Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Random Wednesday: Struggles and Motivation...and French Toast

Happy Random Wednesday,

So a little note on yesterday's post. I get cranky at night. I leave the house before sunrise and I don't get home until almost 8pm every night. I spend almost 3 hours a day commuting. That has really taken it's toll on me. It's almost over. Just a couple more months. So I'm sure that when I make my big move everything will change. Hopefully. I would like to think that I will be okay with my running, but if things don't ease up a bit I am not sure that will happen. So here's hoping that we get to switch it up.   I don't love that I'm blogging at 9pm every night. I liked it better when it was done by 9pm. Then I could still do something relaxing before bed. I'm not giving up the blog though. It's too therapeutic and motivating for me.

I'm very excited about tomorrow. I have the day off. Holla!  But, more importantly I took it off because one of my best buddies from college is coming to town for a wedding. So I am picking her up at the hotel and we are going to play tourist in the City of Brotherly Love.

While I can't wait to catch up with her, the best part is that she is not on social media with me. She doesn't know what I look like now. I cannot wait for her to see me :-)  I'm so much smaller than she will she has only known me with a perm! haha. that's right, I sported perms for years...I miss them. I would give anything for a day of curly hair right now.

We don't quite know what we are doing tomorrow. I'm hoping to take her to the Reading Terminal Market and get some of my Pennsylvania Dutch French Toast...but if she needs to experience an authentic Philly Cheesesteak I am more than willing to comply.


I think I figured out why I struggle with my hair right now. For the most part it's long, but there are still some layers in the front that are chin length. I'm telling you that chick Chopped my hair in March. I think that once I can get that a little longer I will feel better about growing it out.


I have been getting Polar Plunge tweets and an alarming rate. haha. It's still on!  It also snowed there last night.  The webcam for it is pretty beautiful. So the good news is that while temps feel like they are below zero, the water temperature is a balmy 41 degrees. Say what!  With temps like that everyone will be leaping into the water.


I do enjoy my 'non-workout' days...I like the rest and I like that I get to wear my fancy underwear. There are just some pretty pairs that I can't wear while running or I will give myself a wedgie and that ain't pretty.


Ms. Tracey and I walked at the mall today. As cold as it was, neither one of us wanted to stay inside. Because of the puddles, salt, and slush neither of us switched to sneakers. We just wore our boots. They weren't the best choice. We were sliding a little with each step. I guess it's time for a new pair since the tread is going on the bottom.

At the end of our walk we stopped in Teavana. I got some more White Chocolate Peppermint tea and I got a fun Strawberry one. I think it'll make a great iced tea, but it should also make a nice hot tea. The fun and weird thing is that it has actual popped popcorn in it...strange, but ok.


Tonight at the gym I struggled. I struggled getting out of my car to go in. This cold just makes me want to go home, get under a blanket, and relax. I forced myself to go inside though. I know once I'm in I'm fine.

There are nights though that I seriously struggle. Either I'm extremely tired or extremely preoccupied. On those nights it's very hard for me to focus. If I get to that point then I know I have to cut it short for the night or I risk injuring myself. If I can't focus and pay attention that's not good. It's important for me to distinguish those nights from the night's that I just need the proper motivation. I'm so very proud that I've gotten that far that I can tell the difference.


I was supposed to watch The Biggest Loser online tonight to prep for tomorrow's post, but I'm too beat to devote 2 hours to it tonight. I'll have to do it tomorrow....or this weekend. So no one tell me what happened please :-)

And on that note I shall call it a night.

Have a Blessed Night.

Pledges for the Polar Plunge for Delaware Special Olympics can be made here:

AND I have signed up for Run for Autism again :-)

Check out my Facebook Page for Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile

Instagram: Jennie5973 

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Running Range of Emotions: Happy, Jealous, Angry, Ashamed...

Hello my Lovelies and Gents,

So I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. What do I want my focus to be right now?  And the answer is: Marathon Training.

The Marathon is 10 months away. That is still plenty of time, but I have to start now. Quite frankly training for March's race is not going as well as I had hoped. I have not gotten the distances in that I would have liked right now. But, I am getting lots of inclines in so I am not dawdling.

The past two years I have been competing in the fitness challenges while training for races. While I've done well in the challenges, well kicked butt really, my training didn't go as planned. I still finished, but I could have done better.

Last night I was completely preoccupied with thoughts of training while I was running. I took a misstep and I pulled something in my back. It was very frustrating. I walked it out and got back and finished on track, but it was annoying. I was struggling with my thoughts.

I like to run, but I am not fast. I am faster than I was before, but I am not fast. I am limited. My knees are not great. I can barely walk after a 5K. When I run 5 miles I can only go up the stairs once for the night so I better make sure I don't need to come back downstairs for anything. It sucks.

It particularly sucks when I read stories about people who just finished their first half or full marathon. They had only been running for a year and are so much faster than me. I go through a range of emotions when I read them. I am so happy for them. I am jealous of them. I am angry that I'm not faster. I am ashamed that I feel jealous. It sucks. I want to be faster. I'm never going to be speedy gonzalez, but I get a little faster. Not much, I deal with too much knee pain. But, I can also work on maintaining that pace for 26.2 miles.

I was recently looking on a website that I like for running clothes and jewelry. I liked some that said 13.1, but then I thought "No, you are going after 26.2...and that's what you are going to wait for."  So I came up with a plan. When I go to the Expo for the DC race I am going to pick up some 26.2 items and then wrap them in a be opened after I complete the race. I'm also going to get a 26.2 sticker and frame it with "How bad do you want it?" behind it. I need my motivations. I was even thinking of clearing my digital photo frame and putting in pix from all of my races as motivation. Not sure if that's egocentrical or not though. haha.

So this weekend between the Run to the Plunge 5K on Saturday and the Polar Plunge on Sunday I am writing out a training plan. It's time to get serious.

Of course the other thing that goes through my mind all of the time is: do I really want to keep doing this next year? It's taking a toll on my body. It's taking a toll on my free time. I enjoy working out, but I don't want to sacrifice my relationships for it. And then I think: look at yourself. You didn't get this way sitting on your butt. And then that stresses me out. I still have a little way to go. How much harder do I have to work? I am not getting any younger. Do I have to keep this pace up forever?  I don't know the answer. But, I have been kicking around just picking one destination race a year. I think I can handle that. I think I'll be okay with that. Who knows though. Maybe I'll get bitten by the Full Marathon Bug...goodness I hope I don't. My knees will never forgive me. Hopefully I'll feel better about this when I move to Trainer as a full time gig. My schedule will be different. That may make a huge difference. And who knows, I could blow my time out of the water and then decide that I want to keep going. I don't know what the future holds....only that I'll not think about it until I get to open that box!

Before I go I just want to tell you about a conversation I had with a friend this week. He has a lifting goal in mind. He has a set amount that he wants to do in a set time. I hated hearing him say that he would feel like a failure if he didn't make it. The only failure is to never try in the first place. I told him that if I had a nickel for every race that I did that I did not meet my time goal I would be able to buy a bottle of water. It's frustrating, but it just pushes me to try harder the next time. I'll get there eventually...because I don't give up!

Have a Blessed Night

Pledges for the Polar Plunge for Delaware Special Olympics can be made here:

AND I have signed up for Run for Autism again :-)

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Monday, January 27, 2014

My Weekend: Snow, Saving Mr. Banks, Snow, Cold, Snow, Cold. Snow....

Happy Monday Bleeps,

How was your weekend? Was it cold and snowy like mine? haha. Why am I not living in the South yet???

Saturday's forecast was for 1-4 inches of snow. I was allowing myself to sleep in and then see where the day took me. I woke up at 7:45...argh. The daylight coming through the windows woke me up. I am always booked so when I get to sleep in I get excited. I just ended up laying around for a couple of hours and then I saw the snow coming down. So I quickly got ready to run to the store before it got worse.

In retrospect I didn't need to get anything for Saturday and I could have easily have waited until Sunday. But spending 2 days working from home last week gave me cabin fever. I would take my chances. Besides, I wouldn't be out long. I put on my heavy boots. I live in the country and the roads were nice and slick. The main roads weren't so bad, but seriously, I share roads with Amish buggies. I stopped at Dunkin Donuts first for a multigrain bagel and a coffee. I have no idea what happened when I got to Walmart, but I felt possessed to practically walk through every aisle. I didn't seem concerned with the weather at all. But, as I got closer to the middle, and still needed to get my food, my back started to kill me. My boots are so heavy and they were just pulling my back all out of alignment. ACK. By the time I got to the checkout I could barely stand. As soon as I got home I went upstairs to lay down on the floor with my feet up and let my back get a little relief. It hurt for a while.

While I was on my way home I had gotten a text asking if I wanted to go to the movies and so a plan was hatched. Aunt Kathy and cousin Hannah were driving down to surprise Grandmom. So I would ask her if she wanted to go to the movies and they would meet us there. The Movie: Saving Mr. Banks.

