Monday, August 27, 2012

Happy Anniversary!

Happy Anniversary Bleeps!

Wow...has it been a year already?  Feels like just yesterday that I started this Blog and at the same time it's hard to remember life before it. haha.

This has been such an incredible journey for me. I cannot thank you enough for all of the support you have given me this year.  But, that doesn't even compare to the joy I get from hearing how I motivate you.  The journey is not easy, but you are so not alone. I am happy to share my ups and downs with you to prepare you for your own journey.

Since I started this blog I have bared my soul and my secret desires.  Some I have fulfilled (the half marathon) and some I am still working on (personal trainer certification).  I have shared my numbers and have shared my story with the Huffington Post (including the dreaded Before shot). I have shared embarrassing moments and unexpected joys. I have reconnected with old friends through this blog and made new ones.  I love sharing my tips with you and hearing how your days are going.

So now it's Confessions time. Saturday I bought some Magnum Ice Cream bars. I had a coupon and I thought that the ice cream bars are better than I pint.  I can stop at one.  Well remember one of the first pieces of advice I gave you: If you buy it, you will eat it. It's been hot again and Saturday night I had one.  And then yesterday I was studying and all I could think of was that ice cream in the freezer. I wanted one sooooooo bad. I bargained with myself that if I finished the chapter I could have one. Awesome!  Well then I was on another chapter and I was not satisfied.  I went for a second. ARGH!  I am so mad at myself.

It's one of the reasons why I have had a problem studying.  Studying to me equals snacks.  I like studying during lunch at work because that's meal time and I've packed something healthy.  Studying during off meal hours is horrible for me.  If I am stressed and I don't quite get what I am reading then I want to eat.  It's how I coped for so many years. 

And here I am writing and all I want to do is go get one of the bars.  Why the heck did I buy them???  I am so not over this addiction. I cannot have any temptation around.  I'm stressed and can't handle this stuff. Maybe once I pass the exam I will be okay.  Maybe once I finish the Half I will be fine.  Maybe I will never beat this addiction.

It's no secret that I've been struggling studying.  I start to wonder what the problem is. Remember how bad I wanted to win the Fitness Competition?  Well times that by a million and that's how bad I want to be a Personal Trainer.  So why is that not my top priority?  I honestly can't tell you. I think part of me is scared. What if I'm not good enough? What if I can't find clients?  What if I get someone hurt?  What if I don't make a difference?  These are the easy fears...but the bigger one is about the unknown.  It would be a complete change.  If I can't find time to study, workout, and blog, then how will I be able to find the time to train people part time for a while?  I am burnt out as it is.

I wonder if I am self sabotaging myself again.  All I am hearing from people is how perfect I would be as a Trainer.  It's what I dream about.  So why the heck do I feel like I'm dragging my feet?  It's time to buckle down and make it happen. 

So thank you for an amazing year.  I can't wait to see what the next year brings.  I hope you'll stick around for the ride.

Have a Blessed Night.

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Check out my Facebook Page for Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress pictures):

http://www.facebook.com/ConfessionsOfAFormerFatGir

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: @hugsnsmile

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