Exercise Highs and Anxiety Lows
Greetings my Lovelies and Gents,
As I write this I am watching my reward, Leap! It's so good and I'm so happy that I met my goals this week. To be fair, I exceeded my goals. I could have made them a little bigger, but the professional me knows that I need to start small after so long away. My goal was 10 miles between Wednesday and Friday. On Wednesday I got in 3 miles. On Thursday I got in 5 miles. And today I got in another 5 miles. the best part is that my last mile today was my fastest. I was not tired or sore. I felt like I could go on, but I didn't want to press my knee.
My goal for next week: 6 out of 7 days (I will do yoga on Tuesday) with a total of 35 miles. If I reach that, I can get that book I was talking about as my original goal.
When I left the gym I was on a high. Now granted, that could be the massage talking, but I felt good. My body remembers this old me. I know it sounds crazy, but even my jeans feel better after just a few days. All things are positive right now.
Except for my Anxiety.
If you don't suffer from Anxiety consider yourself lucky. My daily Anxiety is bad enough without processing my grief right now. My brain is overwhelmed. I came up with every excuse in the book to skip the gym today. My To-Do list is ginormous. I have been making progress and just wanted to come home and get to it. But, I hauled my butt to the gym anyway and I forced myself to get on the treadmill. We are 63 days away from the Rock'n'Roll Washington DC race.
I really struggled all day today though. Part of my anxiety manifests itself in my dreams. Sometimes I can get through the night just fine and some nights my dreams make it a very fitful night. This week I have had two really bad dreams. It's funny how I don't think about the good dreams all day, but the bad ones replay over and over and over and over and over and over. Well you get the idea. I feel myself in them all day long. Last night was a bad one. I dreamt that someone else in my family died. I won't name who, because I love this person and I don't want anyone to think I'm wishing anything bad to come to him/her. But, it was awful. It was like my dad died all over again and I felt that emotion all night long. It took all that I had to stand upright today.
Part of me wondered if it's because I focused so much on myself the last two days that I felt like I was forgetting my dad. And part of me thinks it's because my dream two nights ago was about me going back to college and not being able to call my dad. Sleep hasn't been my friend these past few months.
I really missed him yesterday. With all of the snow up North I still kept expecting a text from him with a picture of his backyard. I knew it wouldn't come, but I still hoped.
****Leap! just ended and it was SO good! I loved it and recommend it for anyone that has a dream***
So tomorrow I have clients in the morning. And then the plan is to go to the gym for a couple of hours before Ms. Amy joins me there for some weights and then lunch at Zoe's.
I know I need to go, but I'm telling you that this Anxiety can be paralyzing. I have wanted to bail for the last few hours. I want to come home after my clients and get to work on my To Do list (or just wallow in self pity in the chair and veg out on my DVR). But, I refuse to do it. My inner will has to take over. I need this. I will have time to get plenty done tomorrow. I'm not going to be gone all day, but ugh I just don't wanna!
Think of how good the jeans feel Jennifer!
Alright kids, I need some sleep if I'm going to get moving tomorrow. If all goes well I will get up early and head straight to the gym from my clients. But, there is a very real chance that I will need to come home first so I will need all of the z's that I can get.
One last plug before I go. I'm still $400 short of my $500 goal for St. Jude. Now I know that I just became official this week and I still have plenty of time to go, but well you know I have Anxiety. Help a girl out :-)
http://fundraising.stjude.org/site/TR?fr_id=75944&px=4953572&pg=personal
Have a Blessed Evening,
Jennie
xoxo
If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.
jhendersonfit@gmail.com
http://www.facebook.com/ConfessionsOfAFormerFatGir
yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)
Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile
Instagram: Jennie5973
As I write this I am watching my reward, Leap! It's so good and I'm so happy that I met my goals this week. To be fair, I exceeded my goals. I could have made them a little bigger, but the professional me knows that I need to start small after so long away. My goal was 10 miles between Wednesday and Friday. On Wednesday I got in 3 miles. On Thursday I got in 5 miles. And today I got in another 5 miles. the best part is that my last mile today was my fastest. I was not tired or sore. I felt like I could go on, but I didn't want to press my knee.
My goal for next week: 6 out of 7 days (I will do yoga on Tuesday) with a total of 35 miles. If I reach that, I can get that book I was talking about as my original goal.
When I left the gym I was on a high. Now granted, that could be the massage talking, but I felt good. My body remembers this old me. I know it sounds crazy, but even my jeans feel better after just a few days. All things are positive right now.
Except for my Anxiety.
If you don't suffer from Anxiety consider yourself lucky. My daily Anxiety is bad enough without processing my grief right now. My brain is overwhelmed. I came up with every excuse in the book to skip the gym today. My To-Do list is ginormous. I have been making progress and just wanted to come home and get to it. But, I hauled my butt to the gym anyway and I forced myself to get on the treadmill. We are 63 days away from the Rock'n'Roll Washington DC race.
I really struggled all day today though. Part of my anxiety manifests itself in my dreams. Sometimes I can get through the night just fine and some nights my dreams make it a very fitful night. This week I have had two really bad dreams. It's funny how I don't think about the good dreams all day, but the bad ones replay over and over and over and over and over and over. Well you get the idea. I feel myself in them all day long. Last night was a bad one. I dreamt that someone else in my family died. I won't name who, because I love this person and I don't want anyone to think I'm wishing anything bad to come to him/her. But, it was awful. It was like my dad died all over again and I felt that emotion all night long. It took all that I had to stand upright today.
Part of me wondered if it's because I focused so much on myself the last two days that I felt like I was forgetting my dad. And part of me thinks it's because my dream two nights ago was about me going back to college and not being able to call my dad. Sleep hasn't been my friend these past few months.
I really missed him yesterday. With all of the snow up North I still kept expecting a text from him with a picture of his backyard. I knew it wouldn't come, but I still hoped.
****Leap! just ended and it was SO good! I loved it and recommend it for anyone that has a dream***
So tomorrow I have clients in the morning. And then the plan is to go to the gym for a couple of hours before Ms. Amy joins me there for some weights and then lunch at Zoe's.
I know I need to go, but I'm telling you that this Anxiety can be paralyzing. I have wanted to bail for the last few hours. I want to come home after my clients and get to work on my To Do list (or just wallow in self pity in the chair and veg out on my DVR). But, I refuse to do it. My inner will has to take over. I need this. I will have time to get plenty done tomorrow. I'm not going to be gone all day, but ugh I just don't wanna!
Think of how good the jeans feel Jennifer!
Alright kids, I need some sleep if I'm going to get moving tomorrow. If all goes well I will get up early and head straight to the gym from my clients. But, there is a very real chance that I will need to come home first so I will need all of the z's that I can get.
One last plug before I go. I'm still $400 short of my $500 goal for St. Jude. Now I know that I just became official this week and I still have plenty of time to go, but well you know I have Anxiety. Help a girl out :-)
http://fundraising.stjude.org/site/TR?fr_id=75944&px=4953572&pg=personal
Have a Blessed Evening,
Jennie
xoxo
****Please note****
If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.
jhendersonfit@gmail.com
http://www.facebook.com/ConfessionsOfAFormerFatGir
yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)
Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile
Instagram: Jennie5973
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