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

The Biggest Loser - Week 15

Welcome to the Biggest Loser Ranch Week 15.

Well technically it's a conclusion from Week 14.  Week 15 starts off with the First Lady meeting the contestants and their families.  She is blown away by their transformations and lets them know that they push her to go harder in her workouts.  Wow.

Soon it was time for a workout...with their families and the First Lady.  It was awesome.  She was yelling at Bob because he kept working out right in front of her.  Dang, they worked up a sweat.

The First Lady mentioned a program. The Presidential Active Lifestyle Award.  It's where people pledge to exercise and eat right for at least 6 weeks.  They want adults being active for at least 30 minutes a day and kids 60 minutes.  The contestant that has the most people sign up under them gets a $30,000 gym in their hometown.

I signed up...for Kim.  When I started signing up she had 21 pages of people.  By the time I was done, there were 46 :-)

The next thing we see is Chris calling her husband Roy at home. does she just get to call home?  Isn't that breaking the rules?  He says he wants her to come home.  She reacts by eating.  And eating.  I got nauseous watching.  She had a jar of Mayonaise that she was slapping on a cheese burger and on a grilled cheese sandwich.  She also had a giant chocolate bar that she was eating with a banana.  So okay, they are in a hotel.  I get the room service. But, how does she just order a jar of mayonaise from room service?  The cameras are right there.  There was no hiding this.  It felt a little scripted and staged.

The next day in the workout Bob got in her head.  She shaped up.

So makeover week is usually a rough week on the scale.  They miss a lot of time, but this week they even traveled.  How will the scales go?

Buddy is up first and loses 9lbs.  I was impressed.  Then Jeremy loses 11. is that possible?  Conda loses 5.  Um...Kim loses 2. Crap.  Mark loses 4. He's safe.  Chris gains 2.  So it's between Kim and Chris.  I got nervous.  Now is the time to cut Kim.  She is definitely a threat.

But, alas, they voted off Chris.  Her head was not there.

Seeing her at home was heartwarming though.  The whole family it going for walks and bike rides. She and Roy look great.  I am so glad.  I was very worried.

Okay kids, set your DVR now.  Next week is the drama week.  It's the week that shut down production.  Remember the rumors that the contestants went on strike at the idea of former players coming back?  This would be that time.  

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you!  Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week.  The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Getting sick on Easter is no fun :-(

Happy Easter! (I know, it's a few days late).

Easter is always such an important day.  It's one of my favorite days of the year.  Of course it celebrates a very important day, but it is also a fat girl's fun day.  Peeps.  Chocolate rabbits.  Robin's eggs. Cadbury eggs.  Honey baked ham....*insert mouth watering*

This year was a little different.  I survived the temptations at the store.  My mom brought up a couple peanut butter eggs and some reeces peanut butter eggs.  They were very small servings.  It was just enough to satisfy my cravings.  YEAH!

I was super excited to wear my new dress.  Oh I looked slammin!  I LOVE this dress. It's a medium y'all!

So after church we went to Panera for lunch.  Dinner was not until 6pm.  I was still hungry from the day before and I was not going to be having ham for dinner so I got the half ham sandwich and the french onion soup.  With an apple of course.

Then we packed up and headed off to my grandmom's. Our job was to help her pack for her trip to Jamaica.  Quick shout out to cousin Kim and soon to be cousin Brad!  LOVE YOU GUYS!  Welcome to the family Brad!  I really REALLY wish I could be there, but alas, the funds were not there.  One day this blog is going to make me some money and I will be going to Jamaica (Tony Stewart are you listening?  CALL ME!).

So I was upstairs ironing her clothes and I got hit.  All of a sudden I felt super dehydrated.  My lips were unbelievably dry and I was starting to get a headache. I came downstairs and sat on the couch.  I was done.  I could not focus.  I was lapping up water like a puppy.  I felt a little better.  Before we left I felt a little pressure below my eyes and thought "okay this is a sinus infection".  So I took sinus medicine. 

A little while later we drove over to my uncle's for Easter Dinner.  I wasn't feeling right on the drive and when we got there I just wanted to sit.  For dinner my aweome aunt made turkey, mashed potatoes, asparagus, and biscuits.  I had one plate and went back for a second plate.  I was still hungry.  But, I was full after that second plate.  Not uncomfortable full, but full.  And that's when I put my head down...right there on the dinner table.  My skin felt like it was burning up.  Just touching me made my skin crawl.  Soon they took my temperature and it was official.  I had a fever.

