Thursday, April 11, 2013

Stress: gotta make changes before I snap

Alright kids,  I am stressed.

I thought I was stressed before, but I seriously had no idea.  I have a lot in my head and a lot going on. It's taken it's toll. And I 'm not even kidding. I can finally breathe today.  I was late this month. REALLY late. I'm not seeing anyone, so it's not that. But, you could set a watch by my cycle. So this really freaked me out.

At first I thought it was my body reacting to the extra training. And then I thought it was my body reacting to getting older...argh. That's been getting to me. I do NOT want this birthday to happen. I know it's just a number and this is crazy, but I also know that many of you out there know what I'm feeling. I need a hug :-(  Seriously, I'm fairly certain I will be throwing an adult tantrum on my birthday....and possibly every day leading up to it.

I have always said that if God blessed me with a baby that would be wonderful, but I have never been one to give in to 'baby cravings'. I adore kids, but I have never felt the desire to need one of my own. But, the thought that maybe the option of having my own child could never happen made me sad. Sad and tense. I didn't really need to work my abs this week, because my insides were a knot for about two weeks.

Surprise, studying is stressing me out too. It's a lot to absorb, but I've told you that I am not a good test taker. I panic. I have anxiety. This is driving me insane. I know that I have said that I can drop a workout day, but I am mentally not prepared for it. And then when I am working out I am thinking about studying.  When I study I think about how I need to workout to look good for future clients. It's a vicious cycle.

Add to that worries about some friends and family and pressure on myself for not being where I want to be. I am a mess. I am starting to feel like my hopes of one day moving back to North Carolina slipping away. I have always said that if the opportunity were to arise I would move back tomorrow. And that's still true. The problem is that I am finally getting to spend more time with my family and that makes it a little harder to want to leave them. That's a sucky sucky stress. How hard would it be to move them all down with me?

 I am doing what I can for stress relievers, but short of adding an additional 6 hours to the day I am close to burning out.  I make sure to read at least one chapter of my fun book a day. I stop what I am doing every hour and focus on breathing. I stretch as often as possible.

One of the additional stresses is that I am fighting the urge to stop for pizza or a hamburger every single night. I have no idea where this is coming from. It could be the long commute home. It could be a trigger from stress. All I know is that when I pull up home and I can smell meat on a grill, I want to drop my bags and go find whoever it is responsible for that heavenly scent and become their new best friend.

And so something's gotta give...before I lose my mind. I'm already trying to drop an extra workout day (and considering the beating my knees are taking, it's not really going to be a voluntary decision much longer).  I have mentioned before that I may need to drop a day on the blog...but I'm thinking it may be down to 5 days of the week. It's so hard for me to do that, but I think for the good of all it must be done. Haha. I mean when Tony Stewart finally calls, I don't want to scare him off. Psst...Tony Stewart CALL ME!

Speaking of my knees, I also did finally sign up with Run for Autism for the Rock'N'Roll Philly Half Marathon in September. 

So what I think I may do is completely skip one day. And the other day I may repost some of my favorite posts from the past.   I may assign that to Fridays...I'll call it: Flashback Friday!

Okay, it's time to go and study a little more before I go to bed. Plus, it was legs night at the gym and I'm beat.

Have a Blessed Night.

I signed up with Run for Autism again :-)

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support. 

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