Random Wednesday: 3 tissue cry day, St. Jude Hero, XXL shirts, and carrots
Happy Random Wednesday my Lovelies and Gents,
Today was a bad day. Since Dad passed I've had mostly bad days, but I have had a handful of good days. Today was a bad day. I cannot wait until the time when a dream with my dad in it will bring me warmth and comfort. I'm just not there yet.
Last night Dad visited my dream. It was a short dream and in it we didn't spend too much time together, but I was happy in the dream. And then I woke up and I felt the loss again and it felt like a giant hole opened up under my bed and I couldn't seem to hold on.
I cried the entire drive to pre-school this morning. I cried at Starbucks this afternoon. And I cried when I started writing this blog post. It's a 3 tissue day today.
Add to that a pretty crazy day and I'm not sure how I didn't find myself inhaling a plate of french fries somewhere. My patience level with the kids today was VERY thin.
I had originally planned to go to the gym today. When I went to bed that was still the plan. But, as I struggled to function this morning I changed my mind. My anxiety level was on High Alert. Sometimes the treadmill is good for me mentally and sometimes I know when it would be futile. My mind would have been somewhere else. So I packed my bags to get some work done in my hours between obligations. I figured that I would take up residence in Starbucks for a few hours and work. But, when the last kid left I was about to burst. So instead I decided I needed to decompress and relax. So I planned on reading for an hour before coming back to church and working for a couple of hours.
I enjoyed my read, but I was still completely distracted.
I had a long talk with my Pastor last month about my emotions. I had completely lost my temper the week before and I lost control of myself. It scared me. I am mad often, but I mean I screamed and screamed and screamed at some people. I raise my voice often, but I couldn't seem to stop myself.
I wish I had the diagram he made for me. He wrote out a line from 1 to 10. He said in general that is a range of emotions. I would normally function around a 3ish and when I would get really angry maybe that pushed me to a 7 or 8, but there was still room. Since Dad got sick and passed my normal is probably more like a 6. So when I got really angry I pushed to a 10 and lost control. It makes sense and I've tried to keep that in mind and try to keep myself from a 10.
On Saturday when Ms. Amy and I went to Zoe's for lunch I also ordered a meal to take home. I was trying to be cool and place the order on the app on my phone while we were still sitting and talking. There were a lot of technical difficulties, but I had noticed a new option for a side on the app: Cauliflower rice. Hmm...I've heard a lot about this, and I've tried to like cauliflower before, I just didn't, but I was willing to try it.
I actually didn't eat it until last night and today. It wasn't bad. I might actually order it again.
Guess what came this week. My St. Jude Hero race singlet arrived. Hooray! I'm always weary about ordering sizes without seeing them in person. I have boobs and curves. So I ordered an XL. Um...I'm hoping I'll be able to get into this one.
The picture makes it look huge, but I assure you it is not. I still love it though and can't wait to wear it.
If you would like to contribute to my fundraising goal please feel free to share this with all of your friends and family:
http://heroes.stjude.org/Jennie_Henderson
Monday night I saw someone that I hadn't seen in a month or so. The first thing he said was "You look like you've lost weight." My first thought was "well I have been to the gym 6 days in a row". That probably wasn't the reason though. While I do feel better and I know there is some body shifting going on, I'm pretty sure that wasn't it.
The more likely reason is because I was wearing one of my old sweatshirts and jeans. Lately on days that I woke up really missing my Dad I would wear one of his sweatshirts. They are XXL and I don't care. They make me feel like he is with me.
I happen to be wearing one today. Today I'm sporting his LaSalle University Sweatshirt. I think it's my favorite.
I don't know what's going on, but I am having a hard time finding carrots in the stores this week. I find this very troubling.
Have a Blessed Evening,
Jennie
xoxo
If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.
jhendersonfit@gmail.com
http://www.facebook.com/ConfessionsOfAFormerFatGir
yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)
Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile
Instagram: Jennie5973
Today was a bad day. Since Dad passed I've had mostly bad days, but I have had a handful of good days. Today was a bad day. I cannot wait until the time when a dream with my dad in it will bring me warmth and comfort. I'm just not there yet.
Last night Dad visited my dream. It was a short dream and in it we didn't spend too much time together, but I was happy in the dream. And then I woke up and I felt the loss again and it felt like a giant hole opened up under my bed and I couldn't seem to hold on.
I cried the entire drive to pre-school this morning. I cried at Starbucks this afternoon. And I cried when I started writing this blog post. It's a 3 tissue day today.
Add to that a pretty crazy day and I'm not sure how I didn't find myself inhaling a plate of french fries somewhere. My patience level with the kids today was VERY thin.
I had originally planned to go to the gym today. When I went to bed that was still the plan. But, as I struggled to function this morning I changed my mind. My anxiety level was on High Alert. Sometimes the treadmill is good for me mentally and sometimes I know when it would be futile. My mind would have been somewhere else. So I packed my bags to get some work done in my hours between obligations. I figured that I would take up residence in Starbucks for a few hours and work. But, when the last kid left I was about to burst. So instead I decided I needed to decompress and relax. So I planned on reading for an hour before coming back to church and working for a couple of hours.
I enjoyed my read, but I was still completely distracted.
I had a long talk with my Pastor last month about my emotions. I had completely lost my temper the week before and I lost control of myself. It scared me. I am mad often, but I mean I screamed and screamed and screamed at some people. I raise my voice often, but I couldn't seem to stop myself.
I wish I had the diagram he made for me. He wrote out a line from 1 to 10. He said in general that is a range of emotions. I would normally function around a 3ish and when I would get really angry maybe that pushed me to a 7 or 8, but there was still room. Since Dad got sick and passed my normal is probably more like a 6. So when I got really angry I pushed to a 10 and lost control. It makes sense and I've tried to keep that in mind and try to keep myself from a 10.
*****
On Saturday when Ms. Amy and I went to Zoe's for lunch I also ordered a meal to take home. I was trying to be cool and place the order on the app on my phone while we were still sitting and talking. There were a lot of technical difficulties, but I had noticed a new option for a side on the app: Cauliflower rice. Hmm...I've heard a lot about this, and I've tried to like cauliflower before, I just didn't, but I was willing to try it.
I actually didn't eat it until last night and today. It wasn't bad. I might actually order it again.
*****
Guess what came this week. My St. Jude Hero race singlet arrived. Hooray! I'm always weary about ordering sizes without seeing them in person. I have boobs and curves. So I ordered an XL. Um...I'm hoping I'll be able to get into this one.
The picture makes it look huge, but I assure you it is not. I still love it though and can't wait to wear it.
If you would like to contribute to my fundraising goal please feel free to share this with all of your friends and family:
http://heroes.stjude.org/Jennie_Henderson
*****
Monday night I saw someone that I hadn't seen in a month or so. The first thing he said was "You look like you've lost weight." My first thought was "well I have been to the gym 6 days in a row". That probably wasn't the reason though. While I do feel better and I know there is some body shifting going on, I'm pretty sure that wasn't it.
The more likely reason is because I was wearing one of my old sweatshirts and jeans. Lately on days that I woke up really missing my Dad I would wear one of his sweatshirts. They are XXL and I don't care. They make me feel like he is with me.
I happen to be wearing one today. Today I'm sporting his LaSalle University Sweatshirt. I think it's my favorite.
*****
I don't know what's going on, but I am having a hard time finding carrots in the stores this week. I find this very troubling.
Have a Blessed Evening,
Jennie
xoxo
****Please note****
If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.
jhendersonfit@gmail.com
http://www.facebook.com/ConfessionsOfAFormerFatGir
yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)
Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile
Instagram: Jennie5973
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