Sunday, April 21, 2013

Why is it so hard to put my dreams first?

Hello Beautiful People,

Well to say it's been an emotional week would be an understatement. Staying focused on studying has been a challenge.  There's been a lot going on in life in general.

I am extremely frustrated. I wanted to have this certification last year. I feel like I have been studying forever. But, sometimes life gets in the way. I could not control things that came into my life unexpectedly. And things keep coming.  It sucks when the first thing I think of now when something happens is "Well that's going to slow down the studying and push back the exam. And my hopes to move back to North Carolina sometime this decade."  It's frustrating as hell.

I feel like every time someone asks me when my exam is the implication is "cause you've been 'studying' forever you big giant slacker!"  I sure hope they aren't thinking that, but that's how I feel. And all I want to do is scream "I'm working on it!  Life got in the way."

Something else came up this weekend that does not affect my day to day life directly, but does affect me indirectly. And obviously I want to step in and help as much as I can. That's my nature. I will always put someone else's needs before my own.  I have recently been called a "fixer". If there is a way that I can step in and fix the situation to makes things easier for someone I love then I will do it, regardless of how it affects me.  So when I have had to turn down invitations or requests because I want to study I have actually felt a little guilty. That's just another reason to want to eat.

I hate that I haven't had the time to blog as much as I would like. It's so important to me. It makes me think of church. I hate missing church. I really do. I always feel like the sermon being given is probably one that I really needed to hear to help me. That's how I feel about the blog. I feel like if I miss a days someone might really have needed some motivation or inspiration. Every day I send out a Bible verse of the day to a bunch of people in my life. I never actually asked if they wanted them and figured they would tell me to stop sending them if they didn't want them. Almost daily someone different will reply back "Thank you. I really needed this today." It only took 30 seconds and that one little email made a difference in someone's life.   I have been so busy lately that I haven't even sent them every day. *Side note, if you would like to be added to the mailing list please email me and I will add you...even if I don't know you :-)*

I want to thank everyone who has been so supportive of me this past week. I have heard some magic words. What I'm hearing is that people understand that things are coming up, but that I'm not letting that stop me. It may take me longer, but I'm not giving up. I'm still getting in my workouts. I'm still getting in my studying. I'm still getting in my family time. I'm still doing it all. It's just taking longer than I had hoped. And I'm not giving up. I particularly liked to hear "It's okay that you have a life." haha I'm not really sure about that, but I am having a busy time. 

I've also heard that it's okay for me to put myself first. That's a hard one. I am always telling people how important it is to put themselves first. You're no good to anyone else if you aren't healthy. So many people use the excuse that they are too busy to workout or eat right. They are doing things for kids or work. It's so important to put your health needs first. Maybe my health needs at the moment are my mental health needs.

Today's Lesson: Life throws you curve balls. Don't strikeout.

So here it goes, until I get this certification I am going to put myself first. I can put myself first when it comes to exercise and healthy let's see how this transfers to everything else. I am putting everything else in God's hands. Now if you'll excuse me, I have another chapter to start.

Have a Blessed Night.

I signed up with Run for Autism again :-)

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support. 

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