Grandmom was immediately on board. She really wanted to see the movie.  When I agreed it had stopped snowing. By the time I left to pick her up it was snowing again. I was sliding all over the place. But, we made it. She had one request: Movie popcorn. So we split a medium, which was really the size of an old large.

Aunt Kathy and Cousin Hannah made it right before the movie started. Surprise!  :-)

I LOVED the movie...kind of wish I had worn my Minnie ears to it...but no, that would be silly...or would it?

When the movie ended we went to Panera for dinner since it was right there. This means I had Panera 3 days in a row. I finally got my breadbowl though. I got french onion...yum. And I got a hot chocolate (and cookie) to go...grr...why did I get the cookie? I had popcorn and a hot chocolate. I did not need it at all...this is why I hate the makes me want to munch all day.

Sunday my plan was to go through my clothes and get rid of many of them. I started strong, and then took a nap. I was exhausted. I think I may have been fighting a cold or something.  I still have to go through my summer clothes and one bin of workout clothes, but I did get a nice pile for donations together. It wasn't as much as I had hoped, but it was still a good pile.

I was preoccupied all day thinking about the Polar Plunge...praying that it will warm up for it.  And then I was even more annoyed that I had the cookie and popcorn the day before...argh.

So I think the french onion soup disagreed with my belly. To put it mildly...I had a lot of gas last night. It made my belly very upset. Maybe it wasn't the soup, but I was very uncomfortable all night. Even tonight I wasn't feeling good about my run. I hate running with gas. Generally not bad when you are outside, but in the gym yeah it is.

Alright kids, I probably have more to say, but I'm tired and I pulled a muscle in my back while I was running today so I really just want to lay down and call it a it's supposed to be a billion below zero tomorrow so I have to keep adding layers before bed.  Stay safe!

Have a Blessed Night.

Pledges for the Polar Plunge for Delaware Special Olympics can be made here:

AND I have signed up for Run for Autism again :-)

Check out my Facebook Page for Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile

Instagram: Jennie5973 

Sunday, January 26, 2014

The Biggest Loser Season 15: Episode 13 Makeover Week

The Biggest Loser Season 15 Episode 13

We made it to Makeover Week! HOLLA!

 We begin the episode with a little tease. We see all of the contestants in limos all dressed up. Okay, so we just see their legs and feet.

Tanya is finally looking forward.

Jennifer says that her shining moment is extending outward.

Chelsea feels like she has conquered the world.

Marie has a new found confidence and feels like this is a coming out party.

David says this is his second chance to have he dream life. Before he left for the Ranch his middle daughter told him that she had a dream. In that dream he was the healthiest and happiest he has ever been.

Rachel says that this second chance will transform her. She is saying good-bye to the old girl and hello to the new Can Do Anything Girl.

12 Hours Earlier....

The Makeover team has arrived: Tim Gunn and Ken Paves.

Tim says that being a part of Makeover week is an hour. It's giving life and love a second chance.

Ken tells them that when you kind of resemble your former self that's you see so he asks them to please be open to his transformations. This hit me. Is this how I will feel while I'm growing my hair out again for locks of love? Maybe I should cut it short again. I don't need any set backs.

After the makeovers, friends and family will be joining them on the Ranch.

Tim tells us that he never wants to make anyone his dress up doll. This is a collaboration. He has a rack of clothes and asks what draws their attention.

Tanya is looking at the clothes and immediately says that they won't fit. She jokes "Where is the rack in the back?"

Tanya puts on the shirt black leather skirt and gold sweater. She looks beautiful and she knows it. "I feel amazing. I look amazing. I look beautiful." Aww Tim chimes in "Ravishing!".  Next she comes out in a panel blue and black dress and declares that she can now "shop off of the rack".  It's the first time that she can focus on herself. Tim asks her how that makes her feel. Her response "I'm worth it." This brought tears to my eyes.

Next up is Bobby.  He tells Tim that he's a lawyer so he has to have a serious side too.  Tim asks him how he wears suits. Bobby tells him that he calls the process "Hulking" because he busts at the seams. One day his pant seat broke right before he was due in court. He used paper clips to hold it together.

Tim doesn't put him in a suit. He puts him in a jacket over a sweater. Bobby feels shell shocked. He feels freer. He has closed the book on the 'Old Bobby'. Tim gets chocked up "Coming out it nothing to take lightly." He says that Bobby has tremendous confidence and is a Home run.

It's Rachel's turn next. She tells Tim about a black sparkly dress that she used to have. She wore it to a German prom. She had moved to Germany and it was a happy time. And then it spiraled out of control. Tim has a similar sparkly black dress for her to wear. And just as she is about to reveal herself they cut to a commercial.


How does Jay look today? Amazing!

When he started at the Biggest Loser Ranch he weighted 297 lbs. Today he weighs 185 lbs.

When he was at his heaviest he had sleep apnea. He no longer has it. He has that now he can be a role model for his kids.

When he gained the weight he felt the absence of horses in his life. He had been roping horses for 20 years. It was his passion.   Since returning from the Ranch he has started roping again. He was moving so fast on the horse that his hat fell off. haha. We finally got to see the top of his head!

Jay feels better than he has in 25 years and hopes to compete again after the finale.


Rachel comes out. She cries when she sees herself in the mirror. It's been a 6 year journey.  She looks stunning.

Next up it's Marie's turn.  This is Marie's second chance to be a mom. Tim asks her what she used to wear. She tells him "anything comfortable: cardigans and loose jeans". Tim says that she was trapped in baggy denim and voluminous cardigans. He dresses her in a stunning form fitting orange dress. She tells him that her husband has never seen her this size.

Chelsea girl is up now.  She has always been an admirer of pairing cowgirl boots with short dresses, but she could never pull it off. Tim has her come out in a short green skirt, tight white shirt, denim jacket, and boots. She looks Awesome! I'm absolutely copying this look. She never wanted to look in the mirror before, and now she can't stop.

Tim tells us that he has to hold his emotions . The contestants are so dumbstruck when they see themselves that they can't reconcile themselves with the person they see in the mirror.

Chelsea tells us that her 10 year high school reunion is coming up. She wants to look stunning.

It's Jennifer's turn and she tells us that before she would never walk in to a boutique like that. They would not have her size. She came to the Ranch as a size 22/24. The first thing Tim puts her in is a leopard print top and short black skirt. Vavavoom! She tells us that it never crossed her mind that the words "myself and sexy" would be a combination.

David is excited. This is a gateway to the new David. He steps out in a blue sweater and jeans. He is "half the man I was in proportion, but twice the man I was in every other way. "

Tim says that he has been included in many Biggest Loser seasons, but he has never seen so many contestants who look this great at this juncture. The aura that they radiate is stunning.

Now that they have seen their new bodies in new clothes it's time to get some hair cuts!  Tim sends them over to Ken.  They haven't taken care of their hair in 13 weeks.

Ken lets Tanya makes the 1st cut. Chelsea gets bangs! LOVE THEM!  Jennifer tells him that she totally trusts him and he can do whatever he wants to her hair. She wants to shock her family so much that they won't know who she is.  Rachel feels like a movie star with this treatment. Bobby says that right now no one is thinking about elimination.

David started growing the beard a year ago.  He had decided that he would not shave it until he lost 100 lbs or made it to Makeover week. It's time for him to "come out from behind the mask." and he shaves it off.

Marie says she has no control. Ken Paves has all of the control. Ken asks her what she loves and she replies "my smile". He wants to give her bright hair and a short cut. He wants to force her to see herself. This is terrifying for Marie. She is afraid of chopping it off. Her mother cut her hair very short when she was a child and she was teased. She is afraid it will be traumatic. Ken tells her to be brave. She isn't defined by her hair. This will be more symbolic. She struggles with this. She had always envisioned her "thin self" with longer hair, not short.


The limos escort them back to the Ranch one at a time. Ali is there to greet them and bring out their families.

Rachel is the first one to arrive. She is wearing a short orange/red dress. It's a size 6! She's also rocking some feisty gold heels. Her hair is curly and brown. It's a little shorter, but I didn't think it was that drastic. Just purtied up.

Her parents arrive and after hugging them she tells them that she has made so much progress. She has seen the little changes and that "confident girl is back. I'm not hiding anymore."

Ali greets Bobby next. This second chance represents freedom for him. He is wearing a leather jacket with a tie and jeans. His journey is different. He already got to go home. Soon his dad, mom, and I assume one of his sisters arrive. His dad is so proud of him. He has always worried about his health. Bobby says that before coming to the Ranch he didn't see much of a future. He does now.

Our lovely Jennifer arrives next. Gone are her long blonde locks. Instead she now has shoulder length brown hair. She is wearing a stunning green wrap dress. Her husband and daughters arrive and they are speechless. That is exactly the reaction she was looking for. She asks her daughters if they have ever seen her this small? They say no. One of her daughters has a sit down interview and proudly announces that her mom could be a finalist.

