Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Cookie Monster!

Hello Beautiful People!

It's Snowing!  I do love me some snow...but I love it more when I don't have to work.

So last night was book club night. The book of the month was "Are you there Vodka? It's me Chelsea." Very funny...very raunchy, but very funny.

Before we discuss the book we always stand around and eat snacks. This is my third meeting and when I started I vowed that I would bring healthy options. I have failed for three meetings. The first one I brought apple cider. The second one I brought unbelievably delicious scones from the food show. And last night I brought frosted sugar cookies.

Now for each meeting I have made sure to go somewhere for dinner before it so that I am not arriving on an empty stomach. I have since learned that they don't eat dinner first because there are so many goodies to choose from.

The problem for me is that even if I arrive full, I still WANT. I see those pastry puffs and melt. I smell that cheesy garlic bread and my mouth waters. I see those chocolate covered oreos and my brain turns to mush.

I try to keep it to portion control. But, I start to go a little nutty. The new fit and healthy me is screaming "Come on!  It's time to move to the seating area to discuss the book. Let's get away from this food."  And then the Former Fat Girl is sitting there like a pig in mud "Oh take your time ladies...I'm just going to enjoy another puff and some of these chips over here."

I can look at bringing my treats two different ways. One, is that I am a total failure. BAH.  The other is that it is a cheat day and if I plan for that it's okay. Normally I would go with the second, but it's hard to look at it that way the monday after Thanksgiving.

I even rationalized it as: well I had to make a quick stop for some food on my way home from the beach. I didn't have time to prepare anything. And that's crap. I could have gotten carrots and hummus. I know there will be plenty of treats there, so why did I have to bring another one that I KNOW that I would take home and finish eating if there were any leftovers?  ARGH! So frustrated with myself on this one.

So what do you think happened? I brought them in to work. I HAD planned on putting them in the kitchen and walking away from them...but that did not happen. Instead I offered them to some coworkers and then hoarded them for myself. I believe I ate 4 today. There is no excuse for that! And on top of that, we are skipping the gym tonight because of the weather. BAH!

Next month our meeting is a cookie themed meeting too. I will NEED to bring some veggies for that one.  And carrot cake cookies don't count.

I get so mad at myself. Other people can lead a normal life and not obsess about this...but, not obessessing about it in the right way is exactly what got me to 200lbs in the first place. As least now I have another side battling the sneak and binge eater.

Right now though I am feeling all sorts of craziness. Holidays. Winter. Race. Travel. Not studying. New Gym. Unpacking. My goal for the rest of the year is not to lose weight, but to just maintain. It's the only sanity I can see.

Before I go, let me just share my fun moment of the day. Today I put on a sweater than I haven't worn in a year, maybe two. When my friend first gave it to me 6 years ago it was skin tight. I thought it was super flattering then. Well I looked at myself in the mirror today and it's way baggy on me now. It doesn't quite have the WOW factor that it used to have. I shall keep it for this winter, but I think it's time to part with it in the Spring. Wow..I never thought I would say that about this sweater. It was one of my favorites.

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.


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