So I had a cup of tea (and a small slice of red velvet cake...I keep forgetting about that).  I sort of passed out on the couch and then went upstairs to bed.  I had to call out of work for Monday.  My fever broke overnight and I felt better in the morning, but I had no appetite.  I had some toast and more tea for the ride home.  By the time I got home I was foggy and the fever was back.  I climbed into bed and slept through a few dvds.  Let's just say that I was so out of it, that I didn't even realize that the Phillies had their home opener.  I missed it :-(

The fever came and went all day.  I drank so much water I think my eyes were floating.  This morning my fever was gone, but I wasn't taking any chances.  I worked from home.  I kept up the water and even had a bunch of veggies.  I was feeling better.  And then they mowed the lawn out back and my sneezing attacks started.  I sneezed for about 5 hours. 

Before that I had considered hitting the gym tonight.  I would be missing Bootcamp again.  DANG IT (I am now down 2 points and will need to bust my butt to make up for that).  And I have choir tomorrow.  I could go and walk a little.  But, more importantly, I could go for the massage chair.  Alas, the sneezing was too much.  I would be grossed out by someone sneezing all over the machines and I could not do that to anyone else.  Plus, I need my rest.  But, seriously?  Who am I?  Before being sick was a license to lay in bed and eat ice cream.  Now I'm trying to go to the gym on my death bed.  I love the new me!

So I skipped the gym and here I sit resting.  I am coming back to life and look forward to feeling a hundred percent again.  I will thank The Biggest Loser for being an hour to tonight. I don't think I would make it through the full two hours.

Check out my Facebook Page for  Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: @hugsnsmile

Former Fat Girl and the City

Hello my Lovelies and Gents,

It's been a little longer than anticipated, but as many of you know, I have been sick since Easter.  I got a little cough on Saturday while in NYC and then Sunday afternoon I got knocked on my butt with a horrible headache and fever.  The fever lasted until late last night.  So I was not quite up to writing.  I'm not sure any of it would have made sense anyway.

So I think there will be a couple of posts today :-)  Let's start with my NYC trip.  The plan to start the day was to meet my ride at my Aunt's at 8am.  I was up early and had to decide what to wear.  I pulled out a few dresses.  I started putzing around and then realized that I wanted to go a little fancy.  I was going to Carnegie Hall after all.  So I pulled out a pretty little black and white cocktail dress that I wore to the rehearsal dinner for my brother's wedding a few years ago.  I HEART this dress.  I felt smokin hot in this dress back then.

Um...I'm a little smaller now.  First off, I was able to zip it on my own.  I did not need any help.  Holla!  The first time I wore it, it was a tad snug.  Alright, I could not sit comfortably in it.  This time I could shove a fist down both sides.  The dress has spaghetti straps.  They were falling down all day on Saturday.  The pretty dress is now retired :-)

Okay, so the dress is picked out and I had to get on the road.  I took a little longer than anticipated, but I still needed to stop for some cash.  So I ran to the grocery store and grabbed some bananas for the week and a protein bar for the car ride.  I also brought my water bottle.

We got on the road a little after 8 and needed to be at Carnegie Hall by 10:45.  Not knowing how much traffic we were going to hit I did not really drink too much water on the ride.  Turns out it was a quick trip.  We were standing in front of Carnegie Hall by 9:45.  We had a whole hour to kill.  We found a cute little cafe and I needed a hot chocolate.  It was Chilly in that dress.  So I ordered my hot chocolate...with a large black and white cookie.  They are my New York favorite.  I could not say no. 

They also had some delicious looking salads and sandwiches.  In retrospect, I should have gotten something more than a cookie.  The show started at 11:30...and wasn't over until almost 2.

Before I go on, let me give a shout out to my cousin Keeley.  She was the finale for the performances and was Awesome!  I had never really seen her play the piano before and I was awe struck.  She also looked very beautiful in a champagne dress that I would like to borrow one day :-)

The plan was for us to go to lunch at the Carnegie Deli.  The line was a little long and we were a lot starving.  Change of plans.  We walked across the street and went to the Ben-Ash Deli instead.  If you aren't familiar with these locales, they are famous for their ginormous sandwiches.  The sandwiches are more than enough for two.  I could not decide what to have.  I could smell the burgers and my belly was freaking out.  But, I really wanted some corned beef or pastrami.  They had salads, but no way was I wasting this opportunity.  My mom and I were going to split something when my cousin asked her to split a steak.  I was on my own.  What to do?  What to do.  Then I saw fried pierogies and I made my decision. 

