Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Maybe it's a tumor

 And now the truly embarrassing moments begin.

You've seen the shows on Discovery or TLC about the people who have the giant thirty pound tumor removed that they never new about.  Well so have I.  And they are DANGEROUS shows let me tell you.  I can't even believe I'm confessing to this, but here it goes.

Back in the day I watched one of those shows and became obsessed with the idea that maybe I had one of those too.  I would lay down and feel all over my belly hoping to find something.  I know that is sick.  And I truly apologize to anyone who has actually had a tumor.  But this is what being fat reduces you too.  You would rather find out that you are sick and go through a painful surgery for a quick fix than actually face yourself and make the changes.

I was so stupid. 

Do you remember the cartoons that would have the angel-self sitting on one shoulder and the devil-self on the other? Well I feel like I had two devils on my shoulders.  The thin devil making me think this was a possiblity.  And the fat devil that was too busy being lazy to do anything.

I'm telling you this for several reasons:

1-I have to start somewhere with the truly embarrassing thoughts.
2a-If you had similar thoughts, you are not alone.
2b-If you are still having those thoughts and checking for a tumor right this moment PLEASE make today the first day of your new healthy lifestyle
3-If you laughed at this it is ok.  I can laugh now too, but then I feel tremendous sadness about it.  Your mind is a powerful thing. And mine could be a little manipulative B$%#H

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you!  Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week.  The journey is so much easier if you have support.


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