Saturday, December 24, 2011

Drop the cookie and nobody gets hurt

Hi there Bleeps,

Have you survived the week?  I think I have.  It was a little rough yesterday.  I did feel really sick all day.  In fact, I fell asleep in the comfy chair at lunch.  I had every intention of going out for a walk, but I had taken some medicine and when I walked to get water I felt a little light headed.  No walking for me.  Considering that I fell asleep twice, I'm thinking it was the right decision.  I felt a little better in the afternoon, but when I got home I put in 3 hours of overtime and just completely passed out.  I felt so much better today.

Although it was a struggle.  It was the last day in the office before the Holidays.  You know the atmosphere.  It's the "Why are we in the office?" atmosphere.  No one really gets a lot of work done.  Today also brought lots of treats.  It was "snack day".  Everyone brought in cookies, pies, cookies, fudge, cookies, eclairs, cookies...well you get the idea.  Naturally it was at the desk across from me all day.

Thankfully someone brought in a box of clementines.  I had one.  That's all I had from that desk all day.  And let me tell you, it was a STRESSFUL day.  Even if I could avoid going over and looking at all of the goodies, people were constantly coming over talking about how good everything looks and how tasty it is.  For someone who is battling her addiction to food it was a freakin nightmare.  I never focused so hard on my computer...that is when I was sitting at my desk.  I had no qualms about getting up and going to see other people for the day.  It's all I could do not to hurt someone.

I know not everyone understands this and they think I'm crazy, but seriously I am working so hard at trying to lead a healthy life after years of neglect.  It's not easy.  Again I will repeat: would you take an alcoholic to a bar and tell him it's okay just to have one or two drinks?  Would you take a gambler to a casino and say go ahead and just play the slots for ten minutes? 

If I could have one bite and walk away that would be fine.  But I can not.  Why?  Because that one becomes all I can focus on.  I want another.  Just one more.  That's all.  Oh I had two, so three won't hurt.  No one saw that, so I can have another one.  This is what happens.  This is how I got to 200 in the first place. You might be able to have one or two cookies and go back about your business.  Not me. I have two and start to wonder how I can sneak more without anyone noticing.  It's an addiction!  And it ain't pretty.

"Come on It's Christmas" is not a reason to eat junk all day.  Hearing that all day long every day between Thanksgiving and know you're going to gain weight.  At this point it's hard to me to lose so why would I do that to myself?  Why would I sabotage all of my hard work?  Besides, at my height you can totally see it if I gain even 5lbs.  It's just not worth it.  Not to mention how much better your body feels minus the junk.  My body knows it hasn't gotten the exercise and nutrition it has been used to.  It's letting me know.  You might not see the difference, but I look at myself naked every day.  I see it. And this is where it ends.

I stayed strong today and I did not cave. I did not have one of the goodies out there.  As a reward I have washed the "fat" jeans I wore earlier this week and put them in the pile of clothes for Good Will.  Bye Bye fat jeans.  If I made it through today, I can make it through any day.  I don't need you anymore.

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1 comment:

  1. Good for you for not caving. I COMPLETELY get what you are talking about with having an addiction to food. I am the same way. I can never just have one bite... it's so frustrating