The orders were placed and one by one everyone's plates were brought to the table.  These portions were huge.  I was getting very excited.  Naturally mine was the last to come out.  And my plate had 5 pierogies on it.  Are you freakin kidding me?  Everyone else has a plate that could feed a small country.  I was starving!  I had a few bites of my mom's steak.  I had half of my grandmom's bagel (it came with her awesome looking salmon salad). And I had a small portion of my uncle's towering pastromi/roast beef sandwich.  Yes, the pierogies were delicious, but Oh dear lord I needed more food.  Remember, I also had that monster run the day before.

After lunch, Keeley and I walked over to Starbucks for some Vanilla Chai Tea (I was still cold).  I wanted one of their cookies, but alas, I had already had my black and white.  Then we walked the few blocks up and took pictures in Central Park.  It was such a beautiful day. 

I would have liked to have drank a lot more water, but I was unsure about bathroom breaks and so I held back. I did suck down a bunch when I got home.  I also stopped and got a lean cuisine to eat for dinner.  I was still hungry :-(

Many moons ago I lived in Jersey and worked in Manhattan for a year.  It was a wonderful experience.  I did a LOT of walking during that year and lost a lot of weight.  I also did not eat well.  I was particularly fond of corn fritter and knishes.  I did not have a lot of money, so I often ordered my food from street vendors.  Here's a tip: if it's sold from a street vendor just keep walking.  Nothing nutritional there!  Now I will say, I was quite impressed that there was a produce vendor on the corner of Carnegie Hall.  Yeah!  However, no idea where that fruit came from so I passed.

I loved being back in the city, but my food habits were coming back too.  Back then I ate no veggies unless they were fried.  I lived for hot dogs and soft pretzels.  Cheap and quick.  Not good!  I also never drank water at that time.  I was the queen of Diet Coke.  Happily, I didn't have the urges I had before.  I was quite proud. (I meant about the street vendors...I realize that I ate fried potatoes for lunch *sad face*)

Knowing what I know, I would have done things a little differently, but I won't let that overshadow what a wonderful day it was.

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you!  Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week.  The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Surviving Easter....Candy

Hello my Lovelies and Gents,

So Easter is upon us and I realized that I have survived.  Survived what you ask.  Survived the Easter candy blitz.  I did not buy ANY Easter candy this year.  I will admit that last week I was given a free bite size bunny at Target.  That is it.  That is all I have eaten.  YEAH!  Go me!

I'm sure it's a lot easier for me because I do not have kids.  But, it's still in my face every time I walk into a store. For the donations for the Church Easter Egg hunt I volunteered to buy the plastic eggs instead of the chocolate.  I did not need that temptation.

I think I have had such tunnel vision on this bikini deadline that I have been able to resist.  Now here's the thing.  Usually I go to Virginia and spend Easter with my mom.  We have dinner at my Aunt's and there is usually a small Easter basket for me.  Confession time.  None of that candy makes it home.  It's usually devoured on the road trip back home.  It comes down to: If I finish it all now then I won't be tempted later.  Such a dangerous way of thinking.

Okay, so Confession number two time.  Tonight I went to church for a Taize service and choir practice.  I had to use the ladies room and on my way back I spotted some hidden Easter Eggs that are ready for the hunt on Sunday.  There was a dangerous little devil on my shoulder saying "Go ahead and take one.  No one will EVER know!"  I hesitated, but I did not take an egg.  I hate that I had that thought.  I hate that I hesitated.

I am getting so good at turning down temptation when others are around me.  What I'm struggling with is resisting the temptation when no one is around. 

Besides the chocolate, my favorite part of Easter dinner is the ham.  Oh dear Lord, the ham!  Ham is not the most scale friendly of foods.  The salt will make you retain water and you will most likely gain a few pounds for a few days.  It won't last, but it's not fun if you forget that fact.  It doesn't matter.  Easter dinner just isn't Easter dinner without the ham.

I don't know if ham is on the menu this year.  I do have a second invite to dinner that does include ham.  Not gonna lie, I may be double dipping this year. 

Alright kids, I have to go to bed.  Tomorrow is NYC day and I have to get up early.  EARLY.  It's going to be a long day and my knees are killing me (Great run today until the "good" knee popped).   So I probably won't be posting again until after dinner on Easter. 