Marie is very nervous. Hers is one of the more drastic makeovers. "I don't even know it's me".  She has short platinum blonde hair. Love it!  Her dress is a sheer black lace. She feels like a million bucks and she's shaking. Ali almost didn't recognize her, nor did her husband.

Lovely Chelsea struts up in a short hot pink dress. She is working her new bangs and has extensions.  She is surprised to see her brother greet her. He has been working in South Korea for two years.

Tanya struts her stuff in a red dress and a shoulder length bob. She looks Stunning! Ali tells her that the best part of this transformation is her smile. "I don't know where I would be if I didn't come here." And then she declares music to my ears "I am in love with myself.". Her kids arrive and she says that because of sacrificing these 13 weeks she now gets to spend 40-50 years with them.

And now for David. Holy cow. I knew he would look different, but I had no idea. Ali didn't even recognize him. He arrives in a jacket over a sweater with short hair and a clean shaven face. Ali is misty eyed. And then his wife and daughters arrive and it's a giant hug fest. One of them asks "where did the beard go?"  Before they leave, David asks his daughter "That dream you had, did it look like this?" She says yes. His youngest daughter keeps looking at him. He promises her that it's Daddy. She says she knows.

Everyone gathers on the patio for food and visiting. David's family hands him a card. In ti are things that they can't wait to do with the new David. There are hot air balloons, sky diving, and horses. He says he'll save the sky diving until last. haha.

Tanya's daughter tells her that she looks her age. He son says they can't go anywhere together because people will think they are dating. She laughs and laughs. And so do I. Sweet. 

Marie tells her husband that she can't even tell him how different she feels. This journey is for both of them. She is so cute and declares that they will be the hottest couple in Springfield, MO.

Chelsea tells her brother that she has done some soul searching. In the past she put her dad first. She played the role of the parent while he drank. Now she's Number 1!

Rachel's parents are divorced so she is happy to see them come together for her journey. She tells her dad about the previous week meeting Apolo Ohno. She tells him that she told Apolo that he used to be a speed skater. She hopes she never disappoints them. Her father says they could never be disappointed.

Jennifer asks her daughter if she has been working on the stuff that Dolvett gave her. She has. She then gets said and tells them that she never taught them how to eat right. But, that will change when she gets home.

Ali toasts everyone to their Second Chances.


Back in the Gym

Bob declares that they have a new crop of people. He can't believe how much younger David looks.

It's time for the Last Chance Workout!

Bobby has a goal to get under 250 lbs.

Bob says the worst part of Makeover week is the weight loss. It's more days away from the gym. And it's interesting timing considering they traveled to Park City, UT last week too.

Jennifer tells Dolvett that her daughter has lost 16 lbs and is gaining confidence.  Tanya is aware that she is the last one standing who was given a save. She thinks about that every day and doesn't want Dolvett to regret it.

Jillian pulls Chelsea aside. She knows that she is in the gym in the middle of the night. Jillian wants to know more about her. Chelsea tells her that when she was 12 her dad had a nervous breakdown and started drinking. She had guilt that she couldn't fix him.


America's Challenge

Drink more water America!  Brita has teamed with Eva Longoria. She designed a Drink Up water bottle for them that has a filter in it. No Excuses.


Weigh In Time

Whoever survives this week will compete in the Triathlon. And this week there are Two spots below the Red line. There are no more second chances.

Bob says that it's a crap shoot when routines are shaken up. They are notorious for low numbers.

Bobby started the week at 254 lbs and now weighs 248 lbs for a total of 6 lbs. 2.36%
   He sounds stuffy and that made me nervous...being sick can be a problem.
   He has lost 110 lbs and he med his goal to get below 250 lbs!
Tanya started the week at 198 lbs and now weighs 194 lbs for a total of 4 lbs. 2.04%
   She has lost 70 lbs.
Chelsea started the week at 168 lbs and now weighs 164 lbs for a total of 4 lbs. 2.38%
   Bob says she went from an "I want to go all of the way" to "I AM going all of the way!"
   She has lost 77 lbs.
Rachel started the week at 155 lbs and now weighs 151 lbs for a total of 4 lbs. 2.58%
   Dolvett says she looks like a new woman. She is a fighter.
   She has lost 109 lbs.
Marie started the week at 178 lbs and now weighs 175 lbs for a total of 3 lbs. 1.69%
   She has lost 74 lbs.
Jennifer started the week at 189 lbs and now weighs 185 lbs for a total of 4 lbs. 2.12%
   She has lost 81 lbs.
   Marie is eliminated.
David started the week at 266 lbs and now weighs 259 lbs for a total of 7 lbs. 2.63%
   He has lost 150 lbs.
   Tanya is eliminiated

Tanya wants to thank each and everyone. She came to the Ranch with a crush on Dolvett and now she genuinely loves him. She says that when she came to the Ranch she was a woman struggling to find her way. She is ready to take on any challenge and loves herself unconditionally.   She says that at the Finale Dolvett will be crushing on her.

Marie says that the journey has been amazing and that she has found the woman that she wants to be.  she says that this is more than just weight loss. She is a strong confidant woman now. She's going to miss all of the amazing people that believed in her and can't wait to start a family.

Next week is the Triathlon...and 2 people will fall below the yellow line. We will have our final 3!

Have a Blessed Night

Pledges for the Polar Plunge for Delaware Special Olympics can be made here:

AND I have signed up for Run for Autism again :-)

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

From XXL to Small?

Hello Beautiful People,

So let me ask you something? How are you ever supposed to feel good about yourself when you lose a lot of weight and yet the "norm" keeps getting smaller?

I mentioned before that I buy my jeans from Aeropostale like every 14 yr old does. They have jeans in "short" and so I go there. I sure as heck don't have time to be hemming jeans. That takes FOREVER and we know I'll never make them even. So that's where I go.

And when I go there they have mounds and mounds of jeans in size 0...and now size 000. OMG if you are wearing a size 000 I want you to immediately put down the jeans and go somewhere for some food. That is dangerously too low. And yet they make these sizes. It's scary.

I hadn't put on the Size 6 jeans that I got 2 years ago in about a year. I don't know why. I think I just expect that they will be too tight and that will send me in a spiral depression.  Oh they fit. In fact, there was some room. Could I really be ready for a size 4?  Okay well I know there would be a muffin top there, but could I actually button a 4 in some styles?  I almost want to go to the store at lunch tomorrow and try some on.

I still have a hard time with sizes. I really don't know what the mental block is. I still seem to buy things that are too big. For the life of me I cannot get it through my head that I need a medium bottom. I keep going for the large and inevitably it's too big. I'm wearing a belt with my spandex leggings for goodness sake. Why can I not understand that I am smaller? I will literally hold a medium and balk. I immediately think "No, that will be too small and you'll feel upset when it doesn't fit. Put it back."  And then I get the large and I can't keep them on my hips.

I get excited that I am a Medium in tops. Unless something runs small I can accept that. But, I am swimming in a bunch of medium things. Could I possibly be a small now? NO WAY!  But, I think it's true. 

 I could go on for hours about how the ideal female image is portrayed and how upsetting it can be. I won't though...for right now. But, did you ever read Sweet Valley High? I couldn't keep my head out of those books when I was younger. Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield were 16 yr old twins in California. They shared a little red fiat and wore matching necklaces...and they were described as a "perfect size 6". I think that stuck in my head a little more than I would have cared to. So maybe that's why I have a hard time with my size. They are forever who I picture when I think of a size 6. And I sure as heck don't have the body that I imagined they had.

But we all come in different shapes and sizes. I am tiny. So while I still see my fat, it's in smaller proportion to the rest of my body than it used to be. You can still pinch an inch (the worst possible phrase ever considering how many inches the Former Fat Girl could pinch) in my belly.  But, you can also wrap one arm around my waist. My butt is tinier. My back is tinier. Everything is tinier. I just can't seem to get that through my head most days.

I do not feel that I am in danger of becoming anorexic or developing an eating disorder. I like my food and muscles too much. But, I can understand how you can feel like you can never be small enough.  It's all about how you see yourself compared to what is shoved down your throat every minute of every day. It's just not right.

Have a Blessed Night.

Pledges for the Polar Plunge for Delaware Special Olympics can be made here:

AND I have signed up for Run for Autism again :-)

Check out my Facebook Page for Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile

Instagram: Jennie5973  

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Random Wednesday: Frigid Temps, Bikinis, and my Butt

Happy Frigid Random Wednesday,

Oh holy cow...I need to move to the tropics. I just do not like the cold anymore. Sure the snow was beautiful, but it was even too cold to go out and enjoy it since we are in this Polar Vortex that for real or just something the news made up?


Tonight I watched last night's The Biggest Loser. It was the makeover episode...I am pretty sure I cried the whole time. They look amazing...and they feel amazing. I could not be happier for them.


Stuck inside for 2 days. Working from home. Sitting on my butt for hours. BAH!!!


Yes, it is Girl Scout Cookie far I have not gotten any...


 I have been working on my incline for the race in DC. The result: Monster tight thighs. Bounce a quarter of my cheeks butt. Sore quads. Swollen knee.


