Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Squashing my Boobs

Happy Tuesday Bleeps!

Okay kids, it's Boobie time.

So last month or so we got the email at work to sign up for free mammograms on site. Immediate first thought: Free? SWEET!  Then came the second thought: squishing my boobs...ugh!

I did not immediately sign up. There were a few factors involved. One, I was not sure if that was going to be a day I was in the office. Two, wasn't sure if I would still have my period (and did not want to be squishing my already tender boobies). Three, just don't get a warm fuzzy image and that always makes me hesitant.

Well it turns out that I was in the office today. They still had some spots and after some pestering from dear Miss Carol I signed up. I took the earliest spot possible because I didn't want to think about it any longer than I had to.

So now here I was sitting at my desk thinking about it.  It's a lovely day so I wore a dress...that means I'm practically going to need to get naked in a conference room at work. When I woke up this morning I was not anticipating a stranger seeing me naked in this lighting...standing up!  GRAVITY IS NOT MY FRIEND!  I mean thankfully I wore nice underwear at least.  Seriously, I would have done a lot more chest weights last night to at least perk them up a little instead of my leg workout if I had realized I was doing this.

So I'm sitting here getting anxious about my naked body and then I start thinking about what they are going to do. I have a whole heckofalotta boob to be squishing. I kept hoping for a fire drill, but it never happened.  And soon it was my time.

Luckily, she said that I could just pull my dress down to my waist and put the paper smock on. Although I'm not really sure why that is necessary at that point. Who are we kidding, it wasn't covering anything up. No need to be modest.

They ask you to remove your deodorant and I had a panic. Um...I don't have any with me and if I take it off it's going to be an ugly night at the gym!  But, they had some spray to put on after. It's not my brand, but it'll do.

So I standing there with a napkin covering one boob while she is positioning the other on the tray that she is about to smash it into when she tells me that since this is digital it is less compression. My boob is just flopping around on the tray like a piece of chicken getting tenderized. I wanted to ask if they had a scale and could weigh them but before I knew it she put the clamp down and I was up on my tip toes (this is not meant for short people by the way) and feeling like a car is rolling over my boob.

Once she unclamps it (and I'm pretty sure it's longer now) I get to cover up the right side with the napkin and reveal my left boob. Oh this is just so much fun! 

The fun doesn't end there my friends.  Next we covered the left back up and pull the right one back out for the side view. Only to follow up with my left side view.

So before each boob was squished she did something to my nipple. I didn't look. But, when I went to change for the gym tonight I saw a sticker with a little metal prong on it on my nipple. I have no idea where the other one went. But,  I am glad I didn't have to go through a metal detector afterwards. I can't even imagine having the wand "BOOP" over my boob.  Oops.

All in all, it wasn't too horrible. I can handle the squashy part (although I will be doing some push ups tonight to get them back into shape).  It was the anxiety over a stranger seeing my naked body and squashing around my boobs like a piece of meat (and not in the good way!).  It needed to be done and now I have my baseline.  

Thank goodness I lost that weight!  I can't imagine how much more uncomfortable this would have been with them two sizes bigger!  And since they were so abused today I shall try and treat them to a new bra soon.

Feel your boobies!

Have a Blessed Night my friends.

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