Two Weeks to Go: Tapering, Journals, and Anxiety

Hi Bleeps,

You may remember that I bought a journal to keep track of my feelings and progress during my training. I want to share with you yesterday’s entry:

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11/22

What is wrong with me? The closer to the race the more I feel like I am falling apart.  Why am I not writing in my journal? It’s been 10 days since my last entry.

Monday I wanted 18. I had a client in the morning and one at night. It got in my head. It was rainy and I went to the gym. Blister mile 2. I got a hole in my sock. My foot went numb. I got 15 miles.

The blister held me back this week.

Two weeks to go. Last night I had an anxiety dream. I was screaming at my family because they weren’t ready. I wasn’t ready. I couldn’t pin my bib. I couldn’t find the start line. I am stressed.

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The last three weeks before your race you should get in one last big distance and then taper your distances and speed. It’s your reward for your hard work. It’s meant to give your body time to rest and relax so that you can get the most out of it.

It’s TERRIFYING. I should be enjoying this, but I am not. It’s not rational, but my brain keeps screaming “What if you needed that extra mile you didn’t put in just now? What if that was the mile that got you ready?”

I have put in sooooo much time. Deep down I know I will be fine. I will finish. I may be hurting. I may be crawling, but I will finish. But, there is that doubt that creeps in.

That blister may be the death of me. It’s not that I can’t handle it, but more that it is holding me back this week. I want another small big distance tomorrow to make me feel better. I need a little more mental confidence, but what if the blister opens? I won’t be able to do anything. It’s killing me. Do I risk it?

Today I was supposed to go to the gym for 3 miles. I got cranky. I went to the mall instead. Relax, it’s  not what you think. I went there to do laps. Since I altered my plans, the new plan was 5 laps (5 miles).  Part of the change in plans was because I didn’t pack a lunch and I needed to eat. I went to subway. The kid was too cute and gave me a discount.

What you need to know about today is that as beautiful as it has been lately, it was cold and rainy today. A cold and rainy holiday Sunday. It was packed. This actually worked in my favor. My race won’t be this packed after a few miles, but it’s still good for me to dodge people.

I was swift like a cougar. I was moving. I need elbow pads next time though. It started to feel like a Roller Derby. I was pretty impressed with my speed walking time with all of those obstructions. It was encouraging.

My reward on my last lap was to stop and look at new socks. After the “hole” situation, I am not taking any chances. I got two pairs. I am pretty sure that the first one I put on will be fine, so I can take the others back. But, it was a nice reward. And that’s all I got. No treats.

Today’s lesson: It doesn’t matter what the weather or the situation, you can get your exercise in anywhere if you think about it.

Have a Blessed Evening

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

jhendersonfit@gmail.com