So watching Makeover Week made me think that maybe I do want to cut my hair again...argh..NO! Must stay strong...growing it for Locks of Love. Doing it for a good cause. 


I keep forgetting that I can workout in the basement after working from home. I have felt guilty the last two nights that I haven't worked out. I feel tired after work. I'm trying to decide if it's my body craving rest (which is probably what it is) or if it's the Former Fat Girl trying to take over again.

I am using it as a rest time because my knee is still sore. My elbow hurts. And my shoulder is sore. But, I go back to work tomorrow so I will hit the gym then.


So I do not have any plans this weekend. What???? That never happens. I think I am staying local and I'm going to try and knock a bunch of things off of my to do list. I need to get rid of clothes. That's number 1!  Rule 1- If it's too big it goes!


I don't think I am going to be in a bikini for the polar plunge. I have a nasty bruise on my belly. It should be gone by then, but I'm not feeling it. We will see though. I did the bikini last year. I was incredibly self conscious. I don't mind being in one if I am stationary and laying down, but the standing and running in the cold was really sucky. I have a tankini pulled for it. I actually thought of my 1 piece, but I don't know if I have it readily available. I will see.

In a way I feel like it's a step backwards, and in another way I feel like it's smart. The Polar Plunge is an active thing and I worry so much about the girls popping out while running. Who knows, we still have a week and a half. I haven't committed to any suit yet.


I need to go out for lunch tomorrow. I am thinking Panera. Soup is a VERY good option right now.  One of the bonuses of living with my Uncle's family right now is that they feed me :-) I wasn't planning on this, but I like not having to think about it right now. Last night my aunt made this awesome soup. It was heavenly.


When I was in Florida I bought a pair of Mickey Mouse pj bottoms at walmart for $5. They happened to be juniors medium. That's slightly smaller than regular mediums. My butt looks AMAZING in these fleece pj bottoms. Just sayin.


Stop me if you have heard this, because I honestly don't remember if I mentioned it. This past weekend after we got to mom's to unload we went shopping. Heather wanted some new pants. We ended up at Aeropostale and I searched and searched for my size. I found a pair in a slightly ripped style. I didn't love it, but they fit me nicely. I got them...for $4.77. What? I love bonuses like that.

Anyway, I tried them on after moving all day. I had to peed. So now I find myself pulling them up a little. They are a size smaller than the last pair I got. Dare I go for an even smaller size?  I think I dare!


Okay, I need to go to bed. I have to remember that I actually have to drive to work in the morning.

Have a Blessed Night

Pledges for the Polar Plunge for Delaware Special Olympics can be made here:

AND I have signed up for Run for Autism again :-)

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

The Biggest Loser: Season 15 Episode 12

The Biggest Loser: Season 15 Episode 12 recap

The Biggest Losers are going to Park City, UT where the Olympians train! LUCKIES!

It was cute. We got to see them boarding the plane with Rachel behind the camera narrating. They realized how easy it was to walk through the aisle in their new bodies. They were no longer bumping into the people in the seats. Jennifer mentioned that when she was on the plane to come to the Biggest Loser she needed a seatbelt extender. Not anymore!

When they arrived in Park City Dolvett was there. He introduced them to a friend of his...Apolo Ohno. Not a bad friend to have. Chelsea said all of the girls had their mouths open. Yummy.

Apolo shared his own Second Chances. When he was 14 he was a World Champion. When he was 15 he came in last. His father sat and talked with him. Focus. What do you want? He gave himself a Second chance and became the most decorated American Winter Olympian.

Apolo takes them inside to workout. Speed skaters have amazing legs so they spend some time on bikes. And then Dolvett tells them to do 100 burpees. Tanya doesn't believe him. Rachel is a beast and the first to finish. Apolo tells her that he sees a mental light on in her.

They also do some sprinting. David is explosive. When Apolo asks about his previous experiences David discloses that he was a high school football player

Dolvett has them all sit down and close their eyes. He wants them to reflect and remember their first days at the Ranch. He reminds them not do say 'No'. He wants them to remember that first time on the scale when they saw the weight coming off. Remember how scared they were to get on the scale. It's only been 12 weeks. Imagine what their life will be in 12 years. He reminds them that going home isn't going to be easy, but not to doubt themselves.

The schedule away from the Ranch is different. They aren't in the regular gym and they are eating out more. Bobby says that it is like a transition back to reality. He's already been home and he's nervous. They are all nervous.

My girl Rachel planned ahead. She prepared food back at the Ranch and brought it with her in a cooler. She brought cooked chicken and vegetables. And that is why, regardless of whether or not she wins the Biggest Loser title, she will win in real life. Jennifer comments that when you are very hungry in a place that you aren't used to you tend to make bad choices. Yeah ya do. Rachel says that it's a trigger.


And then it's my favorite part of the episode. I am a Curling junkie! I LOVE LOVE LOVE Curling. Can't explain it, but I do. Ali introduces the US Women's Curling team. Tanya isn't sure what curling is. Biceps? Hair? Cheese?

Their Second Chance story is that they finished in 6th place during an Olympic qualifying round. In order to qualify for Olympic trials they needed to place 1st during the next round. And they did.

So now there was a Curling Challenge.   There would be 2 heats. Each heat had 4 people. They needed to push 100 lb stones on the ice and have them land in the red circle for a point. The first 2 people in each heat to get 3 points move on to the final round. The first person in the second round to get 3 points wins $5000.

Tanya wants to win because she will need all new clothes. Jay says cowboys and ice don't mix. He doesn't want to win. He doesn't want to become a target.

During the first heat Rachel and Bobby move on . Chelsea and David move on from the second heat.

In the winner's round Chelsea starts off strong. She has 2. Bobby has 1. David has 1. Rachel has 0. And then Rachel gets 1. Bobby has 2. And Rachel comes from behind and knocks another of hers in with her stone. She wins.

Rachel says that previously she would have shied away, but now she's so much more confidant.


Bob takes them outside. He hates when they travel on the Ranch. Traveling and weight loss are rough. It sucks. Someone always ends up with a Plus on the scale.

Bob wants them to be competitive. He designs a competitive program for them: zig zag sprints, 100 thrusters, 100 kettlebell swings, medicine balls, and carrying each other during sprints. They need to work together and Marie has a hard time jumping up on Bobby's back. She yells at him to get on her back and she carries him. Bobby laughs after and says he has never been so attracted to a woman. haha. I have to say that Marie hasn't been one of my favorites this season, but I adored her for this. It is exactly what I would have done. You go girl!

Afterwards, Chelsea says that she wants to be a threat, but not a target.

Bob lets everyone go, but he wants Bobby to stay behind and talk to him. He says that he can be his own worst enemy.  He says he is not ready to go home yet. Bobby admits that the stress of this week had him binge eating before he left the Ranch. I felt so bad. I could identify with this. I am a stress binge eater. It's the most horrible feeling. I really hope he doesn't go home this week.


After his talk with Bobby, Bob went grocery shopping. He decided to give them all a Breakfast cooking lesson. You should have a lean protein with every meal so he makes fritatas with Jennie-O sausage and bacon. They can be frozen and made in any size muffin pan.


Dolvett wants to talk to Rachel. He wants to talk to her about her relationship with her dad. When Rachel gave up swimming she hit a rough patch with her dad. And then within 6 months her parents divorced. She was so angry that she turned to food. It has been a struggle. But, her dad has been writing to her at the Ranch and they are mending their relationship.


It took forever, but they finally showed us how Tumi is doing today...and she looks AMAZING!  When she started at the Ranch she weighed 319 lbs. Today she weighs 188 lbs.

She gets a warm welcome at home and she is pleased to see her sister there who she hasn't seen in over a year. They even go wedding dress shopping (looking FANTASTIC!). No matter how things turn out with The Biggest Loser "This day is a Victory to me". I love her. I love her. I LOVE her!


It's time for another Challenge.  This one takes place by the Bobsled track. Two lady bobsledders are introduced. Marie says their bodies are likes temples.

Lolo Jones is getting her second Olympic chance. There were high hopes for her in Track during the 2012 Summer Olympics, but she failed. She is getting her second chance with the Bobsled team.

The winner of the challenge will get a 1 lb advantage at the weigh in. The challenge: Run up the track. It is 1 mile up a 400 ft incline at a 7400 ft elevation.  They were to line up by % of weight loss to date.

Jay passes Rachel and the two of them battle for the lead. Jennifer and Marie struggle with the effects of the altitude on their lungs.

At the halfway point Rachel passes Jay. He started to struggle with his breathing. Rachel easily wins. She is followed by Jay, Marie, and Chelsea. Marie realizes that her Best is good enough. She didn't win, but she still accomplished it.

Not only does Rachel win the 1 lb advantage, but she also wins the fast way down the track...she gets to ride with a bobsled team (OMG can you say jealous???? I would LOVE that!).


