Thursday, July 11, 2013

Today McSucked!

Hello Beautiful People,

Well today was a rough one. There were lots of good things that I can't wait to share, but tonight was tough. I skipped Boot Camp tonight because I went to a memorial service for a friend. My brain isn't quite all focusing tonight, but there are a few things that I wanted to share.

My friend who passed was sick. Only I didn't know.  We worked together many moons ago and he was more like a big brother to me than a coworker. Was very supportive of my decision to move to North Carolina when I did and I will be forever grateful.

We kept in touch and were able to meet up for a couple of happy hours since I moved back. But, a couple of happy hours in 6 years is not enough. Funnily enough we just linked up on Linked In last month. I immediately thought "Hey, I should call him for another happy hour soon."  I didn't get a chance before I got the sad news.

So lesson one from tonight: Don't wait for tomorrow. You don't know what can happen.

After the final assessments were over this afternoon I was offered an oreo cupcake. Now, I normally would have thought about it and tried to resist. But not today. There was NO resisting. In fact it took tremendous restraint to limit it to one.

I think we all know that I am an emotional person. Shocking right?  Well perhaps because I haven't seen him in a while I didn't quite register my emotions until tonight. I was a little jumpy all day. Really just dreading saying good bye.

My plan was to quick head to Subway for some food and maybe a little studying. hahahaha...did I seriously think that could happen.  The Funeral home was 3.1 miles from work. I started sobbing on mile .1...only 3 to go.  I still stopped at Subway.  I needed to eat. I wasn't planning on staying for the whole night, but there's no telling what would happen and I couldn't risk staying late and then missing dinner.

It was tough when I first got there. I've seen a few people within the last 6 years, but a lot of these people I haven't seen in almost 9 years.  I was nervous about walking in and not recognizing anyone. I needn't worry. They all looked exactly the same. I immediately relaxed. And then I remembered where I was and got in line to pay my respects.  OMG I lost it. Why did I not bring a bottle of water with me? I hydrated all day in anticipation of the crying, but I lost a lot of water tonight.

As much as I loved seeing my boys (I worked with a lot of mechanics and engineers) it was weird having them see me. They all looked at me and did a double take. "The face looks that you Jen?"  It's been 9 years. A lot has changed. I don't quite look the same as I did 9 years ago. So that was my bonus for the night.

When I was driving home I had an uncontrollable urge. I wanted a candy bar something awful. I would have done just about anything for a Three Musketeer bar. A king size. I mean it was horrible. That's literally all I thought about for 15 minutes. I don't know where the strength was not to pull over, but I was determined to come home.  

What the heck? Will I EVER be able to have an emotional time when I don't crave chocolate to help soothe me?  It's very frustrating. I was strong this time, but I am not always this strong. This is definitely a lifelong battle. Emotional eating is my mortal enemy.

Lesson two from the tonight: As with any addiction, it's a day by day battle.

Alright kids, hug your loved ones tonight and don't put making plans with someone you care about.

Have a Blessed Night.

I signed up with Run for Autism again :-)

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

No comments:

Post a Comment