Thursday, September 4, 2014

Anxiety - What if made the wrong decision?

Hello my Lovelies and Gents,

Well let me first say that today was legs day. So if I get a little cray cray please forgive me. I haven't had a good legs day in a long time.

The first time I moved to Charlotte I was in a very bad place. I was in a horrible living situation. I hadn't really been spending time with my family. It was easy to leave.  It was going to be a fresh start for me. And it was.  

So many times people would say that I was brave to make that move on my own or that they could never do that. It's easy when you are in a dark place.  Charlotte was my light.

This time was different. There were things that made me miserable, but this time I immersed myself in my family. So that made it a little harder to leave this time. A lot harder to leave. What if this life that I have been dreaming of for years was just a dream. What if I made a mistake? I have wanted this for so long, that maybe I didn't give myself other options for happiness.

This past week has been a little unsettling. I am still getting things started and I have to remember that. A friendship that has been strained for a little while hasn't gotten any better. It hurts. It has made me think that maybe I am not where I am supposed to be. Getting the client base started takes time. I am training and it's moving. But, money becomes a factor. The living situation becomes a factor.

The other night I ran to the store to pick up something to eat. I wanted chocolate. I was in the car heading home before I realized that I never picked up any. I stopped again yesterday for a couple of things and I didn't get anything then either. Now in all fairness I had a Salted Caramel Mocha at Starbucks. I got a tall and I nursed it for 3 hours.   I didn't even get a cake pop or anything.

The urge to eat something sweet when I am stressed doesn't seem to go away. I would like to say that I used some tricks to deal with it, but I don't know why I was successful this time. I think it's because I was starting to feel a little better that I really did make the right decision.  

For the last year and a half I loved the churches I went to, but stayed on the sidelines. I didn't get involved because I was "leaving soon". I have been here for one week and I was invited to join a 9 week Bible Study. It started last night. I was so very happy. I am still not sure about what church I will be joining, but I know that whichever I do, I will jump in to get involved. That makes me smile.

I have also found a place to live. I was stressing. I didn't want to live with a stranger and I don't like being alone. Luckily a friend's daughter just moved out. And get this...she lives less than a mile from the Stewart-Haas Garage...that's Tony Stewart's garage. I am in heaven. I promise not to stalk him!

Have a Blessed Night

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