Challenge America

Becky from Season 12 stunned everyone at the Finale. She is working with Teaching Gardens and they plant gardens with students at school. The students get to see where healthy food from the start and get invested


In a video diary Bobby fears that he is at risk of going home. He is struggling trying to adapt outside of the Ranch this week.


Jillian has them at the Center of Excellence. It's where the skiiers and snowboarders train. She notices Jennifer struggling with the box jump like she did before. So she pulls her aside to talk to her. She tells her that she has to let go. She asks what Jennifer is afraid of. Jennifer is afraid that she is not good enough. She's not a good enough mom, wife, daughter, etc. Jillian lets her know that she thinks Jennifer is pretty awesome.

That seems to be the encouragement that she needed. She Nails the jump!


It's time for the Weigh In...and it's dramatic. It's outside in the dark at the base of the Nordic Ski Jump...and it appears to be a little cold.

Rachel goes first. She started at 161 lbs and now weighs 155 lbs for a total of 6 lbs plus her 1 lb advantage. She has lost 4.35%.
   Rachel, the Beast, has lost 105 lbs in 12 weeks.
Jennifer started at 189 lbs and now weighs 189 lbs. She did not lose any weight this week.
   She has felt different all week and her body was having a negative reaction to the altitude (my
   prediction is that if she makes it through this week she will see good things on the scale next week)
David started at 270 lbs and now weighs 266 lbs for a total of 4 lbs. 1.48%
Marie started at 183 lbs and now weighs 178 lbs for a total of 5 lbs. 2.73%
Chelsea started at 171 lbs and now weighs 168 lbs for a total of 3 lbs. 1.75%
Tanya started at 198 lbs and now weighs 196 lbs for a total of 2 lbs. 1.01%
Jay started at 192 lbs and now weighs 193 lbs for a gain of 1 lb. +0.52%
Bobby started at 254 lbs and now weighs 256 lbs for a gain of 2 lbs. +0.79%
    Bob says there is a fighter in Bobby.

Jay and Bobby fall below the Yellow line. Allison asks them each to state their case before the vote.

Jay says that he is honored to know everyone. It's a game and it's not easy. He has had 1 goal and that is to make it to makeover week.

Bobby says that he loves everyone. They are his family, but he knows it is a game. Strategically Jay is in 2nd place so it makes more sense to send him home. Bobby still has a lot to lose.

I gotta say, I was proud of Bobby for fighting to stay. His was a smart case.

Ali says she will ask them all for their vote. They need 4 votes to go home. In the event of a tie, the person with the lowest percentage will go home. That is Bobby.

Tanya says that Jay is amazing and that Bobby has had some challenges. That concerns her. So she votes for Jay.

Jennifer votes for Jay.

Rachel struggles with emotional eating so she feels for Bobby. She votes for Jay.

Marie cries. She has been with Jay since day 1. He has no quit in him. So she votes for Bobby (which is interesting because she voted the opposite way last week...just sayin)

David is torn. He has related to Bobby this week and sees that he still needs to be there. He hopes that if others see he still needs to be there they will keep him. He votes for Jay.

Jay is going home. He's okay. He knows that it's not fun thing there voting. It's a game though and he still loves them. He is 8 lbs from his goal and has lost 104 lbs. He says that he would have voted off whoever gave him the best chance so he doesn't blame them.  He then says that Jillian was the key to his success. He has a whole new life ahead of him.

Next week (which is really tonight) is MAKEOVER WEEK!

Have a Blessed Night.

Pledges for the Polar Plunge for Delaware Special Olympics can be made here:

AND I have signed up for Run for Autism again :-)

Check out my Facebook Page for Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile

Instagram: Jennie5973 

Monday, January 20, 2014

The Amazing Evolving Me

Hello My Lovelies and Gents,

Okay, so I'm a little beat.  Heather and I took two cars full of my stuff down to mom's on Saturday. Lots of loading and unloading. But, we are in the homestretch so it's very exciting.  Yesterday was reserved for football and relaxing when I got home. I had hoped to do my nails (I really need some pampering), but I knitted instead :-) 

I still haven't gotten to watch last week's The Biggest Loser, but I'm hoping to tonight ( and I am).  I'm had a light night at the gym. I got in a good 5 mile run friday night and then did all of that lifting and moving Saturday. My knees are sore. My elbow is sore. My brain is slightly jumbled. I could use a little Bob Harper in my life right now.

When I go to my Mom's there is a church that I love to go to. However, the past few trips I have joined my Aunt at her church. I love her church. One of the messages in this week's sermon was that when you devote yourself to God, you are no longer the same person that you were before.

This got me to thinking.  I have always known that I am not the same person I was before I moved to North Carolina the first time. I've talked about that openly, but I know that I'm also a different person than the girl who left North Carolina.

I am trying to think how to put this.  I have lived in 7 different states. One of my friends (Hi Ms. Kristen!) calls me her East Coast Nomad. I love moving and experiencing different areas. I have friends all over. A lot of people can't identify with that. Most people like to settle down and the idea of change scares them. I thrive on it. I evolve everywhere I go. I am happy to not be the same girl I was 10 years ago. I am happy to not be the same girl I was 5 years ago. I am a different person than I was when I moved back 7 years ago. And that's a good thing. That girl had begun her journey, but this girl has jumped all in (balls out).

The new me has focus. She has a plan and a vision. She has knowledge. She has willpower. She has strength. She has endurance. She has medals. She has a certification. She has confidence. She has skinny jeans. She has bikinis. She has a new body. She has a new outlook on life. I wouldn't trade her for the world.

She likes herself and she couldn't necessarily say that 7 years ago. To be fully honest I don't think she could say that 3 years ago. I am constantly referring to my "journey" because that's what it is. I am constantly looking ahead. I give myself incentives and rewards. I am constantly evolving. This is good. I don't want to get stagnant. I was stagnant for most of my life and look where that got me.

I can't wait to see who the new "Me" in a few years. I have committed myself to this lifestyle.  It has changed me.  I can't wait to see what's next.

Have a Blessed Night

Pledges for the Polar Plunge for Delaware Special Olympics can be made here:

AND I have signed up for Run for Autism again :-)

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Friday, January 17, 2014

Flashback Friday: I survived the Polar Plunge...and I want to do it again!

It's Time for Flashback Friday. With my third Polar Plunge coming up in two weeks I wanted to revisit my first one. I love love love love LOVE Polar Plunge weekend. And I honestly can't believe I keep saying that. The Former Fat Girl never would have done fact she never did. 

So now let's travel back in time a couple of years....

I survived the Polar Plunge...and I want to do it again!

Hello my Lovelies,

Wow.  Yep, that pretty much sums it up.  Well that and "HOLY CRAP THAT WAS AWESOME!".  I am amazed to tell you that I never once thought about chickening out today.  In fact, I shot out of bed first thing this morning ready to get the day started.

First I needed to go to Church.  I threw on my Polar Bear Plunge sweatshirt and my new size 6 jeans (HOLLA!).  I just sat there thanking God for who I am today.  I really have come so far.  I started thinking about the plunge as a sort of baptism to the New Me.  My plans were to Dunk my whole head if the sun came out for the plunge.  I was that committed.

We got to the boardwalk about an hour early.  It was MOBBED.  I loved every minute of it.  It was chilly though.  The air temperature was 41 (although it shot up a whole degree by plunge time) and the water temperature was 47.

There were lots of groups with themes.  There were ladies with Lady Bug hats.  A group with frog masks.  I lost count of the number of Tu-Tus.  I loved every minute of it.  My favorite moment of the wait was when they started playing "Hot Hot Hot".  Ha ha.  Lie Lie Lie!  It was cold.  Cold I tell you.

When it was 30 minutes to go they sent us down to the beach to get ready for the giant aerial picture they were going to take.  We tried to get as close as possible, but really we didn't want people running across our blanket in a trample either.  So we found a spot between these three hard-core ladies (we promised to meet them in the same spot next year) and a large group with a Marines Flag (easy to spot to find our towels after the plunge). 

So we sat for about 15 minutes freezing our ta-tas off.  Did I mention how cold it was?  The hardest part of the plunge was the wait on the beach.  There was lots of hugging for body warmth. ha ha.

The best advice was when they kept coming over the loud speaker saying: You want to run in fast and run back out fast.

The second best advice was that we were told to only go in up to our knees because of the wicket undertow. It came from an official, so I was not going to be dunking today (yes, the sun peaked through at exactly 1pm).

We decided that when it got down to 5 minutes to go we would start stripping the clothes.  We were late bloomers.  So many were down to their skivvies with 10 minutes to go.  Did I mention that it was cold?  When there was one minute left the ladies in front said it was time to move.  So we made our way down through the spectators to the water.

In our preparation packet they said to leave your shoes on until the last possible moment. The sand would feel like ice.  So we were to stand on a towel before and after the plunge.  Um...they were NOT kidding. Standing in the wet sand for that one minute wait for the countdown was painful.  I could not feel my feet.  Oddly enough all of that body heat kept the body warm, but my feet were not getting that message.

