Saturday, June 29, 2013

Body Image and the Beach

Happy Saturday Bleeps,

Well kids I am at the beach. HOLLA!  A friend from college was going to be down with her family and I was invited to come hang for the day. As busy as I have been lately, I wasn't sure if I could do it. I needed the day at the beach, but I needed the day for other things too. So I made a deal with myself. If I could finish two chapters of studying, then I could do it.  Well I zoomed through the first chapter last weekend. The second chapter got a late start. And then I was just really tired this week after my workouts so I didn't quite make it.

I really needed to come down and I had a little panic attack over traffic. So I quickly put in a request to take Friday afternoon off. I got down around dinner time and finished my chapter activity section while watching some racing with my dad.

This morning I woke up early. I watched my video and I took my quiz. I passed :-)  Cool beans. I could go to the beach without feeling bad.

Okay, so two weeks ago while I was down I wore the bikini to the pool. I wasn't feeling that hot in it. And quite frankly I was way happier while I was laying down then when I was sitting up or standing up. While I was laying down my belly looked nice and flat. When I sat up, well not so much.  It probably didn't help that two young ladies were floating around in tiny bikinis.

I had seriously been thinking about going back to a tankini. I felt like I was letting myself down, but the honest reason why I was considering the switch was because once again the arms and legs got more color than the belly. I need my exposed flesh to be the same color. And frankly it's stressing me out. The idea of it burning stresses me out. I can't handle that. It'll put me off of working out for a while.

And so last night I stopped and looked at some tankini tops. I didn't actually try them on though. I found a red one that I liked that I could wear with my black bottom. I figured that if I didn't like it then I could take it back.

This morning I tried it on. It's okay, but it doesn't really provide a lot of support for the girls if you know what I mean. I mean I could deal if I was just going to the pool for a couple of hours, but an all day event really needs some support.  So I put on my old tankini top and headed out.

I got the relaxing day in that I needed. And I felt comfortable in my bathing suit.  I was fine walking around without a cover up.

My friend Melissa and I sat on the beach and we talked about body images. We both see people in bathing suits that are very revealing who aren't the most fit. How great it would be to be that comfortable with our own bodies.

We saw some younger girls walking in little bikinis. They were a little on the curvy side. I wish I could have done that when I was their age. I could have. I looked just like them. But, in my head I was huge. And So I would put a t-shirt on before I would go walking on the beach.  I would put that t-shirt on if I was sitting up.

I was not as big as I thought I was in my mind, but it wasn't too long before I was that big. And then ironically I didn't think I was. Body image is so hard to deal with.

I would like to say that there will be a bikini in the picture again soon, but right now, I can't even think about sunburned belly so it's not going to be this summer. Maybe next year.

Have a Blessed Night.

I signed up with Run for Autism again :-)

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

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