Saturday, May 12, 2012

Getting mad at myself!

Hello my Lovelies and Gents,

Well I'm just going to say it.  I am getting extremely frustrated with myself.  ARGH.  There is a reason why I am so strict with myself about what I eat and my workout schedule.  If I start to relax then I start to fall back into old habits.   I think things come up and this has been an unusual couple of weeks in my schedule, but that's the point.  I have been too relaxed about planning ahead.

This is my second week in a row with more than one rest day.  I don't even want to think about the number of "non-veggie" days or tortillas that I have consumed.  WTF!  I can't even let myself think about using an "unusual" schedule as an excuse because that's just crap.  This is just the beginning of my Summer schedule.  It's not really going to get that much easier.  I travel a lot during the summer.  That generally puts me out of my comfort zone.  I have my tricks to make things better, but that doesn't mean I don't make lots of poor choices either.

Yesterday I was doing so well.  I had my cereal at work, lots of water, and then had my pre-made sandwich before I left work for lunch.  That's where it ended.  I stopped at Starbucks on my way to pick up Grandma.  I had my "freebie" card so I like to use that on a big one.  Venti iced vanilla chai it is.  Ohh what is that?  Raspberry swirl poundcake.  Well I am still a little hungry...sure.  (it didn't even make it to the car). 

Go Grandma!  When I picked grandma up she told me that she had packed a bunch of grapes for us for the drive.  The smart Jennie would have done that.  The "39" Jennie is feeling a little spastic.

So we ate our grapes on the ride and when we got to Mom's I unloaded the car.  I was tired.  My eye was all jacked up from allergies.  I wanted to work out, but I also wanted to sit in the dark with my eyes closed for a bit.

Then we got the call that my aunt had made BBQ for dinner and we were invited.  You don't say no to that.  It was actually more like a sloppy joe type bbq.  Oh umm...gimme!  Technically I did not have a lot, but I felt like I was shovelling it in my mouth.  The good news is that I also some a lot of fresh pineapple.  GOOD stuff.

So today I got up and went straight to the fitness center. I was determined to make things better.  I have three more weeks of boot camp and I have decided that I will not run during this time.  It's just too hard to work out a running schedule that doesn't make me want to amputate my legs after class.  So I grabbed my book and walked on the treadmill.  I stayed on til I finished my book and realized I had walked 5 miles in an hour and 15.  Not bad. 

When I go to my mom's I like to go to the Used bookstore.  I read a LOT.  No body else was ready and they didn't really need to go so it was decided that I would go while they got ready.  But, I couldn't go without eating.  But, I didn't want to grab something on the road.  So I ate a weight watchers enchilada meal.  And then I was off. 

It was a good haul :-) and I was pleased. So pleased that I thought "Hey, why not go to Starbucks!"  I was an hour early for happy hour so I used my second "freebie" card.  BAH!  I have been good about getting talls and limiting my Starbucks calories and yet in two days I've had two ventis.  I have a late night drive tomorrow.  I am almost certain to talk myself into another Starbucks run.  I will be pissed with myself on Monday if I do this.

When I got back there was time for a 15 minute break before it was time to pick up my other grandmom and then we were all heading out for Mani/Pedis.  I skipped the mani and went for the spa pedi.  My poor feet looked horrible and my calves have been sore. They needed some extra attention.  Oh it was heaven.  BTW my color of choice: High Voltage...bright pink!

After relaxing we went to Panera for dinner.  I was hoping they would have that spinach salad, but they did not.  They did have a new Turkey avocado BLT. I got for half and then the french onion soup.  What's that?  I get a free drink and a free pastry?  I got a green tea and a peanut butter brownie.

Just because it's free does NOT mean I have to eat it.  ARGH!  I know better, but it's like once I let my guard down and started to have a little more "cheats" it becomes a habit.

While we were sitting there I excused myself to go run across the parking lot to go look for the 13.1 sticker.  I was halfway there when my nose was suddenly assaulted with the smell of KFC.  I immediately stopped and looked around. It smelled soooo good.  Hello!  I just had dinner and I had a dessert that I should not have had. Why does the smell of fried chicken make me stop in my tracks?  Because I am still trying to break a 30 year habbit. 

I am not going to beat myself up right now.  I am going to watch the rest of this race (GO TONY STEWART!  CALL ME!).  And I am going to get up and go to the fitness center before church tomorrow. After church I am going to plan out my week and put myself back on track.

Check out my Facebook Page for  Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: @hugsnsmile

No comments:

Post a Comment