Monday, March 2, 2015

The Food Addict feeds the Homeless



Hello Beautiful People,

I have been a bit busy of late. I have a list of things to write about, but something happened today that I feel the need to address.

I have mentioned before that I am a food addict. I actually spoke about it last week at church (a future post). To recap though, as a food addict it’s safe to say that food is almost always on my mind. As soon as one meal finishes I am thinking about the next. If I have a meal out planned I am constantly thinking about what I am going to order (no matter how far in advance it is planned). If there is food within my line of vision then I am thinking about how good it will taste and am literally not listening to a word you are saying. It’s not cool.

Well tonight I had special plans. My church plays host to homeless families on Monday nights throughout the winter. Last week was my first time visiting. I attended the service that the youth put on for them. Y’all know I get emotional and I was crying all night. I was very touched and immediately asked what I could do to help. I was asked if I could help set up tonight. I immediately said yes.

I would be helping set up the beds and preparing for dinner. This also means that I would get to eat dinner as a volunteer. I knew ahead of time that they were having pizza. And so today I very consciously ate a large lunch.  I felt a tremendous amount of guilt at that. I couldn’t even really enjoy my lunch if truth be told.  I was going through a range of emotions.

The reason why I made sure to have such a big lunch was because even though I thought that I would be able to show self control and realize that there were bigger issues on hand, the reality is that I don’t trust myself completely. I have good intentions always, but addiction is addiction. I never know when I won’t be able to fight it completely.

I shuddered in horror at the thought of taking food from their mouths. What if I couldn’t stop myself? What if I couldn’t focus on their needs above my desires? It was a chance I wasn’t willing to take. It makes me sick that I didn’t have the confidence in myself for this.

In addition to pizza there was also salad, fruit, and dessert…lots of desserts. They had plates with cupcakes and black/white cookies. O.M.G.  This was going to be tougher than I thought. The pizza smelled good, I won’t lie. But, it was those black/white cookies that held my attention all night. I had to catch myself and take deep breaths a couple of times.

When it was time to eat I took a bowl salad and ate that first. We were allowed two slices of pizza. I got one with veggies on it and one with pepperoni. I didn’t get two veggies, because there weren’t exactly veggies that I enjoy (onions, pepper, olives). I also ate a bowl of fruit (strawberries, raspberries, and blueberries). I should have stopped, but I did go for the plate with the cupcake and cookie. They were very small portions.

For the most part I kept my mind on the Guests, but those darn cookies kept creeping in. It makes me so mad. I already felt bad enough that my belly was full when I got there, but now I couldn’t stop thinking of a damn cookie.

Have a Blessed Evening

****Please note****

If you feel like you are alone on your journey and you just need some encouragement I am here for you! Shoot me an email and I will do my best to check in on you or give you the words of support you need several times a week. The journey is so much easier if you have support.

jhendersonfit@gmail.com 
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