Monday, January 14, 2013

BAHHHHHHHHHHHH!! What is wrong with me?????

Happy Monday Bleeps! 

BLAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  So yesterday started off really great. While I was driving to church I had some clear moments. My brain got in focus and I was realizing the true importance of Balance. I had planned on writing about that today, but something happened.

After church my plan was to grab something to eat, do some grocery shopping, head home and throw my jamalaya in the crock pot, and then go to Starbucks to study.  I had hoped to get in some yoga and even go to my Uncle's to see my mom after dinner before she headed back home today.   It was a good plan.

And then something happened...I can't explain it. I was doing so well. I stopped for lunch and read a little of my new book (a guilty pleasure knitting murder mystery). I went to Target and did some grocery shopping (didn't find the ingredients for the jamalaya so I went with pork and steamed asparagus instead).  I met my friends for lunch (just got a hot chocolate since I had eaten, but I hadn't really gotten to spend time with the kids in a while).   When I got in the car to go home it was 2pm. At first I thought "Oh my day is shot. I won't get home until 3 and I don't have time to start anything."  I immediately followed up with "HELLO!  You have 8 hours between 3pm and when you go to bed. that is plenty of time!  Let's Go!"  And I was off.

By the time I got home I kind of knew it wasn't going to happen. I prepped my lunch for the next day and I prepped my pork chops to marinate for dinner. I went upstairs all ready to start studying.  But I had been told about a website that I wanted to check out first....two hours later I was still playing on it. I was barely focusing on the football games. I couldn't really get into my projects that were on my To Do list. When my mom texted me that she was back from the party I couldn't even muster up the energy to go see her.

What is wrong with me???

I started getting depressed just thinking about it.  Is it Post Christmas Blues?  I mean I know that I usually get them, but seriously? I was fine this morning. And I even still see some Christmas decorations up all over when I am driving. It makes me smile. I have even started prepping my Christmas CD that I give as gifts for next year.

Is it the weather?  One can only drive around in fog for so long. The night before it was a scary drive home in the pitch black.  During the day it was bad, but at least it was still daylight. Is that messing with my head?

OMG why do I feel so fat? Is it because I cheated TOOOOO much yesterday?  Seriously, not loving the way these pants look. They looked fine the other day.  I don't even want to talk about how I stepped on the scale yesterday for the first time in two weeks. It wasn't pretty. I almost started to cry.

Driving in to work today the fog was still there. Both physically in the road and in my head. I was talking to Ms. Barb (her group moved back to my side of the building so I get to see her a lot during the day now...Thank goodness!).  I mentioned that I was wondering if I was starting to get sick. My throat has been scratchy for two weeks. I was getting a little sniffly. Between the weather and the flu going around (Coach Bryan from Crossfit had the flu last week and he worked closely with me during that first I on a flu delay???) I feel like I am in the danger zone. Maybe I should skip the gym this week and just go home and rest even though I don't think I am sick I want to make a preemptive strike.

Shortly thereafter it all became clear though. It's a woman thing. I was actually breathing a sigh of relief. There was a physical reason for all of this craziness!  I'm a couple days early which is why it had not occurred to me. But oh man what a relief!  And seriously, as soon as I knew there was a physical reason behind the mood and the weight I felt soooooo much better. I was happier even. It took away the mental fog. Thank goodness!  Now I know that I am usually good about this. Listening to the symptoms it was either this or I'm pregnant and that is SOOOOO not the case. But, I wasn't expecting it until this weekend and quite frankly, when any of those two things happen it's time to panic in my book.

I'm not going to lie. I was a little scared. It was like having an out of body experience. I could see my lethargic self spiraling into nothingness. I started to get really worried about my mental health. How would I react? Chocolate? Fast food?  How long would this last?  Could I snap out of it before real damage is done?  I actually deleted a game off of my phone because I found myself playing it too much. That is time wasted!  And I was seriously considering unplugging the cable box in my room for a little while. I need my focus back!  Well now I know it's coming and you can probably hear my sigh of relief where you are sitting.

So now the plan in action is: Get through this week!

Tonight was gym night with Gym Buddy Lisa. She is out of town for the rest of the week so I am on my own. I am planning on skipping a night for yoga. I NEED to do this! I even brought my book to study at lunch today, but I had to use my lunch hour to run out as I was ill prepared for the days events. But, it's coming back. I have lunch out on Wednesday, but I will plan on bringing it at least once and walking with Ms. Tracy once or twice. And I will plan on studying after yoga. That makes it a 2-for-1 night!

All I'm saying right now is that after this weekend, I am seriously ready for some Bob Harper time tonight!

Have a Blessed Night my friends

Don't forget my Fundraising for Autism Research:

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

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