Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Running Range of Emotions: Happy, Jealous, Angry, Ashamed...

Hello my Lovelies and Gents,

So I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. What do I want my focus to be right now?  And the answer is: Marathon Training.

The Marathon is 10 months away. That is still plenty of time, but I have to start now. Quite frankly training for March's race is not going as well as I had hoped. I have not gotten the distances in that I would have liked right now. But, I am getting lots of inclines in so I am not dawdling.

The past two years I have been competing in the fitness challenges while training for races. While I've done well in the challenges, well kicked butt really, my training didn't go as planned. I still finished, but I could have done better.

Last night I was completely preoccupied with thoughts of training while I was running. I took a misstep and I pulled something in my back. It was very frustrating. I walked it out and got back and finished on track, but it was annoying. I was struggling with my thoughts.

I like to run, but I am not fast. I am faster than I was before, but I am not fast. I am limited. My knees are not great. I can barely walk after a 5K. When I run 5 miles I can only go up the stairs once for the night so I better make sure I don't need to come back downstairs for anything. It sucks.

It particularly sucks when I read stories about people who just finished their first half or full marathon. They had only been running for a year and are so much faster than me. I go through a range of emotions when I read them. I am so happy for them. I am jealous of them. I am angry that I'm not faster. I am ashamed that I feel jealous. It sucks. I want to be faster. I'm never going to be speedy gonzalez, but I get a little faster. Not much, I deal with too much knee pain. But, I can also work on maintaining that pace for 26.2 miles.

I was recently looking on a website that I like for running clothes and jewelry. I liked some that said 13.1, but then I thought "No, you are going after 26.2...and that's what you are going to wait for."  So I came up with a plan. When I go to the Expo for the DC race I am going to pick up some 26.2 items and then wrap them in a box...to be opened after I complete the race. I'm also going to get a 26.2 sticker and frame it with "How bad do you want it?" behind it. I need my motivations. I was even thinking of clearing my digital photo frame and putting in pix from all of my races as motivation. Not sure if that's egocentrical or not though. haha.

So this weekend between the Run to the Plunge 5K on Saturday and the Polar Plunge on Sunday I am writing out a training plan. It's time to get serious.

Of course the other thing that goes through my mind all of the time is: do I really want to keep doing this next year? It's taking a toll on my body. It's taking a toll on my free time. I enjoy working out, but I don't want to sacrifice my relationships for it. And then I think: look at yourself. You didn't get this way sitting on your butt. And then that stresses me out. I still have a little way to go. How much harder do I have to work? I am not getting any younger. Do I have to keep this pace up forever?  I don't know the answer. But, I have been kicking around just picking one destination race a year. I think I can handle that. I think I'll be okay with that. Who knows though. Maybe I'll get bitten by the Full Marathon Bug...goodness I hope I don't. My knees will never forgive me. Hopefully I'll feel better about this when I move to Trainer as a full time gig. My schedule will be different. That may make a huge difference. And who knows, I could blow my time out of the water and then decide that I want to keep going. I don't know what the future holds....only that I'll not think about it until I get to open that box!

Before I go I just want to tell you about a conversation I had with a friend this week. He has a lifting goal in mind. He has a set amount that he wants to do in a set time. I hated hearing him say that he would feel like a failure if he didn't make it. The only failure is to never try in the first place. I told him that if I had a nickel for every race that I did that I did not meet my time goal I would be able to buy a bottle of water. It's frustrating, but it just pushes me to try harder the next time. I'll get there eventually...because I don't give up!

Have a Blessed Night

Pledges for the Polar Plunge for Delaware Special Olympics can be made here:


AND I have signed up for Run for Autism again :-)


****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.


No comments:

Post a Comment