I happened to notice a large camera two people in front of us.  I peaked around and saw the newscaster. Oh S*&T.  No time to absorb that information.  3-2-1 RUN!

Bibble grabbed my hand (we follow the rules with the buddy system) and into the water we went.  The wave was receding as we started chasing it and I knew this was going to be bad.  BAM we got hit with one just as we got up to knees.  My butt got SOAKED.  Bibble was pulling me in and we went further than a lot of people, but not as far as others.

On the way back it was crazy.  The wave was receding again and our feet were sinking into the sand.  It was running in slow motion.  We were running up the hill and that's when I spotted it.  I was running Baywatch Style straight at the News Camera.  CRAP. *I just checked the website and they only had a still shot and I was not in it, but I'm sure I was bouncing across TV screens all over the Delmarva area right before the Superbowl....Oh joy* ***The video has now been uploaded on the site...BAH!  I will post the link below***

Our adrenalin was pumping so hard that we were not even cold when we got back to the towels.  We dried off and packed up with big giant stupid grins on our faces.  When we got back to the boardwalk we found my Dad and Bibble's daughter.  They were a bit cold so we opted to head back to the car and skip the after party.  Maybe next year.

It's hard to say what I liked best about the day.  There was so much.  I loved that so much money was raised for such a good cause.  I loved all of the shapes and sizes (young and old...small and large) of people participating in the plunge.  I loved the smile on the faces of the Special Olympics Participants throughout the day.  I LOVED EVERY SINGLE MOMENT.  I will be looking into volunteering for the Special Olympics this year.  I have to do it.  I can't not.  This is too important.

In the long car ride home tonight, because the adrenalin dropped and I have since felt like I had been hit by a truck, we discussed our team for next year.  We want to bring more people and do it up.  We will have a theme.  We will raise big bucks.  We will participate in all events throughout the festival.  I mentioned that I would ask my friend Heather who was there to see her son plunge.  After all, who would not want to participate after being a part of that day.  Bibble quickly pointed out "Because it's freakin cold."

I love that I don't even consider that a problem.  I am way more confidant and adventurous than the former fat girl.  I have so many wasted years to make up for.  I don't know what I would say 'No' to at this point (well you still won't get me to jump out of an airplane, but that's more to do with my lack of faith in the parachute packer).  I'm willing to try the full marathon.  I'm willing to look into a City to Shore Cycling race.  I'm willing to hike a mountain.  I'm willing to take on the world.

Video Link - Watch for the very last 5 seconds

Have a Blessed Night.

Pledges for the Polar Plunge for Delaware Special Olympics can be made here:

AND I have signed up for Run for Autism again :-)

Check out my Facebook Page for Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile

Instagram: Jennie5973 

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Moving weekend Recap...and now I rest!

Happy Monday Bleeps! (Clearly I started this on's been a busy week oops)

Well it's been a busy week for me. We had our work Holiday party last week. I got in some days at the gym. I packed and moved all weekend. I still have some work to do, but I'm beat. I'm about a dozen posts behind. I still haven't told you about the Keith Urban concert, my Uncle Joe's Celebration of Life, Part 2 of Race weekend, and this week's Biggest Loser.  Hopefully I can catch my breath soon.  I might have to reinstate Flashback Friday for a couple of months.

As I mentioned before, I am making a temporary move until I move to Charlotte in a few months. I am moving in with my Uncle and his family. They live about 10 minutes away so it's not that bad or a difference.

Friday night I went to the gym and got to see Gym Buddy Lisa. I miss her!  After my workout I made sure to get a hydro massage. I knew I would be needing it. It was so nice.  And then on the way home I struggled. I wanted to stop and get some Subway. And then I didn't because I had a little food at home that I could eat and then I wouldn't have to move it.  So I didn't stop. I think I just had some soup and grilled cheese, but it wasn't a normal cheese for grilling so it was a little sharp and just didn't sit well. I really regretted not stopping.

I regretted it more on Saturday. I woke up early and got to work. I sort of got in the zone didn't think about food. Until I was starving. I made a quick sandwich, but I also had plans to meet my dad, brother-in-law, and nephew for a late lunch. My nephew had a basketball game and we were meeting at The Charcoal Pit...famous for their burgers and sundaes.

I got a cheeseburger and fries. I got the small and wow compared to today's "normal size" portions it was tiny, but tiny is good. It filled me up just fine. And it was delicious. After lunch we went back to the house and I got my Christmas gift. YEAH! My dad and stepmom got me a heated seat pad for my car. It heats and massages. So wonderful for after races and the cold!  I have used it all week and it's been heavenly :-)

I couldn't stay too long. I still had packing to do. I packed until I dropped. I literally dropped. I could move no more and passed out. Sunday morning I got up early and went to church. It was so lovely. I missed my church.

I got back to work. This time it involved a LOT of steps. I would go down to the basement and bring a load up to my room and organize it. Then take it down to go in the car. This continued almost all day. With every step I took I thought of Ms. Bibble. I was so careful. I couldn't handle the thought of falling and going through what she is going through (the good news is that the bone is healing and she now has a cast on yeah!).

I would like to say that my eating this past weekend was good, but it was not all good. I kept thinking I would go to Subway and then I would think "you have food just eat here".  And then I would just not eat or eat something bad.

I've mentioned my OCD before and it can be good and bad. In general it keeps me in a routine, but when I'm off my routine it can get ugly. And then you throw in "moving" OCD and just ain't pretty. I tend to get more focused on the task at hand and finishing up just "one more" thing before I think about myself and my needs.

I didn't do a great job of making myself eat, but I did make myself drink water. And I stayed completely hydrated...I know this because I had to pee every 5 minutes. But, that's a good thing so I'll take it.

I did get an invite to come over to Grandmom's on Sunday afternoon. Aunt Kathy and Cousins Keeley and Hannah were there. I didn't really have the time, but it's family and I haven't seen Aunt Kathy in a while so I went over. I was also promised some Vegetable soup...I LOVE Grandmom's Vegetable soup. It's soooooo delicious.

I didn't stay long and soon it was time to head back and finish up. I still had to take my stuff to my Uncle's. After my first load I wanted to scream I was so hungry. There are not a lot of options between the new and old place. Basically, if I was starving and wanted food immediately there was a McDonalds.

I can't believe I went there, but I was sooooooo hungry and I was burning calories like mad. So I went through the Drive-thru and ordered 2 grilled chicken wraps with honey mustard...and it took about 15 minutes to get. I was waiting for them and the smell of the restaurant was making me sick.

And so the countdown begins again. At this point it has been 4 days since I have gone to a fast-food place. Bah!

I have been a hurting pup from this move. My knees are swollen (surprise!) and my calves were sooo sore from the steps. My back feels like a question mark and my body is bruised. But, I am sooo very proud of myself. The Former Fat Girl would NEVER have been able to get this much done so fast. The Energy and Endurance I have at 40 compared to when I was 30 is incredible. And what have we learned from this? That you are NEVER too old to get started!

Well it's pumpkin time...time for me to go to bed.

Have a Blessed Night

Pledges for the Polar Plunge for Delaware Special Olympics can be made here:
AND I have signed up for Run for Autism again :-)

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Random Wednesday: Girl Scout cookies, Awesomeness, and Taye Diggs

Wow...Is it Wednesday already?  Happy Random Wednesday!!!

I'm a little tired so this will probably be a short one. Of course every time I say that they get mighty long. haha.

So remember last week I said I was thinking about Girl Scout Cookies...well this week I got my 1st email announcing that a coworker's daughters are selling them. I will always support them. I just have to manage my craziness. Remember, I like to freeze them.  However, I can also polish off a whole box in one sitting...the peanut butter patties are my weakness.


The moving is almost done...until April at least. I made it to the gym last night, but otherwise I have been working really hard. And burning those calories baby. Yesterday I felt like a bottomless pit. I feel horrible that I haven't been to the gym as much as I would have liked, but I am most certainly getting workouts in. I wish I had kept track of the number of times I have gone up and down stairs. Plus the lifting of bin after bin after bin.

Of course the casualty of this is that every day I find a new bruise. I have a strange one at the base of my thumb and a nice deep purple one on my belly. I also have a bunch on my legs and arms...I look like someone used me for a punching bag. Basically I put my whole body into this move. haha.


Te he...I can't stop laughing at that one.


All I'm saying is that I have a massage that I need to schedule...hmm...I really need to check my calendar. I could use it badly right now.

Thank you Heather!


I don't have cable in my room any more and last night I was too exhausted to go down to the basement to watch The Biggest Loser (basically it felt like a mighty big climb up the steps to bed). So I will watch it later and post on it.

I kind of like no cable now. I can still watch if I want to, but I'm enjoying my reading and radio time. It's very calming.


Work has been beyond hectic These past couple weeks. Let's just say that when you work in Logistics and there is a monster winter storm that blankets the whole country, things get a little backed up. We've been handling it though, but now Ms. Liz is sick. So please wish her well because I'm on my own tomorrow while she stays home and sleeps. Wish me luck!


