Thursday, December 8, 2011

Self-Sabotaging?

Less than 48 hours to go!

Today was a beautiful day.  It was a cold day, but beautiful.  I struggled with what to do at lunch.  I really wanted to walk, but I also really wanted to relax.  As much as I love walking and working out, you have to know that I still have to talk myself into it every day.  I can come up with a hundred reasons not to.  It's easy.  But, I know I will be very unhappy with myself if I don't do it.

Today was different.  The Sun was calling my name.  I wanted to so bad.  I actually had to talk myself out of it.  Why you ask?  That's just plain madness Jennifer.  Here's the deal.  Last night at church everyone was sick.  I was so paranoid that I would catch something.  Between that and the cold I didn't want to take a chance of getting sick when I'm this close to the race.  I wanted to walk, but I wanted to stay healthy more.  So I stayed in and read.

I compromised.  Since I was not walking I doubled up on the weights and abs tonight so that I wouldn't feel so bad.  GO ME!  I want a flat belly sooooo dang bad.  One day I will have one.  I promise!  I'm hoping that the stress and anxiety from this race will go away Saturday afternoon and I will drop 5lbs on the spot from relaxing.  haha.  I know it won't happen, but a girl can dream.

Okay, so I have to confess...today was a bit much.  Since I had yesterday off and I have the next two work days off I had a lot to do at work.  It was a crazy day.  I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I didn't have any water until I got home tonight.  *GASP* It was cold this morning so instead of taking my usually bottle of water, I filled a travel mug with Chai tea.  Then for lunch I bought a diet pepsi.  I don't remember the last time I bought a soda at work.

So did I just let stress get to me?  Or am I self sabotaging?  I really hope that I wasn't doing that.  I will let you in on a little secret.  I keep having this horrible vision.  I see everyone waiting at the starting line and all of these people are looking at me saying "What are you doing here?  You don't belong here."  I do believe it's that Former Fat Girl leading the charge and trying to get me to fail. I don't have these visions often.  Mostly I am seeing me cross the finish line, but they still pop up.

Alright kids, I've got to get to bed soon.  I am planning on getting up with my usual alarm in the morning.  I'm anticipating having a hard time falling asleep tomorrow night so I don't want to have slept in and encouraged it.  I need to make my packing list and read a little.  Sweet dreams.

PS-Someone tell Tony Stewart that I should be crossing the Finish Line between 10:15-10:45am :-)

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you!  Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week.  The journey is so much easier if you have support.

jhendersonfit@gmail.com

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