I hope you have a wonderful and Blessed weekend.  Stay strong and don't beat yourself up over a little chocolate binging.  Just keep it to a minimum and we'll get back on schedule on Monday.  Smooches!

Check out my Facebook Page for  Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: @hugsnsmile

Thursday, April 5, 2012

It was a Blessed Day

Happy Thursday Bleeps!

Well it's been a wild and wacky week.  Since I ran on Monday and Tuesday I had some pretty angry knees :-(  So last night was a light 15 minutes on the elliptical before we hit the weights.  The result: I was wiped out when I got home.  So I opted for a movie and knitting.  I stayed off of the laptop and could barely keep my eyes open.  Although, I was watching The Italian Job and I don't think sleep is an option when Marky Mark is in da house!

So today I had to go back into Philly to pick up my birth certificate.  First off, the good news is that I found a coupon for parking.  YEAH!  I saved $15.  Bonus.  I got there very early and decided to walk over to Independence Hall.  It was a beautiful day.  I should have put on the sneakers that were in my trunk, but I did not.  So I walked around in my flats.  I probably would have done laps around the park if I had my sneakers on.  But, alas it was "day of rest" day.

I was smart today.  I made sure to eat my lunch before I left work.  No need to be starving when I'm sitting around waiting.  That's really the worst time to be hungry.  It pretty much becomes all you can focus on.  So I ate my protein and drank my water.  No dehydration for me!

I got my birth certificate and ran next door to the DMV.  I was in and out in just over an hour.  Bonus!  I hate my new license picture.  DRAT!  Oh well, it can't be awesome all of the time. 

I was getting hungry when I left and all I could see were street vendors and Burger King.  This is why I keep a protein bar in my pocketbook at all times.  It held me until I got home.  The minute I walked in though I fired up the stove and made some whole wheat pasta, garden veggie sauce, and soy meatballs.  I always try to have wheat pasta on days that I'm extra hungry. 

I got to relax for a little while before heading out to church for Holy Thursday Service.  It was a lovely service.  And then I was asked to go shopping.  Who am I to say no?  Gym Buddy Lisa wanted to go looking for something to wear on Easter.  And might I add how excited I got when she said she wanted to look for an Easter Bonnet!  I always loved wearing hats on Easter :-)

So we were looking at clothes for her when I spotted some Hawaiian shirts and joked about wearing one of them for Easter.  I used to have so many Hawaiian shirts.  You may recall how much I love the beach.  Well I would do anything to have that feeling all of the time.  So I would have "blender" parties.  I would have parties where only drinks that were made in a blender were served.  Required attire: Hawaiian Shirts.  They are a Fattie's best friend.  They are fun and are good at hiding the bulge.  So here's the thing.  I did not fit in the ladies sizes.  So all of my Hawaiian shirts were from the Men's department. So depressing.

We were looking at pretty sweaters and found a lovely blue one for Lisa.  She liked a purple one, but she was associating the color with laffy taffy candy.  Never a good idea!  Luckily she stuck with the blue.  And then it was time to look at hats.  I LOVE the big floppy hat that she got and I can't wait to see her in it on Sunday.  It's not something she would have picked.  It just means that she's stepping out of her comfort zone.  It's so awesome when that starts to happen.  The world opens up for you.

I found a pretty awesome white hat that I fell in love with.  I would love it for Easter, but it will rock for the summer too.  Don't worry, I'm most certain I will take a picture this weekend.  It may make an appearance for my NYC trip too.

There was a peach with white polka dot pleated dress that I fell in love with.  I was convinced to try it on and it just did not look good on me.  The cut was not flattering.   That led to more dresses.  I liked a few.  But, just as we were leaving I found THE dress. It's a JLo dress.  A fun blue, green, purple, and white paisley kimono dress (go to the kohl's website).

So I took in a L and XL.  I tried on the L first and it was quite tight.  Um...let's go with the XL.  Wait, the L was really a Small on an XL hanger.  I put on the XL and it looked good.  I liked it immediately, but really thought I could go smaller.  So on our way out I looked to see if they did indeed have a L.  No dice, but there was a medium.  Dare I?  I dare!  Guess what size I left with.  MEDIUM.  Wow.  I'm still in shock over that. I may wear it Saturday AND Sunday...or not.  Haven't decided yet.  Either way, I can't wait. 

