Not ready to let go of some things: Christmas & Football
Hello my Lovelies and Gents,
Well the emotional hits just keep coming. I took down my Christmas tree last night and you would have thought I cut a limb off. I mean I physically ached when I did it. I dragged it on as long as I could and then the minute that the tree was zipped up in the storage bag my eyes started to leak.
It had been a rough week at pre-school and we were in the middle of a rain storm. I was a little tired and blue to begin with, but I really just didn't want to put the Christmas lights away. I wasn't ready to let go.
That also applies to football. Tonight the Philadelphia Eagles beat the Atlanta Falcons to advance to the NFC Championship next week. I had been full of anxiety over it all day. The backstory on this is that I grew up bleeding green. I lived and breathed Philadelphia Eagles. We were in a serious relationship together. Eight years ago they made some changes that I didn't agree with and we broke up. I became a fan of another team, but you never forget your first love and you never get that feeling again. No matter how much I supported and love my other team, it was never the same. They made another change a couple of years ago and that made me happy. I casually supported them again. I started telling people that we were casually dating.
During my last weekend with Dad the game was not televised at his place. Normally we would have gone somewhere to watch it, but that wasn't an option. Thankfully I was able to watch it on my phone and tell him a play by play. They won that day and it generated a nice smile from him. He passed away that night.
I've been wearing his Eagles sweatshirt 2 to 3 times a week ever since. It doesn't seem to matter what the weather is like. I wear the sweatshirt.
I knew my anxiety was high today, but I had no idea. My eyes started to leak at the start of the game. I was a basket case the whole time. I'm not ready for their season to end. He's still with me on Sundays when I watch. Luckily we still have at least another week.
Naturally I stress ate during the game. I have a giant tub of thin sourdough pretzels. I had splurged on some honey mustard to dip them in this week. They weren't true Philly Soft Pretzels, but it would have to do.
I kept myself from stopping at the store on my way home today. I knew I would buy a frozen pizza or some mozzarella sticks or something else. The desire to stuff my face was strong today.
It didn't help that earlier in the day I was at an event that was serving food to the neighborhood near church. We've been working with the kids there for over a year. Working with them has been the biggest joy and equally a giant source of stress. We are currently working on revamping the program. And while I have needed the time off as a breather, I have also missed the buggers very much. Today when I got out of the car several young men came running at me to say hi. One of the guys serving said I was like a rockstar getting out of my car. LOl. Sometimes that's how I feel. These kids all hold a piece of my heart. So I was overjoyed when a group f people decided to provide lunch in their neighborhood once a month. I had a late breakfast (eggs, spinach, tomatoes, and whole wheat toast) so I wasn't really hungry. Towards the end of the event I went over to the table to fill up a to go container. I was excited about the orzo salad and that took up half of my container. While I was adding the chicken another woman who was getting her to go containers said about me "She looks like me. She looks like she likes to eat just like I do." That's pretty much that last thing a former Fat girl wants to hear. It was like a knife to my gut. I hope she was referring to the plate I was filling and not something else.
Happily the day got better. After the Eagles won, I got to facetime with my brother and the nephews. It was the next best thing to being able to talk to Dad after the game.
Have a Blessed Evening,
Jennie
xoxo
If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.
jhendersonfit@gmail.com
http://www.facebook.com/ConfessionsOfAFormerFatGir
yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)
Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile
Instagram: Jennie5973
Well the emotional hits just keep coming. I took down my Christmas tree last night and you would have thought I cut a limb off. I mean I physically ached when I did it. I dragged it on as long as I could and then the minute that the tree was zipped up in the storage bag my eyes started to leak.
It had been a rough week at pre-school and we were in the middle of a rain storm. I was a little tired and blue to begin with, but I really just didn't want to put the Christmas lights away. I wasn't ready to let go.
That also applies to football. Tonight the Philadelphia Eagles beat the Atlanta Falcons to advance to the NFC Championship next week. I had been full of anxiety over it all day. The backstory on this is that I grew up bleeding green. I lived and breathed Philadelphia Eagles. We were in a serious relationship together. Eight years ago they made some changes that I didn't agree with and we broke up. I became a fan of another team, but you never forget your first love and you never get that feeling again. No matter how much I supported and love my other team, it was never the same. They made another change a couple of years ago and that made me happy. I casually supported them again. I started telling people that we were casually dating.
During my last weekend with Dad the game was not televised at his place. Normally we would have gone somewhere to watch it, but that wasn't an option. Thankfully I was able to watch it on my phone and tell him a play by play. They won that day and it generated a nice smile from him. He passed away that night.
I've been wearing his Eagles sweatshirt 2 to 3 times a week ever since. It doesn't seem to matter what the weather is like. I wear the sweatshirt.
I knew my anxiety was high today, but I had no idea. My eyes started to leak at the start of the game. I was a basket case the whole time. I'm not ready for their season to end. He's still with me on Sundays when I watch. Luckily we still have at least another week.
Naturally I stress ate during the game. I have a giant tub of thin sourdough pretzels. I had splurged on some honey mustard to dip them in this week. They weren't true Philly Soft Pretzels, but it would have to do.
I kept myself from stopping at the store on my way home today. I knew I would buy a frozen pizza or some mozzarella sticks or something else. The desire to stuff my face was strong today.
It didn't help that earlier in the day I was at an event that was serving food to the neighborhood near church. We've been working with the kids there for over a year. Working with them has been the biggest joy and equally a giant source of stress. We are currently working on revamping the program. And while I have needed the time off as a breather, I have also missed the buggers very much. Today when I got out of the car several young men came running at me to say hi. One of the guys serving said I was like a rockstar getting out of my car. LOl. Sometimes that's how I feel. These kids all hold a piece of my heart. So I was overjoyed when a group f people decided to provide lunch in their neighborhood once a month. I had a late breakfast (eggs, spinach, tomatoes, and whole wheat toast) so I wasn't really hungry. Towards the end of the event I went over to the table to fill up a to go container. I was excited about the orzo salad and that took up half of my container. While I was adding the chicken another woman who was getting her to go containers said about me "She looks like me. She looks like she likes to eat just like I do." That's pretty much that last thing a former Fat girl wants to hear. It was like a knife to my gut. I hope she was referring to the plate I was filling and not something else.
Happily the day got better. After the Eagles won, I got to facetime with my brother and the nephews. It was the next best thing to being able to talk to Dad after the game.
Have a Blessed Evening,
Jennie
xoxo
****Please note****
If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.
jhendersonfit@gmail.com
http://www.facebook.com/ConfessionsOfAFormerFatGir
yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)
Don't forget to follow me on Twitter: hugsnsmile
Instagram: Jennie5973
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