Happy Anniversary Bleeps!
Wow...has it been a year already? Feels like just yesterday that I started this Blog and at the same time it's hard to remember life before it. haha.
This has been such an incredible journey for me. I cannot thank you enough for all of the support you have given me this year. But, that doesn't even compare to the joy I get from hearing how I motivate you. The journey is not easy, but you are so not alone. I am happy to share my ups and downs with you to prepare you for your own journey.
Since I started this blog I have bared my soul and my secret desires. Some I have fulfilled (the half marathon) and some I am still working on (personal trainer certification). I have shared my numbers and have shared my story with the Huffington Post (including the dreaded Before shot). I have shared embarrassing moments and unexpected joys. I have reconnected with old friends through this blog and made new ones. I love sharing my tips with you and hearing how your days are going.
So now it's Confessions time. Saturday I bought some Magnum Ice Cream bars. I had a coupon and I thought that the ice cream bars are better than I pint. I can stop at one. Well remember one of the first pieces of advice I gave you: If you buy it, you will eat it. It's been hot again and Saturday night I had one. And then yesterday I was studying and all I could think of was that ice cream in the freezer. I wanted one sooooooo bad. I bargained with myself that if I finished the chapter I could have one. Awesome! Well then I was on another chapter and I was not satisfied. I went for a second. ARGH! I am so mad at myself.
It's one of the reasons why I have had a problem studying. Studying to me equals snacks. I like studying during lunch at work because that's meal time and I've packed something healthy. Studying during off meal hours is horrible for me. If I am stressed and I don't quite get what I am reading then I want to eat. It's how I coped for so many years.
And here I am writing and all I want to do is go get one of the bars. Why the heck did I buy them??? I am so not over this addiction. I cannot have any temptation around. I'm stressed and can't handle this stuff. Maybe once I pass the exam I will be okay. Maybe once I finish the Half I will be fine. Maybe I will never beat this addiction.
It's no secret that I've been struggling studying. I start to wonder what the problem is. Remember how bad I wanted to win the Fitness Competition? Well times that by a million and that's how bad I want to be a Personal Trainer. So why is that not my top priority? I honestly can't tell you. I think part of me is scared. What if I'm not good enough? What if I can't find clients? What if I get someone hurt? What if I don't make a difference? These are the easy fears...but the bigger one is about the unknown. It would be a complete change. If I can't find time to study, workout, and blog, then how will I be able to find the time to train people part time for a while? I am burnt out as it is.
I wonder if I am self sabotaging myself again. All I am hearing from people is how perfect I would be as a Trainer. It's what I dream about. So why the heck do I feel like I'm dragging my feet? It's time to buckle down and make it happen.
So thank you for an amazing year. I can't wait to see what the next year brings. I hope you'll stick around for the ride.
Have a Blessed Night.
out my Facebook Page for Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress
sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant
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