Monday, November 14, 2011

That cookie isn't going to love you back...

Hello Beautiful People!

I almost skipped tonight because Syracuse Basketball is on :-)  And quite frankly my brain is feeling crappy so I didn't really know what I wanted to write about.  Okay, that's not true.  There is something I've been wanting to talk about, but I've been playing computer games instead (see this is what happens...I was home sick ONE day and discovered a couple games I like and now I am playing them all of the time :-(  I'm falling into some old habits and I don't like it).

It's a rough time of year.  I have a love/hate relationship with the holidays.  I love spending time with my family and friends, but I hate the horrible depression and loneliness that comes with it too.  For me they both equal food.  If I'm sad then food will make me happy.  If I'm lonely, then food will be my friend.  Well it is the holidays so I should treat myself.  It's such an unhealthy life and I'm scared for this year.

I love every minute that I spend with my friends and family, but the drive home is very lonely.  I feel it and I feel it hard.  My immediate urge is to stop for a burger and fries no matter what time it is and no matter what I had just eaten.  I have done it so many times over the years.  Thankfully, it's been a little while since my last time.

I travel a lot. I go away just about every other weekend and feel like I practically live in my car.  I can't even tell you how many meals I have eaten in it. Bonus meals know, that "fourth" meal of the day.  Since it's an old pattern it's very hard to resist the urge when I get that sad feeling.  I've been doing well and have been trying for the "don't eat it in the car" rule.  If the rule is that I need to get out and sit down to eat then the chick who just really wants to get to her destination will win and I will pass on the food.  It's not a fool-proof plan though. I do always have a book in my bag and the lure of a reading break is hard to resist.

I do most of this traveling by myself.  That makes it harder. Although sometimes my partner-in-crime Heather comes along and we tend to make some unnecessary Sonic trips.  If I have someone in the car, other than Heather, I tend to be smart about food in the car.  I will be picking up Grandma  next week and heading to my mom's before we all head to the Outerbanks for Thanksgiving.  I am sure that we will be loaded up on healthy snacks, but we will also need to make lots of stops and sometimes the options aren't that healthy :-(  You know how it goes, you are good and eat apples and grapes, but then one bathroom stop and you spy the bag of doritos and that's all you can think about.

So yes, I travel by myself because I am single.  It's not super fun when just about everyone is married with kids.  It's hard most of the time.  What I need to remember is that I am still a work in progress.  I am a completely different person than I was ten years ago.  Heck, five years ago.  My tastes have changed. My habits have changed.  Boys who have the same interests as I do now, would not have been interested in me back then.  And quite frankly I would not have been interested in them.

I am finally someone that I like.  I am finally becoming the woman I have always wanted to be.  I have faith that the right boy will come into my life, but until then I am focusing on myself. Who knows, maybe I'll find Tony Stewart in a big red bow waiting for me at the finish line next month ;-)
PS-Syracuse Won tonight in case you were wondering...GO ORANGE!

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you!  Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week.  The journey is so much easier if you have support.

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