On my way home tonight I stopped at Starbucks and found something. I cannot wait to try them!  I do enjoy my Gevalia mocha lattes, but this is a non-keurig option so I could be mighty happy if they are good.


I had just decided that I would grow out my hair for Locks of Love again and now I want to cut my hair. BAH! What is wrong with me???


I keep seeing the commercials for the 3 Day For the Cure...Mark my words: I will be signing up for that in 2015!  I am determined to do this. But, I can only do so much fundraising. This year is Run For Autism. Next year is 3 Day for the Cure!


I think I mentioned before that one of my coworkers is from Columbia. Whenever he goes home he brings me and Ms. Liz back some Columbian chocolate...and let me tell you it is FANTASTIC. We got some this  week and my packs are almost halfway done. DOH. I told you it was a stressful week at work.


Today we went to lunch at Wegmans. Ms. Tina's program at work is up this week and she will be going back to China. I will miss her so much. Whenever I need a smile I go see her or send her an email. I don't think I've ever met someone who smiles so much. I heart her! 

We got a little excited about going to Wegmans. Ms. Tracey and I were talking all morning about what we would get. We both hit up the Vegetarian bar. Some new items were an apple, yam, and almond cake (like a pancake) that was super yummy. We also got some glazed carrots with cranberries. It was a delicious lunch.

Because you always have cake when someone leaves I got us some Black & White cookies, since they are my favorite. I cut them in half and we each had a small portion.

This led to a fun discussion about how much I love them and that every time they see them they will think of me...and if I were to ever get married I would forgo a cake for a giant display of black & white cookies...and from there it spiraled out of control. haha. Let's just say that now that Taye Diggs is single again (he is a fellow Syracuse Alumni by the way) they would be the perfect cake for us. :-) 


And on that note, I'm going to try to get a little reading in before bed time.

Have a Blessed Night.

Pledges for the Polar Plunge for Delaware Special Olympics can be made here:

AND I have signed up for Run for Autism again :-)

Check out my Facebook Page for Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile

Instagram: Jennie5973 

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

The Biggest Loser - Season 15 Episode 11

Welcome Back Biggest Loser! 

Well we took a break over the holidays and were welcomed back with a BANG last week.  The episode started with a dramatic recap of the season by the Trainers. It was a little too dramatic for my taste, but I'll live.  I get it. It's a push for the new watchers and for those making New Year's Resolutions.

And then the contestants talked about their journeys. I had tears during Tanya and Jay's talks.  It has been quite a ride. My favorite though was when Rachel said "It's in the struggles that you get the Triumphs." Amen!

There is One month left before the Finale (and the Olympics begin) so let's get started.

At the last Weigh In both Matt and Hap were eliminated. But in The Biggest Loser fashion, there was a twist. Everyone is back and one of the eliminated players will be back on the Ranch.  Afterall, this is the season of Second Chances.

And for those who have watched many seasons you will remember that Ali went home and came back to win it all. *Dramatic music* They didn't mention that, it's just my little factoid for ya.

The contestant with the highest % of weight loss since the beginning of the show will be back.

Matt lost 26.12%
Hap lost 21.59% - He is going home.

Ruben says that he has made workouts part of his schedule.
   When he started he weighed 462 lbs. He needs to have lost 120 lbs. He weighs in at 377 lbs. He has
    lost 85 lbs for a total of 18.40%. He is going home.
Fernanda started at 250 lbs. She needs to have lost more than 65 lbs. She weighs 208 lbs. She has lost
   42 lbs for a total of 16.80%. She is going home.
Holley is lifting again. LOVED seeing her.
   When she started she weighed 351 lbs. She needs to have lost more than 91 lbs. She weighs in at
    277 lbs. She has lost 74 lbs for a total of 21.26%  She is going home.
Craig looks awesome. Everyone keeps mentioning that.
   When he started he weighed 385 lbs. He needs to have lost more than 100 lbs. He weighs in at
    307 lbs. He has lost 78 lbs for a total of 20.26%. He is going home.
It's down to Bobby vs. Matt.
Bobby really wants to finish on the Ranch. His burden is lifted and he's ready.
   When he started he weighed 358 lbs. He needs to have lost more than 93 lbs. He weighs in at
    267 lbs. He has lost 97 lbs for a total of 27.09%. He is Back on the Ranch!

Matt is okay. He said he gets to give the best version of himself to his fiance.

Ali tells Bobby about the Triatholon (the winner automatically earns a spot in the finale). He's not thrilled because he can't swim.

And now for the bigger news: This week there is a Yellow line!  Two people will fall below and they will vote who gets eliminated *Dramatic Music*

When the Trainers walk into the house they see Bobby. Bob says it is a welcome surprise. When Bobby left Bob just kept thinking "he's not ready to leave yet." When everyone heads to the gym Bob stays back with Bobby. Bobby tells him that he came out to his dad and how supportive he is.

Rachel talks about the old Rachel (her Former Fat Girl). She said that now it's not about pushing her aside. It's about realizing how she got there and forgiving her. So true.

I loved Dolvett yelling "This ain't for every body. Just your body!" I'm totally using that.

Dolvett asks Tumi how much she has lost. 94 lbs. He asks has she ever lost that much before? No. 30lbs here and there, but then always gaining it back.  She's so sweet. She got engaged at 300 lbs. She and her fiance met in their 30's and he always says "I wish we met when we were younger. We would have more time together." She says that now they will have that time. LOVE IT!

Tanya is working out with Jillian. Jill says that she starts strong, but then sabotages. She has her run at a 10.0 so that she can see her potential. She tells her that her problems are in her last moments. She is afraid to embrace her potential. I saw a lot of the Former Fat Girl in that conversation.


How is Hap today? Well when he started on the Ranch he weighed 403 lbs. Today he weighs 270 lbs. When he left the Ranch he had to go straight to work. His work includes travel so he brings a portable grill with him. He grills chicken, fish, and Veggies. I follow him on Instagram and I had seen pictures of his grill in the hotel it!

He is still close to Matt and they talk regularly.

He stresses that you can workout anywhere. If he can do it while he travels, so can you.

His goal for the finale is to have lost over 150 lbs.


Bob sits and talks with David. He says that we hear all about his wife who passed away, but Bob wants to know about his current wife.

She is David's best friend and they met on a blind date. She is the perfect gift for him and his family.   He says that he needs to talk to her and tell her what he has realized on this journey. She inspires him to be a better man and he wants to say Thank you.


Challenge Time

This challenge is on a monster hill at the beach. It is all sand and all uphill.

The winner will get $25,000 worth of gym equipment .  Um where do I sign up for this???  Jay says that he's already got a spot in his house picked out for it.

Okay so the hill is filled with kettlebells. At the top of the hill is a stand for each contestant with 10 branches. Whoever fills the branches first wins. There is also 1 Gold Kettlebell worth 5. The loser earns a 1 lb disadvantage.

Jay's strategy was good. Run to the top and fill the branches with the kettlebells closest to the top.

He easily wins followed by Rachel, Marie (who found the Gold), and Chelsea.

Jay wants to jump up and down and celebrate, but he's too tired.

Tanya is in last place. She is battling Bobby. She's exhausted, but refuses to give up. She does come in last, but is proud of herself for completing it. And so am I. Remember, all of the kettlebells closer to the top had been used. She had to climb more to get back up with the kettlebells. That had to SUCK.

So not only did Jay win, but included in that gym equipment is a hydro massage bed. SOOOOO Jealous!


Back on the Ranch, David gets to video chat with his wife. He tells her that he's come so far emotionally. He never grieved. He held back and didn't like his physical state. He tells her that they have had good times, but he hasn't been his best. It could have been better. She loves him unconditionally and he truly appreciates that.

When all of the contestants are sitting around outside they get a visitor. Abby from season 8 comes to see them. Abby's story was so heartbreaking when she came to the Ranch. Her husband and two small children died in a car accident almost 7 years ago. She spent 3 years in a haze before coming to the Ranch. She wanted to live again. And she has found joy in her life. She has remarried and is very happy.


Dolvett takes them to a race track.  He shows them the Finish Line...a nice metaphor...and the next thing we know a Sprint Cup Car is racing around the track towards them. It's Carl Edwards in the 99 car sponsored by Subway. LOVE Carl Edwards!

Jennifer says the sound of the car just makes your heart throb...Yes, YES it does!

David is excited because Carl Edwards is his favorite driver.

Carl tells them that he's there for two reasons. That is to have fun and be inspired. He takes them on a workout that he does at the tracks. They run the track and then up the steps in the stadium. They finish with side steps through the bleachers. Then they are rewarded with Subway salads. Not bad.

I enjoyed it. Too bad it wasn't several seasons ago when Tony Stewart was sponsored by Subway...Hey Tony Stewart, Call me!

Back at the Ranch

Rachel gets a package from her mom.  In it is a pair of jeans that she has carried around with her for 6 years. They are a size 8. When she came to the Ranch she was a size 20. She tried them on and they fit. *I cried tears of joy for her*

Her response: "This makes it so real." Back when she wore these jeans the first time around she was at her most confident.