OH and PS...the new dress is color coordinated with the new coincidence I swear! 

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you!  Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week.  The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Biggest Loser - Week 14

Welcome to the Biggest Loser Ranch.  It's MAKEOVER WEEK!

This is always one of the highlights of the season and this week's episode is no exception.

Before the makeovers though, there is a challenge.  At stake: a 1 pound advantage...and a 1 pound disadvantage.

Each contestant had a picture of themselves from week one on a glass pane.  Well two panes.  They needed to run to a cargo net, climb it, grab a baseball, climb down the cargo net, and run to a sling shot.  Then they had to aim it at the glass.  The first person to break both panes of glass gets the pound.  The last person gets the pound disadvantage.

Kim starts strong and nails her pane on the first shot.  But, then she loses speed.  Buddy is the first to hit both panes.   He gets the advantage.  Next up is Mark.  Finally Kim has it.  Jeremy is next.  After many of his baseballs simply bouncing off of the glass he actually broke some.  So it's down to Chris and Conda.  Conda is worried about her weight this week. One pound means so much.  It's not her week.  Chris nails it and Conda gets the disadvantage.

So then it is time for the makeover.  I miss Tim Gunn! 

Jeannie Mai tells the contestants that they have the biggest week ever.  Then there is a message from the First Lady.  She would like them to come to DC. I am very excited.  I love how passionate she is about health and fitness.  I love how she is pushing nutrition in schools.  I have a post planned on that, but I haven't put it together yet.

Jeannie has clothes that each contestant used before the show.  She makes Kim put hers on and the pants literally fall right off. I was so happy for her.  Then she comes out in a smokin hot red dress.  Size 6. HOLLA!

Chris put on this amazing black dress with a last bust and she looked amazing. There was a huge difference in her demeaner.  She felt pretty.

So on to the White House.

Mark is the first to come out.  He is shaved and suave in a nice suit.  Buddy comes out and wow!  Shaved and contacts.  I did not even recognize him.

I know my mom is happy that Chris made it to Makeover week.  She is only three years older than me, but when she came on the show we thought she was twenty years older.   She's got a rockin black and white dress and brown hair.  WOW.

So in her makeover Conda told them to cut her hair and donate it to Locks of Love. Finally, a reason for me to like her.  She looks great in her makeover.  Her hair is just past her shoulder and lighter.  Then Jeremy comes out in a suit.

Wait for it...Kim!  HOLY CRAP!  Smokin hot mamma comes out in a smooth tight little black dress. I think Dolvett has a little crush on her. haha.

Of course their families came to see them.

So who goes home?  Well we'll find out next week. This week is To Be Continued.  It was a short episode.

Sneak peak for next week though: a workout class with the First Lady and Chris gets pressure to come home.

Check out my Facebook Page for  Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: @hugsnsmile

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Another Random Tuesday

Happy Tuesday Bleeps!

So I took today off to get some things finalized for the new car.  The day took an odd turn and I ended up by City Hall applying for copy of my birth certificate.  Once again, another car related trip that had me starving because I had not planned ahead.  I did not know I was going to be doing this when I left this morning and so I found myself sitting in the Vital Records office for three hours wanting food something awful. I had spotted some Subways on my way from the parking garage and technically I think I could have left and come back.  I was number 285 and when I walked in they were on 182.  Sometimes the numbers were called fast and sometimes it was eons between numbers.  So I did not take a chance.

I also did not have anything to drink.  I had to dump out my crystal light before entering the building.  This meant that I was going to be cranky and this is not the place to do it.  I went to my happy place and finished reading my book...and started a second (always prepared!). 

On my way back to my car I ran into Starbucks for an Iced Green Tea and a spinach, tomato, mozzarella panini.  There is no way I could make it home without passing out from hunger.  I considered Subway, but since I was dehydrated I opted for the green tea (unsweetened).  It was possibly the best ever!  Haha.

So now I wait.  I have to go back to pick it up on Thursday afternoon.  I will be prepared this time!  I need this for my new Driver's License.  At first I was sad because I was going to have to give up my old one.  Seriously, I actually took a good picture.  But, here's the thing.  I haven't looked at it in a few years.  It was from 5 years ago and I don't even look like it any more.  I mean I do, but as my mom says "the face is so much thinner".  Wow.  It's not a bad picture, but I can do so much better!  :-)

I could have run straight to the gym when I got back, but I decided to throw in some laundry and pack my lunch and junk.  Shh...but I want to go a little later in hopes of running into Gym Crush #1.  HaHa. 

