Thursday, October 3, 2013

Anxiety filled week...I need my routine back!

Hello My Lovelies and Gents,

ACK!  I have has some anxiety this week. It's OCD related. I'm off of my routine. I need to get back into my routine and get in it now. My food and workouts are suffering.

It was stressful enough to be sick for two weeks. I missed the gym and I wasn't eating normally. Since I got better I have had a few events. There was a memorial service, book club, happy hour, and a night of horrible traffic.  I need my routine back!

With my OCD, if my routine is thrown off I suffer from anxiety.  That generally does not lead to the smartest food choices.

Monday night I went to grab dinner before going to Book Club. I got a turkey wrap with a banana. Good. When I got to Book Club I was staring at the little feta pastry deals that were yummy. I had a few. I brought mini scones as did someone else. I had a few. Someone brought 3-layer hummus can veggies. I had some of them. Pretty decent overall. If I didn't have that meal first, it could have been a disaster. 

Tuesday night was a great night at the gym. I had a good run. I knocked out a ton of push-ups. YEAH!  Things were good.  Plus it was a bonus night. It was originally scheduled as a Happy Hour night. But, on Monday I got word that it was postponed until Thursday. 

Wednesday I was all good for the gym. I changed before I left work and got in my car. Traffic was at a complete standstill 3 miles before I usually hit traffic. This can't be good. I put on the news and they reported an accident 4 miles ahead of me on the opposite side of the highway, but they blocked off lanes in my direction also.  If I got to the exit by a certain time then I would go to the gym. If not, I would go to the store for some grocery shopping.

I wasn't moving. I wanted to go to the gym. I was anxious. And I picked at my face. I'm getting my period soon. My face is breaking out. Argh. I did not get to the exit by the previously agreed to time and so I kept going. Of course I was two exits past the gym when I got mad at myself. I could have gone. It could have been a 30 minute workout. That is better than nothing. What was I doing? Why didn't I go?

I ran into the store and go my veggies, chicken, and bananas....and a chocolate bar. So now I wasn't at the gym. My face is burning. And I've got chocolate. BAH!

So today's plan was to walk at lunch and go to Happy Hour tonight. I wouldn't stay long because I still needed to come home and do some laundry before packing. I'm leaving first thing in the morning.

It was a big day at the office. There was a big announcement. Many people were excited and many people very concerned. In any case, the energy level was high. The stress level was high. The announcement came around 9am. We were all called into the common area for a meeting. The seats were taken and I was forced to stand. Standing on that hard floor in unsupportive shoes with my messed up spine was not cool. I was in a LOT of pain after 30 minutes. I couldn't even focus anymore. I just kept shifting from foot to foot. It wasn't because I was impatient. It was because it felt like someone was poking me in the base of my spine with a spear. After an hour someone behind me moved and I quickly took his spot and leaned up against the wall. It was a slight relief.

It took me a little while for things to align back into place and not be in pain. I didn't think I could handle a full hour walk. So I ran a quick errand at lunch and then Ms. Tracey and I walked for 30 minutes.  It felt good to get out there.

The news in the office didn't really affect me. I wasn't excited, nor was I worried. As far as I was concerned, it's just another day. But, that's hard to maintain. You tend to feed off of the crowd around you. My anxiety has already been high this week. I think this just fed it.

Happy Hour was for my pal Ms. Eva. We met through the Fitness Challenge and have been very supportive of each other. She's moving on to a new company and I wanted to be supportive of her. We are planning on meeting up for some walks.  I was just planning on having a couple waters and a diet coke. But, the waitress handed me an appetizers menu and I was toast.

Everything was fried. I talked myself into the drunken chicken tenders. 4 chicken tenders dipped in beer batter. They were the moistest chicken tenders I had ever had. They also burnt my fingers and mouth. Naturally, after I finished they brought out the full menu and one of the guys with our party ordered a fantastic spinach salad with chicken, pecans, and apples. I felt like a failure. I should have gotten that. Why didn't I ask for a full menu????

I will mention that there was a little promotion going on for a drawing for football tickets. To get your name in the drawing you had to either drink a certain beer or try the bean bag toss. The bean bags were the size of ravioli and the hole that you had to toss it through was the size of a ping pong ball. Only two people in our rather large party were able to do it. I was one :-)  Of course if you made the attempt you got your name in the drawing, but if you got it in the hole you got your name entered more than once. Go me!  I entered to offer Ms. Eva the tickets if I won. I never heard them make an announcement of who won though. Oh well.

So now here I am. I am packed and ready for bed. Thank goodness I'm going away. I need this. The last time I went I was stressed with studying. This time I just need a recharge and a refocus back on my routine. I'll try to post from up in the mountains, but we'll see. I may be too busy playing with my little girlfriends :-)

Have a Blessed Night.

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

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