Sunday, March 2, 2014

From Stuck to Forward

Hello my Lovelies and Gents,

Okay well just as I was starting to feel better from my cold I was hit with a monster sinus headache for most of the weekend. Basically, it felt like someone was using a screwdriver behind my eyeball. Yeah, it's been a pure delight. It's killing me. We've already established that I'm not a good sick patient. I can't stand being held back, but I'm doing what I can.  This weekend I had planned on going down to visit my grandmom. But, we have this new storm coming and my sinus headache I decided to stay home. 

I'm glad I did. Two key things happened this weekend. The first is that in the spirit of the moment, I got my hair cut this weekend. I feel soooooo much better. I will grow it out again another time, but right now my life is in such a temporary state that I just needed something to be in my control. I have not regretted it for one second. It looks cute. I don't see the Former Fat Girl anymore. And it's quick and easy.

The second is that there was a very important announcement at church today. Very often I will sit and listen to a sermon think of the correlations of how it relates not just to my spiritual self, but also my physical self. Today was no different. The sermon was titled: Stuck to Forward.

I started to get a little sad sitting there thinking about leaving this church. It has meant so much to me.  Now, I am very lucky and have found wonderful places to worship everywhere I go.  But, this particular church has really affected me. I can still listen to podcasts like I do now, so I will still get to listen to the sermons, but it won't be the same.  And it really won't. The announcement today is that there is a change coming. After almost a year of discussions, the board has recommended that they merge with another church.

There are many good things about this. I LOVE my church. I have grown so much in such a short period of time there. I have a different perspective than others. Others have seen the attendance drop over the past 4 years. It finally steadied off last year. But, that's not what you want to see. The problem lies in the attitudes of what people think is best for the church. This is not my first time seeing this. Unfortunately I have seen this problem with several churches that I have loved. Some people don't want to make the changes that would bring in new members. They are content the way things are. And yet they complain that they aren't going anywhere.

That was how the Former Fat Girl lived. She found her comfort zone. She didn't want to make changes, but then she couldn't understand why things didn't get better. Sometimes it takes someone else or an outside force to make you change. I think this will be a wonderful thing for my church and I'm sad that I won't be around to see it. The casualty in this situation though is that the Senior Pastor will be leaving. That made me cry. It's silly. I'm leaving. But, there's something in knowing that when I come back to visit that he won't be there that makes me sad. It's that comfort zone.

This is one of the things I struggle with. When it comes to your health and fitness I am constantly telling people to step out of the comfort zones. You need to do it to make changes. It's a good thing for you physically and mentally. Hello, I move all of the time. Although, really I've been in one geographic place for a longer period of time than I had expected this time around. I really wanted to move back to North Carolina a long time ago. It got difficult with the job market. It got difficult for personal reasons. Things happened with friends and family that kept me here longer than I wanted. I sort of got caught up in my own comfort zone. Even though it wasn't what I wanted. Same thing with the Former Fat Girl. It wasn't what she wanted, but it was how she knew things.

These past few months have been extremely chaotic in my life. I've been packing and living out of bins. In my head I know that I'm leaving, but I think there's still that little part of me that says "You're still here and you haven't moved comfy". I've been stuck and trying desperately to move forward.

Today's sermon was good for me. It was hard, but it was good. Change is good. I look forward to what's ahead of me. I welcome the change.  I'm ready to focus on me and what I want to do with my life.  I'm not going to just sit back and let life happen around me any more. I'm going to make it happen.

On a side note, for a long time now I've been thinking about starting a second blog. I haven't figured out when I would have the time for it, but I think that can happen in a month or so :-)  I am thinking of writing a weekly blog about my journey with my Faith. And you know how I am. If I put it out there, then that means I'm ready to do it. And on that note, I'm ready for bed.

Have a Blessed Night.

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