So what's the plan for the gym tonight?  I have no idea.  I ran last night.  It was a good long run.  But, you know what that means. The knees are shot today.  It may be a walk and weights day.  It just depends on how crowded it is.  Last night was pretty empty for a Monday.  I'm hoping that the nice weather has people outside enjoying themselves.  It would be nice to go to the park and walk, but alas, this may be my last time to see GC#1 for a couple of months so....

I know last week was a crappy week for me. That time in the fitting room keeps replaying in my mind. Today I did my usual "looking at my naked self" and I gotta say, I look so much better.  I am hoping that last week was just a period thing.   My waist looked so small today.

I will share with you my secret.  I have stretch marks on my belly.  They used to go all around my belly.  My belly is getting smaller and tighter and they are going away.  Right now they are condensed in the front.  So I've been measuring them.  When I first started measuring I would put my thumb at my belly button and reach my index finger around.  The tip of the finger would just touch the end of the stretch marks.  Now, it goes about an inch an a half past...on both sides :-)

I also have a gall bladder scar. I had my gall bladder removed when I was 14.  The scar was big, but then it stretched out even more with the fat.  It is now an inch smaller and half as wide.  Bonus.  This Bikini might be so bad after all.

Okay, time to pretty up for the gym...shh...don't judge!  He's so dang cute.

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you!  Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week.  The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Breakfast: the most important meal of the day

Hello my Lovelies and Gents,

Have you ever heard: Breakfast is the most important meal of the day?  Well it's true. However, I did not believe that for over 30 years.

I used to be the worst breakfast eater on the planet. The WORST.  When I was younger, if the cereal wasn't pure sugar then I was not interested in eating it.  Lucky Charms were my favorite.    Followed by Golden Grahams, Fruity Pebbles, Apple Jacks, Corn pops, Frosted Flakes, Fruit get the idea.

I would even sweeten up some cereals with more sugar.  Rice Crispies and Raisin Bran were even better with one or two spoonfuls of sugar on top.  Cheerios?  haha.  The ONLY way I was eating that was if it was immersed in sugar.

I did not like to finish the milk.  If there was more than a few spoonfuls left, I would dump more cereal in there.  The only way I would drink the milk was if it was Cocoa Pebbles or Count Chocula and it had turned into chocolate milk.  Now that's good stuff!

These were my "healthy" breakfasts.  My favorite breakfasts were the Saturday morning specials: cold pizza and doritos.

There were many years when I didn't seem to believe in breakfast.  I still haven't figured out how that happened.  How the heck did I go months without eating breakfast?  Was it the "skipping a meal to save the calories" theory?  I honestly do not know.  I was so dumb.  You don't "skip" anything.  It only makes you hungrier later. I was only hurting myself.

Then there were the years that I alternated between pancakes, bagels smothered in cream cheese, and soft pretzels for breakfast.  Oh yeah, I was healthy.  On an exciting day I would splurge for a loaded omlet (cheese and ham).  Don't forget the sides of bacon and hash browns.

I cringe when I see commercials for sugary cereals or when I walk through the aisle at the grocery store.  I can't stand to think of kids starting their day off that way.  Or with a pop tart.  That makes me sick. There is nothing nutritional in a pop tart. You might as well start your day with a shot of pixie sticks.  Wonder why kids are so crazy with energy?  Take a look at their breakfast.

These days breakfast is my FAVORITE meal.  I can't wait to start my day off right.  If it's a week day then I am eating multigrain cheerios/peanut butter cheerios/special K/raisin bran with skim milk.  My how times have changed.  And no, there is no sugar smothering my cereal.  I keep a bowl at work and bring my cereal there.  We have milk in the vending machine so it makes it easy.

On weekends I have protein bars and a banana.  I try to get out for breakfast one of those days too.  I am all over egg white sandwiches.  Mmm..I want one now!  I love breakfast for any meal now.  Last year the ladies in my family went to a PJ Brunch.  We went to a restaurant that welcomed people in their pajamas for breakfast.  GENIUS!  Sadly, I learned that they closed recently and I almost cried.  If you know of any place that does it please let me know.  I will be there!

If you are unsure where to start on your journey, then start at the beginning.   

Check out my Facebook Page for  Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: @hugsnsmile