Sunday, October 26, 2014

It's been a Mentally Crappy Week

Hello My Lovelies and Gents,

Well quite simply, it's been a mentally crappy week for me. 

My knee has been bothering me all week. I have barely been able to get in any miles since my big distance of 22 over a week ago. I can't run 10 feet without feeling pain. This is my life though.  This is why I have been taking such a long time to train. I need more time than most people. I won't let it stop me, but it's not always easy to keep my head in the game.

When you finish a huge distance you should take time off to recover. I am doing that. But, I can't even get in smaller runs just to stay loose. I can walk, but I start to feel it if I walk too fast or go too long. And so I wait.

I'm trying not to get down on it, but I am. My brain is getting angry and depressed. It feels like I am wasting time. It feels like I am giving up. It feels like I am getting lazy.

I can't do the bike right now because that just tightens up my legs more (and they really need to loosen more) and it hurts the knee. I can't do much yoga because it is hurting the knee. This leaves me upper body and core work. I'm doing that, but it is not what I need. I need more miles! I only have 6 weeks to go.

My knee doesn't hurt all of the time. It's tricky. Just when I think I am ok I cross my legs and it hurts. This is why my distances take so long. This is why it takes me so long to train for them. I can't just follow regular plans. I have to factor in the knee. I've been pretty lucky up until now, but this week it reminded me just who is boss. It is not me.

This has been the perfect week for the Former Fat Girl to get in my head. She is on fire.

See, you can't do this. Let's drown our sorrows in food.

CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE!  CHOCOLATE!

Who told you that you could ever finish a marathon? That was a dream, not reality.

Your body wasn't made for this. Have a cookie.

It is taking everything I have not to listen to her. Now in full confession mode, chocolate was purchased and brought into the house (not by me). I have been dipping into it a lot more than I would like. My big consolation is that I have not fallen off the wagon with my food.

My saving grace has been my time with Girls on the Run and with my clients. Motivating and helping others is what I live for. I've just been struggling with it for myself lately.

And now I hit a financial snag. I need to take on more clients sooner than I had anticipated. I was hoping to get past the race before I had to give up more time. That is not the case. So now there is the stress of finding more clients and losing my own training time. Awesome! This is going to be fun!

I am strong enough to do this. I know it. I will get past this setback. I will prevail. I wouldn't be human if I didn't have a crappy day or week. Let's just hope it doesn't last a month.

On the bright side, I got my new sneakers!  YEAH!  Pretty excited about that.  Can't wait to USE them!  Right now I am breaking them in with daily wear. Okay, I am going to sign off and take some deep breaths. Namaste everyone.

Have a Blessed Evening.

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Check out my Facebook Page for Confessions (there are before and work-in-progress



pictures):

http://www.facebook.com/ConfessionsOfAFormerFatGir

yeah, sorry, I messed up and the "l" is missing....I need an assistant :-)

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