Happy Monday Bleeps!
Well my cousin is on the bus and headed home. Mama Jennie is off duty now.
She is heading off to college in two months and we did a lot of talking about preparing for what lies ahead. College can be so exciting, but it can also be so dangerous. I loved my years at Syracuse, but they weren't exactly the healthiest for me. Dining hall food is not always the best option and when the food court with Burger King opened up...well forget it. I was eating Whoppers almost every day.
And I was wearing sweatshirts that were 2 sizes too big so it was hard to see the weight gain at first. I love how my brain thought I would look smaller if I was swimming in the big clothes. Sadly there came a day when I was no longer swimming. Of course this did not make me stop. I just bought even bigger clothes.
So back to my cousin, before she left this morning we discussed the bikinis. She said that I inspired her to get one for the first time. She finally feels comfortable with her body to do that. That's what it's all about.
I did not have to wear a bikini. No one was forcing me to do it. But, it's something I always ALWAYS wanted to do. I was never in shape enough to feel comfortable doing it. Hello, do you really think that the girl that wore XXL sweatshirts to cover up wanted to show off her body? NOPE.
I am constantly hearing how great I am doing and how good I look, but until I could make that leap I couldn't really believe people. Seriously, before we left for the beach I asked Keeley to be honest with me "How do I look? Is this bad?" Her response "Whoa where did you get that scar?" What? OMG I was so focused on her commenting on the stretchmarks and belly that I totally forgot about the scar. When I was 14 I had gall stones and had my gall bladder removed. Now way back then it was major surgery and I have the 4 inch scar to prove it.
So if all she can see is the scar, I can totally live with that.
This was a big weekend for me. Any girl or woman (not knocking you guys really) with body image issues could feel my pain. This was not a "LOOK AT ME" moment. This was not an in your face moment. This was a "I am finally proud of myself moment". It was a "I believe in myself" moment. The former fat girl did not have these moments. EVER.
For as long as I have been on this journey I should be done by now, but that's not always how it works. I have been taking things slowly to make sure that it sticks this time. No more yo-yo'ing. I have changed who I am and I like it. I am no longer the girl who stops for fast food every night or eats giant bowls of Easy Mac'n'Cheese for lunch. I am no longer the girl who drinks diet coke all day and night. I am no longer the girl who runs home to watch hours and hours of tv. And I could not be prouder.
I still slip. I am human. But, that's why I write this blog. I hold myself accountable. I don't have to tell you what I eat. I could sit here and lie to you. But, what's the point of doing that? I cheat every now and then. It's to be expected. But, I know it's cheating now and not my every day life any more. I never claimed to be perfect. If I was then I wouldn't still have this damn belly would I?
This is my message from me to you: It's not going to be easy! There will be temptations and challenges in front of you. It's okay if you slip. Just get back up and keep going. If there is something you really want, then by all means plan for it and enjoy. Cheat days are allowed.
I knew I was going to the beach this past weekend for a month. So I planned accordingly. This upcoming weekend I am going down to a different beach, but this time it's for the full weekend. This weekend has been planned for two months. It's not a surprise. I know we are going out and I will have some cheating, but that's why I will be good this week. No eating out and no cake (today is cake day at work). I pick and choose my cheats. And I am choosing my Dirty Banana at Seacrets this weekend :-)
The difference between me and the former fat girl is that every meal was a cheat meal. Now, it's once a week or a full weekend when the occasion arises. I have cleansed my body of the crap though. While my tastebuds enjoy the cheating, my body hates it. It doesn't like the grease. I feel sick afterwards. So there's my motivation to limit it.
The night before the beach we were at Target. I saw the big giant pineapple coconut ice cream that I love love LOVE. I wanted to get it so bad. But, I did not. I knew I would be eating ice cream at the beach. Then yesterday we went back to Target to get birthday cards for Grandma (Happy Birthday Grandmom Joyce!) and I saw the ice cream again. But, I did not get it. What I did get was the Extra Dessert gum Root Beer Float flavored. OH HOLY HECK that is good. No, it is not as good as a real one, but when I crave something sweet it's a good compromise.
Before I sign off, I want to thank all of you who have been sharing with me the new adventures you are embarking on. I love hearing about it. So here are a few shout outs:
WOO WOO to Terri and her Husband. I want to hear all about your Kickboxing classes!
Heck yeah Heather! She's my Partner in Crime and has signed up for a walking program at work!
Rock On Ms. Mary Ann who has joined a gym and meets with her personal trainer this week.
Holla Lisa! For her new smaller clothes!
If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.