Marie and Jillian sit down for a talk. Marie wants to know what her place is in the house. She asked Jillian if she thought she wanted to win or just lose enough to go home and start a family. Jillian said she thought she was a B. That's what Marie thought too, but now she's thinking that she could win it.  She wants to go balls out and go for it. She must read my blog. hahaha.

Jillian says she's going to regret telling her that. hahaha. Look out Marie!


Last Chance Workout

Bobby says that he has been treating this week like it's a red line. Just stay above!
Tumi is still one of the biggest 3. She thinks she needs an 8 to be safe.
Jay says it just gets tougher and tougher every week.


Catching up with Matt

When Matt came to the Ranch he weighed 356 lbs. Today he weighs 240 lbs. He and hsi fiance have a new wedding date. They are getting married in May. We join him at a fitting and he has gone from a size 60 jacket size to a size 48.


Weigh In

Tanya started at 201 lbs and now weighs 198 lbs for a total of 3 lbs. Plus her 1 lb disadvantage. She's not thrilled with her numbers, but looking at the positives. She is in Onederland! This is a goodbye ceremony to the 200's. 1.99%

Bobby started at 261 lbs and now weighs 254 lbs for a total of  7 lbs  -2.68%
David started at 282 lbs and now weighs 270 lbs for a total of 12 lbs - 4.26%  He is safe.
Chelsea started at 177 lbs and now weighs 171 lbs for a total of 6 lbs - 3.39%  She is safe.
Rachel started at 167 lbs and now weighs 161 lbs for a total of 6 lbs - 3.59%  She is safe.
  She is also 7 lbs from 100 lbs!
  Jillian says that she had worked with Tara, Dani, Ali, Hannah & Olivia and Rachel smokes them all.
Jennifer started at 195 lbs and now weighs 189 lbs for a total of 6 lbs - 3.07%  She is safe.
Jay started at 196 lbs and now weighs 192 lbs for a total of 4 lbs - 2.04% He is not safe.
   Bobby is Safe.
   Jillian says that he's lighter than Bob.
Marie started at 187 lbs and now weighs 183 lbs for a total of 4 lbs - 2.14%  She is safe.
Tumi started at 225 lbs and now weighs 221 lbs for a total of 4 lbs - 1.78%  She is not safe.

It's time to vote: Tanya or Tumi

Bobby says he has to decide between voting with his heart or his brain.
Marie says she has to decide between her allegience and the end game.

After the Vote Ali asks who they voted for. 4 votes will send you home.

Bobby: He voted for the person who is ready to go home. He voted for Tumi.
David: He is closer to one person. He voted for Tumi.
Jay: He voted for his best chance in the finale. He voted for Tumi.
Marie: She is thinking of the end game. She voted for Tumi.

Tumi is going home. She said that she is leaving with so much in front of her. She never thought of having children before because she was afraid that she would die and leave them alone. Now she's thinking of starting a family.

We didn't really get to know her too much this season. It was only the last couple of episodes that they have focused on her. I LOVE her. I am pulling for her for that at home prize. I have hidden my allegience as I pretty much like everyone, but Tumi, if you are listening, I TOTALLY HAVE YOUR BACK!  YOU GOT THIS GIRL!

Next week: They go to the US Olympic training site in Park City, Utah.

*I couldn't help, but see Tanya's face when everyone was saying they were voting for Tumi because she is the bigger threat. I saw relief that she was still there, but I also saw a little pain. I hope she sees just how strong she is and becomes the threat that she can be.

Have a Blessed Night

Pledges for the Polar Plunge for Delaware Special Olympics can be made here:
AND I have signed up for Run for Autism again :-)

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Random Wednesday - It's COLD!

Happy Random Wednesday!

So you wanna hear a funny story?  Here's how things went down at the gym last night. It was a cold cold COLD day. And so I packed an extra pair of sweatpants and jacket to wear to the gym. When I got to the locker room I had a lot to do. I had to get out my weights gloves, notebook, towel, ipod, earphones, etc. I had jackets and pants strewn over the bench.

After I got everything all set I put a lock on the locker and headed out for my workout. Did you notice how I said "a lock"?  When I was finished I came in and noticed that the lock on my locker was not mine. Um...WHAT?  My stuff was in the locker, but it wasn't my lock.

There were no females working, but lucky for me one of the female employees was in the building working out. So they got her to come use the bolt cutters. I found my lock still in my bag.

Nearest I can figure is that someone left a lock on the bench and I visually saw it while I was getting ready and assumed I had taken mine out of my bag. Not the same color lock, but that didn't seem to register. DOH.


I'm currently in the middle of moving temporarily until I move back to Charlotte this Spring. It's a good thing, but it's very stressful. For the most part I have things organized, but I want to purge a lot of stuff and I'm stressing out.  I'm currently packing most of my things and have been taking bins and boxes to my mom's getting ready for the big move. So hopefully once this move is over I will be able to relax for the next couple of months before the Big move.


How are you doing with the cold? 

This is what I wore to work yesterday:

Knee high socks, long john bottoms, Jeans, under armour long sleeve running shirt, sweater, scarf, fur lined hat, and fur lined boots. I also had a coat and mittens for the car.

I sat at my desk with the space heater on all day and I was still cold. I realized that I was a little warmer in the afternoon...I also happened to not drink so much water in the afternoon. No wonder I'm so cold all of the time. The water cools your body temp not just in the heat, but also the cold.

It won't stop me though. I MUST STAY HYDRATED!

Big shout out to Ms. Liz who was going to Wegman's on her lunch hour and brought me back some soup. I had lunch with me, but I couldn't get soup out of my brain because of the cold. I also had tomato soup and grilled cheese for dinner


Monday was a running day for me at the gym. It was PACKED. I couldn't find a parking spot, locker, or machine. I mean I eventually did, but man lots of people were there. Hopefully it will last. I know there is always a mad rush of people at the beginning of the year, but a trainer can always hope that it'll stick!

Tonight is the company Holiday party. I am going, but only for a little while. I don't live close by anymore and I have things to do.  I want to stay until dinner though. I am worried that I will fill up on appetizers.  So I tried to make sure that I had a hearty lunch and afternoon snack so that I'm not starving when it starts.


So the Biggest Loser was back last night. Hooray!  I have missed it. I'm not into the dramatic recaps and what not, but whatever. And I wasn't prepared for a 2 hour show. I take so many notes that 2 hours is rough.

My workout at the gym was back and shoulders. When I run I am tired, but the adrenaline pumps and I can't always fall right to sleep. When I do weights I knock out completely. So I didn't quite have the energy to blog after the show ended.

Lots of good stuff on this episode and only 1 month to go!  More importantly, Nascar Driver Carl Edwards was on...made me think of Tony Stewart...wondering what he was doing....wishing he would CALL ME!


Sunday night I had dinner at Grandmom's. I miss our Sunday evenings. Usually I pop over and we put football on while she makes me chicken and vegetables. A good time is had by all. It's been a while so it was nice to have.  Plus she gave me a Christmas present from my Aunt and Uncle. They got me a pink ornament for my Christmas tree that says "Gotta Run..."

I Love how supportive my family is. Plus, they get me. HaHa


Okay, one more thing on the cold...I know it's supposed to warm up, but I am suddenly not feeling so hot for the Polar Plunge in a month...ugh.

Now I know that this has happened the last two years that I did it. It was freezing leading up to it. I would have nightmares thinking about it. And then as soon as the weekend came I would feel fine, even when it looked like it was going to be so frigid last year. So I will be fine. It's for a good cause. I'm all good. Sometimes I just need to talk things out.


I was thinking the other day that it's almost time for Girl Scout Cookies...Lord help me!


Okay so I'm busy. You all know I'm busy. I need to sign up for March's race ASAP. I need time to raise money. But, I was holding off for 2 things.

1-Needed to make sure it wasn't during a possible Cruise week...just double checked and its' not (we put in for 3 possible weeks so it has not been fully decided when yet).

2-I haven't been in the game for a month. I still have two months to prep and I know I will be fine, but I don't want to get aggrivated with myself if I lose time from the last race. I need the mileage though. I can consider it Marathon training. And that's the attitude that I need to have right now. But, the fear of failure creeps in and gets in my brain. BAH! GET OUT!


It's that time of the month again...YEAH! Cause I could really use a refresh on my playlist. I will be adding a few of these to my list. Here is the Playlist info that I got this month:

On the whole, there should be a few songs here you loved, a few you missed, and a few that have been given a makeover since you last heard them. If you're looking for a few tunes to jump start the new year—and possibly a new you—the list below provides 10 great places to start.
To find more workout songs, folks can check out the free database at Visitors can browse the song selections there by genre, tempo, and era—to find the music that best fits with their particular workout routine.

So let's get movin!

Have a Blessed Night.

Don't forget my Polar Plunge for Special Olympics

Check out my Facebook Page for Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile

Instagram: Jennie5973