Sunday, August 10, 2014

Grrr...Poor choices out of habit and learned behaviors

Hello My Lovelies and Gents,

Well okay it's been a little while. I know this, but I especially know this as I was called out by Ms. Amy at lunch last week. She reads my blog on her lunch hours and didn't have anything to read all week. haha. I'm sorry Amy! I will try to do better.

So I have a lot to talk about. It's been a little busy, but in a good way. And it's going to continue. I still owe you a post on my beach trip with Miss Olivia and I want to tell you all about this last week (I spent a few days in Charlotte and I want to spend some time on that post), but I have a couple of things to talk about today first. They are Charlotte related, but it's almost like I'm telling you the ending before I tell you the story. Don't worry, there's no spoiler here.

The first thing is that while I was in Charlotte my smart phone app alerted me that my Lady Gift is on it's way. I had forgotten to pack supplies for the trip so Ms. Crystal and I made a stop on our way home from dinner one night to pick some up. I had just eaten a good dinner. I was full. I did not want anything else. And then as I was shopping for Lady Gift Supplies I suddenly felt the pull into the chocolate aisle. I am like Pavlov's dog. A box of tampons makes me crave chocolate. Learned behavior? Habit?  Association? No matter what, I fought it and didn't get any chocolate...until the next day when I inhaled a pack of Rolos.



The second thing is that I made pretty good choices food wise last week. I ate out for almost every meal, which could be a challenge, but I am happy with my choices. I am unhappy with my ride back to Virginia though. It was raining. It was full of traffic accidents and construction. I was sad to leave. It was the perfect trifecta for poor decisions.

I had planned on stopping at Subway. And generally they are everywhere. But, I was not moving and it was an hour past lunch time. I had to eat. I was happy to see a Five Guys, but instead I chose Arby's. The Former Fat Girl LOVED Arby's. LOVED it. I think I can count on one hand the number of times that I have gone there in the last 7 years. I figured I would get a Beef'n'Cheddar. It's my favorite there. I didn't want fries, but for some reason my mouth ordered the combo. I didn't even realize I did it until I got my order. Fine. I just won't eat them.

As I was eating my sandwich I felt sick. My face felt greasy. My belly warned me it wasn't a good idea. I was reading while I was eating and before I knew it I had fries in my mouth. What the hell just happened?  It was habit.

I felt gross immediately. I wanted to wash my face. I wanted to brush my teeth. I wanted to take a nap and make the icky feeling go away. If you made me go for a run afterwards I would have thrown up. I felt like crap. Seriously, this food had been in my system for 5 minutes.

This is what's it's like. The Former Fat Girl felt like this all of the time. She just didn't know any better. She didn't realize that you shouldn't feel like that. It makes me sick to eat greasy and fried foods both physically and mentally. It makes me sick to think that the Former Fat Girl used to eat like this practically every day. No wonder she was Fat and miserable.

I hate that I made that food choice yesterday. And yet sometimes I am glad. It's a huge reminder. It helps make the decision Not to do that again much easier.

I hate the my body responds to situations without consulting my brain. I work hard to make positive changes to my body. I work hard to retrain my brain. The body is a funny thing...It's not perfect.

The important thing is that I won't let this set me back. It happens. I just need to keep moving forward.

Have a Blessed Evening

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

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